Workplace Humor "those moment at work"

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"My boss tells you what you want to hear to your face, then stabs you in the back the minute you turn...then has the nerve to tell you to stop gossiping!" "I seriously injured my ankle and was out of work for 2 weeks. My boss acted like it affected her more adversely than it affected me." "If it isn't his idea, it's not an idea at all. He won't even consider it unless you somehow manage to 'back-door' it in so that he can think it's his in the first place." "I used to like my job so much that I'd get to work a half-hour early. Now with my new boss, I can barely get myself there on time." "Depending on my bosses' moods, medications, and love lives, my performance is either okay or bad." "I used to work for a boss who had trouble with flatulence...and this was one of the more harmless things about her as a boss." "My boss told me he's manic-depressive, so I have to excuse the way he acts sometimes." "My boss has issues in the psychological department." "My boss wrote the book on micromanagement." "The only thing I learned to do here was a timesheet." "My boss is the anti-Christ of the workplace." "The worry and dread that I feel each day is counter to the empowerment, creativity, spark, and spirit that I once had. I am ready to throw in the towel on a 14-year career." "Why doesn't Darwinism work in the corporate world?" "A positive compelling attitude and an enthusiastic view of our department's work would make me into a race horse (as opposed to a work horse)." "Our boss has nothing else to do, so he spends his whole day making sure everyone else is working, coming in on time, and not taking long bathroom breaks. We call him 'the hall monitor'." "My boss seems to think we are psychics who can read his mind. As soon as he starts paying us $5.99 for the first minute and $3.99 for each minute thereafter, we will!" "My boss claims he's 'burned out.' He doesn't seem to realize that one must 'burn' in order to 'out.'" "The people who benefit the most in our workplace are the ones so far up the boss' ass, all you can see are their feet." "Our boss creates such a high-stress environment that if we had to call 9-1-1, we'd probably forget the number!" "My boss doesn't know her a-hole from a hole in the ground!" "My boss is a waste of perfectly good air and space." "When I told my boss I was quitting, he said I 'owed him.' I am still trying to figure out what I owed him. He made a job I had for 14 years so unbearable, my stomach would sour each day I went to work." "I'm tired of being my boss' own personal ass cover. What do I look like - cheap underwear?" "America may have a democratic system of government, but its workplaces are polluted by tyrants." "I truly can't stand my boss, but I am trying not to waste time hating him." "Once during a meeting, my boss referred to us supervisors as 'stupidvisors'. Well, for all of my 'stupidity', he sure did nothing to improve my morale that day." "People's lives and health are being affected by workplace tyrants, and I think the best way to stop them is by exposing them and the damage they do to people and the businesses or institutions they work for." "Because of my hypercritical boss, my motivation has changed from one of wanting to do the right thing to one of avoiding getting caught." "My boss doesn't know the meaning of professionalism and probably couldn't spell it, either." "What reward is there for bending over backwards for people who treat you like disposable trash?" "My boss has a brain with 40 GB memory of negative information that he collects on each person." "My boss is a brilliant engineer...but as a human being? He missed that day of class." "I worked for a bumbling, mumbling fool who surprised us all by finding his way back to work every day." "The only person my boss feels is intelligent enough to have a conversation with is himself!" "If I wanted to listen to an asshole talk, I'd fart." "The company offered many perks, but if you worked for a boss like mine, you wouldn't see any of them." "My supervisor once chastised me for wearing pants that were the wrong color BLACK!" "My boss desperately needs surgery to remove that big old rotted corn cob from his butt hole before it becomes permanently lodged." "My boss should be declared mentally incompetent and hospitalized until the doctors can verify they've pulled her head out of her butt." "When my boss dies, I will hold a party and will charge people to piss/spit on her grave while I laugh and tap dance." "The boss shouldn't pick middle management beneath him by choosing people who are drunken race fans just like him. A big #3 on your vehicle should not get brownie points with the boss." "Apparently when they made my boss a manager, they overlooked training her on how to treat employees." "My boss goes off like fireworks, in 20 directions at once, and I'm supposed to support each and every one." "I am now retired and selling on Ebay. I built my business while working full time. I make as much money now as I did while working at my past job and will never again have to be exposed to the painful situations I endured to feed my kids." "The only times I wish to see my boss is when he hires me and when they fire me." "His motto is, 'I wish, therefore it is!'" "After being overlooked for 4 promotions in 3 years, I've finally figured out that it's hard to soar when they've clipped your wings." "Our boss is the memo king. We even get memos about junk mail!" "I've noticed that the world of work follows the golden rule. The person who has the gold, rules!" "I'm not used to doing a half-assed job on purpose." "I was hired to do a job, not be an emotional foil for a sixty-year-old man." "My boss is so cheap, we have to sign away our first-born child just to get a box of paper clips around here!" "My boss' mood on any given day predicts what mine will be at the end of the day." "Toxic bosses are real, and sometimes you just have no recourse but to flee." "I don't think you'd be able to print what I have to say about my boss--and I don't curse!" "My boss has the 'feces touch'. Everything he touches turns to..." "My manager and I had meetings on Fridays. If the meeting went well, I had a good weekend. If it didn't, it ruined my entire weekend." "My boss slept her way to the top. If she hadn't, she wouldn't be fit to clean the office." "I'm tired of being overworked. I'm made of flesh, not spandex, and I can't be stretched indefinitely." "My boss was madder than two pit bulls and took her anger out on me for the next two years." "My boss has no social skills whatsoever, but he has a Ph.D. from an Ivy League school of which he is very proud." "My boss brags about the nice, expensive dinners he has with his family, when he won't even give us a small raise." "My boss denied me any bathroom breaks. The Labor Board confirmed that as long as I was making more than the minimum wage, that I in fact did NOT have the right to go to the bathroom or to lunch!" "My boss had his nose so far up the CEO's buttÖif the CEO moved fast enough, it would break my boss' nose!" "My boss implied I had sexual relations with my dog." "I like my boss because I don't have one right now!" "There are two ways to do things - his way and the wrong way." "An alpha-male out to prove it everyday" "He assumes everyone is trying to take advantage of him because he's always trying to take advantage of everyone else." "Just because you're a pussy-whipped dork at home doesn't mean you have the right to treat me the way you wish you could treat your wife." "Our boss scored a 22 out of 30 on the toxic scale, and we even gave a 3 handicap!" "Stop micromanaging, you control freak!" "Jobs, they all suck." "Toxic bosses were genetically engineered at the place I worked." "He went around stating that his job was to kick asses." "She was such a first class bitch."

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