A depressed young woman from Manhattan ballet academy was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, “Look, you’ve got a lot to live for. I’m off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I’ll take good care of you and bring you food every day.”

Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, “I’ll keep you happy, and you’ll keep me happy.” The girl nodded. What did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three biscuits and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until the sun rose.

Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. “What are you doing here?” he asked. “I had an arrangement with one of the sailors,” she explained. “He’s taking me to Europe, and every night he came and screwed me.” “He sure did, lady,” said the captain. “This is the Staten Island Ferry”.

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A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, “Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?” As the shopkeeper’s heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he’s on her level, and asks, “Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?” She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, “I don’t fink my pet python weally gives a thit.

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A cop is directing traffic and sees a guy walking hand in hand with a penguin. The cop points and yells. “Hey! take that thing to the zoo!” The man with the penguin agrees and walks away. A couple of days later the cop is directing traffic again and sees the same man walking hand in hand with the same penguin. The cop yells “Hey I thought I told you to take that thing to the zoo!”

The guy replies “I did. Today we are going to the movies.”

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A Father and his son are hiking in the grand canyon. The go around some bends, over some hills, and through some nooks. They round the bend and see a native american sitting on a rock.

The father points to the native american and says, “son, native americans have the best memory of any peoples in the world”

The young son thinks he’s quite the smart one and goes up to the native american and says, “What did you have for breakfast last tuesday.”

Without hesitation the Native American responds, “eggs.” The son is impressed and goes on with the hike with his father.

30 years later the son is now a grown man, and is hiking the same trail with his own son. He goes around the same bends, over the same hills, and lo and behold, rounds the corner and there is that same native american on the same rock.

He’s an older wiser man now, and will really test this native american. He walks up, raises his hand in greeting and says “HOW”

Native American responds, “Scrambled.”

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