Duckshit
Funny Jokes and Dirty Jokes
What Tha..
[ 2 Comments ] Posted on 06.11.06 under Blonde Jokes, Jokes
A Blonde wearing headphones goes to a barber and asks for a haircut. The barber asks her to take off her headphones, and she says she needs them and can’t take them off. As he starts to cut her hair, she falls asleep in the chair. The barber can’t cut her hair correctly with the earphones on, so he removes them, and after 30 seconds she passes out and falls on to the floor. Startled by what’s happened, he picks up the earphones to listen what it was and they said,
“Breath in, breath out. Breath in, breath out…”
Blonde Guy Joke
[ 7 Comments ] Posted on 03.15.06 under Blonde Jokes
A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises
coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on
the bed, sweating and panting. “What’s up?” he says. “I’m having a heart
attack,” cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as
he’s dialling, his 4-year-old son comes up and says “Daddy! Daddy! Uncle
Ted’s hiding in your closet and he’s got no clothes on!
” The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the
bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.
Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet
floor.
“You rotten bastard,” says the husband, “my wife’s having a heart attack
and you’re running around naked scaring the kids!”
Blonde Joke - Flowers
[ 13 Comments ] Posted on 01.21.06 under Blonde Jokes
Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street.
They pass a flower shop where the redhead saw her boyfriend buying flowers.
Red sighed and said, “Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again.”
The blonde looked quizzically at her and said, “You don’t like getting flowers from your boyfriend?”
The redhead said, “I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don’t feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air.”
The blonde says………………….
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“Don’t you have a vase?”
The Blonde Kidnapper
[ 16 Comments ] Posted on 01.17.06 under Blonde Jokes
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “I’ve kidnapped you.”
She then wrote a note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, a blonde.”
The blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow blonde?”
Blonde and Brunette
[ 10 Comments ] Posted on 01.08.06 under Blonde Jokes
A blonde and brunette watchin the news and there is a man on the edge of a buildin about to jump the brunette sez
”i bet 10 dollars that he will jump”
and the blonde sez ”ok i bet he wont”
the man jumps and the brunette says ”i cant take ya money cos i saw it on the news earlier”
the blonde sed ‘’so did i but i didnt think he would do it again”
Blonde Painting
[ 10 Comments ] Posted on 01.07.06 under Blonde Jokes
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”
The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”
The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.”
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
“You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. “Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”
Blondes year in review
[ 9 Comments ] Posted on 12.16.05 under Blonde Jokes
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels…..Helllloooo!!!…..bottles won’t fit in typewriter!!!
March - Got really excited…..finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months…..box said “2-4 years!”
April - Trapped on escalator for hours…..power went out!!!
May - Tried to make Jelly…..wrong instructions….8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing…..couldn’t find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition…..learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm…..car swamped because soft-top was open..
September - The capital of California is “C”…..isn’t it???
October - Hate M &M’s…..they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days…..instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108 !!!
December - Couldn’t call 911…..”duh”…..there’s no “eleven” button on the stupid phone!!!
What a year!!
Two Blondes Fishing
[ 19 Comments ] Posted on 11.20.05 under Blonde Jokes, Funny Stuff
Two blondes rented a boat and went fishing. After finding a good location, the first blond told the second one to mark the spot so when they came back they will be able to find it again. On the way home, the first one asked, “How did you mark that spot?” The reply was, “I put an X on the bottom of the boat.” To that, the first blond said, “You idiot! How do you know we’ll get the same boat next time?”
Two Blondes
[ 10 Comments ] Posted on 11.14.05 under Blonde Jokes, Funny Stuff
Two blondes are having lunch catching up with each other’s news.
“I heard you’ve given up smoking, is it true?”
“Yes, I haven’t had a cigarette in almost two months.”
“But you were such a heavy smoker, you must tell me your secret. I’ve tried everything to quit.”
“Well it’s really quite simple. Every time I get the urge to smoke a cigarette, I suck on a LifeSaver instead”
“Well that’s easy for you, but I don’t live near the beach”
5 o’clock news
[ 7 Comments ] Posted on 11.13.05 under Blonde Jokes
Frank walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10:00 news was now on.
The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a tall building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Frank and said, “Do you think he’ll jump?”
Frank said, “You know, I bet he’ll jump”
The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.”
Frank placed 20 dollars on the bar and said, “You’re on!”
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset and handed her 20 dollars to Frank, saying,
“Fair’s fair.
Here’s your money.”
Frank replied, “I can’t take your money,
I saw this earlier on the 5 o’clock news and knew he would jump.”
The blonde replied, “I did too; but I didn’t think he’d do it again.”