Duckshit

Funny Jokes and Dirty Jokes

Mr T Jokes

Posted on 12.15.05 10:39PM under Funny Stuff

Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.

Mr. T doesn’t pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.

Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.

When he found out he would lose the rematch while making Rocky III, Mr. T administered to Sylvester Stallone an angy look. Seeing Mr. T’s anger broke every bone in Sly’s face, left him mildly retarded and unable to remember the incident. To this day, Sly has no idea why he shits his pants at the mere sight of a black man with a mohawk.

Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80′s.

23. That’s the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.

Mr. T pities fools because even fools deserves their daily dose of vitamin T.

Mr. T once stated that he “doesn’t wail on sissy boys.” This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that Mr. T was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on.

Mr. T once captured Bigfoot, but released him after he shaved the beast and realized that it was just Chuck Norris walking around naked in the woods.

On the A-team, Face , Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr T didn’t have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn’t recognize him out of fear.

Mr. T and Chuck Norris once encountered each other on a lonesome British path. Before the inevitable battle could begin, the earth shit itself and created Scotland.

There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.

A break in the space-time continuum occurred on July 9th, 1986. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a guy into Mr. T while he was pitying some fool. Mr. T and Chuck Norris had words (better known as jibba jabba). Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Mr. T at the exact moment Mr. T punched him in the chest. The result was an alternate universe where Mr. T roundhouse kicks people and Chuck Norris pities fools.

Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That’s why he can only kick through doors.

Mr. T coined the phrase, “I see dead people,” after the waiting staff at Denny’s forgot his birthday.

Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.

Mr. T’s edition of the VH1 show ‘Where Are They Now’ was the shortest in the show’s history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words “Right Behind You” written on it.

Mr. T pities the fool who doesn’t pity the fool, thus creating a neverending loop of pity and pain.

Mr. T’s pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of the concept of infinity.

Despite popular belief, Mr. T in fact ended the civil rights movement by getting on a bus….all caucasian people moved to the back.

Mr. T once shook hands with Chuck Norris, or so it appeared, in actuality, their combined power caused an earthquake, which gave their hands a look of shaking to any onlookers, who were probably too scared to accurately testify anyway.

Mr. T does not have to kick the crap out of you, crap runs out of your ass in fright when you come into contact with Mr. T.

Mr. T is not black. It’s just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.

Mr. T once bit off more than he could chew. He ate it anyway.

Behind every great man, there is a great woman. Behind that woman is Mr. T.

Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.

Mr. T puts the laughter in manslaughter.

Mr. T once pitied the sun. An ice age followed.

The last time Mr. T went to McDonald’s, Ronald McDonald greeted him. What occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human history.

Read Comments

  1. Posted by Josh Anderson on 12.25.05 4:56 pm

    Mr. T is actually everyone’s father.

  2. Posted by Josh Anderson on 12.25.05 5:05 pm

    Mr. T wanted a shorter name. But was taken.

  3. Posted by You guys suck on 12.31.05 1:27 am

    You are a fag. Mr. T pities you. And he isn’t your father. He’s your mom. BURN BITCH.

  4. Posted by Santa on 12.31.05 1:56 am

    Mr. T and Chuck Norris decided to spar with each other for fun and went to the place they could do the least damage; the beginning of Time. Evidence of the battle can still be detected today. We call it the Big Bang
    Mr. T is why Waldo is hiding

  5. Posted by jesse on 01.11.06 11:50 pm

    mr. t slept with a gorrilla once while intoxicated, his spawn reproduced, so on and so forth, we call this nation the U.S. military

  6. Posted by Mr.T on 01.13.06 2:16 pm

    Mr T does not pity fools, he pities you faggot mother fuck piece of shit asscrack queerbait dickweed lame shit

  7. Posted by homosexual lady on 01.14.06 2:39 pm

    ur gay no one loves ipity the fool that wrote this thread ur mom is ashamed

  8. Posted by homosexual lady on 01.14.06 2:39 pm

    BOOYa

  9. Posted by CHUCK NORRIS on 01.24.06 9:46 pm

    MR.T PITTIES THE FOOLS WHO LEFT THESE JOKES

  10. Posted by kiddo on 01.28.06 12:42 am

    mr. t pities fools who like long, nonsensical strains of obsceneties together and try to pass them off as a joke.

  11. Posted by vaginal mucus on 01.28.06 5:58 pm

    so…..i c none of us have lives. i hope u all get infected with herpes one day or another. if not, ill be looking forward to having wild jungle sex with u females…

  12. Posted by Sir Shitsalot on 02.02.06 8:53 pm

    I think Homosexual lady needs to talk about her feelings.

  13. Posted by u guys r fuckin weird on 02.03.06 3:47 pm

    the guy who calls himself ‘Mr. T’ is a fucking faggot and i cant believe he thinks hes funny putting that long string of obseneties up…i agree with ‘kiddo’.

  14. Posted by henryland on 02.03.06 5:33 pm

    I dont even know you guys but I hate your guts

  15. Posted by bob on 02.05.06 12:08 pm

    haha

  16. Posted by AhhhHhhhhh, MY....ALMONDS on 02.05.06 3:12 pm

    Mr. T is the man and I think tha………… OH NO……… I CANNOT find my ALMONDS!………AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH………MYALMONDS ………………..AHHHH…AHHHHH……….MY ALMONDS….I CANNOT GO ON…..AHHHHHHHHH……..MY ALMONDS…..WHY MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

  17. Posted by ben on 02.05.06 8:57 pm

    mr.t does not pity you he eats you

  18. Posted by rexasaurus on 02.11.06 9:17 am

    how dare anyone insult mr-t. he’s a gem. i don’t know how to say this but i love him more than just a friend. we have often made our bed sqeak.

  19. Posted by Stiffler on 02.11.06 11:40 pm

    dang you guys have no sense of humor. Mr. T is tight and these are funny. but the Norris jokes are better.

  20. Posted by ur mother on 02.13.06 8:05 pm

    i pity all u foos who thinks this shit aint funny but the roundhouse kicker kicks all ur asses

  21. Posted by ur mom bitch on 02.14.06 10:47 pm

    its amazing how u looser have enough spare time to do all this. oh….i forgot….u r to much of a dumbass to have a gf or any type of relationship. even homos like john mulaney! burn bitch ……burn baby burn.

  22. Posted by Sean Connery on 02.23.06 8:42 pm

    Sean Connery will not pity you “foos”, he will just pistol whip you.

  23. Posted by Sean Connery on 02.23.06 8:43 pm

    Sean Connery was the original master cheif in halo. But halo’s makers wanted the fight between the humans and covenant to last three games, not one.

  24. Posted by Sean Connery on 02.23.06 8:44 pm

    Mr. T once tried to punch Sean Connery. Sean Connery then proceeded to pisto whip Mr. T into a thousand golden bullets. He now uses them in his Walther PPK to kill communists

  25. Posted by Sean Connery on 02.23.06 8:44 pm

    Sean Connery does not eat food. He pistol whips it until it surrenders its nutrition to him.

  26. Posted by Sean Connery on 02.23.06 8:45 pm

    Sean Connery once had an STD. It eventually left him, and detonated in Hiroshima.

  27. Posted by Sean Connery on 02.23.06 8:45 pm

    When life gives Sean Connery lemons, he holds a gun to its head, and tells it to make him sone fuckin lemonade.

  28. Posted by Sean Connery on 02.23.06 8:46 pm

    If you’ve ever been assasinated in Halo, you know what fighting Sean Connery is like.

  29. Posted by Sean Connery on 02.23.06 8:47 pm

    Sean Connery does not catch colds- he captures them.

  30. Posted by Sean Connery on 02.23.06 8:48 pm

    Sean Connery makes a mountain out of a mole hill- he then scales the mountain with his bare hands, kills whoever he finds at the top, and then detonates a ten megaton bomb as he hanglides away

  31. Posted by Sean Connery on 02.23.06 8:49 pm

    Sean Connery does not sleep. He waits

  32. Posted by Sean Connery on 02.23.06 8:51 pm

    23,000. That is the number of people Sean Connery has pistol whipped in the time it took you to read the first three words of this sentence.

  33. Posted by Sean Connery on 02.23.06 8:52 pm

    Sean Connery is allergic to doors. That is why he uses C4 to blow through them rather than open them.

  34. Posted by Sean Connery on 02.23.06 8:53 pm

    If you ask Sean Connery the time, he will check his watch, and say “time to die,” as he burns your eyes out with a photophorescent laser.

  35. Posted by Sean Connery on 02.23.06 8:54 pm

    Sean Connery was once cut by a ninja assasins blade. Upon his skin opening, a third arm flew out to pistol whip the assasin to death. If asked about this, Sean Connery will not remember though, because this all happened while he was asleep.

  36. Posted by Sean Connery on 02.23.06 8:56 pm

    Sean Connery does not blink. Whoever looks him in the eye will imagine him blinking out of fear.

  37. Posted by Sean Connery on 02.23.06 8:57 pm

    There are only three horsemen of the apocolypse because Sean Connery is going to drive in his Aston Martin V12 Vanquish.

  38. Posted by Sean Connery on 02.23.06 8:57 pm

    Sean Connery’s hair isnt actually black, the sun is just afraid to shine on his head.

  39. Posted by Sean Connery on 02.23.06 8:58 pm

    Sean Connery let the dogs out. He then stared half of them back into their cage, and pistol whipped the others until they returned. He later shot all of the Baha Men with his Walther PPK for asking him so many damn times.

  40. Posted by sandman06 on 02.26.06 12:28 am

    chuck norris doesn’t do weddings he does funerals

  41. Posted by sandman06 on 02.26.06 12:29 am

    mr. t doesn’t feel pain he gives it.

  42. Posted by Kenny Latimore on 02.26.06 4:39 am

    You are all little children, CHUCK NORRIS RULES K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  43. Posted by Travels with Grumpus » Blog Archive » Mickey hates George on 03.16.06 12:22 pm

    [...] He dared insult the Bat. He has also dared admit this. Such bravery! Of course, saying “I am a liberal” is pretty much like saying “I like white bread”, and jeez, people, the proper response is not “bravo!” but *shrug*. It’s been said by knowledgeable folk that his recent grand opus is seriously flawed. Me? I’ll just send Mr. T in to pity the fool. [...]

  44. Posted by smokeytheape on 04.17.06 11:19 am

    man…whoever makes all these jokes really has no life at all…though they are funny and all, its boring to hear them 20 times…and Sean Connery…man, nice jokes going on there…but i think a few were duped off of Chuck Norris and Mr. T jokes

    *shakes his head*

    There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk

  45. Posted by Elijah on 05.06.06 9:07 am

    Dan colemenaris likes April

  46. Posted by tat2dpunkk on 06.10.06 2:52 am

    steven segal doesnt carry a wallet, he pays thru ponytail

  47. Posted by tat2dpunkk on 06.10.06 2:52 am

    steven segal doesnt carry a wallet, he pays thru ponytail!! -_-

  48. Posted by The One Ring on 06.16.06 11:45 am

    Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his own hands.

  49. Posted by Pimp Named Slickback on 07.06.06 5:17 pm

    Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did

  50. Posted by jake on 07.30.06 11:16 pm

    pnce when chuck norris was online dating, and when a girl didnt agree to marry him he round house kicked the computer so hard that it went through and killed her so chuck norris used his life saving abilities and rose frome the dead and said”if you dont marry me i will stare at you’

  51. Posted by SFC Mayfield on 08.20.06 4:12 am

    SFC Mayfield created Mr T, Chuck Norris, and Sean Connery by simply blinking. He saw this and it was good. Absolutely good

  52. Posted by OK on 08.30.06 5:12 pm

    If you think these people have no life and no Gf and are wasteing their time what do you call what your doing makeing fun of that fact

  53. Posted by » Blog Archive » STS Episode 3 Show Links on 09.04.06 7:24 pm

    [...] – DuckShit.com – Jokes and Facts about Mr T in a similar vein to last weeks Chuck Norris Jokes. Check it out sucka!! [...]

  54. Posted by Zero on 09.08.06 3:59 am

    Werd ‘OK’. Sweet jokes.

  55. Posted by BeNb on 11.02.06 8:44 pm

    CHUCK NORRIS IS GOD AND HE WILL ROUNDHOUSE KICK ALL OF YOUR ASSES

  56. Posted by Ann on 11.15.06 3:07 pm

    Mr.T’s favorite color is violet!!!!

  57. Posted by Er... on 12.12.06 6:15 pm

    What the fuck is wrong with you idiots? It’s so pathetic what some of you write…Sigh. How do you dumbasses mange to breath?

  58. Posted by Pitied on 12.12.06 8:44 pm

    New evidense in the assasination of JFK, has been brought forth. The recoil of his head was not due to a second shooter. It was actualy caused by the pity, Mr. T had for him.

  59. Posted by Larry on 06.27.09 12:53 pm

    If you Google “Mr. T jokes” and click on any of the results, you get the same jokes on 10 billion different websites. Get some creativity, peeps!

  60. Posted by imgayforMRT on 07.17.09 4:09 pm

    you know what you need to do to that one. you need to put a banging Donk on it.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckMvj1piK58

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