Duckshit
Funny Jokes and Dirty Jokes
Chuck Norris Jokes VI
Posted on 12.29.05 1:22AM under Chuck Norris Jokes, Funny Stuff
God has nothing to do with the creation of the heavens and the earth, it was Chuck Norris’s roundhouse kick to the face of God that allowed him to create the heavens and the earth.
Chuck Norris was once walking along the Sahara Desert when he decided he needed shelter from the sun. So he stared at the sand until it melted into 2 ton blocks. He then made his shelter which we now call the Great Pyramids.
Adam and Eve never existed. What really happened, was that Chuck Norris sneezed and a human fetus emerged from his nose, this was the beginning of man.
Chuck Norris was not alowed to be a part of UFC,NFL,PGA,NBA,NHL or any Olympic event for fear that too many deaths would occure….
Chuck Norris masterbates with a sledgehammer.
Sonic booms are really Chuck Norris’s orgasms.
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Posted by Scott Kosior on 12.29.05 5:15 am
Chuck Norris bathes in a mixture of sufuric acid, A-JAX, Gasoline and AquaVelva and scrubs himself with a loofah made of steele wool. This creates the alluring aroma that makes him irresistable to all women.
Posted by Master T on 12.29.05 11:51 pm
Chuck Norris isn’t hung like a horse; Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Posted by Matt Lindsay on 12.31.05 2:02 am
Chuck Norris invented the internet while round house kicking Al Gore viciously in the back of the head.
Posted by Matt Lindsay on 12.31.05 2:17 am
Chuck Norris killed all the dinosaurs.
Posted by Mike on 12.31.05 10:25 am
Chuck Norris’ chief export is pain.
Posted by OD Boys on 01.01.06 1:22 pm
Chuck Norris masturbates with broken glass, sandpaper, and rusty nails.
Posted by OD Boys on 01.01.06 1:28 pm
A man asked Chuck how many total people had he roundhouse kicked in his entire lifetime? Another man blurted out, 4500. Chuck Norris said, “WRONG!, he then proceded to roundhouse kick both men in the head and said 4502.”Chuck then went to take a dump.
Posted by Royo on 01.02.06 1:51 am
The lion was created when Chuck Norris raped his orange tabby.
Posted by Royo on 01.02.06 1:52 am
Chuck Norris is Jesus’s real father.
Posted by Royo on 01.02.06 1:54 am
The actor who played Chewbacca is actually Chuck Norris’s penis.
Posted by Mike on 01.02.06 1:55 am
If Chuck Norris is going to be late, time better slow the fuck down
Posted by Royo on 01.02.06 1:56 am
Hitler got his moustache when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the balls and smeared his left testicle across his face.
Posted by Royo on 01.02.06 1:57 am
Chuck Norris hates two people: Nazis and homosexuals.
Posted by Royo on 01.02.06 2:04 am
Chuck Norris’s roundhouse kick is the reason why Michael Jackson’s nose is so messed up.
Posted by Royo on 01.02.06 2:07 am
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not Tookie Williams, started the Crips as a group to share his hobby of kicking crippled children in the face.
Posted by MAD on 01.02.06 3:53 am
Chuck Norris eats barbed wire and small children for breakfast, and washes is all down with decaf battery acid.
Posted by Dane on 01.02.06 11:59 am
Chuck norris used to be one of the wisemen. he gave jesus the gift fo the beard. jesus liked this so much that he wore it for the rest of his life. this made the other wisemen mad because of the favoritism so they kick huck out of the wisemen. three days later they were all found face down dead in the dirt due to roundhousekick to the face related injuries
Posted by kristufer on 01.03.06 8:51 pm
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming
Posted by Andrew on 01.08.06 8:19 pm
tears are said to cure cancer…too bad chuck norris never cried
According to Walker Texas Ranger chuck norris roadhouse kicked the downsyndrom out of a 13 yr old boy
Posted by andy on 01.08.06 11:33 pm
chuck norris is really made out of dead hamsters and baby fetuses he killed all the babys mothers with massive roundhouse kicks to the face for giving bad blowjobs
Posted by Flavourdave on 01.24.06 1:49 pm
Correction, chuck norris hates only one kind of person, he who is not Chuck Norris.
There are no such things as black holes, just bits of space who gave Chuck to much lip and were subsequently roundhouse kicked.
The Dodo was the only animal to ever withstand a roundhouse kick to the face by Chuck Norris. Chuck then bought a rifle and shot them all.
Chuck Norris invented Russia.
Posted by purplepantswhore on 01.24.06 9:05 pm
if the saying you are what you eat is true then Chick Norris would be steele, concrete and the tears of children
When Chuck Norris goes swimming he doesn’t get wet…the water gets Chuck
There is no such thing as global warming, the hole in the ozone layer was created so that every year on Chuck Norris’s Birthday he can pick out one lucky orphan…to throw into the sun
Posted by badmuthafacker on 01.26.06 12:08 am
Chuck Norris is the only person who can e-mail a roundhouse kick.
Posted by skeet on 01.26.06 1:24 am
chuck norris is known for his flawless round house kick. Most other people know the phenome as a tornado in which rapid revolutions and catastrophic devastation is delivered
Posted by Royo on 01.26.06 5:37 am
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked my friend John once, he kicked him so hard he ended up saying he was sorry. Sorry for not kicking him in t3h nutz,
Posted by sonofchuck on 01.26.06 10:25 pm
Chuck Norris appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
Posted by SAMaBRITTANY on 01.27.06 2:38 pm
chuck norris invented math. his foot + your face = a round house kick was the first math problem ever solved.
Posted by b rich on 01.27.06 8:58 pm
chuch norris does not wear a watch, becuase it is always ass-whooping time
Posted by gotpancakes on 01.28.06 3:13 pm
Chuck Norris Fucked your mom!!!
Posted by gotpancakes on 01.28.06 3:13 pm
Chuck Norris Fucked your mom!!!
Posted by Jen on 01.28.06 9:02 pm
Chuck Norris went into burger king, ordered a BigMac and got it.
Posted by Thomas Kelly on 01.29.06 9:37 am
Chuck Norris once made the deadliest computer virus known to cyberspace. He called it Windows.
Posted by MArek on 01.29.06 5:11 pm
Chuck norris doesnt do push ups, he pushes the world down!
Posted by hannah on 01.29.06 7:46 pm
Chuck Norris CAN belive its not butter
Posted by Harley on 01.29.06 11:52 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t have AIDS, but he gives it to people anyway.
Chuck Norris has weights tied to his nuts, constantly, in order to keep his voice very low. Without them, he sounds like Steve Urkel.
Chuck Norris invented fear so people would know how to feel when he spoke to them.
Chuck Norris taught Pai Mei the five point palm exploding heart technique.
Chuck Norris likes his women like he likes his coffee, ground up and in the freezer.
Chuck Norris had a walk-on role on one episode of “Roseanne.” He played Aunt Jackie’s marriage counselor, but was replaced by Ellen Degeneres when he threatened to roundhouse kick 10 year old Michael Fishman.
Chuck Norris’s denim jacket is made of Batman’s ass.
Chuck Norris once had to swim for 40 days because Noah couldn’t find two of him.
Chuck Norris once ate half a dozen apples and then shit a fruit salad.
Chuck Norris has never said “It takes two to tango”, because he can tango all by himself.
Once during a routine yoga workout, Chuck Norris decapitated a koala bear.
If the Hebrew equivalent of Chuck Norris’s name is ever spoken aloud, the sun will go dark and “Top Dog” DVD sales will skyrocket.
When Chuck Norris was a child, Charles Lee Ray entered the body of one of Chucks “Good Guy” dolls. The resulting events are the basis for The Godfather.
On the sixth day, God said, “let there never be Chuck Norris.” On the seventh day, God was in the hospital.
Chuck Norris covers his Slip ‘n’ Slide with gravel.
Chuck Norris sons are John Wayne Gacy, Jeffrey Dahmer, Ed Gein, and Cher. This is why it is against the law in 49 states for Chuck to reproduce. The only state that allows it is Alabama. This is because Chuck saved Alabama from certain destruction, however, the details have not been released to the public and there is only speculation at this point.
The Earth’s rotation is caused by Chuck Norris’s night terrors.
Ray Charles once looked at Chuck Norris…and never saw another thing again.
Chuck Norris coined the term “horny” when, during a rhino hunt in darkest Africa, he reached total sexual pleasure after being gored by an alpha-male Rhinoceros. He then killed the rhino with a roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris breaks open whole wasp hives to get to the protein-rich queen inside. What we feel as burning stings are to him relaxing tickles.
Chuck Norris enjoys clapping babies together like erasers. He calls it blapping.
Chuck Norris ran for president in 1960 as a third party candidate. Historians believed he sabotaged his chances of winning when he called Richard Nixon “a punk-ass bitch” and Roundhouse kicked him during a nationally televised debate.
Chuck Norris is, unbelievably, only seventeen years old. He is expected to be twenty seven feet tall when he is fully grown.
Chuck Norris engineered a projection device that allows him to watch all of our lives like a movie, almost how we watch his movies. To him, we are celebrities, and he knows how our story will end. Ask him how yours will end and he will end it FOR YOU.
Jerry Siegel and Joe Schuster once saw Chuck Norris roundhouse kick a building in the face, and then powerbomb it onto the sidewalk. This inspired them to create Superman.
The movie Volcano starring Tommy Lee Jones was based loosely on the first and last time Chuck Norris tried lighting a fart.
Chuck Norris can not distinguish between babies and bagels.
If Man is 5, then The Devil is 6. And if The Devil is 6, then God is 7. And if God is 7, then Chuck Norris is 11.
Chuck Norris, who had grown tiered of easy victories in fights, once fought himself to the death and won.
Bruce Campbell is the only being in our dimension capable of killing Chuck Norris, but the vacuum left by his absence would collapse the universe. To this day, the actors refuse to be within a thousand miles of each other’s presence
Every Beatles track has an alternate version with Chuck Norris playing every instrument except drums
chuck Norris once saved a busload of orphans from going off a cliff, but only to consume them because he hadn’t had breakfast that morning.
Chuck Norris once drank an entire keg of lemonade with his penis. Just to prove he could do it.
Chuck Norris invented Spandex solely for the purpose of giving the technology to superheroes, when Nike heard this they sent in a team of commandos to steal the technology and then kill Chuck. Chuck killed them all except for one, the man who escaped with the formula for spandex. That man is Danny Devito.
Chuck Norris once took a dump. That dump is what we now call North Dakota.
Chuck Norris claims he has never hailed a taxi. He just runs up to them at stop lights, opens the door, shoves the current passenger over, and tells the cab driver what his new destination is.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked the Gerber baby in the face because the baby gave him a “look”.
When Chuck Norris was four years old, a homeless man approached him and asked him for some spare change. Chuck was so outraged at the homeless man’s audacity, that he went back in time and beat the homeless man’s ancestors to death in reverse sequence until he got back to Adam and Eve, where he took on the form of a serpent and tempted Eve to eat the forbidden fruit
Chuck Norris knows the location of Al Capone’s Vault, but will not disclose it to anyone since he enjoys swimming in the money like Scrooge McDuck.
Chuck Norris translated the both the bible and the koran from its original text but swapped the endings “as a laugh”.
Napoleon lost the battle of Waterloo because he couldn’t speak English, and Chuck Norris wouldn’t lower himself to speaking French.
Chuck Norris is the gatekeeper to the Apocalypse. He is also the gatekeeper to the trash bin behind the Denny’s on 4th Street in Boulder Colorado. Both of these are listed on his resume.
Weeping Willows are a result of Chuck Norris yelling at trees for not being tough enough.
Contrary to popular belief, the brassierre was not invented for feminine breast support, but to function as a jockstrap for Chuck Norris’s gargantuan testicles.
Chuck Norris coined the phrase, “I could eat a Horse” after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
Chuck Norris has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where’s Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, “This is BULLSHIT!” They’re all wearing shoes.” He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, “IF I CAN’T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!” The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Chuck roundhouse kicked him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.
If you were to lock Chuck Norris in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy’s. When asked why he doesn’t do this Chuck replied “Because Grammy’s are for queers.” Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually “Chuck Norris–more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris–robot in disguise,” and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
Chuck Norris’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t fuck with Chuck!” Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can “accidentally” beat the shit out of little kids.
When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, “Don’t worry about it honey,” and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.”
Chuck Norris once killed a bear with his bare hands. Then resurrected it just so he could keep fighting it. He did this 23 times straight without water, rest or food until the bear became nothing more than fur and splinters of bone.
At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just to prove he isn’t a racist.
There is no I in TEAM, there is, however, an I in Chuck Norris…Fuck you TEAM.
Chuck Norris has recently added “moose” to his list of “animals that tried to fight me and lost”
Chuck Norris’s nose grows every time he tells a lie. And by “nose” I mean penis, and by “tells a lie” I mean roundhouse kicks a baby.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds ’til.” After you ask, “Two seconds ’til what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris doesn’t churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
The opening scene of the movie “Saving Private Ryan” is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
If you say Chuck Norris’ name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the REAL roundhouse delivered by none other than Norris himself.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a “Who has more testicles?” contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck’s gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
Chuck Norris can’t finish a “color by numbers” because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’s urine was the main ingredient for balco’s designer steroids. Therefore, Chuck Norris is actually the all-time single-season home run king.
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won’t be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? …All of it.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell him.
In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald’s in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be “Norrisized”.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.
If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It’s called Chuck-Will-Kill.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this “a slow Tuesday.”
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one
When you’re Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football– in that order.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
When God said, “let there be light”, Chuck Norris said, “say ‘please’.”
One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
When Chuck Norris plays Red Rover, he walks over to the other line, roundhouse-kicks the first person, watches them all fall over in a domino, and screams out “Norris is over”
Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris occasionaly wears live rattlesnakes as a condoms
Every time you masturbate, Chuck Norris kills a kitten. Then he drinks its blood, makes a hat out of its fur, grinds its bones to make his bread, and turns everything else into sausage, except the eyeballs, which he turns into christmas tree ornaments.
Chuck Norris once asked a man to pull his finger. Sixty years later on August 6th, people still mourn the tragedy that befell Hiroshima.
Chuck Norris once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. Then he re-animated that man as a zombie, challenged him to a game of horseshoes, and totally kicked his ass.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a “Who has more testicles?” contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, “Holy crap! That’s Chuck Norris!” Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection. BOOYAH!
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
When Chuck Norris jumps into a pool, he doesn’t get wet, the water gets Chuck.
A man once went up to Chuck Norris to tell him that a roundhouse is not the best way to kick someone. Scientists have since concluded that this was officially the “worst idea EVER”
A survey conducted recently concluded that women think about Chuck Norris during sex 28% of the time. Another survey concluded that Chuck Norris thinks about Chuck Norris during sex 100% of the time.
Will Chamberlin confessed to having slept with 2000 women in his life. Chuck Norris refers to this as a “slow Tuesday”.
Chuck Norris once cured a blind man of his blindness using his mental powers. The first thing the man said was “My god, I can see!” The last thing the man saw was a Chuck Norris style roundhouse kick to the face.
One cold winter morning, Chuck Norris felt the need to create a warming device for his penis. He called this invention “The Vagina”.
- You know how sometimes you feel depressed and you don’t know why? That’s because Chuck Norris is asleep.
- Chuck Norris met with a teenage drug and alcohol awareness diversion group last week. There were no survivors.
Chuck Norris lost a lot of money in the stock market, so he round-house-kicked it. This was followed by the the great depression.
Chuck Norris thinks Curt Schilling is a pussy and should shut his mouth about his bloody sock. Says Norris in next week’s SI: “I once took out a whole gang of bank robbers with two bloody ankles, but since I wear cowboy boots, nobody saw them.” Making a big mistake, Tom Verducci yawned during the interview, and was immediately roundhouse kicked in the face.
Chuck Norris walks to the moon to take a dump.
Chuck Norris invented the “rimjob” after a karate technique gone terribly wrong.
Chuck Norris once laughed so hard after seeing a midget fall down a flight of stairs, that he ripped a hole in the space-time continuum, thus creating the phenomena of deja vu.
What happens when an entire nation rises against Chuck Norris? Ask the citizens of Atlantis.
Chuck Norris invented a computer virus that causes a roundhouse kick to pop out of your monitor and hit you in the face. Currently, it has killed 417 people.
The Grand Canyon is the result of Chuck Norris’ temper tantrum after he lost the election. His platform was, “I’m against abortion, but for killing babies.”
Chuck Norris’ favorite breakfast cereal is Kellog’s Marbles n’ Gravel.
Chuck Norris caused the 80’s band Genesis to break up. Not because of artistic differences, but because Chuck Norris demanded that one member of the band follow him around at all times to perform live theme music for his daily life. Phil Collins provides personal favorites “I can’t dance” and “One more night” for Norris’ workouts and a personal montage for trying on funny hats and tank tops. Also, all roundhouse kicks to the face are emphasized with an emphatic “SSussudiO!!!!” Meanwhile, Peter Gabriel croons the Chuck and the ladies to Chuck’s personal love-making tune, “Sledgehammer”.
One does not punch Chuck Norris; Chuck Norris headbutts one’s fist.
The follicles in Chuck Norris’s beard contain the active ingredient for defeating bad breath, ring-around-the-collar, and male pattern baldness. Rumour has it you can get some on the black market from a man covered in kung-fu-related bruising. A two-ounce bag costs enough to fund a small Latin American dictatorship for three months, and don’t think for a second that this isn’t really going on.
If you count the number of individual spermatozoa your testes will produce in your lifetime, it’s still less that the number of women that have achieved orgasm by running their hands through Chuck Norris’s chest hair.
For every time the phrase “roundhouse kick” appears on this website, Chuck Norris will bomb an African village.
When Chuck Norris farts, it smells like freshly baked cinnamon rolls.
Chuck Norris doesn’t have a beard, he saves a hair from every man he kills and glues it to his chin.
Chuck Norris’ semen is what makes Special K so special.
Chuck Norris listens to Pantera to calm down.
Any redhead person that was born since the dawn of time is an offspring of Chuck Norris, including his own parents.
George W. Bush wanted to nominate Chuck Norris for Supreme Court Chief Justice but the Separation of Powers called for by the Constitution doesn’t allow that if the person is already this country’s main Instrument of Justice.
Chuck Norris made the first oak tree by planting one of his arm hairs.
The commercial says that after taking Viagra, if you have an erection lasting longer than four hours, you should see a doctor. Chuck Norris was too embarrassed to go to the doctor, so he instead roundhouse kicked his own penis off and it became what is now known as Pikes Peak.
When the Earth was first formed a solitary Chuck Norris roamed it. He found the largest rock he could and roundhoused it. This rock is now called the moon. Chuck Norris then jacked off into the ocean and spawned life.
The Army’s slogan, “Army of One,” was based on every single Chuck Norris movie ever created.
The pinball wizard is deaf, dumb and blind because Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the shit out of him.
Chuck Norris once visited Canada to find a wife. As a result, every man women and child born in Canada now has a beard.
Chuck Norris was on a season of Survivor once, but the entire season got cut after Chuck Norris murdered everyone on the island for eating his Cheetos.
Chuck Norris once beat the dictionary in a spelling bee. He then killed the judges merely by flexing his penis.
Chuck Norris can play the bongo drums with his hands behind his back. He accomplishes this by leaning over them really close and flexing his pecs. The sweet rhythms he produces are the most potent form of aphrodisiac known to man.
Chuck Norris’s favorite vegetable is Terri Schiavo.
Chuck Norris could eat broken shards of glass for breakfast if he wanted to. However, he doesn’t, because he prefers to drink molten lava.
Switzerland maintains is neutral status mostly to prevent Chuck Norris from kicking the entire population of the country’s ass.
Chuck Norris was born Charles Edwin Norris III. Despite being mere minutes old, he grabbed his birth certificate and roundhouse-kicked it up his father’s ass because, as he said, “I will never get any pussy with the name Charles. From now on, call me Chuck… because it rhymes with fuck.”
The original ending, as suggested by Chuck Norris to George Lucas, to Return of the Jedi consisted of the Rebel Alliance finding Chuck Norris on the moon of Endor. The Rebel Alliance realized the power they had in front of them, and begged Chuck to help them defeat the Empire’s Death Star. Chuck then jumped into space and roundhouse kicked the Death Star, which exploded in a fiery bang. In the last scenes, Leia left Han for Chuck, Chewbacca became Chuck’s life-debt servant, and Luke decided to drop Jedi training and study under Chuck. The ending was never made because it was too awesome for George Lucas to comprehend.
Once Chuck Norris hits 88 miles per hour, you’re gonna see some serious shit.
God doesn’t let bad things happen to good people, Chuck Norris does.
Chuck Norris becomes infuriated when he sees men cry or frown. Recently, he has been spotted at funerals, roundhousing grieving men in the face until their mouth is fixed in a cold, emotionless position. Chuck Norris is a real man, and real men do not react to life.
The government called upon Chuck Norris to destroy an asteroid the size of Texas. Chuck Norris rode on top of rocket with nothing but a fork and a cherry bomb. Needless to say the asteroid lost.
After seeing “Supersize Me,” Chuck Norris ate every McDonalds in the continental United States whole. Then he went to the dude’s house and roundhouse kicked him in the face for being such a pussy.
Every woman who has ever kissed Chuck Norris has lost all her teeth from the sheer impact of his beard.
Chuck Norris taught Grizzly Adams how to grow a beard.
Contrary to popular belief the continents did not drift apart over millions of years but in a single day when Chuck Norris was walking across Pangaea and mentioned that he wanted to swim, right here, and right now.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire live crocodile, then punched Steve Irwin in the face for being such a pussy.
Chuck Norris was inspiration for all the characters in all of the Mortal Kombat games. Yes, even the female characters. But Chuck Norris did not use a knife on a rope as Scorpion does to do his “get over here!” attack, Chuck of course used his penis.
By the time Chuck Norris has finished shaving his beard has grown back.
The Ice Age is contributed to Chuck Norris, that was the date of his last erection which blocked the sun’s rays for 47 years.
Chuck Norris is actually the love child of Willie Nelson and an mystical ninja mummy.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris single-handedly ended World War II when he roundhouse kicked Hitler and Hirohito in the face and told them to stop the shit.
Chuck Norris plans on putting an “i” in team.
In order to save the world from an impending volcanic eruption Chuck Norris stuck his massive beard into the crater, preventing the eruption and saving, among others, Boy Scout Troop #52, which he savagly raped in celebration.
The role of Willy Wonka in the remake of ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’ was originally offered to Chuck Norris. However, he backed out of the project after the producers rejected his idea of a final fight scene with Charlie in which most of the cast dies.
Chuck Norris carries a card in his wallet, issued to him by the Supreme Court of the United States of America, absolving him from any charges of murder or attempted murder due to his sexual technique.
Chuck Norris never cooks , he simply stares the food down till it is prepared the way he likes it . If it can’t comply he roundhouse kicks every farmer for 50 miles until he recieves a proper meal.
Chuck Norris can shoot at cars with a revolver and make them explode. He told me all you have to do is make a real macho face when you’re aiming and you’ll hit the gas tank everytime.
When Chuck Norris had sex with Christie Brinkley, she gave birth to a Total Gym.
In 1986 Chuck Norris played for the New York Islanders but was banned from the NHL for life after roundhouse kicking Don Cherry’s throat open while wearing skates.
Chuck Norris was raised by Lowland Gorillas and returns to Africa once a year to mate and reassert his dominance over the rest of the tribe through a complex series of grunts, chest thumping and roundhouse kicks.
Posted by LoBro on 01.30.06 12:01 am
chuck norris once lost a fight to a pirate. which is a lie made up by chuck norris just to lure in more pirates. pirates arent very smart.
Posted by Ghetto Valley Forge on 01.30.06 12:44 am
Chuck Norris sold his urine to make a popular beverage known as Red Bull.
Posted by elvinnivle on 01.30.06 3:58 pm
chuck norris is a doodie head
Posted by i wish i could roundhouse like chuck on 01.30.06 8:25 pm
that guy above will be dead soon. in the result of a round house kick to the face by chuck norris himself the tnext time u see him u will have to join NASA cause he will be on Pluto
Posted by Zach on 01.30.06 10:58 pm
Chuck Norris can alphabetize M&Ms
Posted by Mario on 01.30.06 11:24 pm
There originally existed eleven commandments, not ten. The eleventh commandment read: Thou shall not roundhouse kick thine neighbor. When Chuck Norris first learned of the commandment in his hometown church of Ryan, Oklahoma, he said to God in a prayer, “Do you know who I am?” The next day, the eleventh commandment had slowly become eliminated from every christian building and holy text in Ryan, and soon thereafter, only ten commandments remained in the christian religion worldwide. That same day, the death toll for Ryan, Oklahoma had exploded to over 80,000, and with astoundingly all deaths occuring by the same means; roundhouse kick to the face.
Posted by michael deluca on 01.31.06 12:39 am
chuck norris once roundhouse kicked a baby in the face for telling him he was wrong. Then he stole his pacifier
Posted by dick on 01.31.06 12:30 pm
chcuk norris doesnt get wet when he goes into water, the water gets chucked
Posted by Tyler on 01.31.06 10:05 pm
The dinosous looked at chuck norise funny once and only once
Posted by KylE on 01.31.06 10:08 pm
Chuck Norris did four cartwheels and landed in Denver
Posted by lsf_21 on 01.31.06 10:39 pm
chuck norris changed his middle name to “fucking”
Posted by Samuel Hill on 01.31.06 10:40 pm
The D-Day battle scene off the movie Saving Private Ryan is loosely based off Chuck Norris’ first Dodge Ball match
Posted by Dan on 02.01.06 12:23 am
Chuck Norris doesnt sleep…. he waits..
Posted by Kurt on 02.01.06 10:11 am
Chuck Norris is the originator of the Hiseman Pose
Posted by Chad on 02.01.06 2:48 pm
After seeing “Madagascar”,Chuck Norris deemed the film unworthy,he roundhouse kicked the film into the ocean with enough force to cause last years tsunami…
Posted by Chad on 02.01.06 2:51 pm
Chuck Norris once secretly dressed up as a nazi in 1930’s Germany to assassinate hitler, then he realized he was Chuck Norris, and kicked himself in the ass for sneaking around…the shockwave of the kick turned Hitler part Jewish.
Posted by Henry on 02.01.06 3:08 pm
Chuck Norris has one family member named: Vin Diesel
Posted by bdevils on 02.01.06 7:59 pm
chuck norris doesnt dodge bullets they know better
chuck norris played russian roulet with a fully loaded gun and won
when chuck norris gets stabbed the knife bleeds
Posted by Master Yoshi on 02.01.06 9:38 pm
Chuck norris has no family he is to pure and his balls are intirely to big to be related to vin diesel!
Posted by Dak is gay on 02.01.06 10:02 pm
Moses didnt free the Isrialites Chuck Norris just Round housed pharoh in the face and pharoh begged for mercy.
Posted by connadri on 02.02.06 7:41 am
Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick has been clocked at 88 mph, which is why when he once kicked Michael J. Fox he ended up back in 1955
Posted by Candyman on 02.02.06 8:08 am
The ultimate battle for the title of king of the world was about to start. The battle consisted of Chuck Norris and Chuck’s clone, The battle went on for 5 years until Chuck Norris realised that there could only be 1 Chuck Norris. Chuck Quickly turns to the clone and says “There can only be 1 Chuck Norris”. Soon after the clone of Chuck vanishes into mid air, and till this day Chuck Norris rules the world.
Someone once dared Chuck Norris to sit in the corner of a round room. He did.
Posted by Fuzzy on 02.02.06 10:25 am
chuck norris is so awesome that when he went to go kill a bunch of gays all he had to do was pull down his pants and they orgamsmed to death.
Posted by Fuzzy on 02.02.06 10:49 am
Chuck norris cloned himself to have actually pleasing sex
Posted by Freelancer on 02.02.06 8:29 pm
Chuck Norris once thought about Chuck Norris jokes, and then everyone else did.
Posted by Dillon on 02.02.06 8:32 pm
Chuck Norris can touch MC hammer
Posted by tank on 02.02.06 8:40 pm
In 1964 after the leafs won their last stanley cup one of them didnt call CHUCK NORRIS Sir. Now look at them.
Posted by Dillon on 02.02.06 8:48 pm
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked fat basterd making a meteor that wiped out the dinosaur
Posted by bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb on 02.02.06 9:01 pm
chuck noris doesn’t use a straw and paper as a spitwad he uses a sewer pipe and bowling balls
Posted by Candyman on 02.03.06 11:25 am
Chuck Norris taught Bruce Lee to fight.
Posted by PogotheClown on 02.03.06 2:08 pm
List of Chuck norris Cruelty Schemes:
Made america depressed in 1929
While dui, he cut off the stock market and made it crash
Created nazis and jews
Killed jews and blamed them on the Nazis
He put jesus in a death-like state of coma and broguth him back
he allowed george bush to win
HE shot bambis mom during movie and blamed it on a forest fire which he caused
He shot the pope
He split hitlers genes and put jewish genes in them
He walked into poland and caused ww2
He could have stopped ww2, but he wanted to see all the cool movies and documentaries about it
He can impregnate a man
He created death to mock us even further
He can straighten a ball
He can make slinkies go up the stairs
He went back in time buried large bones jsut so he could watch us make somthing up
He made movies silent
He made charles chaplin silent
He made me do this even though i have homework
He blew up that church and blamed it on the kkk
he helped slow down the titanic from sinking so people could die in the freezing water
he dick fought ron jeremy and won
he raped the virgin mary and is jesus dad
Posted by Luisdon on 02.03.06 3:48 pm
Chuck Norris has no friends for his fetus!!
Posted by Luisdon on 02.03.06 3:53 pm
If Chuck Norris was ever to be k/oed the world would implode. Only another reason for him never to lose
Posted by Triumphant 3 on 02.04.06 10:52 am
Cory Darnell has a beard like chuck norris
Posted by Boady on 02.04.06 5:23 pm
Chuck Norris can win a game of “Connect 4″ in 3 moves!
In the battle between Chuck Norris and the World, bet on Chuck Norris!
Posted by PogotheClown on 02.04.06 6:52 pm
God once asked chuck norris why had he created him and chuck did not respond because no one had the right to speak to him in such a manner of question therefore he sent god to heaven to take care of all the souls of innocent people he was about to kill with his bare presence
Posted by PogotheClown on 02.04.06 6:52 pm
chuck norris is the only erson to lay with themeselves and win
Posted by Anya on 02.05.06 6:41 am
Before Chcuk Norris no one ever thought of mashing potaoes
Posted by leblunt on 02.05.06 10:27 am
As an ispiration of W.W.J.D bracelets, Chuck Norris invents W.W.C.N.D bracelets. The world ends shortly after, as everyone roundhouse kicks everbody in the face.
Posted by My Balls Are Itchy on 02.05.06 2:20 pm
Chuck Norris is so straight that he looks gay.
Posted by Luisdon on 02.05.06 4:42 pm
Chuck Norris has no friends for his fetus
Posted by ass on 02.05.06 6:11 pm
chuck norris made a bunch of nuns give birth to full grown men? and these men dominated the 1972 nfl football season?! shit thats fuckin hilarious!
Posted by matt on 02.05.06 10:08 pm
chcuk norris doesnt rape, he fucks really hard
Posted by MC on 02.05.06 10:35 pm
What would happen if Chuck Norris roundhoused Master Chief in the face?
Nothing. Because the roundhouse kick would smash his face so hard that his head would fly off at faster than light speed, orbit perfectly round the planet once, and reposition itself exactly where it had been before. Nobody would know anything had happened, except god and Chuck.
Posted by Condomizer on 02.05.06 10:39 pm
Chuck Norris battled Godzilla for the city of Tokyo. Obviously Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Godzilla back to where ever the hell he is from. After Godzilla was done for, Chuck Norris had complete control of Tokyo. For the sheer fun of it he Beat-Off to the rythym of Mr. Roboto.
Chuck Norris got bored one day and roundhouse kicked the Mexico to Mars. Shortly after world peace was declared.
Posted by Condomizer on 02.05.06 10:41 pm
Chuck Norris once ate a Silverback Gorilla and Oddjob from 007 in one meal. Later he shat out Gary Coleman.
The bullet that went through Lincoln’s head was actually Chuck Norris’s fist.
Posted by Condomizer on 02.05.06 10:42 pm
Chuck Norris once ate a Silverback Gorilla and Oddjob from 007 in one meal. Later he shat out Gary Coleman.
The bullet that went through Lincoln’s head was actually Chuck Norris’s fist.
It has been proven that Big Foot is actually Chuck Norris’s second penis.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Eminem into a Skittle
Chuck Norris roundouse kicked 50 Cent into a dollar to buy a Pepsi because his penis was thirsty.
Posted by bddddddddddaaaaaaaaaaaatttt on 02.06.06 12:28 am
When Chuck Norris heard about Wilt Chamberlain slept with over 10,000 women, Chuck remarked, “Thats a slow Tuesday.”
Posted by Marty on 02.06.06 2:08 am
Chuck Norris has figured out Pi. he then proceeded to roundhouse kick it in the face for being to easy to figure out.
Posted by Dillon on 02.06.06 1:37 pm
chuck norris doesn’t belive in germany.
Posted by toby on 02.06.06 5:17 pm
Chuck Norris once played in a WSOP tournament and won at the final table by an all in followed by everyone calling then mucking their cards to Chuck’s two seven off suit
Posted by Candyman on 02.06.06 9:29 pm
How many Chuck Norris’ does it take to change a light bulb? None! As soon as the lightbulbs hear that Chuck Norris is coming they quickley change themselves.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from Chuck Norris.
Posted by GIL420X on 02.07.06 5:56 pm
Michael Jordan wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Posted by Bad boy dre on 02.08.06 8:10 am
Chuck Norris recieved a gold star at school there after the teacher was roundhoused kicked in the face and all she heard before dieing was im the sheriff bitch
Posted by no on 02.08.06 12:19 pm
GET FUCKING LIVES. STOP WORSHIPING CHUCK FUCKING NORRIS HES NOT THAT IMPRESSIVE.
Posted by X_kinkyboots_X on 02.08.06 6:07 pm
chuck norris doesnt wait for the bus.. the bus waits for chuck!
the rain doesnt land on chuck.. chuck lands on the rain!
Posted by barney on 02.08.06 6:22 pm
Chuck Norris clubs baby seals with his penis
Posted by jammy on 02.09.06 12:33 am
Chuck Norris eats clamshells.
Posted by jammy on 02.09.06 12:35 am
Chuck Norris sleeps on a bed made of pancakes. He eats in his sleep, and wakes up happy.
Posted by you guys are faggots on 02.09.06 8:24 pm
Chuck Norris is about 50 so I could round house kick his ass and he would probably fucking die ok there is nothing special about chuck norris! GET A LIFE ALL OF YOU! except for the no person
Posted by Frank on 02.09.06 8:59 pm
Chuck Norris has already been to mars, that is why there are no signs of life
mr.T isnt black the sun is just scared to shine on him
Posted by vitamin dan on 02.09.06 10:35 pm
Chuck Norris became enraged when he was turned down a lead role in Brokeback Mountian……..several roundhouse kicks were then issued to small children
Posted by m@ on 02.09.06 10:50 pm
Chuck Norris beat the shit out of the Quaker Oats Man
Posted by chuck norris himself on 02.10.06 5:07 pm
chuck norris once shot down a planedown with his finger,by yellining bang
Posted by Chuck Norris' son on 02.10.06 7:32 pm
My father chuck norris, once fucked pamalar anderson, but when he found out she had male genitals, he roundhouse kicked her in the balls, and then continued to rape her her nose.
Posted by John on 02.10.06 8:01 pm
Drink Milk Love Chuck Norris
Posted by John on 02.10.06 8:10 pm
yeah Chuck norris is a fag i just said that bcus i thot it was funny chuck norris is a fuckin loser!!
Posted by Michaelz on 02.12.06 10:40 pm
when chuck norris got bored one day…he roundhouse kicked the earth…causing the seven continents to form
Posted by Michaelz on 02.12.06 10:42 pm
when chuck norris was creating the world…he only made one mistake..that mistake is known today as canada
Posted by Big D Ricks on 02.14.06 12:37 am
Chuck Norris found the wrong way to eat a Reese’s
Posted by Yo #5 on 02.15.06 6:24 pm
Chuck Norris Created The Ozone Layer
Posted by Yo #5 on 02.15.06 6:27 pm
Chuck Norris Killed cavemen because they started to claim that they were the ones who created fire. Chuck Norris disagreed and roundhouse kicked every one of them. After that proceeding, he decided to take a dump.
Posted by Poopy Poo on 02.15.06 8:26 pm
Everytime chuck norris has a shower it rains and by “have a shower” it means roundhouse kicks a baby and by “it rains” he means a baby dies
Posted by andrew on 02.17.06 1:03 am
U know Moby Dcik the white whale…..it was acutally sperm lost from chuck norris when having sex with the giant witch from the little mermaid
Posted by jim on 02.17.06 1:06 pm
chuck norris created pluto
Posted by colin on 02.17.06 7:21 pm
Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the game winning field goal of a high school football game. When The ball went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him the kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. He booted the baby 60 yards and then proceeded to bang every grl in the stadium.
Chuck Norris got a massive erectiohn while walking down the street. There were no survivors.
MacGeyer can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips. Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Posted by colin on 02.17.06 7:24 pm
chuck norris got an erection while walking down the street. There were no survivors.
Chcuk Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris invented water.
Posted by Sester on 02.17.06 8:43 pm
Chuck Norris is sueing Motown for the rights to the name “Earth, Wind, $ Fire”, claiming that he is all three.
Posted by booby on 02.17.06 8:50 pm
omg, these jokes are JOKES, you fucking “cool guys” “OOOH CHUCK NORRIS IS GAY”, shut up, man. they’re funny, not true. YOU get lives, you fucking retards
Posted by matt on 02.18.06 5:12 am
When u were little, if you ever thought that Ariel from The Little Mermaid was cute, so did Chuck Norris… except he fucked her and you didn’t.
Posted by BA on 02.18.06 11:07 am
Chuck Norris would have played in terminator or predator but he thought the roles were pussiesh
Posted by toby on 02.18.06 2:07 pm
chuck norris uses trees as pencils
Posted by toby on 02.18.06 2:09 pm
chuck norris doesnt go in shark cages, sharks go in chuck norris cages.
Posted by Brad on 02.18.06 2:31 pm
chuck norris was born with roundhouse kicking ability In the birthroom, the nurse delivering chuck was found dead with a size 15 boot imprint on her face. The case was closed immediatley
Posted by Brad on 02.18.06 2:33 pm
spiderman didnt get his powers from a spider bite, but that of a chuck bite
Posted by Poptart on 02.18.06 4:37 pm
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because Chuck Norris
Posted by liza on 02.18.06 4:51 pm
when chuck norris jumps into water
chuck norris doesn’t get wet
the water gets chuck norris.
Posted by steve laughlin on 02.18.06 5:06 pm
one night, chuck norris got drunk, fucked a laama, and thats how Nate ryan was born.
Posted by steve laughlin on 02.18.06 5:24 pm
Chuck Norris plays marco polo by himself, and wins.
Posted by coxy on 02.18.06 5:51 pm
THEIR JOKES, you fuckin losers. if u dont find them funny, then dont fucking look at them. no one cares, or wants to hear the bullshit u have to say about them. grow the fuck up
Posted by hale on 02.18.06 6:44 pm
chuck norris sleeps with a night light on, not because he is afraid of the dark, it’s because the dark is afraid of him
Posted by Aaron Monreal on 02.18.06 7:55 pm
Chuck Norris is the only Mythilogical Begin allowed to live on Earth. When Father Time tried to stop him he got a round house kick to the face and changed Midnight to Noon.
Posted by Service Johnson on 02.18.06 11:29 pm
All your girlfriend’s orgasms with you are fake. The real ones are reserved for Chuck Norris. Every time you leave your girlfriend, Chuck has sex with her. You will never find out because Chuck is too fast for you to catch him and your girlfriend will deny that Chuck was there so she doesn’t lose the opportunity to have real orgasms.
Chuck once took a piss in Arizona. The result is the Grand Canyon, where the soil was washed away. The piss eventually turned to Crude Oil and is to this day supplying the entire Earth with energy.
Posted by Service Johnson on 02.18.06 11:55 pm
All good things must come to an end, except Chuck Norris.
The reason men don’t live as long as Methuselah anymore is CHUCK NORRIS!!!
Eisenhower got the idea for the Interstate Highway System when he realized how difficult it was to follow Chuck Norris through the jungle.
George W. and Chuck Norris were both taking a leak when Geroge W. glanced over and noticed the size of Chuck’s dick. George W. asked Chuck how come his instrument was so huge and chuck said that every night before he goes to bed he hits it on the bedpost six times and that Geroge W. should try it. When Goerge W. went home Laura B. was already in bed so George got naked and started banging his shit on the bedpost. In the dark, Laura B. asked, “Is that you Chuck?”
Posted by Service Johnson on 02.19.06 12:05 am
Recent surveys have led to the conclusion that CHUCK NORRIS is the #1 reason people buy life insurance.
Migraines are warnings that you are within 1000 miles of Chuck Norris.
Posted by Service Johnson on 02.19.06 12:12 am
Chuck walks into a bar. Bartender says,”___” Barnender better not say shit or Chuck will Fuck him up and rape his bouncer!
Posted by bdduger on 02.19.06 1:12 am
dale earnhart didnt just hit the wall chuck round house kicked the car into the wall
Posted by bdduger on 02.19.06 1:18 am
my balls are bigger than chuck norris’s. so yall all should worship me. if u dont i’ll round house kick ur ass.
elvis really didnt die from an overdose chuck round house kicked him in the back of the head.
Posted by bdduger on 02.19.06 1:20 am
one time at band camp chuck stuck a flute up his a*s
Posted by Poptart on 02.19.06 2:44 pm
Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s Secret
Posted by Poptart on 02.19.06 2:48 pm
Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop
When someone asks Chuck Norris a knock knock joke, Chuck already knows who’s at the door
Posted by hale on 02.19.06 4:44 pm
Chuck norris sleeps with a pillow under is gun
Posted by Poptart on 02.19.06 4:44 pm
On the set of Walker Texas Ranger a pigeon once flew over Chuck Norris and crapped on Chuck’s head, Chuck Norris then round house kicked the pigeon in the face and crapped on its head. True story, can’t make something like that up.
Posted by hale on 02.19.06 4:46 pm
Chuck norris sleeps with a night light on, not because he is afraid of the dark, it’s because the dark is afrid of him
Posted by hale on 02.19.06 5:07 pm
Chuck norris, Vin Diesel, and Arnold S. went to heaven. They argued over who should sit on the right hand of God, because Jesu sits on the left. Diesel sais that he should get the seat becuse of his great movies. arnold said he should sit because of his great movies and leadership skills. Chuck norris just looked at God, and said ” i beleive your in my seat”
Posted by bdduger on 02.19.06 5:50 pm
chuck norris round house kicked my gf in the head and now she looks like a kid with down sindrom
Posted by taterboy on 02.19.06 10:49 pm
Chuck Norris can’t take a crap….nothing scares the shit out of him.
Posted by unknown on 02.19.06 11:58 pm
yellow boy only came out yellow cuz chuck norris round house kicked his mom into animal crossing
Posted by T-DIDDY on 02.20.06 8:09 pm
Chuck Norris played russian roullette with a clip-loading pistol…and won
Posted by Joel Walters on 02.20.06 8:21 pm
What does Chuck Norris hate the most about having sex with a dead babie?
Having to get the blood out of the clown suit afterwards.
Posted by DD on 02.20.06 10:42 pm
chuck norris does not take a shit the shit falls out. and replies please do not roundhouse kick me.
Posted by DD on 02.20.06 10:47 pm
chuch norris does not have sex with girls they just accidently trip on his penis.
Posted by Poptart on 02.20.06 11:08 pm
Chuck Norris can go through the express lane when he has more than 10 items
Posted by buger on 02.21.06 12:32 am
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn he stares at it and dares it to grow
Posted by Poptart on 02.21.06 2:04 pm
Chuck Norris knows what’s eating Gilbert Grape
Posted by steve on 02.21.06 4:28 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
Posted by Big Pimp on 02.21.06 4:44 pm
All you people who think this is about chuck norris are retarded. nobody here worships chuck norris, the jokes are just funny.
Fucking kill yourselves.
Posted by sublime on 02.22.06 12:22 am
chuck norris can deepthroat lexington steele
Posted by jared on 02.22.06 12:51 am
the last thing u see when u die is Chuck Norris
Posted by Brittany on 02.22.06 3:32 pm
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 minutes
Posted by Rusty on 02.22.06 11:26 pm
god doesent kill a kitten every time you masterbate, chuck norris does
Posted by chuckfan22 on 02.23.06 11:55 pm
chuck norris’ favorite vegitable is terry schiavo
Posted by Roundhouser on 02.28.06 12:10 am
Chuck Norris once Roundhousekicked a woman that was 3 months pregnant and Mc hammer poped out saying fine you can touch me
Posted by bada_bing on 02.28.06 1:05 am
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Posted by tim on 03.02.06 3:42 pm
We didnt lose to the vietnamese, we lost to chuck norris
Posted by bubba on 03.03.06 12:37 am
black people love chuck norris
Posted by Chris on 03.03.06 6:53 pm
Chuck Norris is the real first wonder of the world. The others exist only because he said so.
Posted by r dizzle on 03.09.06 7:07 pm
When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Posted by Kyle on 03.09.06 10:33 pm
Chuck Norris is not a fandom, its a lifestyle
Posted by DIPSET on 03.09.06 11:48 pm
Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.
-If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris
-Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
-Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure
-When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is jolly, but because he has run out of women
-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean
-Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants
-If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds till.” After you ask, “Two seconds to what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
-Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris
-Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard
-Chuck Norris appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
-Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent
-Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month
-Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away
-chuck norris does not sleep.. he waits
-Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris
-There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris
-Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway
-The original theme song to the Transformers was actually “Chuck Norris–more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris–robot in disguise,” and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
-The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs
-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist
-It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart
-Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull
-If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death
-On the 7th day, God rested…. Chuck Norris took over
-Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris
-Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn
-A duck’s quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly
-Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
-Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.
-If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
-Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never
-Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
-Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence
Posted by blackie chan on 03.10.06 1:39 pm
black people don’t like Chuck Norris because he plays a cop on TV.
Chuck Norris is his own mom and dad.
Chuck Norris was kicked out of the NFL because he roundhouse kicked a cheerleader after scoring a touchdown.
the kicking a baby as a field goal one is hilarious.
Posted by king panda on 03.12.06 9:12 pm
Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight not because he scaried of the dark the dark is scaried of him.
The grass on the other side of the river is always greener unless chuck norris has been there then it’s red because of all the blood.
Posted by Chuck Lover on 03.18.06 3:25 am
Chuck Norris knows how they get the caramel in a Caramilk.
Posted by Crayfish on 03.18.06 5:16 am
Chuck Norris need not worry about contraception when making love. for with the use of single roundhouse kick he can render anyone infertile. anyone.
Though he does not skate… Chuck Norris is the best skater in the world. When in competition he simply roundhouse kicks his board and the judges give him 10 out of 10. He then instantly roundhouse kicked them in the face for not giving him more than 10. Chuck Norris is always better than perfect… ALWAYS.
Posted by samantha angellar on 04.02.06 8:30 am
chuck norris owns a cabbin on broke back mountain
.
Posted by master T on 04.16.06 3:50 pm
I have never blinked in my life. NEVER
Posted by Lil' Chuck on 04.17.06 9:53 pm
One day, while chuck was eating his bowl of rice cripies he heard, “Snap, Crackel, Pop”, and was so outraged by this coment, and the fact that he was not part of the story, he proceeded to Visciously roundhouse kick Snap, Crackel and Pop, in the solar plexis, multiple times. This is why our cereal now says Snap, hail chuck, Crackel, Norris is god, Pop, and nothin else.
Posted by pyro on 04.20.06 5:01 am
When chuck norris’ daughter lost her virginity he chased it down and gave it back to her
Posted by Baytee71 on 04.21.06 12:27 am
When Chuck Norris pisses in the toilet, the toilet stops up!
Posted by James on 04.22.06 8:18 pm
Chuck Norris alwys gets laid on hte first date. The first time he didn’t was 1941, also known as the begining of the holocaust.
Posted by Roadkillkangaroo on 04.24.06 10:57 pm
I have a step dad named chuck……he roundhouse kicks me to sleep every nite=)
paul buion may be able to cut down trees with a single slice of his ax but chuck norris can roundhouse kick him in the face and steal his ax and use it to cut down the rain forest.
Posted by laura on 04.30.06 3:14 pm
when you melt sand it turns to glass dumbass
Posted by kyle on 05.02.06 9:09 am
Hiroshima was actually Chuck Norris’ doing
Posted by Spotty on 05.05.06 8:54 am
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds till.” After you ask, “Two seconds to what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Chuck Norris’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t fuck with Chuck!” Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually “Chuck Norris–more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris–robot in disguise,” and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn’t, he replied, “Of course I can, I’m Chuck Norris,” and roundhouse kicked him in the face.
If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
On the 7th day, God rested…. Chuck Norris took over.
When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn’t work, he plays zombie.
Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world’s hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.
God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.
When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
A duck’s quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.
Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face.
Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
When Chuck Norris’ wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, “don’t worry about it honey,” and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.”
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to swallow when eating food.
If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.
Ironically, Chuck Norris’ hidden talent is invisibility.
Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.
Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
Chuck Norris invented water.
Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn’t find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, “always leave things the way you found em!”
One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.
In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks.
Posted by Chuck Norris on 05.09.06 1:01 am
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet when he takes a piss.
Posted by Stacie on 05.14.06 11:28 pm
Please do not the same jokes multiple times.
~Site Manager
Posted by Billy Jhon on 06.04.06 10:23 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t kill two birds with one stone,
he kills ALL birds with two stones. The ones in his pants.
Posted by Puff'n'Fresh on 06.18.06 12:18 am
jesus walks on water, but chuck norris can swim through land
Posted by poopa on 06.23.06 10:10 pm
If chuck norris were to round house kick the devil in the face he would shit out chuck noriss……possible? yes…..y? Because its chuck noriss
Posted by Bayou on 07.14.06 9:59 pm
Chuck Norris does not get the sensation… The Peppermint Patty does.
Posted by jewb on 07.26.06 10:15 pm
Chuck Norris was walking down the street when he saw superman getting shot and laughing about it. So he went up to superman and roundhouse kicked him in the head and said, “No one imitates CHUCK NORRIS!”
Posted by Kow + Asian on 08.21.06 2:51 am
Chuck Norris is the real inventor of myspace. He then proceeded to roundhouse kick Tom in the face.
Chuck Norris is your Dad….AND…your mom.
Chuck Norris doesn’t use a plunger, he just roundhouse kicks the toliet till the water goes down.
Posted by Digable dialogue on 08.23.06 11:39 pm
Chuck Norris lives in the center of the Bermuda triangle. The friction of his beard creates an electromagnetic field so strong, it sinks war grade battleships, which he then eats for sustenance.
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Posted by Chuck Norris = Flaming Homo on 09.02.06 5:33 pm
Chuck norris can eat only one lays potato chip
Posted by Joint Discussion on 09.07.06 5:22 pm
Chuck Norris round house kicked Krypton.
Posted by rasberry on 09.22.06 10:56 pm
the venom from 1 kick of the roundhouse kick from chuck norris is enough to kill a baby kitten, doesent sound like much i know, but thats y he kicks you, 490 times
chuck norris does not bleed his own blood
chuck norris can breathe underwater
chucj norris prank calls his self , and gets pissed about it
Posted by killamose on 10.12.06 5:18 pm
Chuck Norris has called for help only once. it was just a trick to call for superman so he could roundehouse kick him in the face
Scientists belives that earthquackes are earth plates moving. That’s not true. it’s just Chuck Norris giving the devil a roundhouse kick in the face
Chuck Norris is curently suing NASA claiming that the Big Bang is the name of his right leg
God spent sewen days creating earth. Chuck Norris spends 7 seconds destroing it
Chuck Norris didn’t build his house by him self… he just roundhouse kicked his neigbours treas in the face and the house build it sell’f
day and night is not coused by gravity.. its just the universe adjusting to Chuck norris’s slepping habits
stars dont die.. they just desapear when Chuck Norris is in a bad mod
Posted by billie joe jimmy sam man on 11.24.06 10:38 pm
Chuck Norris has the best poker face he once won the 1976 world poker tour. with an ace of spades, a green 7 uno card, a monopoly get out of jail free card, the B&O Railroad card, and a dime.
Posted by Nameless on 12.06.06 4:40 am
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^—and if they didnt let him win then he would round house kick them in the back of the head hahaha
Posted by Chuck Norris on 12.14.06 11:24 pm
U FOOLS/YOU ALL SAY THE SAME JOKES OVER AND OVER AGAIN/IF YOUR GONA LEAVE A JOKE READ ALL OF THEM FIRST/And all these jokes are foolish i am the beginning and the end/i am Chuck Norris
Posted by heywood jablowme on 01.27.07 12:10 am
if you think Chuck Norris jokes are gay well then you should all die….Chuck Norris is god
Posted by chemchale on 02.03.07 8:40 am
the tsunami was’nt caused by an earthquake. Chuck Norris took a dump in the ocean.
Posted by coca cola on 02.03.07 9:24 pm
jesus walked on water…
…chuck norris walked on jesus.
chuck norris once skulled a gallon of milk in 47 seconds. JUST to prove he could.
Posted by ~!kelsey!~ on 02.25.07 12:21 am
chuck norris knows how to get to seasame sreet!
Posted by Just joshing on 02.25.07 12:29 am
michael jackson didn’t dye his skin chuck norris round house kicked the black out of him
Posted by michael on 03.31.07 5:34 am
Supermanowns a pair of Chuck norris pyjamas
Posted by Lols on 04.05.07 4:40 am
How much Norris could a wood-Chuck Norris, if a wood-Chuck could Chuck Norris?
Posted by Mr Man on 04.20.07 2:08 pm
Everytime an Emo Kid Cries chuck Norris comes down and RoundHouse kicks him in the face
Stevie wonder is always smiling because he dosent know hes black
Posted by bikobok on 05.09.07 1:08 pm
chuck noris is a dildo
Posted by Cid on 05.13.07 5:26 pm
A glance from chuck norris causes third degree burns.
Posted by scott o on 06.15.07 11:13 am
chuck norris got disqualified from the indy 500 for not using a car.
Posted by kargas on 06.25.07 4:06 am
chuck norris went to moon
Posted by Dr.Feelgood on 08.04.07 6:47 am
Chuck Norris can divide with zero
Posted by real. on 10.29.07 4:12 pm
chuck norris hates you.