Duckshit

Funny Jokes and Dirty Jokes

Chuck Norris Jokes III

Posted on 12.25.05 5:49PM under Chuck Norris Jokes, Funny Stuff

Chuck Norris isn’t lactose intolerant. He just doesn’t put up with lactose’s shit.

Chuck Norris doesnâ€™t eat. Rather he kicks ass until heâ€™s full.

Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once threated to sue Burger King because they refused to make it his way. When asked what â€œhis wayâ€ detailed, he replied: â€œwith barbed wire and nails, of courseâ€. He then roundhouse kicked the reporter for even asking.

Chuck Norris never â€œgets laidâ€, rather: â€œlaid gets Chuckâ€.

Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris

Playgirl magazine once asked Chuck Norris to appear naked in an issue, Chuck laughed at the opporunity saying â€œthere isnâ€™t enough paper in the world to contain my bearded memberâ€. He then killed the editors simply by unzipping his pants.

Helen Kellerâ€™s favorite color is Chuck Norris

Mr. T wanted a shorter name. But it was taken.

Read Comments

Posted by Bostankles on 12.26.05 12:21 am

In the back of the Guinness Book of World Records it states “All records are currently held by Chuck Norris, and the records listed in this book are only the records of those people who have come closest to Chuck Norris’s records.”
Posted by Master T on 12.29.05 11:54 pm

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris
Posted by MAD on 01.02.06 4:00 am

All Chuck Norris movies are based on fact. When they went back and filmed them, they had to dope him with enough traquilizers to kill a herd of elephants so he would move slow enough for the cameras to capture his moves.
Posted by dubbs on 01.21.06 8:49 pm

One time someone told Chuck Norris don’t you wish you were black, he flew to Africa crawled up a black womans vagina, came out and roundhouse kicked her in the face.
Posted by Rathex on 01.24.06 12:47 pm

While walking through New York City a crack head asked Chuck Norris for a light. Chuck Norris round house kicked him in the face, smoked 5 rocks of crack, and clamly walked away. Reminding us all once again, that “Crack dosen’t kill, CHUCK kills”.
Posted by Rathex on 01.24.06 12:51 pm

While on the set of Walker: Texas Ranger, the producer asked Chuck Norris for a cigarette. Chuck roundhouse kicked him so hard his mom died, reminding us all that, second hand smoke isn’t as bad as second hand CHUCK.
Posted by Slangdinger on 01.26.06 10:37 pm

Chuck Norris never really had to work out to get his chiseled physique
He simply gave a grim look at his mirror until he became what we know now to be Chuck Norris. Mr Norris was 7 when this occurred. Yes, at age 7, it is most safe to still refer to him as MR. Norris.
Posted by Slangdinger on 01.26.06 10:41 pm

Chuck Norris coached his own birth.
Posted by Slangdinger on 01.26.06 10:48 pm

When asked if he had ever experimented with extacy, chuck norris replied “im not that flexible”
Posted by ironman on 01.27.06 11:20 am

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did.
Posted by johnton! on 01.27.06 9:35 pm

96% of all women lose their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 4% are fat
Posted by Mysteriousjoe on 01.27.06 9:43 pm

god didnt make chuck norris, chuck norris mad god.
Posted by joe on 01.29.06 12:15 am

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull
Posted by Thomas Kelly on 01.29.06 9:36 am

Chuck Norris once made the deadliest computer virus known to cyberspace. He called it Windows.
Posted by FRANK on 01.29.06 11:22 pm

Chuck Norris is so fast, the earth moves around him.

The computer was invented because Chuck Norris needed something to have coversations with.

Chuck Norris eats glass and then poops out sand castles.
Posted by Anthony on 02.02.06 6:00 am

if you ever see chuck norris having sex with a man its because he ran out of women
Posted by ass on 02.05.06 7:31 pm

good one anthony, never seen that one before….
Posted by ass on 02.05.06 7:48 pm

God pressed L1,L1,R1,R2,square,triangle,X at the title screen and got chuck norris
Posted by cool on 02.06.06 11:32 pm

jesus can walk on water but chuck walks on jesus
Posted by cool on 02.06.06 11:34 pm

chuck norris never gets cold. Cold get chuck norris
Posted by Kyle on 02.09.06 6:48 pm

Chuck Norris can divide by 0
Posted by Blaec on 02.11.06 6:15 pm

Chuck Norris uuh.. uuhhhhh.. oooooohoohooo yueeeea
Posted by ping on 02.11.06 8:51 pm

Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice
Posted by Amos on 02.11.06 9:05 pm

Chuck Norris knows the exact value of pi.

When Chuck Norris was born, his parents wanted to name him Charles. He told them “my name is Chuck” and roundhouse kicked them both in the face.

Chuck Norris expects people to savor the odor of his gas.

John Wilkes Boothe killed Abraham Lincoln, but Chuck Norris killed John Wilkes Boothe.
Posted by thedude on 02.12.06 6:23 pm

Chuck norris is the reason waldo is hiding
Posted by Kieran Naked on 02.12.06 7:07 pm

Chuck Norris Is Black
Posted by Matt on 02.12.06 9:29 pm

Chuck Norris’s wife once tried to shave his beard while he was sleeping….the razor broke
Posted by Josh on 02.12.06 9:32 pm

if you rearrange the letters CHUCH NORRIS…it spells “Death”
Posted by Matt on 02.12.06 9:36 pm

A bird tried to lay eggs in chuck norris’s beard, it died
Posted by Kyla on 02.12.06 10:13 pm

Wow..must admit I’ve never pissed my pants so much in my entire life reading these. Truely amazing. My life is complete.
Posted by J-talkie on 02.12.06 10:30 pm

Chuck Norris eats transformers in vehicle form and craps them out in robot form.
Posted by jd on 02.12.06 11:54 pm

Chuch Norris fell and the earth broke
Posted by the reaper on 02.13.06 2:00 am

chuck norris was born feet first so he could round house the doctor in the face because no one delivers chuck norris but chuck norris
Posted by JoelKGmanpersonhuman on 02.13.06 4:43 am

Here are some Chuck Norris Jokes i made up

Why is John Lennon Dead?
Because Chuck Norris did not want to give peace a chance

Chuck Norris once killed all nine lives of a cat with one roundhouse kick

In all schools in Vietnam there is a plaque stating ‘Do Not Forget Chuck Norris’

The Only reason Bruce Lee entered the Dragon was to hide from Chuck Norris
Posted by Coollio on 02.13.06 8:25 am

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
Posted by dirty dan on 02.13.06 12:58 pm

Chuck Norris doesnt mow his lawn, he stands on the grass and dares it to grow.
Posted by john69gane on 02.13.06 2:16 pm

Chuck Norris one saved 500 people from a building burning in 0.3 second, he later did roundhouse kick to kill them.
Posted by Ray Mata on 02.13.06 3:47 pm

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Posted by arty on 02.13.06 5:08 pm

ET once told chuck norris to “go home” so chuck roundhouse kicked him grabbed his arm and said if “im going home your finger is going to Uranas!!!”
Posted by thedude on 02.13.06 6:45 pm

Gene simmons claims to have slept with over 1,ooo women….chuck norris calls that a slow tuesday
Posted by joey k on 02.13.06 10:00 pm

Chuck Norris went to burger king and ordered a big mac and he got it
Posted by joey k on 02.13.06 10:16 pm

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.

Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

Chuck Norris doesn’t need to swallow when eating food.

If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.

Ironically, Chuck Norris’ hidden talent is invisibility.

One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father.
Posted by brownie on 02.13.06 11:12 pm

fact: chuck norse is one eighth indian, this hase nothing to do with his ethnic backround. the man ate a friken cherokee indian
Posted by finalblow on 02.14.06 12:02 am

chuck noris answerd is cell phone and the caller died

once, chuck noris atempted to jump accross the atlantic ocean, he made it half way before he started to desend, then spoted a an airplane and roundhouse kicked it and used his momentum to go the rest of the way
Posted by JoelKGmanpersonhuman on 02.14.06 12:03 am

Peanut Butter is alergic to Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in God, but God believes in Chuck Norris

Jesus wears a wristband that says ‘What Would Chuck Norris Do’
Posted by Carbonuts on 02.14.06 12:25 am

Chuck Norris does’nt teabag his ladies, he potatoe sacks them
Posted by Lei06 on 02.14.06 1:26 am

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light… not because he’s afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris….
Posted by marky b on 02.14.06 2:39 am

chuck norris once roundhouse kicked his wife in the face because she said he was too TUFF.
Posted by John Rock on 02.14.06 5:23 am

Chuck Norris once sneezed and parted the Red Sea, saving the Hebrew race.
Posted by wizgamer on 02.14.06 5:57 pm

Chuck Norris was here when the dinosaurs walked the earth. He used to eat T-Rexs for dinner and shit pterodactyls. Once he got sick of dinosaurs he round-house kicked a floating asteroid in space which hit earth and killed everything on it, except Chuck Norris who was riding the asteroid.
Posted by wizgamer on 02.14.06 6:02 pm

The great flood was cause by Chuck Norris having to go pee. A man named Noah stopped him by giving him a herb that would halt his piss for the next 5000 years. Chuck Norris then shitted out a huge boat for Noah to be saved in. Beware the next time Chuck Norris takes a piss.
Posted by wizgamer on 02.14.06 6:05 pm

When Chuck Norris was born, he had zits. He round-housed kicked them off. We know them today as mountains.
Posted by Courtney J on 02.14.06 9:06 pm

Chuck Norris doesn’t check his closet for the boogeman
The boogeman checks his closet for Chuck Norris
Posted by titty caca on 02.14.06 11:51 pm

Chuck Norris once played a game of russian roulette with a 9 mm and won.

Chuck Norris’s roundhouse kick is so powerful, it kicked the black out of michael jackson.

The world does not spin due to gravity, Chuck Norris simply moves his feet to revolve it.

One day, when roundhouse kicking a woman in the face, his weiner became lodged in her mouth. inventing the blowjob.

Adam and Eve were created from the Chuck Norris’s extra rib

Chuck Norris’s wife once asked “how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?”, chuck then yelled “never rhyme in the presence of chuck!” then proceeded to roundhouse kick her in the face, then said “do not fuck with chuck”. 2 years and 5 months later, he realised the irony of the situation and brough her back to life.
Posted by jay taylor on 02.15.06 2:24 am

When Chuck Norris was in college, he was taking a neurobiology midterm when a proctor accused him of cheating. Chuck Norris planted a roundhouse kick to the proctor’s head, then opened his skull to find the answer to question #17, which had been stumping him. Chuck Norris understands that he is a partner in his education.
Posted by danny on 02.15.06 7:43 am

chuck norris found sadam
Posted by Matthew on 02.15.06 11:11 am

After the Doctor delivered Chuck Norris He slapped Chuck Norris on the Butt. While he realized that Chuck was already breathing he did it merely for posterity. Japan was the only other group of people who made a worst mistake!
Posted by Matthew on 02.15.06 11:11 am

After the Doctor delivered Chuck Norris He slapped Chuck Norris on the Butt. While he realized that Chuck was already breathing he did it merely for posterity. Japan was the only other group of people who made a worst mistake!
Posted by Jay gaylor on 02.15.06 3:07 pm

Wow, Jay…you can’t spell doctor, and your joke really sucked…some of these jokes are absolutely terrible and aren’t worthy of Chuck Norris.
Posted by joey and cody on 02.15.06 5:47 pm

once when chuck norris was having sex with a woman “doggie style” he was half way through and faked himself gizzing in the girl , the nwhen she went to turn to him he round housed kicked her in the face and gizzed in fer face , then shaved his pubes and put them on her face so that she looked like abraham lincloln.
Posted by joey Schmidt and cody Overton on 02.15.06 5:59 pm

When newscasters asked Chuck Norris why must he Ropundhouse kick every thig he replied no comet then continusly roundhouse kicked then in the face till they died. Then brought them Back to life to say DONT FUCK WITH CHUCK!!! THIS IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN A REAL CASE SENARIO
Posted by Eddie on 02.15.06 9:52 pm

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light, not because chuck is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Posted by Jar on 02.15.06 10:45 pm

Chuck Norris invented walking with one foot in front of the other.
Posted by wilson on 02.16.06 6:57 am

contrary to popular belief the dinosaurs were not killed by a meteor, chuck norris roundhouse kicked them one by one
Posted by tim on 02.16.06 8:16 am

chuck norris was born Mr. norris no one shall challenge this or they will be roundhouse kicked
Posted by Yo` Mama on 02.16.06 1:20 pm

If Chuck Norris fought God who would win? Answer: God, because Chuck Norris is GOD!!!
Posted by KaTooMer on 02.16.06 3:49 pm

When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, “Don’t worry about it honey, ” and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.”
Posted by Kon Artist on 02.16.06 6:06 pm

Chuck Norris’s Action figure has had sex more than anyone on the planet, except Chuck Norris
Posted by Kon Artist on 02.16.06 6:09 pm

Chuck Norris invented tits
Posted by Kon Artist on 02.16.06 6:11 pm

Chuck Norris’s beard can deflect lazers, he invented the lightsaber so people could deflect it back
Posted by Kon Artist on 02.16.06 6:12 pm

Chuck Norris invented surprise
Posted by Kon Artist on 02.16.06 6:15 pm

Chuck Norris dosn’t know about this website if he did he would have deleted the internet
Posted by Kon Artist on 02.16.06 6:16 pm

Chuck Norris invented inventions
Posted by the it on 02.16.06 8:07 pm

Chuck norris joins kratie class just to acadintaly kick the kids ass
Posted by the it on 02.16.06 8:08 pm

you dont punch Chuck norris chuk norris head bunts you fist
Posted by the it on 02.16.06 8:11 pm

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them. To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, ’tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish’d. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: aye, there’s the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there’s the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor’s wrong, the proud man’s contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law’s delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover’d country from whose bourn
No traveler returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action.
Posted by the it on 02.16.06 8:15 pm

chuck said to William Shakespeare it is now yours and shakespeare said it was bad and chuck roundhouse kick shakespeare shit out hamlet
Posted by the it on 02.16.06 9:12 pm

cuck noris doesnt churn butter he simply round house kicks a cow and butter comes out
Posted by the it on 02.16.06 9:18 pm

chuck noris has been dead for 100 years but the grim reaper is to afraid to tell him
Posted by the it on 02.16.06 9:22 pm

god said let there be light and chuck norris said “say please”
Posted by the it on 02.16.06 9:28 pm

chuck norris died 10 years ago but the grim reaper is to afraid to tell him
Posted by Marc on 02.16.06 11:24 pm

Chuck Norris doesn’t use condoms. He uses a live rattlesnake.
Posted by winged feet on 02.16.06 11:45 pm

chuck norris jokes are so potent they not only come with a punch line but a roundhouse kick

Chuck norris can believe its not butter

Chuck norris took his shirt off one time and people thought they had seen bigfoot, good thing his pants werent dropped people would then say they had seen the lockness monster

Chuck Norris died 10 years ago, the grim reaper just hasnt had the guts 2 tell him
Posted by JoelKGmanpersonhuman on 02.17.06 3:49 am

Why is George W. Bush President?
Because Chuck Norris didn’t run for President
Posted by Frankie on 02.17.06 11:02 am

Chuck Norris delivers roundhouse kicks to animals, killing them for fun……and for practise
Posted by lenny on 02.17.06 11:39 am

Once Chuck Norris was watching television, he soon became disturbed by one of those trix commercials. He then, on what was supposed to be his day of relaxation, went out and roundhouse kicked every little kid he saw commenting, “TRIX ARE FOR CHUCK NORRIS!”
Posted by lenny on 02.17.06 11:47 am

Chuck Norris doesn’t dodge bullets, bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there, then the grass is soaked in blood and tears.

If at first you don’t succeed, you’re obviously not Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was the first one to Mars, that’s why there’s no signs of life.

On Neil Armstrong’s second step on the moon he encountered a letter stating “Chuck Norris was here.”

Einstein has actually proven that Chuck Norris could have roundhouse kicked you yesterday.

Chuck Norris isn’t hung like a horse, a horse is hung like Chuck Norris.

In the movie, The Lord of the Rings, Chuck Norris was supposed to be the main character rather than Frodo, it’s just that Chuck Norris ended up roundhouse kicking Soraun’s ass all the way through the first chapter.

A pirate once kicked Chuck Norris’s ass, not really. This is just a lie made up by Chuck Norris only to attract more pirates because they’re so stupid.

Chuck Norris invented the spoon only to the fact that killing somebody with a knife is too easy.

Chuck Norris can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.

Anybody can piss on the ground, but only Chuck Norris can crap on the ceiling.

Chuck Norris destroyed the Table of Elements only because Chuck Norris only believes in the element of surprise.
Posted by Nick on 02.17.06 1:24 pm

Chuck norris once roundhoused kicked a midget, he burst into 25 gold coins
Posted by Cheney's got a gun on 02.17.06 2:41 pm

No WMD’s were found in Iraq, only because Chuck Norris has never been to Iraq.
Posted by Kevin on 02.17.06 4:07 pm

Chuck Norris is so great, he can win in Connect Four with 3 moves.
Posted by German Dannyboy on 02.17.06 7:19 pm

OMG THAT WAS SO FRIGGIN FUNNY!!!!!!! man i love these things, and here is one that wasnt on the list: one time on the set of Walker: Texas ranger, a baby lamb died, chuck norris then proceeded to bring the lamb back to life with a severe beard rub. Once the lamb was alive, chuck roundhouse kicked it in the face, breaking its neck and slaying it. Then chuck remindedthe crowd that Chuck giveth, and the good chuck taketh away. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Posted by shitacular on 02.17.06 7:52 pm

chuck norris banged me, i died
Posted by Jerry on 02.17.06 7:52 pm

When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck.
Posted by a_roo on 02.17.06 8:40 pm

chuck norris destroyed the periodic table of elements because the only element chuck norris recognizes is the element of surprise.
Posted by cool ass on 02.17.06 11:19 pm

chuck norris can mathematically prove that two wrongs do make a right!
Posted by Buckshot on 02.18.06 12:51 am

Instead of calling him the one they were gonna call him the Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris round house kicked Wachowski into brothers because Neo was too weak from there on they called him the one and Chuck Norris the one and a half.
Posted by toby on 02.18.06 3:52 pm

chuck norris craps gold
Posted by doom day on 02.18.06 4:11 pm

god rested on the 7th day and chuck norris took over
Posted by Poptart on 02.18.06 4:51 pm

Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop.
Posted by A-Tizzle on 02.18.06 4:53 pm

Chuck Norris was the fourth wiseman. Chuck brought Jesus the gift of “beard” Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favortism, used their combined influences to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. All three later died from roundhouse kick related deaths.
Posted by Poptart on 02.18.06 4:58 pm

When you ask Chuck Norris a knock knock joke, he already knows who’s there.
Posted by rezma on 02.18.06 5:10 pm

the big bang was actually triggered when chuck norris round house kicked the nothingness that was there before
Posted by eric on 02.18.06 8:44 pm

chuck noris only kills men with his roundhouse kicks. For women he rapes them. They dont die quickly but choke on his penis wich extends all the way to there asophogous and out there mouth.
Posted by eric on 02.18.06 8:45 pm

chuck noriss doesnt tea bagg women he potato sacks them
Posted by eric on 02.18.06 9:01 pm

Some people dont believe chuck noriss is god. its to bad they couldnt stick around to tell us. Chuck noriss Roundhouse kicked there ass into next week.
Posted by eric on 02.18.06 9:04 pm

someone once said that the round house kick wasnt the most effective way of killing. Historians have marked this event as the biggest mistake of man kind
Posted by eric on 02.18.06 9:09 pm

chuck noriss was sitting at home watching tv when an odd comercial came on. It was a trix cereal comercial saying trix are for kids. Chuck noriss was pissed. He went around america roundhouseing young childrens ass saying ” trix are for chuck noriss. “
Posted by Andrew Hokanson on 02.18.06 10:53 pm

Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris

Who know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Chuck norris

What in Chuck Noris’s Furniture called? Bowflex
Posted by Cody on 02.19.06 1:19 am

Chuck Norris sin’t white, white is Chuck Norris
Posted by Shorty1020 on 02.19.06 3:58 am

If you spell “Chuck Norris” in scrabble, you win… forever
Posted by Chuck Norris on 02.19.06 6:01 am

I am going to fuck you all up you lame bastards!
Posted by toby on 02.19.06 11:29 am

chuck norris uses trees as pencils
Posted by toby on 02.19.06 11:31 am

chuck norris doesnt go in shark cages, sharks go in chuck norris cages
Posted by Poptart on 02.19.06 3:17 pm

Chuck Norris does not take showers, he just takes blood baths
Posted by sexa buna on 02.19.06 4:16 pm

chuck norris has been dead 100 years but never sent away cuz the grim reaper is to afraid to tell chuck norris
Posted by sexa moma on 02.19.06 4:17 pm

chuck norris invented inventions
Posted by Piperofdoom on 02.19.06 4:49 pm

Chuck norris invented the cesearian section by roundhouse kicking his way out of his mother.

Chuck norris is so cool, you can store a side of beef on him for six years.

Chuck norris is so hip, you can’t see past his pelvic bone.

the titanic did’nt hit an iceberg, it got roundhouse kicked by chuck norris.

Chuck norris knows the sound of one hand clapping. He can show you, then will kick you for questioning him.

The gold rush was people running away from chuck norris.

The irish potatoe famine was caused by chuck norris yelling at the ground.

the fire of london was chuck norris’s fart.

The great wall of china was built to stop chuck norris. He then proceeded to round house kick all of them.

The cold war was won by USA because we have chuck norris.

There is no atomic bomb, only chuck norris.

Chuck norris uses redwoods for tooth picks.

Chuck norris uses florida to show people the size of his wang. Seeing it for real would blow your mind.

Chuck norris once roundhouse kicked earth and created australia.

Chuck norris invented words.

george washington wanted to name the country chuck norris, but it was already taken.

the sun sets from fear of chuck norris.

why is space curved? Because chuck norris roundhouse kicked it.

Why can’t we find Bin Laden?

Chuck norris got there first.

Chuck Norris invented roundhouse kicks. He then killed the man how invented pain.
Posted by Nick on 02.19.06 5:15 pm

Mercy cares about people, but Chuck Norris can kick mercy’s ass
Posted by tim on 02.19.06 8:45 pm

Franklin D. Roosevelt once said “There is nothing to fear but fear itself………and Chuck Norris”
Posted by Alex Trebecks mom on 02.19.06 10:21 pm

trix are for chuck norris
Posted by Nate Hewa on 02.19.06 10:57 pm

Every Night Before The Boogey Man Goes To Bed He Checks The Closet For Chuck Norris
Posted by jackson Magee on 02.20.06 1:28 am

chuck norris once got an x box for christmas, he round house kicked and it turned into an x box 360

chuck norris once won a grammy for best round house kicks

although chuck norris doesn’t sing, hes on was mtv
Posted by Joel Walters on 02.20.06 1:57 am

Chuck Norris gave birth to jesus then roundhouse kicked god in the face.
Posted by Joel Walters on 02.20.06 1:59 am

Whats the difference between a dead babie and apple pie?
Chuck Norris doesn’t eat the apple pie after he has sex with it.
Posted by Joel Walters on 02.20.06 2:00 am

How many dead babies does it take to paint a house?
One, if Chuck Norris throws it.
Posted by Joel Walters on 02.20.06 2:03 am

What’s Chuck Norris’ favorite resturant?
The abortion clinic.
Posted by Joel Walters on 02.20.06 2:05 am

Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Camaro?
Chuck Norris dosen’t have a Camaro in his garage.
Posted by Joel Walters on 02.20.06 2:07 am

Why did the navy gather around my babies grave on memorial day?
because Chuck Norris left 10,000 dead seamen in it’s ass.
Posted by Joel Walters on 02.20.06 2:12 am

Why do black people have nightmares?
because Chuck Norris Curb-Stomped the only coon with a dream.
Posted by Joel Walters on 02.20.06 2:23 am

Chuck Norris controlled the world for over five hundred years he then dismembered himself and turned his penis into Steven Segal.
Posted by Joel Walters on 02.20.06 2:26 am

The titanic didnt sink because of an iceburg, Chuck norris jumped from Texas and roundhouse kicked it to the bottom of the ocean in single movement.
Posted by maciek on 02.20.06 11:56 am

chuck noric can leave tommorow and come back yesterday
Posted by Me. on 02.20.06 2:58 pm

A handicapped sign does not mean it is a parking space for a handicapped person. The sign means the space belongs to Chuck Norris and if you park in it you will be handicapped.
Posted by jimmy on 02.20.06 7:54 pm

what was first the chiken or the egg ? ask
chuck norris
Posted by I Say on 02.20.06 7:55 pm

Chuck Norris doesn’t cut his grass, he dares it to grow.
Posted by CODY on 02.20.06 9:10 pm

on august 6th 1945, america dropped the atomic bomb on japan, ending ww2 , this was a risky move by america , when asked about it the president said we could of done that or send chuck norris in ….. we did this because it was more humane
Posted by jp on 02.21.06 1:25 pm

Chuck once gang raped a girl…by himself!
Posted by jp on 02.21.06 1:30 pm

Joel Walters likes men, unlike chuck norris who embodies men.
Posted by Chicken Boy on 02.21.06 1:44 pm

Chuck Noris killed a reindeer and sprinkilled its remains from space, we know this as rain.

Chuck Norris made up the come back, “your Mother!”.
Posted by Poptart on 02.21.06 1:47 pm

Chuck Norris lost his virginity twice.
Posted by Poptart on 02.21.06 1:52 pm

Chuck Norris took the cookie from the cookie jar.

Chuck Norris gave the ginger bread man a head start and still caught him.
Posted by Matt on 02.21.06 3:58 pm

Chuck Norris sleeps with a Nightlight. Not because he is afraid of the dark, But because the Dark Is afraid of Chuck Norris
Posted by Matt on 02.21.06 4:01 pm

According to einstien’s theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can kick you yesterday
Posted by Matt on 02.21.06 4:03 pm

Chuck Norris is the Real Reasaon Waldo is Hiding.
Posted by Matt on 02.21.06 4:04 pm

Chuck Norris Has Never Blinked. NEVER
Posted by Matt on 02.21.06 4:07 pm

Chuck Norris Doesn’t Read Books, He Just Stares Them Down Until He Gets The Information He Wants.
Posted by BUBBA GUMP on 02.21.06 4:35 pm

if a tree falls in the woods dose it make a sound yes but the only one who can here it is chuck norris
Posted by BUBBA GUMP on 02.21.06 4:40 pm

benjeriman franklin only descovered electricity because chuck norris round house kiked his kite thus sending an elctric shock through his body killing him instantly. Chuck norris then took the name of benjiman franklin.
Posted by BUBBA GUMP on 02.21.06 4:43 pm

the only reason dick cheney shot his friend is because he shot at Chuck. his chissled abs reflected the bird shot hitting dick’s friend instead of dick
Posted by BUBBA GUMP on 02.21.06 4:46 pm

how did dale earnhartt die? chuck norris roundhouse kicked dale’s car hurdling it out of control sending it crashing into a wall
Posted by BUBBA GUMP on 02.21.06 4:52 pm

the only reason the Tango was invented is because Chuck Norris Kicked a latin man sending his body moving in a sexy yet appealing motion. Chuck Called them dance moves
Posted by BUBBA GUMP on 02.21.06 4:56 pm

the only reason the Tango was invented is because Chuck Norris roundhouse kickeda latin man. sending his body moving in a sexy yet appealling motion. Chuck called the dance moves
Posted by BUBBA GUMP on 02.21.06 5:15 pm

the only vegitarians are vegitarians is because they saw Chuck Norris’s penis they have been afraid of meat ever since
Posted by BUBBA GUMP on 02.21.06 5:19 pm

the reason Nattlie Haloway disappeared is beacause Chuck Norris invited her to a party. in the middle of the event she questioned the size of his penis. Chuck roundhouse kicked her so hard that her body was found of the coast of New Zeland. and was eaten by canibbals shortly after
Posted by BUBBA GUMP on 02.21.06 5:21 pm

Chuck Norris’s beard ate my dog
Posted by BUBBA GUMP on 02.21.06 5:23 pm

Chuck Norris farts fire
Posted by BUBBA GUMP on 02.21.06 5:26 pm

the only reason vegitarians are vegiterians is because they saw chuck norrise’s penis they have been afraid of meat ever since!!!
Posted by BUBBA GUMP on 02.21.06 5:27 pm

Chuck Norris dosen’t have an orgaism an orgaism has Chuck Norris
Posted by Sean Connery on 02.21.06 6:58 pm

When paleotologists found the dinosaurs, they all had size 18 boot prints in their asses.
Posted by Sean Connery on 02.21.06 7:00 pm

Sean Connery was the original master cheif in halo. But halo’s makers wanted the fight between the humans and covenant to last three games, not one.
Posted by Sean Connery on 02.21.06 7:08 pm

Mr. T once tried to punch Sean Connery. Sean Connery then proceeded to pisto whip Mr. T into a thousand golden bullets. He now uses them in his Walther PPK to kill communists.
Posted by Sean Connery on 02.21.06 7:10 pm

Sean Connery does not eat food. He pistol whips it until it surrenders its nutrition to him.
Posted by Sean Connery on 02.21.06 7:12 pm

Sean Connery once had an STD. It eventually left him, and detonated in Hiroshima.
Posted by Sean Connery on 02.21.06 7:14 pm

When life gives Sean Connery lemons, he holds a gun to its head, and tells it to make him sone fuckin lemonade.
Posted by Sean Connery on 02.21.06 7:15 pm

If you’ve ever been assasinated in Halo, you know what fighting Sean Connery is like.
Posted by Sean Connery on 02.21.06 7:16 pm

Sean Connery does not catch colds- he captures them.
Posted by BUBBA GUMP on 02.21.06 9:25 pm

during WWII the U.S goverment sent Chuck Norris to Germany in order to assinate hitler. on arival to hitler’s secret hide out the nazis found out that Chuck was going to kill there leader. hitler shot himself to avoid being roundhouse kicked to the face
Posted by Suga Slim on 02.21.06 10:39 pm

The world was flat, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it
Posted by c izle on 02.21.06 10:55 pm

chuck norris doesnt read books, he simply stares the book down till he gets the information he wants
Posted by Under Dog on 02.21.06 11:34 pm

although Chuck Norris has had sex an infite amount of
times he has never had to loose his virginity

the english language requires that you must always
capatilize Chuck Norris’s name.TWICE.or suffer
the round house kick-related consequenses

the man who invented the gun originally wanted to use
bits of chuck norris’s beard instead of bullets, but
promtly resieved a round house kick to the face(from
ChuckNorris naturally)for even thinking about it.So he
had to settle for metal and gunpowder. this is actually
quite lucky, since it would have resulted in an
explosion so massive it would have reversed time itself
Posted by Joel Walters on 02.22.06 12:56 am

A white man, a mexican man, and a black man are living in a apartment, one day Chuck norris shows up with a bomb, and blows it up. Who survives and why? the white man cause he went to work.
Posted by Zachary Boneck on 02.22.06 3:13 am

During World War 2, Hitler claimed that his army would last for 1,000 years. He felt very silly when he realized that Chuck Norris wasnâ€™t German.

In church, a pastor was leading the house in prayer. He said, â€œGod, please protect your believers, and deliver us from sin.â€ Chuck Norris stood up and said, â€œWhat have you done for me lately?â€
Posted by niknak on 02.22.06 4:48 am

there are two types of people in this world, those who are in wheelchairs and those who hav not had sex with chuck norris
Posted by Fabio on 02.22.06 10:20 am

Chuck found a rabbit, and roundhouse kicked it in the head.
Posted by Sean Connery on 02.22.06 9:32 pm

Sean Connery makes a mountain out of a mole hill- he then scales the mountain with his bare hands, kills whoever he finds at the top, and then detonates a ten megaton bomb as he hanglides away.
Posted by Sean Connery on 02.22.06 10:17 pm

Sean Connery does not sleep. He waits.
Posted by Sean Connery on 02.22.06 10:23 pm

23,000. That is the number of people Sean Connery has pistol whipped in the time it took you to read the first three words of this sentence.
Posted by Sean Connery on 02.22.06 10:34 pm

Sean Connery is allergic to doors. That is why he uses C4 to blow through them rather than open them.
Posted by Will Brosseau on 02.23.06 1:33 am

Why is the bermuda triangle the bermuda triangle? Because it was the bermuda square until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked one of the corners off of it.
Posted by noeldub on 02.23.06 6:20 am

chuck norris doesn’t do push ups, he pushes the earth down
Posted by Schmookie on 02.23.06 2:04 pm

Chuck Norris and Sean Connery once had a fight, on such a level that tens of thousands of people were harmed. We will forever mourn the cover story of concentration camps.
Posted by bryce on 02.23.06 2:28 pm

Chuck norris is the reason we cant find any life in space
Posted by bryce on 02.23.06 2:29 pm

when people opened pandoras box they only found a note that said chuck was here and he’ll find u and kill u n 7 days
Posted by bryce on 02.23.06 2:31 pm

even chuck norris has nightmares about chuck norris
Posted by milk dud on 02.23.06 4:53 pm

CHUCK NORRIS is the only one that knows why they called it the Black Death. Its the color of his boot.
Posted by fatass on 02.23.06 5:04 pm

Chuck Norris dosn’t use mirrors because once he looks at his reflection, the mirror melts in fear.
Posted by ANUBIS on 02.23.06 5:24 pm

There is a fundemental order to the universe: time, space, and chuck norris…. just kidding, Chuck Norris is first
Posted by ANUBIS on 02.23.06 5:27 pm

Chuck Norris’s tears can cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried… and never will.
Posted by ANUBIS on 02.23.06 5:29 pm

Chuck Norris once smoked 12 cartons of cigarettes a day for two years and came down with seven types of cancer. After flexing his muscles for a period of thirty second, he was cured of all seven…. beat that Lance Armstrong
Posted by ANUBIS on 02.23.06 5:32 pm

when asked the time, Chuck Norris will always say,”two seconds till”
immediately following your question of ,”two seconds till what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Posted by Sean Connery on 02.23.06 8:01 pm

If you ask Sean Connery the time, he will check his watch, and say “time to die,” as he burns your eyes out with a photophorescent laser.
Posted by Sean Connery on 02.23.06 8:06 pm

Sean Connery was once cut by a ninja assasins blade. Upon his skin opening, a third arm flew out to pistol whip the assasin to death. If asked about this, Sean Connery will not remember though, because this all happened while he was asleep.
Posted by Sean Connery on 02.23.06 8:09 pm

Sean Connery does not blink. Whoever looks him in the eye will imagine him blinking out of fear.
Posted by Brad on 02.23.06 8:13 pm

Why did President Trumen drop the first atomic bomb? Because he thought it would more humain than sending in Chuck Norris.
Posted by Sean Connery on 02.23.06 8:15 pm

There are only three horsemen of the apocolypse because Sean Connery is going to drive in his Aston Martin V12 Vanquish.
Posted by Sean Connery on 02.23.06 8:18 pm

Sean Connery’s hair isnt actually black, the sun is just afraid to shine on his head.
Posted by Sean Connery on 02.23.06 8:27 pm

Sean Connery let the dogs out. He then stared half of them back into their cage, and pistol whipped the others until they returned. He later shot all of the Baha Men with his Walther PPK for asking him so many damn times.
Posted by Chuck Norris on 02.23.06 9:08 pm

Chuck Norris does check in HE CHUCKS IN!!!!!!
Posted by JoelKGmanpersonhuman on 02.24.06 3:40 am

Chuck Norris has won every single Military Medal except for the Purple Heart, because he has never been injured
Posted by Poptart on 02.24.06 10:21 am

Chuck Norris had AIDS. Twice.
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was trying to run away from Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris gets pulled over by the police, they don’t give Chuck Norris warnings, Chuck Norris gives the police warnings.
Posted by milk dud on 02.24.06 3:32 pm

Chuck Norris is the only one that knows why they call it the Black Death…
it’s the color of his boot.
Posted by Joe Crook on 02.24.06 3:56 pm

whats harder than a diamond? chuck norris’s roundhouse kick
Posted by dave on 02.24.06 11:08 pm

cloning was band because if their where 2 chuck noris’s and they would symotiniously roung house kicked each other in mid air it woulcause anothe big bang destroying the whole universe
Posted by thmac on 02.25.06 2:31 am

Chuck Norris can make a woman orgasim just by looking at her and he once had sex for 82 days straight and didn’t break a sweat.
Posted by Adam on 02.25.06 12:15 pm

I got halfway though these terrible Chuck Norris jokes & came to the conclusion that there’s no point in living anymore. I decided the quickest way to die would be inviting the ol’ Chuckmyester over for a couple of fatal roundhouse kicks.
Posted by brad on 02.25.06 7:44 pm

heres a funny chuck norris joke if god has the earth in his right hand who is in his left hand ; chuck norris
Posted by Drew Martin on 02.25.06 8:06 pm

Chuck Norris puts his pants on both legs at a time.

For years men have been searching for the Garden of Eden, little did they know it was in chuck norris’s pants.
Posted by Drew Martin on 02.25.06 8:11 pm

Aristotle – the great philosopher – was actually correct in thinking that all matter was reallly composed of small particles of Chuck Norris.

I asked the pope what he thought about chuck Norris, when he replied that there was no such thing he was immediatley smote down by a bolt of lightning that strangley resembled a foot and leg performing a fatal roundhouse kick.
Posted by Drew Martin on 02.25.06 8:15 pm

The wind from one of Chuck Norris’s Kicks destroyed New Orleans.
Posted by Drew Martin on 02.25.06 8:18 pm

Chuck Norris gave Osama Bin Laden crabs. Consequently this supplied al- quieda with crustacean based meals for over two years.
Posted by me baby on 02.25.06 8:41 pm

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends told him there was a stripper in it.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Santa Claus once told Chuck Norris to sit on his lap. There were no survivors.
Posted by rahmer81 on 02.25.06 10:53 pm

chuck norris caught all the pokemon, then ate them
Posted by vgj on 02.25.06 11:02 pm

these ones suck
Posted by Drew Martin on 02.26.06 10:36 pm

A recent tourist noted that dante aligheri was mistaken in his description of hell by leaving out the most terrifying final tenth circle. WHich in was in fact reserved for all those Chuck Norris Nay-Sayers to be roundhouse kicked for the rest of eternity.
Posted by Drew Martin on 02.26.06 10:37 pm

A recent tourist noted that dante aligheri was mistaken in his description of hell by leaving out the most terrifying final tenth circle. WHich in was in fact reserved for all those Chuck Norris Nay-Sayers to be roundhouse kicked for the rest of eternity
Posted by The Best on 02.26.06 10:39 pm

Chuck Norris shot Bambi’s mom.
Chuck Norris is the 7 world wonders.
Posted by Drew Martin on 02.26.06 10:40 pm

Chuck Norris Built Stonehenge.
Posted by Drew Martin on 02.26.06 10:47 pm

Chuck Norris Killed Crime Mob for changing the title of his song, “Knuck if u Chuck”.
Posted by Drew Martin on 02.26.06 10:47 pm

Chuck Norris Killed Crime Mob for changing the title of his song, “Knuck if u chuck”
Posted by Drew Martin on 02.26.06 10:54 pm

Chuck Norris melts at 9847′ C.
Posted by Drew Martin on 02.26.06 10:59 pm

I fear i will not last much longer, my spirit borken and cannot be mended. For my love has left me- I a mere shadow of my former comedic genius. Whats the point of life without Chuck, nothing because chuck and life are synomous. With that i can only hope he will relieve me of this horrid existence, and i quote ” the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck taketh away”.
Posted by machal on 02.26.06 11:20 pm

chuck norris once skated and killed the world!
Posted by machal on 02.26.06 11:22 pm

chuck norris skated on a pop can!
Posted by machal on 02.26.06 11:47 pm

chuck norris doesnt breathe air, air breathes chuck norris!
Posted by machal on 02.26.06 11:48 pm

chuck norris ate a zebra
Posted by machal on 02.26.06 11:49 pm

chuck norris ate germany and became hitler
hehe
Posted by machal on 02.26.06 11:51 pm

chuck norris roundhouse kicked my big toe,killed it, and became it
Posted by machal on 02.26.06 11:52 pm

chuck norris is 98% nigger,he ate a 300 pounder in jail!
Posted by machal on 02.26.06 11:53 pm

chuck norris is 98% nigger,he ate a 300 pounder in jail! from seth
Posted by machal on 02.26.06 11:54 pm

chuck norris ate a tech deck and pooped it out as a a transformer!
Posted by machal on 02.26.06 11:54 pm

chuck norris ate a tech deck and pooped it out as a car!
Posted by machal on 02.26.06 11:55 pm

chuck norris is a penny
Posted by machal on 02.26.06 11:56 pm

what is the difference between chuck norris’s pussy and a bowling ball?

he could eat the bowling ball if he had to!

and he would eat seths mom out
Posted by machal on 02.26.06 11:58 pm

chuck norris is snoopy
Posted by machal on 02.26.06 11:59 pm

i wont tell if chuck norris sucks but he sure blows
Posted by machal on 02.27.06 12:00 am

chuck norris is gigdcisdgrusegyuckvskevuksfvuservyu b which means porn
Posted by machal on 02.27.06 1:26 pm

chuck norris drank mountain dew
Posted by machal on 02.27.06 1:28 pm

chuck norris’s girlfriend once asked him if he wanted to have a child he said how dare u want another me and stabbed her with his beard.
Posted by pink pounder on 02.27.06 4:01 pm

CHuck Norris invented the money shot, but his involves roundhouse kicking the girl in the face, then shooting nails out of his penis at the speed of light in her dead bodies eye. We have modified it for the safety of women kind.
Posted by pink pounder on 02.27.06 4:03 pm

Freddy Crougar dies of roundhouse kicks from Chuck Norris in his dreams.
Posted by Drew Martin on 02.27.06 4:32 pm

machal you are a disgrace to THE Chuck Norris, i have never known Chuck to show Mercy, but if he does upon your poor twisted soul- you would be lucky to get away with your life and your virgin anus ( if its still a virgin). Fuck you
Posted by rick calarco on 02.27.06 5:08 pm

chuck norris dosent cut grass he just stares at it and dares it to grow
Posted by i like pie on 02.28.06 3:14 am

chuck norris framed roger rabbit

if chuck norris ate nails and wood for breakfast he would shit bird houses

chuck norris kicked mini me in haff and now there is two mini mini mes
Posted by JoelKGman on 02.28.06 4:00 am

Chuck Norris took the word gullible out of the dictionary
Posted by JoelKGman on 02.28.06 4:05 am

Chuck Norris invented the speed of light so as to limit how fast anyone could pssoibly go compared to him
Posted by W Bros on 02.28.06 11:09 pm

Chuck Norris doesnt hide behind bunkers… Bunkers hide behind Chuck Norris.
Posted by FORREST on 02.28.06 11:11 pm

When Chuck Norris does division there are no remainders.
Posted by FORREST on 02.28.06 11:12 pm

The average mans left testicle is bigger than his right, Both of
Chuck Norris’s is bigger than the other.
Posted by rick on 03.01.06 2:08 am

only chuck norris could blow in a pugs ass and its face pop out
Posted by Balls? on 03.02.06 2:51 pm

Chuck Norris has counted to a billion……twice.
Posted by m on 03.02.06 4:30 pm

chuck shit and made big foot!
Posted by Fug Norris on 03.02.06 5:32 pm

Chuck Norris doesn’t run late, he roundhouse kicks time until he is early

Once an old lady asked Chuck Norris for directions and he kicked her so hard she became a stain on the street. That is how crosswalks were invented.

Chuck Norris diarrhea was used extensively in Vietnam: we know it as today as napalm

What do you get if you cross a nun and Chuck Norris?
a burning monestary and 5,000 dead nuns who looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way

Why do arab women wear burqas?
Because Chuck Norris has ripped their faces off and they are embarassed

Why do Arabs riot after they see offensive cartoons?
because Chuck Norris hates cartoons, as well as peaceful demonstrations

Chuck Norris never breaks a promise, he roundhouse kicks your false truth

Breakfast was named after the effect of a Chuck Norris kick on anything

Why is the sky blue?
Because it is still bleeding internally from a Chuck Norris flying roundhouse 3 billion years ago

why dont plants breathe oxygen?
because chuck norris told them to stop stealing his fucking air and then he burned down the rainforest with his glare

chuck norris invented fire when he rubbed his beard for the first time in his mother’s womb, burning his umbilical cord and eating his way out of her stomach.

baseball gloves were originally diapers for chuck norris when he was a baby which was only for one day.

Newtonian physics was created to approximate the roundhouse kick of Chuck Norris, who killed Newton for his mistakes and created Einstein by rubbing 5,000 brains together at the speed of light
Posted by my name on 03.02.06 9:50 pm

1979: Chuck Norris and Mr. T were having a street fight. Mr. T punched Mr. Norris in the eye. At that same moment, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Mr. T in the head. The impending explosion was THE 80s!
Posted by JoelKGman on 03.03.06 2:56 am

Chuck Norris once walked down a crowded street with an erection! There were no survivors!
Posted by me, myself, and i on 03.04.06 4:21 pm

A nightmare by definition is being roundhouse kicked by chuck norris. this was discovered when 7 websters publishers were found dead with a very large bootprint in their face. The police are relating these incidents togeather.
Posted by betterthenu on 03.04.06 6:26 pm

Chuck Norris can smell what The Rock is cooking..

Chuck Norris can stare at the sun all day..

Chuck Norris is the reason the Power Rangers have been cancelled and remade so many times..

Chuck Norris never went to school a day in his life until they asked him to take the SAT’s..His score was perfect..

Chuck Norris can conduct electricity through rubber..

Chuck Norris’s beard is actually made of the needles from a porkypine..

Chuck Norris has been blue footed boobie hunting in the Glalopagose Island simulater in Montreal Canadaand then married the Oyster Clam Queen betty and went scooba diving for pearls in her horizontel born babies bathtub while secretly planning to assinate the president in his underwater layer waiting for world war III to begin so he can emerge and build a poka dot sand castle
Posted by taylor31 on 03.04.06 11:48 pm

Scientists just descovered a new element

Chuk Noris
Posted by taylor31 on 03.04.06 11:53 pm

Vampires have no reflection when they look in the mirror, Chuck Norris has two.
Posted by taylor31 on 03.04.06 11:56 pm

What’s the best way to stop a war…? A screening of Sidekicks
Posted by taylor31 on 03.05.06 12:04 am

Steel can withstand a force of 36,000 lbs per square inch…the same as Chuck Norris
Posted by taylor31 on 03.05.06 12:11 am

What do you call two short kicks to the body followed by a roundhouse to the face?… Norris Code
Posted by taylor31 on 03.05.06 12:15 am

How does Chuck Norris get ahold of people long-distance?…. He ties a message to a baby and drop kicks it there.
Posted by taylor31 on 03.05.06 12:17 am

Chuck Norris went to the premier of Junior… Arnold Schwartzennegar is no longer allowed to make movies.
Posted by taylor31 on 03.05.06 12:21 am

Surfing the web recently, Chuck Norris found the site: http://www.duckshit.com/funny-stuff/chuck-norris-jokes-iii/, ducks are now extinct
Posted by taylor31 on 03.05.06 12:25 am

Chuck Norris was watching the olympics and decided to take up Curling… since then, over 200 people have been impailed
Posted by taylor31 on 03.05.06 12:29 am

When jehova’s witnesses come to Chuck Norris house to ask if he’s met Jesus, he asks if they’ve met his roundhouse kick.
Posted by taylor31 on 03.05.06 12:34 am

A guy once tried to rob Chuck Norris at gunpoint, he filed off the front sites of his pistol so it didn’t hurt so bad when Chuck Norris took the gun and shoved it up his ass.
Posted by taylor31 on 03.05.06 12:36 am

How much does it cost to get a karate lesson from Chuck Norris?… Your Life.
Posted by taylor31 on 03.05.06 12:44 am

Why wasn’t Chuck in war of the worlds….?…. it would be too unrealistic, the aliens wouldn’t fight Chuck.
Posted by taylor31 on 03.05.06 12:46 am

Scientists recently discovered that the building blocks of life is not Carbon..
It’s Chuck Norris.
Posted by taylor31 on 03.05.06 12:48 am

In Chuck Norris’ last blind date, his date went home blind.
Posted by taylor31 on 03.05.06 12:53 am

What broke up N’Sync? Chuck Norris with a roundhouse kick.
Posted by taylor31 on 03.05.06 12:54 am

What broke up O-Town?…. Ashley Parker Angel being so gay.
Posted by taylor31 on 03.05.06 12:58 am

What’s stopping me from writing another chuck norris comment…. Chuck Norris is at my door.
Posted by BLow on 03.05.06 1:21 am

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Sean Connery in the face and the force caused Hurricane Katrina. Sean Connery is the dog poo on the bottom of Chuck Norris’ shoes. Whoever put a Sean Connery joke on here should be killed for attempting to shame Chuck Norris.
Posted by Mraw on 03.05.06 3:45 am

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walk into a bar, the place was completely destroyed because one area cannot contain that much awsomeness.
Posted by CataclysmFire on 03.09.06 4:18 pm

When Chuck Norris goes outside he doesn’t need to wear sunblock, the sun needs to wear Chuckblock!
Posted by nick l on 03.09.06 9:53 pm

the only thing blind people see is chuck noris
Posted by nick l on 03.09.06 9:55 pm

white people wish they were black black people wish they were chuck noris
Posted by nick l on 03.09.06 10:15 pm

if theres a god then why do bad things hapen to good people? becaue chuck norris doesn’t discriminate.
Posted by Warchild on 03.11.06 12:51 am

Some guy once mastered the art of stealing some of Chuck Norris’s pee and drank it. This is how Superman came to be. Not much later Chuck found out about this and mailed Superman one of his S brand shoes which
gave Superman a roundhouse kick to the chest as soon as he opened his mail. This explains the S on Superman’s chest.
Posted by DeeW on 03.12.06 12:43 am

Chuck Norris was never a virgin.
Posted by JoelKGman on 03.12.06 2:24 am

Chuck Norris once walked into a Burger King and asked for a Big Mac,
And they gave it to him!
Posted by joehio on 03.17.06 2:43 pm

carlos mencia was aming a joke about walker: texas ranger on his how mind of mencia. after the joke, Chuck Norris comes out and roundhouse kicks carlos so hard that he sent him back to mexico. chuck later said “i am la migra, BITCH!”
Posted by jengle on 03.29.06 2:52 am

Chuck Norris’s NCAA bracket is perfect this year…….. as well as next year’s
Posted by Matt on 04.03.06 8:01 pm

Chuck Norris is the reson we can’t find waldo
Posted by devils kid proudly south african on 04.06.06 6:21 pm

people wear superman pjs for insporation.superman wears chuck norris pjs for inspiratio,
Posted by Wicked on 04.10.06 8:43 pm

Why did the chicen cross the road…..Chuck Norris made him.

The cow did not jump over the moon…..Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it over the moon.

What came first the chicken or the egg…Chuck Norris knows.

Chuck Norris made razor wire from simpling shaving his pubes.

Chuck Norris will punch a guy wearing glasses.

Chuck Norris once showed his chest hair….Disco started shortly after
Posted by Chris on 04.12.06 6:41 am

When you go to bed, you put on Superman pajamas
When superman goes to bed he puts on Chuck Norris pajamas
Posted by Fladenbrot on 04.13.06 12:44 pm

Chuck Norris knows no fear, fear knows Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesnâ€™t know as much as a lexicon, a lexicon knows as much as Chuck Norris.
A black hole can suck up everything except Chuck Norris.
It wasnâ€™t Jesus who was crucified, it was Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesnâ€™t need a pillow, he uses his beard.
Chuck Norris doesnâ€™t eat food or drink, but still he travels to the third world and eats all the food there to watch people die.
What is worse then the devil and more good then God? Answer: Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is everywhere and nowhere at the same time.
The real reason for the Mad Cow disease is Chuck Norris.
Posted by Whitey on 04.14.06 9:38 pm

chuck norris once had parkinsins disease. but he shook it off.
Posted by CHUCKNORRIS01 on 04.15.06 12:47 am

Chuck Norris killed Sean Connery with a swift roundhouse kick.
Posted by too tough on 04.15.06 10:44 pm

too tough shuff taught chuck norris the roundhouse kick, thats where i went wrong.
Posted by too tough on 04.15.06 10:45 pm

chuck norris can eat coal and crap diamonds
Posted by Chuck's Dick on 04.17.06 1:16 am

Chuck and a girl were the last people on earth. Chuck said, “I wouldn’t do you if you were the last girl on the planet.” Then he round kicked her in the face killing her. After that he made baby chucks out of mud and sticks.
Posted by Chuck's Dick on 04.17.06 1:20 am

Athletes take steroids.
Nerds take growth hormones.
Hitler ate bull testicles.
Chuck Norris watches himself round house kicking in the mirror.
Posted by Chuck's Dick on 04.17.06 1:21 am

There were many races… Blacks, Whites, Asians, Mexicans… and now Chuck Norris
Posted by Chuck's Dick on 04.17.06 1:22 am

When Chuck has sex he doesnt have an orgasm he has a round house kick.
Posted by Chuck's Dick on 04.17.06 1:25 am

Clark Kent by day… Superman by nigth
Bruce Wayne by day… Batman by night
Bruse Banner by day… The Hulk by night
Chuck Norris by day… Chuck Norris by night
Posted by Chuck's Dick on 04.17.06 1:28 am

Death by electrocution
Death by gases
Death by lethal injection
Death by hanging
All were so inhumane… Now police use Chuck Norris (roundhouse kick to the face… INSTANT DEATH)
Posted by Chuck's Dick on 04.17.06 1:36 am

Neo died…Morpheous needed a new hero……..Chuck Norris was chosenm to be the one, but he refused and killed him with one round house kick.
Posted by Chuck's Dick on 04.17.06 1:40 am

Red Ranger
Green Ranger
Pink Ranger
Black Ranger
Yellow Ranger
White Ranger
Blue Ranger
CHUCK NORRIS
Posted by Chuck's Dick on 04.17.06 1:42 am

Power Rangers have the red ranger
Texas Ranger has Chuck Norris
Posted by Chuck's Dick on 04.17.06 1:50 am

in the Bible its says God creates life and Chuck Norris takes it away.
Posted by Chuck's Dick on 04.17.06 1:51 am

The ultimate form of recarnation……….CHUCK NORRIS
Posted by Chuck's Dick on 04.17.06 2:10 am

Chuck Norris why do I have to keep on going in circles… “Shut up or I’ll staple your other foot in the ground.”
Posted by Chuck's Dick on 04.17.06 2:11 am

Chuck Norris why is everybody running away from me….”Shut up and reload your gun.”
Posted by Chuck's Dick on 04.17.06 11:51 am

Chuck Norris eats metal and out comes total gym
Posted by Karnage on 04.19.06 1:33 am

Chuck Norris doesn’t feel pain… Pain feels Chuck Norris.
Posted by poopoo paints on 04.20.06 7:29 pm

chuck norris once roundhouse kicked a woman in the vagina because she didnt give him exact change

chuck norris doesnt masturbate to porn, porn masturbates to chuck norris

Chuck Norris doesn’t require a urinal to take a piss, he pisses where he wants because he’s Chuck Norris!

chuck norris once kicked a woman im the vagina and got his boot stuck in it, the boot then developed into another chuck norris

chuck norris invented the internet

when chuck norris looks in the mirror, his reflection ducks in fear
Posted by poopoo paints on 04.20.06 7:32 pm

Chuck Norris doen’t bow down to Buddha, Buddha bows down to Chuck Norris
Posted by poopoo paints on 04.20.06 7:35 pm

in the future, chuck norris will create a religion worshiping himself, this will be the end of all other religions, cause chuck will roundhouse kick anyone who refuses him

In the beginning…
God created Chuck Norris
Posted by yayo (cput) on 04.22.06 1:29 am

did you know that chuck norris can blow bubbles when he chews biltong? well if u did, u shud c what can make outa pork chops
Posted by Phil on 04.22.06 2:47 pm

Orphans don’t have parents. Chuck Norris has parents.
Posted by Phil on 04.22.06 2:50 pm

Canibals don’t eat babies. Chuck Norris eats babies
Posted by Chuck Norris's Son on 04.22.06 8:03 pm

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
Posted by Chuck Norris's Son on 04.22.06 8:07 pm

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is a homomsexual, but because he has run out of women.
Posted by Chuck Norris's Son on 04.22.06 8:09 pm

thats fucking hilarious biotch. all of u can suck my dick. haha
Posted by fahdwa on 04.23.06 2:10 am

women dont fantasize about chuck, we think back!!!
I LOVE YOU CHUCK NORRIS
I WANA HAVE YOUR BABIES
Posted by Jade on 04.24.06 4:17 am

when the boogie man goes to sleep he checks under his bed for chick norris…

God said’Let their be light’, Chuck Norris said ‘Say Please!”
Posted by Dan M on 04.25.06 2:14 am

The Indonesians forgot to pay homage to Chuck Norris last December, so he roundhouse kicked the ocean, sparking what we know as the 2005 tsunami.
Posted by S. Robert Delk on 04.25.06 2:23 am

One night, Chuck Norris was abducted by aliens. When the aliens tried to probe Chuck Norris, he became angry and delivered a swift roundhouse kick to bring the ship out of orbit. The accident is now known as the Roswell conspiracy.

During a Christmas vacation of the coast of California, Chuck Norris was out boating. He did a canonball off the side of the boat. We know this caused the tsunamis that hit indonesia.

We now know why people from Indonesia don’t bathe. It is because Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks them to the face causing them to wash up on shore.
Posted by S. Robert Delk on 04.25.06 2:27 am

Chuck Norris is the reason straight men go gay……only for him to round house kick them straight again…
Posted by Desi on 04.26.06 1:32 pm

The helicopter was invented when Chuck Noris did 8 round house kicks in one second

Chuck Noris can tear through a whole factory of Telephone books

Spider mans super powers include shooting spider webs and climbing up walls. When Chuck Norris walked past, he lost them all.

Chuck is South African

What colour is Chuck Norris’s blood? Trick question cause no one has seen him bleed..

Chuck Norris has never had a heart attack cause his hearts been to scared to attack him!
Posted by Aaron Orozco on 04.28.06 12:57 pm

Who is more bad ass then chuck norris……………………………………………………………………………………………………… bruce lee
Posted by drew on 04.30.06 12:55 pm

Chuck Norris fought bruce lee and kicked his fuckin ass
Posted by drew on 04.30.06 12:57 pm

Chuck Norris invented air
Posted by Brandon on 04.30.06 1:00 pm

Chuck Norris killed casper’s ghost
Posted by drew on 04.30.06 1:09 pm

Chuck Norris kicked the hole in his doughnut
Posted by clare on 05.01.06 5:49 pm

chuck norris is the sooo unattractive. blehhhhh
Posted by michael on 05.02.06 3:17 am

Do u know why the terminater sais i’ll be back? He’s going to fetch Chuck Norris
Posted by Cyprus on 05.03.06 7:21 pm

To Aaron Orozco, If bruce Lee can take down Chuck Norris who can take down Bruce Lee? Chucks beard!
Posted by thom on 05.05.06 12:09 pm

chuck norris gave birth to his mother!

chuck norris is osama bin laden!
Posted by thom on 05.05.06 12:13 pm

chuck norris gave birth to his mother
Posted by thom on 05.05.06 12:16 pm

chuck norris invented sex
Posted by thom on 05.05.06 12:25 pm

chuck norris was the only one that voted for Nelson mandela and he became president of South Africa.

chuck norris uses cement to fill the holes in his teeth.

chuck norris uses sand paper as his face cloth.

chuck norris wipes his ass with his face cloth!

South African version of chuck norris’s roundhouse kick…chuck norris’s “rondawel”.
Posted by thom on 05.05.06 12:45 pm

chuck norris stands behind Jacob Zuma! thats why zuma wil come scott free!

why does Zuma thinks that taking a shower will cure AIDS?..because he showers in chuck norris piss.
Posted by KYN on 05.06.06 4:23 pm

The strength of the big bang was once measured to 1CNRHK. (That’s 1 Chuck Norris RoundHouse Kick)
Posted by Chuck Jr. on 05.14.06 3:09 pm

Chuck Norris Speaks Brail….

Chuck Norris crossed the atlantic…on foot

Chuck Norris walked down the street with an erection, there were no survivors.

Chuck Norris was baptized in the blood of people he has killed.

Chuck Norris is the reason you cant run with scissors.

When Chuck Norris watches water while it is being heated, it boils faster.

It used to be the Bermuda square, unti Chuck Norris roundhoused one of the corners off.
Posted by Big Number One on 05.15.06 2:51 pm

Chuck Norris can play chicken with a train and win the train is afraid to get roundhouse kicked
Posted by Shizzle Da Nizzle on 05.20.06 7:59 pm

Chuck Norris doesn believe in homosexuals, just men who dont have women to fuck cause he already fucked them to death
Posted by Tour Pallanen on 05.21.06 3:53 am

If Chuck Norris and Goku fought who would win? Chuck Norris becuase Chuck Norris Is Goku
Posted by AHS on 05.24.06 9:40 pm

There is no Chuck Norris jokes only facts.

Chuck Norris dosn’t need roundhousekicks to kill.

Chuck Norris dosn’t fight back.

Chuck Norris dosn’t fight back, he fights first.

Chuck Norris can’t partisepate in the mens 100m he is too fast.

Chuck Norris never was a virgin.

god has to ask Chuck norris before he dos anything

Chuck Norris can surfe without waves

Chuck Norris both starts and ends a fight in one move

Chuck Norris can’t lose even if he try

Chuck Norris dosn’t read Chuck Norris jokes he makes them
Posted by ShadowOgr3 on 05.25.06 4:01 pm

Chuck Norris once lost the presidency to George Bush Sr.. He then threatened to kill his wife and unborn child. The resulting roundhouse kick was collossel. But thru miracle of nature, the baby was spared. But, mentally retarded at birth.
Posted by Joggy on 05.28.06 10:37 am

When Chuck Norris pray, God answers “Yes, sir!”
Posted by big daddy on 05.30.06 12:05 pm

Chuck Norris broke wind and it couldnt be fixed
Posted by Jayceon on 05.31.06 8:59 pm

chuck norris was the fourth wise man, he brought jesus the gift of “beard” Jesus was such a fan of chuck that he kept the gift until death.
Posted by SUP on 06.01.06 6:14 pm

Most of the jokes that are on here are either gay or have been copied off of another website. You geeks got to get a life.
Posted by Q-tipp on 06.01.06 10:46 pm

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a rainbow into a million little pieces. We now know these peices as Skittles
Posted by me on 06.01.06 11:10 pm

scientists have discovered a forth state of matter….chuck norris

chuck norris’ sweat is an active ingredient of gatorade

intelligent is not spelled i-n-t-e-l-l-i-g-e-n-t it is spelled chuck norris
Posted by Champs5853 on 06.03.06 1:07 pm

chuck norries invented death
Posted by Champs5853 on 06.03.06 1:08 pm

chuck norris invented death
Posted by the man on 06.04.06 7:40 pm

people say at the end of the rainbow there is a leprachaun with a pot of gold. but what u will find is a dead laprachaun and a empty pot. chuck norris found the end of the rainbow
Posted by the man on 06.04.06 7:42 pm

chuck norris knows whats at the end of the rainbow
Posted by tantumrx on 06.06.06 2:34 am

Chuck Norris does not need bg repelent….bugs aren’t that stupid.
Posted by Your mom on 06.08.06 6:10 pm

7 didn’t eat nine…Chuck Norris did.
Posted by vexxx on 06.09.06 3:25 am

why is 6 afraid of seven? cause 7 is chuck norris
Posted by vexxx on 06.09.06 3:28 am

one day chuck norris, george w. bush and sean connery were on a plane that hit a mountain and exploded an they all died. They were all in heaven and god said that only one of them may stayy because he was running low on space. george bush said “I believe that i’ve been a good christian american and that i have been a good president to the people of the US.” Sean connery was instantly rejected. then chuck norris said “I believe you’re in my chair”
Posted by bangerang on 06.10.06 6:35 pm

chuck norris can eat just one.
Posted by Vexxx on 06.11.06 2:22 am

chuck norris once killed 70 people with one roundhouse kick
Posted by roey on 06.15.06 10:19 am

Chuck norris roundhouse kicked the first trade center,
then roundhousekicked the other one just to make it equale.

rrrrffff@gmail.com
Posted by roey on 06.15.06 10:26 am

chuck norris joke only exists because chuck norris allowed it.
Posted by roey on 06.15.06 10:52 am

chuck noris invented the internet.
Posted by Eddie on 06.17.06 12:02 am

Shit doesn’t happen. Chuck Norris does!
Posted by lucas kemp on 06.19.06 2:19 am

The delivery room doctor waited till Chuck Norris turned his back before slapping him.
Posted by Cow Sperm is Milk on 06.26.06 4:26 pm

Chuck Norris is good at Mario Kart Double Dash.
He also has a very large dick to skeet with 5 times at once!
Posted by Cow Sperm is Milk on 06.26.06 4:28 pm

Chuck Norris does cows when he is out of men and women. He has fun suckin the utters.
Posted by Cow Sperm is Milk on 06.26.06 4:31 pm

I like to fuck with Chuck!!!!!11
Posted by Cow Sperm is Milk on 06.26.06 4:42 pm

i like to do chucky with a lil fucky
Posted by Cow Sperm is Milk on 06.26.06 4:48 pm

Boobies i like. I like a lot
Posted by GOD(CHUCK NORRIS) on 06.29.06 5:12 pm

any 1 can turn grape juice into wine but the chuck turns wine into grape juice p.s the chuck knows where all you cock eyed nerds live and Sean Conerry is a fag because chuck says so
Posted by da chuck biotch on 06.29.06 5:20 pm

iam sueing all you mother -fuckers my boy went on to the inter net to see porn not his dad being hummilated and im my lawyer so be afraid-be very afraid-be very very afraid-be very very very afraid-peace out
Posted by chuck norris wanna be on 06.30.06 12:55 am

chuck norris can unscramble eggs.

chuck norris doesnt hide in shadows, the shadow hides in chuck norris

chuck norris can karate chop a marble stone into an image of him

chuck norris can look in the mirror and have his haircombed and teethbrushed in a sec.

osama was not hiding from the U.S. army….he was hiding from chuck norris

Chuck Norris kept round-house kicking mother theresa but she kept coming back so chuck norris said…”your the only one who can FUCK WITH THE CHUCK.”

Chuck norrises comboy boots are made from real comboy

Chuck Norrises cowboy hat still has the tail
Posted by chuck norris wanna be on 06.30.06 1:06 am

Chuck norris stuck his finger in a light socket and nothing happened.

chuck norris can cook raw meat by glancing at it for 30 secs.

chuck norris can cut bacon straight off the pig.
Posted by chuck norris wanna be on 06.30.06 1:25 am

for halloween chuck norris shaved

who defeated godzilla……….chuck norris.

chuck norris can fix a mirror with his looks.

chuck norris has a soundtrack with 2 songs on it………. one is the sound of hiim round-house kicking and the other he repeatedly says “DONT FUCK WITH CHUCK.”

chuck norris doesnt need a bodyguard…bullets richochet off him.

The twin towers didnt come down because of jets….chuck norris roundhouse kicked both the bottoms of the towers.

chuck norris can breath underwater
Posted by chuck norris wanna be on 06.30.06 1:30 am

during hide and seek when chuck norris hides..so does the person counting

vampires suck everyones blood….except chuck norrises

a bear doesnt attack chuck norris…..chuck norris attacks the bear.

the only color chuck norris sees is red.
Posted by IB0nedChuck on 07.03.06 9:32 pm

My name is Ashley and I boned Chuck norris many times. Then he round house kicked me in the face.
Posted by widdle on 07.05.06 2:47 am

Chuck Norris doesn’t shave with a razor, he just kicks himself in the face.
Posted by awesomeamber on 07.06.06 2:20 am

so many people on this website can’t spell Chuck Norris’ name properly, and so Chuck Norris kills them. The only reason Chuck has left this website up, after realizing that almost everyone posting on it can’t spell his name, is to amuse himself, and make everyone else reading it wonder if Chuck Norris has been here. But what are they asking for? Chuck Norris has been everywhere, twice.

Chuck Norris didnt watch as the Great Wall of China was built, he simply stomped on the ground, and the Great Wall sprang up out of nowhere.

Chuck Norris doesnt have a birthday, Chuck Norris invents birthdays for everyone else so their families have something to write on their headstones besides..”Roundhouse-Kick Casualty”.

Chuck Norris isnt just God, Chuck Norris is God’s God.

Anyone who laughs at a Chuck Norris joke will get a phone call with a raspy voice saying ” Seven Seconds”. Then 3 seconds later, they will see Chuck’s commanding stare, a foot, and not even live long enough to see the 5th second, let alone the 7th.

Chuck Norris is everyone’s daddy.

If anyone asks a question, “Who’s your daddy?”, Chuck Norris replies,”……”, with a blank stare, and a roundhouse kick to the face. Who’s your daddy now, beezy?!

Chuck Norris is King.
Posted by bill peterson on 07.07.06 12:06 am

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did
Posted by bill paterson on 07.07.06 12:14 am

cartoons watch chuck norris on saturday morings
Posted by CHODA on 07.09.06 7:42 pm

chuck norris won 18 holes of golf with one swing.Because the ball went through every hole!

Chuck norris is chuck norris what more do u want!
Posted by CHODA on 07.09.06 7:48 pm

chuck norris’ penis can naturally fins it way into a womans vagnina and out the ass but that no for fun for him

chuck norris once said goran has a boner!!!

chuck norris got sick of all the black people and roundhouse kicnked them into the sea,now making it the black sea

chuck norris’ brother is chuck norris and so is urs

chuck norris said that roundhouse kicking is like cumming!!

When chuck norris looks at a woman they take off there clothes and say get it over with!!!

If chuck norris made a book it would sell more than harry potter!!

Dad i like boners fuck ya!!Mommy big boner and all the jokes were made by me so enjoy u wont see em around
Posted by Cow sperm is milk on 07.24.06 9:08 pm

Ur all gay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chuck Norris will rise!!!!!!
Fuck u!
Posted by Tarzan on 07.25.06 4:52 pm

The eternal conundrum ‘what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object’ was solved when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked himself in the face
Posted by Chuck Norris on 07.26.06 11:49 pm

Man I feel embarresed
My Penis is on the size of 2 empire state buildings
and if you want to argue ill round house kick you to the face
Posted by tony tears on 08.06.06 7:13 am

chuck norris goes to the sun for his holidays
Posted by tony tears on 08.06.06 7:19 am

chuck norris goes to the sun for his holidays

chucks first job was round house kick starting helicopter propeller blades

helicopters were first invented by chuck norris when he did so many round house kicks he took off
Posted by ott on 08.10.06 10:14 am

chuck norris is cool
Posted by Yo mom on 08.10.06 4:12 pm

Chuck Norris pwns!
Posted by Yo mom 2 on 08.10.06 4:14 pm

The only fire that water can’t put out is Chuck Norris’s beard
Posted by Yo mom on 08.10.06 4:16 pm

Chuck Norris’s stare is the only thing that can split diamonds!
Posted by Yo mom on 08.10.06 4:19 pm

Chuck Norris, Mr. T, and Arnold Shwarzennegger walked into McDonald’s, but it exploded because no building can take that much awesome
Posted by hargasm on 08.28.06 10:43 pm

chuck norris’s penis is so big pamela anderson can feel it
Posted by chickadee on 08.29.06 6:04 pm

nobody doesn’t like sara lee… except chuck norris
Posted by MÃªmÃ±oÃ§H on 09.09.06 5:15 am

Chuck Norris’ Penis is so big, it has its own Penis wich is still bigger then yours.
Posted by rasberry on 09.22.06 9:24 pm

chuck norris can smoke a ciggarette under water

chuck norris is a stuntman for chuck norris
Posted by Matthew on 09.26.06 1:22 am

chuck norris once roundhouse kicked rob schneider fart for looking at him
Posted by James on 10.14.06 1:18 pm

Chuck Norris is the only man able to drown fish.
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Posted by Cam on 10.16.06 6:06 pm

Chuck Norries drinks Napalm to quench his thirst.
Posted by goon_xxx on 10.20.06 5:10 pm

a woman once actually tried to giv chuck noriss a blow job…her head then exploded!
Posted by goon_xxx on 10.20.06 5:14 pm

how long is a piece of string..
answer: chuck norris
Posted by goon_xxx on 10.20.06 5:30 pm

why are you at this moment in time reading this??
because chuck norris hasnt killed you yet.

sientists once tried to clone chuck norris…
they then exploded.
there will only ever b one chuck norris
Posted by anne on 10.25.06 7:04 pm

chuck norris once ate a 26 ounce steak in under and hour….and for the first 58 minutes he had sex with his waitress.

chuck norris can make a girl orgasim by simply looking at her and saying boo-ya

chuck norris cant swim…but water is too afraid to do anything about it.

one day chuck norris was in pennsylvania , and decided to call his grandmother in china, but then decided it would be faster to run there.

chuck norris once laughed so hard that milk came out his mothers nose

chuck norris is currently suing myspace for stealing the name HE uses for everything around you
Posted by roy on 11.02.06 5:52 am

when god said “let there be light” nathan said “say please”
Posted by roy on 11.03.06 6:15 am

They say the universe is expanding, it’s all trying to get away from Nathan Harrod.
Posted by Bill Johnson on 11.03.06 6:16 am

Nathan Harrod is so good he can snake you AND drop in on you at the same time.
Posted by Bill Johnson on 11.03.06 6:17 am

Jesus walks on water, but Nathan Harrod walks on Jesus.
Posted by roy on 11.03.06 6:18 am

In the back of the Guinness Book of World Records it states â€œAll records are currently held by Nathan Harrod, and the records listed in this book are only the records of those people who have come closest to Nathan Harrod’s records.â€
Posted by Bill Johnson on 11.03.06 6:23 am

Jesus Christ, Allah, Buddah, Zues, Posideon, Kronos, Isis, Ra, Set, Neptune, Chuck Norris and Albert Einstein are just some of Nathan Harrod’s many alter egos.
Posted by roy on 11.03.06 6:27 am

“i thought sex was a pain in the arse before i found out about girls”
Posted by norris on 11.04.06 10:12 pm

chuck norris once had a dog, then he round house kicked it
Posted by Lou on 11.06.06 9:20 pm

ADHD is not a disease, its just hard to concentrate when you know Chuck Norris could strike at any moment
Posted by christian on 11.26.06 2:59 am

chuck norris once roundhouse kicked a horse, this is the reason we now have girraffes.
Posted by cow sperm is milk on 11.26.06 6:35 pm

Chuck Norris is soo coo. He has a chode.
Posted by Paully on 01.25.07 5:03 pm

The original Power Rangers ended in completely secrecy, the only copy of the true last episode was destroyed. The reason being is because they had tried introducing a new character, “Texas Ranger,” played by Chuck Norris. But 15 minutes into filming he had roundhouse-kicked the entire cast and crew to death, and after removing his helmet and staring into the camera, the tape burst into flames.
Posted by Mikey on 01.28.07 1:51 pm

When Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesn’t move his body up – he moves the Earth down.
Posted by Jimmy Blacktown on 02.13.07 1:02 am

when chuck norris dies everybody will because chuck norris is LIFE and then when everyone is dead he will get up of the ground and laugh and say “i never die” then will roundhouse kick every dead person in the world with one swift kick.
Posted by chuck norris himself on 03.02.07 8:03 pm

one time chuck norris was walking through a park and decided that he would try to swim in the fountain. After he found that it was too shallow so he went to the playground and was swinging on the swings and decided that he wanted to go down the slide then he walked to the ice cream shop to get ice cream and after he got it he roundhouse killed the guy. then had sex with everyone and he is god.
Posted by CHUCK NORRIS on 03.07.07 3:49 am

Before the first day, there was a day. That day, Chuck Norris said let there be god. On the first day, God said let there be light. Chuck Norris said okay.
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Posted by Legohead on 05.24.07 10:13 pm

Chuck Norris doesnt have to wait 30 min. after eating to go swimming.

JEsus turned the other cheek and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face.

Jesus wept, Chuck Norris laughed
Posted by Tim on 07.26.07 11:36 am

Chuck Norris invented all the colors in the color spectrum, …. except pink…. Tom Cruise invented Pink.
Posted by Danny on 04.17.08 4:05 pm

Chuck Norris sneazed and blew off Hulk Hogans hair.
Posted by Danny on 04.17.08 4:10 pm

Chuck Norris accidently killed the dinosaurs…it was the day he learned the roundhouse kick.
Posted by Danny on 04.17.08 4:13 pm

Chuck norris i the reason Mr. Potatoehead has a bucket of parts.
Posted by Danny on 04.17.08 4:16 pm

Chuck Norris can’t get hit by a car…but a car can get hit by chuck norris.

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