Duckshit
Funny Jokes and Dirty Jokes
Chuck Norris Jokes II
Posted on 12.20.05 4:47PM under Chuck Norris Jokes, Funny Stuff
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more “humane”.
Chuck Norris waited patiently in Al Capone’s vault for 63 years just so he could give Geraldo Rivera the surprise beating of his lifetime.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Chuck replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
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Posted by Forrest on 12.21.05 3:55 am
Did Chuck Norris write these jokes himself??
Posted by CHucky on 12.22.05 9:41 am
according to Einstein’s theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
now thats fast
Posted by herb on 12.23.05 7:23 pm
When Chuck Norris jumps into a lake, he doesn’t get wet…..the water gets Chuck.
Posted by Pancake on 12.24.05 12:33 am
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with an erection. There were no survivors
Posted by yo daddy on 12.24.05 8:13 am
Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin, which he built himself.
Posted by Matt Zehr on 12.24.05 8:22 am
In his spair time Chuck Norris enjoys bird watching, and by bird i mean killing and by watching i mean retards.
Posted by fdsg on 12.25.05 2:17 am
Chuck norris isnt hung like a horse, horses are hung like chuck norris
Posted by bob sagat on 12.25.05 5:12 am
Want to know how Chuck Norris gives a girl an orgasm? He points at them and says “boo-ya”
Posted by jcrazy111 on 12.25.05 11:20 am
Chuck Norris doesn’t eat. Rather he kicks ass until he’s full.
Posted by jcrazy111 on 12.25.05 11:22 am
Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris.
Posted by jcrazy111 on 12.25.05 11:24 am
Chuck Norris once threated to sue Burger King because they refused to make it his way. When asked what “his way” detailed, he replied: “with barbed wire and nails, of course”. He then roundhouse kicked the reporter for even asking.
Posted by jcrazy111 on 12.25.05 11:25 am
Chuck Norris never “gets laid”, rather: “laid gets Chuck”.
Posted by jcrazy111 on 12.25.05 11:26 am
Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
Posted by jcrazy111 on 12.25.05 11:29 am
Playgirl magazine once asked Chuck Norris to appear naked in an issue, Chuck laughed at the opporunity saying “there isn’t enough paper in the world to contain my bearded member”. He then killed the editors simply by unzipping his pants.
Posted by GIBLOWME on 12.25.05 12:29 pm
Amazingly, the spelling on these comments are decent. But apparently everyone else on this damn website can’t spell.
Posted by kidkid on 12.25.05 9:11 pm
one time chuck norris roundhouse kick a building so hard he erected a millisecond before he even touched it
Posted by me on 12.25.05 11:20 pm
God once asked Chuck Norris what the secret of life was. Chuck proceeded to teach God Karate.
Posted by jerkmybeefer on 12.28.05 11:33 pm
Sonic booms are really Chuck Norris’s orgasms.
Posted by Master T on 12.29.05 11:59 pm
Rather than being birthed like a Normal Child, Chuck Norris punched his way out of his mothers uterus. Shortly thereafter, he grew a beard.
Posted by josh on 12.31.05 11:51 pm
Chuck Norris never cries, because of this when he’s sad he roundhouse kicks himself and it makes him feel better since he knows he is the only one who cna survive the roundhouse.
Posted by josh on 12.31.05 11:52 pm
Chuck Norris has a bigger penis than you.
Posted by better than yours on 01.01.06 12:41 am
There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
Posted by Mike on 01.02.06 1:53 am
If Chuck Norris is going to be late, then time better slow the fuck down
Posted by MAD on 01.02.06 4:04 am
Chuck Norris has already killed Bin Laden, the government is simply on “The Hunt” to find the pieces left over from the roundhouse kick.
Posted by crazy on 01.05.06 2:31 pm
There are no cannibals. Just impersonators of Chuck Norris.
Posted by Scabbed Wings on 01.05.06 7:05 pm
Chuck Norris manufactures diamonds in his home by swallowing lumps of coal.
Posted by mace on 01.08.06 9:58 am
Chuck norris\’ last fart is commonly known as hurricane Katrina……Chuck norris can put i before e
Posted by thomas shadow on 01.08.06 9:22 pm
chuck norris does not ejaculate, he genocides
chuck norris is the real 7 wonders of the world
chuck norris cannot be created nor destroyed
if you dress up as chuck norris for halloween no one will understand your costume and chuck norris will find you
chuck norris can drink 3 gallons of milk in one hour while screwing your mother
Posted by Trad on 01.10.06 9:52 pm
Chuck Norris has no offspring, not because Chuck Norris doesn’t like kids, but because no woman can handle his sperm.
Posted by chuck norris on 01.11.06 11:58 pm
chuck norris eats poo and doesnt even swallow it with his fingers or his toes while tacking doze in the tuhb gaf.
Posted by Raab on 01.14.06 7:10 am
Chuck Norris Is a DICK!
CHuck norris does not belive in CHuck Norris
Posted by ADam on 01.19.06 8:06 pm
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer….too bad he has never cried
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity–twice
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas
Posted by Ryan on 01.21.06 9:16 pm
The square root of negative one is Chuck Norris
Posted by Alex The Amazing on 01.22.06 1:37 pm
Chuck Norris is Rick James.. Bitch.
Posted by fabzilla on 01.23.06 3:29 am
Chuck Noris doesn’t speak french
He roundhouse kick it..
Posted by fabzilla on 01.23.06 3:29 am
Chuck Noris doesn’t speak japanesse
He roundhouse kick it..
Posted by fabzilla on 01.23.06 3:31 am
Chuck Norris doesnt speak portugese
He roundhouse kick it…
Posted by fabzilla on 01.23.06 3:31 am
Chuck Norris doesnt speak spanish
He roundhouse kick it…
Posted by fabzilla on 01.23.06 3:32 am
Chuck Norris doesnt speak roundhouse kick
He roundhouse kick it…
Posted by john on 01.23.06 4:30 pm
chuck norris once roundhouse kicked barney in the face and took out a smoke shortly after
Posted by J.R. on 01.25.06 10:03 pm
Chuck Norris masturbates with a belt sander.
Posted by daedae on 01.26.06 1:49 am
chuck norris is the only man in the world that can make a horse eat gum. when asked how does he get the horses to do it. chuck replies “the trick is to wrap the gum on the tip of my penis, then lift the tail and i dont stop till i feel the tounge” when asked for an example 4 reporters mysteriously died all with winterfresh gum in there mouths.
Posted by Nagi on 01.26.06 4:49 am
Chuck Norris is kryptonite’s weakness.
Posted by Hulking Demon on 01.26.06 11:02 pm
chuck norris once challenged yoda to see who was stronger in the force at which point Yoda shit himself and cried!
Posted by Chuck You! on 01.27.06 10:27 am
Chuck Norris went to the VH1 awards last week. He was confronted by Eminem and G-Unit. Needless to say rrrrrrrrrRRRrrrrr-r-r-rr-r-r-r-r-ROUNDHOUSE KICK
Posted by Chuck You! on 01.27.06 10:28 am
Chuck Norris doesn’t train in Karate. Karate trains in Chuck Norris.
Posted by Chuck You! on 01.27.06 10:29 am
If Michael Jackson met Chuck Norris it would probably sound something like this. ROUNDHOUSE KICK.
Posted by Chuck You! on 01.27.06 10:30 am
Chuck Norris was once asked by a black women to bless her baby. Chuck Norris threw the black baby up in the air and roundhouse kicked it’s head off.
Posted by Chuck You! on 01.27.06 10:32 am
What is the difference between Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee. Exactly 1one roundhouse kick.
Posted by Chuck You! on 01.27.06 10:35 am
The United States army didn’t stop Sadam. It was Chuck Norris.
Posted by The Muffin Man on 01.28.06 4:09 pm
Chuck norris counted to infinity. Twice.
Posted by corey deez on 01.28.06 9:38 pm
Chuck Norris used to be on the hit sitcom Full House, but quit and killed the crew when they refused to change the name of the show to Full Roundhouse Kick.
Posted by Chuck Jones on 01.29.06 12:52 pm
The holocaust never happened Chuck Norris did.
Posted by Chuck Norris on 01.29.06 3:32 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep. He waits
Posted by Morrie on 01.29.06 10:39 pm
how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuch could Chuck Norris!
Posted by Fandle on 02.02.06 7:03 pm
When Chuck Norris goes to the zoo, he doesn’t look at the animals. The animals look at Chuck Norris.
Posted by nigger please on 02.03.06 7:11 pm
chuck norris is the only person to a beat a wall at tennis
Posted by kanon on 02.05.06 1:24 pm
chuck norris doesn’t watch tv, tv watch chuck norris
Posted by donnie baker on 02.06.06 5:34 pm
chuck norris doesn’t tea-bag, he potato-sacks.
Posted by Twan on 02.06.06 11:10 pm
Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kicks are soo fast, that when he roundhouse kicks counterclockwise times turns back
Posted by that guy on 02.08.06 11:23 pm
when chuck noris does a push up he doesnt go up the earth goes down
Posted by Benfloom on 02.09.06 7:41 pm
Some say Chuck noris’s tears are the cure to cancer.
To bad he never cries.
Posted by Benfloom on 02.09.06 7:44 pm
Some say Chuck Noris’s tears hold the cure for cancer.
To bad he never cries.
Posted by kirk on 02.09.06 11:15 pm
THE PEOPLE ON DR.PHIL ARE PEOPLE WHO HAVE MET CHUCK NORRIS
Posted by steven on 02.10.06 4:12 pm
In the movie Back to the Future they used Chuck Norris’ Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him there was a scratch on it. He was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later was the cause for his Parkinson’s disease.
Posted by Ndhy on 02.11.06 3:02 am
Once in elementry school and boy said to Chuck Norris “My Dad could beat up your Dad!” Chuck Norris then proceeded to roudhouse kick the boy, the boy fathers, and his own father.
Posted by Superman on 02.12.06 4:18 am
Chuck norris was actually gods first son, The only reason jesus was created is because chuck norris doesnt take orders from anybody…
Posted by Paco on 02.12.06 2:33 pm
Do not try to sing ‘Cigaro’, you will only be wrong, because Chuck Norris’s cock is alwyas much bigger than yours.
Posted by Raul Ramon Rodriguez the 3rd on 02.12.06 5:04 pm
Chuck Norris was once chalenged to a duel by a man with a glove, Chuck Norris then proceded to roundhouse kick the man as well as the man who made the glove.
One time the “can you hear me now” guy from the Verizon wireless comercials, accidentally called the wrong number and got chuck norris, i think you all know what happens next.
Posted by Ryan on 02.12.06 5:08 pm
Chuck Norris made his own kind of toliet paper. The thing is that the toilet paper didn’t take shit from anyone.
The Bermuda Triangle used to be called the Bermuda Rectangle until Chuck Norris gave it a roundhouse kick.
Posted by Fox on 02.12.06 6:39 pm
Chuck Norris actually has only one leg, His penis is in the other leg of his pants, using a Cowboy boot as a condom
Posted by Brand-O on 02.12.06 11:11 pm
chuck norris sleeps with a night light, not because hes afraid of the dark its because the dark is afraid of chuck norris
Posted by Me on 02.15.06 4:12 pm
When chuck noris plays baseball and is the pitcher he round house kicks the ball at the batter no one has hit a single pitch
Posted by Me on 02.15.06 4:15 pm
Chuck noris doesnt fall in love, love falls in Chuck noris
Posted by poopie butt on 02.16.06 7:51 pm
Chuck Norris actually has 6 senses, the 6th? Roundhouse Kick
Posted by a_roo on 02.17.06 8:28 pm
If chuck norris went back in time to fight chuck norris, chuck norris would win.
Chuck norris sees all.
Tribett was once white, until he got lippy and chuck norris roundhouse kicked him so hard that he is permanently black. not black and blue.
hellen kellers favorite color is chuck norris.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in iraq, chuck norris lives in oklahoma.
DON’T FUCK WITH THE CHUCK.
chuck norris invented pop-ups.
Posted by simyass on 02.18.06 4:27 pm
chuck norris once impregnated a bear just by looking at it. it was a male bear
Posted by walker texas jr.ranger on 02.19.06 3:05 am
Old Faithful isent actullay a gyser, it is chuck norris cumming
Posted by walker texas jr.ranger on 02.19.06 3:10 am
One time chuck norris was lost in a trailer park, after becoming angry , he proceeded to roundhouse kick trailers out of his way. After which the weather channel called one the worst torrnados in world history.
Posted by Cock knock on 02.19.06 5:39 pm
Chuck Norris is exempt from all rules of agreement. they all agree to give your first born and your soul to Chuck Norris anyway
While roundhoude kicking a small city to death, Chuck Norris was approached by a peaceful hippie who asked him to ” make love not war ” he then proceeded to show the hippie how Chuck Norris makes war and that is why there are no more hippies. Chuck norris always hated hippies anyway
Chuck Norris did your mom and your grandmother back beefore they were old. He himself is over 1000 years old which for a Chuck Norris is actually very young. The average lifespan for a Chuck Norris is Eternity
Posted by D-Bag on 02.19.06 8:53 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t use a toothbrush, a toothbrush uses Chuck Norris
Posted by D-Bag on 02.19.06 9:18 pm
In a battle with Chuck Norris Superman used his heat vision as an attack. Chuck Norris then proceeded to use his penis as a lightsaber to deflect it back at Superman. At the sight of Chuck Norris’ behemoth penis Superman begged to be consumed by THE penis. Chuck Norris then ejaculated liquid kryptonite forming an exact replica of Chuck Norris which then roundhouse kicked Superman in the face, killing him instantly.
Posted by D-Bag on 02.19.06 10:31 pm
Chuck Norris is featured in many total gym info-mercials, if you don’t buy one he will roundhouse kick you in the face.
Posted by D-Bag on 02.19.06 10:42 pm
To some people money is power, to Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks are power.
Posted by sean on 02.20.06 12:14 am
chuck norris can milk a male cow.
chuck norris doesnt break wind, he destroys it.
Posted by Malinko on 02.20.06 3:17 pm
Chuck Norris has yet to miss a jeopardy question…. Jesus has missed two.
Posted by Malinko on 02.20.06 3:19 pm
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by “knit”, I mean “kick”, and by “sweaters”, I mean “babies”.
Posted by jen on 02.20.06 5:07 pm
how do i get one of these girls on the right?
i wish chuck was here.
Posted by bigbear on 02.20.06 8:29 pm
Dinosaurs didn’t die from a huge astroid, it was Chuck Norris passing a kidney stone.
Posted by marucs on 02.20.06 8:56 pm
can anyone spell anyting right in this website?
Posted by evo on 02.21.06 11:43 am
WHEN CHUCK NORRIS SNEEZES HIS HEAD DOES NOT GO FORWARD THE EARTH GOES BACKWARDS
Posted by evo on 02.21.06 11:56 am
CHUCK NORRIS ONCE THOUGHT RETARTED CHILDREN
TODAY YOU MAY KNOW THEM AS CHRISTIANS
Posted by evo on 02.21.06 11:59 am
GOD AND THE DEVIL HAD A BATTLE TO THE DEATH
‘CHUCK NORRIS WAS THE WINNER’
Posted by evo on 02.21.06 12:02 pm
OLIVER TWIST ASKED CHUCK NORRIS FOR SOME MORE
CHUCK NORRIS GAVE HIM SOME MORE THEN
HE ROUNDHOUSE KICKED HIM IN THE FACE
Posted by evo on 02.21.06 12:16 pm
HITLER DID NOT KILL HIMSELF IN WW2
HE WAS CHUCK NORRISED
Posted by evo on 02.21.06 12:22 pm
CHUCK NORRIS INVENTED PICTURE FRAMES SO THAT HE COULD LOOK AT PICTURES OF CHUCK NORRIS
Posted by evo on 02.21.06 12:23 pm
WHEN CHUCK NORRIS LOOKS IN THE MIRROR HE SEES A PERFCT WORLD
Posted by evo on 02.21.06 12:28 pm
CHUCK NORRIS DID NOT LOSE HIS VIRGINITY
VIRGINITY LOST ITS CHUCK NORRIS
Posted by Jessica on 02.21.06 8:28 pm
it doesn’t matter if they can spell right or not. if you are not smart enough to read and comprehend what they are writing then you are not smart enough to understand any of the jokes and you shouldn’t be on here.
Posted by haywood ucuddleme on 02.21.06 11:25 pm
chuck noris just won the battle for the center of the universe he kicked the suns ass and then jon bowersock proceeded to kick the shit out of chuck and made chuck use his ultamate weapon the round house kick in the balls to bad jon bowersock has no balls
Posted by evo on 02.22.06 6:57 am
if you saw chuck norris naked you would die of shame because he would make your penis look like cornflake
Posted by evo on 02.22.06 6:58 am
chuck norris does not like men
men like chuck norris
Posted by evo on 02.22.06 7:01 am
chuck norris can masturbate with his eyebrows
Posted by flattus maximus on 02.22.06 9:40 pm
chuck norris does not walk he moves the ground
Posted by flattus maximus on 02.22.06 9:44 pm
if chuck norris found about about this website he would delete the internet
chuck norris told god about the golden rule and then preceded to roundhouse kick him
Posted by Chunk Norris And Your mom on 02.23.06 7:00 pm
Chuck Norris lost his right nut in WW2.. It it now know as Jupiture
Posted by jimmy on 02.23.06 8:54 pm
If Chuck Norris ever killed you you’d come back to life
Posted by duck on 02.23.06 10:29 pm
Chuck norris knows the square roots of negative #s
Posted by jon on 02.23.06 11:50 pm
god said let there be light, chuck norris roundhouse kicked god in the face and said ” say please
Posted by Danny and Jake on 02.23.06 11:57 pm
one time when chuck norris was younger his mom asked him to vacuum his room, this angered chuck norris and he proceeded to round house kick his mother repeatedly, this is why your children are retarded
Posted by NORISS on 02.24.06 12:14 am
if you can see chuck noris,chuck noris can see you, if you can’t see chuck noris, you are seconds from death
Posted by timkish on 02.24.06 1:03 am
Black Holes are formed when Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kicks towards the heavens.
The future energy problem can easily be solved not by; Hydrogen, Solar, Wind, or Fossil Fuels, but by tapping the never ending power contained within Chuck Norris’s Sweat. A single drop can power a city the size of Chicago for eternity or until Chuck Norris decides its Dooms Day.
SETI is wasting its money because Chuck Norris has already met with the aliens, discovered they do not watch “Walker, Texas Ranger”, and roundhouse kicked them all into extinction.
There is no spoon, if you look closely you will see that it is not the spoon that bends but Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking you in the head. Whoa
Police use Chuck Norris’s hair in bullet proof vests.
Posted by Billy Bad Ass on 02.24.06 1:30 am
Chuck Norris dosent need to use guns, guns need to use chuck noris
Posted by timkish on 02.24.06 2:47 am
Continental drift did not start to occur until Chuck Norris did a cannonball dive into Lake Pacific and Lake Atlantic.
Picasso did not become famous until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the head. Some say Picasso is and abstract artist but that is really how the painter views the world after the incident.
Posted by timkish on 02.24.06 3:15 am
There is four branches of the Government; Executive, Judicial, Legislative, and Chuck Norris. I think we all know where the power lays.
Menahem Golan, the director of “Delta Force” wanted to remake the film following suite as George Lucas and Steven Spielberg did. Adding more explosion rings, tusken raiders and replacing guns with walkie-talkies. The director, Menahem, realized that “Delta Force” is movie perfection because Chuck Norris is in the film. The project was quickly dropped and never spoke of again for fear it might anger Chuck Norris and bring forth his wrath.
There used to be 366 days in a year but Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the Earth back making it 365.242199. Leap year is used to compensate.
Mary had a little lamb and Chuck Norris ate it raw and chased it down with Emegenc-C energy drink.
Posted by spicolifp on 02.24.06 11:10 am
chuck norris is so hard core he always has a boner
Posted by Rimski on 02.24.06 11:32 am
Getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris is no longer an easy thing, theres a 30year waiting list.
Posted by Blubba Phat on 02.24.06 12:16 pm
chuck norris has actually been dead for 30 years.
the grim reaper just hasnt had the courage to tell him yet…
Posted by Blubba Phat on 02.24.06 12:20 pm
chuck norris roundhouse kicked his way out of his mother’s room, hitting the doctor in the face.
he then came out with the line
“no-one delivers chuck norris except CHUCK NORIS!”
Posted by Geoff is a sexy beast on 02.24.06 12:26 pm
Chuck Norris accidentaly lost his left testical while sparring with wolverine it is now known more commonly as Jupiter
Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany
Chuck Norris’ wife accidentaly burnt the turkey one thanskgiving so chuck ran outside grabbed a live turkey ate it whole then threw it up seconds later fully cooked with cranberry sauce
Posted by Blubba Phat on 02.24.06 12:27 pm
sry, that last 1s supposed to be WOMB, not room
Posted by big fatty on 02.24.06 4:50 pm
Chuck Noris and Mr.T met on a road one day,chuck norris round house kicked and mr.t punched at the same time.when they colided they made the 80’s
Posted by Colonel Sanders on 02.25.06 4:46 pm
Chuck Norris once challenge Zeus, Master of Lightning, to a duel. Zeus agreed on the condition that Chuck Norris had to keep both feet tied together at all times. Chuck Norris accepted the condition, and then proceeded to deliver the world renowned DOUBLE ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO THE FACE with so much force that it caused the entire cast of “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” to burst out in tears of agony. Coincidentally, just like anyone who watched that movie.
Posted by timkish on 02.27.06 10:14 am
Chuck Norris owns a summer home atop Mt. Olympus.
The US government commissioned Chuck Norris to supply his dandruff for use in the top secret polymer for the Stealth Bomber’s construction. Apparently Chuck Norris’s dandruff possesses the unique power to micro roundhouse kick radar waves, thus making the Stealth Bomber invisible.
Chuck Norris attended one class at DeVry University, Social Issues in Humanity. Not only did he pass the class within the first five seconds, he was also rewarded a Honorary Degree in Business. Chuck Norris was quoted as saying, “A roundhouse fixes all Social issues and when begged to take my pick of Degrees, I choose Business.” When asked why a Business degree, Chuck Norris said, “Because that’s what I take care of!” Shortly after the comment a psychic roundhouse could be felt throughout the entire human race as a warning and a promise.
The tidal force on Earth is not attributed to the gravitational pull and wane of the moon but Chuck Norris’s will.
The hole in the Ozone Layer was created by Chuck Norris so he could get a deeper tan.
Broke Back Mountain was originally titled Back Mountain until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it. -Sorry I had to do it.
Posted by yonus on 02.28.06 12:37 am
how much chuck could a woodchuck chuck if a wouldchuck could chuck chuck?
none cuz chuck would roundhousekick the damn wouldchuck if it tried
Posted by evo on 02.28.06 10:41 am
robert eviston is gay
Posted by Rizer on 03.01.06 9:35 am
Don’t get surgery… Just ask Chuck to convince God to make you almost as perfect as Chuck Norris. Too bad he will then roundhouse kick you to last week, when you’d still need surgery.
Posted by Matt D on 03.01.06 1:48 pm
When Chuck Norris was a child he made a deal with the devil to trade his soul for his rugged good looks and roundhouse kick ability. Imediately upon recieving these gifts he roundhouse kicked the Devil and took his soul back. The Devil, appreciating the irony of it all, respected Chuck Norris for this. They now play poker every other Thursday night.
Posted by Meow on 03.02.06 3:04 pm
There is a 100% chance that Chuck Norris is your father
Posted by Meow on 03.02.06 3:05 pm
How many Chuck Norris does it take to screw in a light bulb 0 light bulbs are scared of chuck norris
Posted by Meow on 03.02.06 3:06 pm
Its a fact that chuck norris lost his virginity before his father
Posted by Danimal on 03.02.06 8:58 pm
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can punch himself in the back of the head
Posted by Sham on 03.02.06 10:18 pm
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile,
but it only takes 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
Posted by CODY on 03.03.06 1:13 am
YOU GUYS ARE GENIUSES
Posted by CHUCK A DUCK on 03.03.06 8:17 am
The Boogeyman warns his children about Chuck Norris.
See those chicks on the left…they’re only here ’cause they googled searched chuck norris and thought they could meet up with him on this site.
Some people think that George Washington was the first President of the United States. But it was just Chuck norris in disguise.
E=MC Chuck.
Q: Why does Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick people to the head?
A: Because he can.
Steel has abs of Chuck Norris (or balls)
Posted by Zoidberg on 03.04.06 1:49 am
y was 6 afraid of chuck noris? because chuck noris 8 9
Posted by taylor31 on 03.04.06 11:27 pm
Chuck Norris got in a staring contest with a wall……………..and won
Posted by taylor31 on 03.04.06 11:32 pm
The big bang came from Chuck Noris round house kicking a star.
Posted by taylor31 on 03.04.06 11:37 pm
Chuck Noris has only been slapped once ……………………………………. Then he strangled the doctor with his umbillical cord
Posted by T-Ballz on 03.07.06 9:44 pm
napalm is just watered down chuck norris semen
Posted by mutt on 03.07.06 11:19 pm
Chuck norris has two speeds… Walk and Kill
Posted by thedigitalmidget on 03.08.06 1:05 am
What goes up must come down. Except for Chuck Norris.
Posted by thedigitalmidget on 03.08.06 1:17 am
To err is human, but to forgive is Divine. Chuck Norris does neither.
Teacher says that every time a bell rings, Chuck Norris just roundhouse kicked someone in the face.
Chuck Norris does not eat babies. Babies willingly crawl into his mouth and throw themselves against his teeth.
The 11th plague of Egypt was Chuck Norris.
Posted by Gigashadowwolf on 03.08.06 2:54 am
The Japanese could not pronounce Chuck Norris’ name so he roundhouse kicked them into bankruptcy. What was the name they gave him? GODZILLA!
Chuck Norris was once challenged to do a cannon ball competition; the result, Tsunami.
Chuck Norris has no feelings. He has roundhouse kicks!
Chuck Norris does not read, he interrogates books until they give up information.
Chuck Norris once impregnated a group of nuns in the Himalayas they all became pregnant and gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins the only undefeated team in the history of the NFL.
Jesus did not die and then get resurrected Chuck Norris saw him on the cross and kicked him so hard he went 40 days into the future before he could die.
Posted by Jame-o on 03.08.06 1:17 pm
Chuck norris is so hard core he uses sand paper as toilet paper
Posted by Bob DeLosSantros on 03.08.06 1:27 pm
The all mighty CHUCK NORRIS doesnt play the foolish game of kick the can but kick the car.
Posted by Gigashadowwolf on 03.08.06 5:05 pm
What is black and white and red all over? A nun questioning Chuck Norris
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from Chuck Norris (consequentially the result was KFC)
The only man ever to lay a finger on Chuck Norris was Bruce Lee on July 20, 1973. May he rest in Pieces.
Posted by Gigashadowwolf on 03.08.06 5:19 pm
On July 6th 1994 it was decided that Death by natural causes had to include Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once found a fly in his soup the next day the police found a waiter in a fly.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat his meat well done rare or even raw. Only strait out of the womb.
When Chuck Norris farts he has no need to call saftey because there are no survivors.
When Chuck Norris wants to sit in the front seat of the car he does not call shotgun he uses one. Good thing he always drives.
Chuck Norris impregnated a woman by saying his own name. The people of the time could not even begin to comprehend Chuck Norris so they called Mary’s child was the son of God.
Chuck Norris did not Invent the internet. He invented the gore. And by gore I do not mean Al Gore, I mean like bloody carnage gore.
Posted by Tony D on 03.08.06 7:16 pm
Chuck norris does not spit he makes his mouth cry.
Posted by Kyl3r on 03.08.06 9:25 pm
Chuck Norris doesnt believe in the law of gravity why? that doesnt matter he is the law.
Chuck Norris is the only person to ever Trade punches with Zeus, result, Zeus has to throw lightning bolts with his left arm now.
Have you ever wandered why morpheous didnt just wake-up Chuck Norris rather than neo?
Whcich runs better a 64bit computer or a Chuck Norris?……answer carefully Chuck Norris reads these posts…
Some people say its impossible to make a cat land on its back..PISH POSH IVE SEEN CHUCK NORRIS DO IT!
If Chuck Norris were to jump off a 10 story building the ground would die on impact.
Niagra Falls is the aftermath Of Chuck Norris on a bad day.
The power rangers are Chuck Norris desciples.
Chuck Norris Doesnt do drugs drugs do chuck Norris.
Posted by Cando xx on 03.09.06 10:42 pm
Chuck Norris and Mr. T want to plan another fight. This time is known as the apocalypse.
Posted by Chris Brouwer on 03.12.06 7:11 am
Why is Micheal Jackson now white and covered in plastic surgery? Because Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kicked him in the face
Posted by Chuck is my father on 03.13.06 11:27 pm
Chuck Norris once challenged Jesus to thumb wrestle him. Nobody knows the outcome of the match because he killed Jesus before he told anyone. When Jesus came back to life Norris round house kicked him in the face this time permanetly killing Jesus. A Jew asked Norris if he killed Jesus because he didn’t want anybody to know that he lost the match. Norris replied,”No dumbfuck, he looked at me funny. Chuck then proceeded to roundhouse kick the Jew in the face and rewrote the Bible blaming Jesus’s death on the Jews.
Posted by Chuck is my father on 03.13.06 11:31 pm
Don’t Fuck With Chuck
Posted by Kegizzle on 03.18.06 12:09 am
Chuck Norris eats his Resses the wrong way!
Posted by Choices on 03.20.06 5:45 pm
The dirty Sanchez was originally called the CHUCK NORRIS because he wanted everyone to look like him
Posted by Jon on 03.25.06 3:07 pm
Chuck Norris can win a game of connect four in 3 moves.
Posted by chucklez on 04.08.06 8:50 pm
chuck norris smells like poop and he likes it……..
Posted by Justin From Hillsborough on 04.10.06 7:10 pm
chuck noris dick is responsible for lunar eclipses not the moon
Chuck Noris killed himself to meet the Devil, when Chuck met the Devil
he round house kicked him in the face. The Devil then proceeded to Name him the new Lord of The underworld, when reporters asked the Devil why he did it, The devil said “Not even I can bring people that much pain and sufferage.” Now People are met in hell with a chuck Noris Round House kick. Then they assend to heaven. A chuck Noris roundhouse kick is enough pain for a lifes worth of sins.
Posted by bosman on 04.11.06 8:09 am
chuck norris once slammed an rotating door twice!
Posted by V on 04.20.06 9:02 pm
10 people have met chuck norris. and lived
Posted by V on 04.20.06 9:08 pm
They say Jesus was conceived immaculately because there are no words beautiful enough to describe Chuck Norris having sex
Chuck Norris went back in time to save JFK from being shot. He deflected the bullet with his beard, JFK’s head exploded in amazement.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
who would win in a fight between superman and batman with kyrptonite gloves? Chuck Norris would.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Posted by Coors on 04.23.06 7:02 pm
the ninja turtles is a true story. chuck norris once swalloed a turtle and when he shit it out the turtle as 6 foot tall and knew karate.
Posted by some guy on 04.27.06 8:42 pm
Chuck norris knows how they get the caramel in a caramilk. Someone asked him once and chuck norris roundhouse kicked him in the head and said “Chuck norris always keeps his secrets!”
Posted by opeth215 on 04.27.06 9:01 pm
why didn’t chuck norris cross the road? because the other side comes to HIM.
Posted by irongrace on 04.27.06 11:27 pm
Chuck Norris can touch MCHammer.
Posted by chad on 04.28.06 2:08 pm
chuck norris v/s god, a tie!|
Posted by Chris on 05.05.06 5:39 pm
For Chuck Norris when you look at his species he is classified as CHUCK NORRIS
Posted by chucker on 05.06.06 2:46 am
so there was chuck norris vindesil and arnold whatever and god said why shall u be my right hand man vin said,cause im soo beautiful arnoldsaid because im soo strong and chuck says god ur in my spot.
Posted by Trigg on 05.12.06 11:02 am
Would anybody here have thePotatoe Sacks to say these to his face?
Posted by Nick rules on 05.13.06 2:53 pm
Chuck Noris does not pledge allegiance to the flag. the flag pledges allegiance to chuck noris.
Posted by josh the man on 05.14.06 3:06 am
Chuck norris is the real reson for the Black Plauge!
Posted by josh the man on 05.14.06 3:09 am
guitar-$500, Amp-$800, guitar strap-$20, watching Chuck Norris roundhouse kick kids at your concert- Price less
Posted by josh the man on 05.14.06 3:19 am
It is a proven fact that on the seventh day god didnt rest, chuck norris knocked him out with a round house kick to the face.
Posted by hello on 05.15.06 11:51 pm
Chuck Norris always chooses Chuck Norris for his research paper topic
Posted by hello on 05.15.06 11:54 pm
Kurt Cobain didn’t kill himself. He died of an overdose of unusually pure Chuck Norris
Posted by hello on 05.16.06 12:04 am
if you think about chuck norris’s penis, you will cry
Posted by hello on 05.16.06 12:13 am
Chuck Norris’s favorite food is toast.
Posted by absent on 05.18.06 9:06 pm
when Chuck norris takes steroids, his penis grows
Posted by all ur moms suck ass on 05.19.06 7:59 pm
all ur moms r so fat i have to take 2 buses and a train just to get on her good side
all ur moms r so fat when ever a bus goes buy she says someone stop that twinky
ur moms so fat she makes all of u look skinny
Posted by lolly on 05.20.06 3:50 am
WTF DO U PPL DO ON A WKEND??
IS THIS ALL U GUYS DO?
GET A FUCKIN LIFE
COCKSUCKER!!
Posted by Jordan on 05.24.06 4:02 pm
Hey ass hole I’m the son of Chuck Norris, my name is Chucky Norris and if you don’t stop making jokes about my dad I’m going to come threw the computer and roundhouse kick you’re sorry ass into cyber space. And then my dad Chuck Norris will drop his left nut on ur parents house while screwing ur sister!
Posted by 2021 on 05.30.06 11:33 pm
After a roundhouse kick, Bruce Springsteen calls Chuck Norris the Boss.
After a roundhouse kick, Elvis calls Chuck Norris the King.
Posted by 2021 on 05.30.06 11:46 pm
do you know why dolphins are so smart? Because they don’t fuck with Chuck Norris.
Posted by deuce wild on 06.04.06 11:58 am
There’s no such thing as evolution. There’s just the species Chuck Norris has allowed to live…….
There’s no such thing as Gobal warming either. Chuck Norris got cold so he turned up the sun.
Posted by WonkySam on 06.10.06 8:13 pm
It is known that noone can beat Chuck Norris in a staring contest. Consequently he was seen beating up a mirror.
Posted by erik on 06.12.06 11:04 pm
only chuch norris can touch MC HAMMER but MC HAMMER would’t dare touch chuck norris
Posted by SIMTRON 5000 on 07.09.06 2:35 am
CHUCK NORRIS DOESNT HAVE TO TAKE YOUR WORD 4 IT
Posted by SIMTRON 5000 on 07.09.06 2:36 am
CHUCK NORRIS DOESNT HAVE TO TAKE YOUR WORD 4 IT!
Posted by bad ass mofo on 07.24.06 8:34 pm
Chuck Norris invented the wheel by a roundhouse kick!!! CHUCK NORRIS!!!!!
Posted by Katelyn on 08.03.06 7:39 pm
chuck norris destroyed the periodic table of elements because chuck norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Posted by kinkykelson on 08.20.06 9:52 pm
chuck norris doesnt have a chin, underneath his beard there is another fist
Posted by matt lauer on 10.30.06 6:50 pm
Who wins the fight between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris? No one, the fight lasts forever.
Posted by matt lauer on 10.30.06 6:52 pm
Why doesn’t Chuck Norris go tanning? Because he controls all UV rays.
Posted by Punkypal on 11.05.06 11:25 pm
Why is the Mona Lisa smiling? Because she’s sitting on Chuck Norris’s face and the beard tickles.
Posted by Punkypal on 11.05.06 11:36 pm
Chuck Norris went back in time and had sex with his own grandmother. Thus becoming his fathers father. When Chuck Norris was born, his father/son was going to name him Eugene, but Chuck Norris came back in time again, roundhouse kicked his father/son in the head and named himself Chuck Norris.
Posted by Punkypal on 11.06.06 12:58 am
Once the world’s oldest nun challenged Chuck Norris to a fight to prove that he was not God, but she added the stipulation that Norris could only fight back using a pillow and she could use a gun. Naturally she thought Norris would be unable to accept the challenge and therefore prove that he was indeed mortal and feared death. Norris never-the-less agreed to the challenge! The nun was not about to allow him to call her bluff so she agreed. On the day of the fight Chuck Norris showed up and faced off against the nun. She pulled out a large handgun and pointed it at him. Chuck said, “Wait, first… where is my pillow?” The nun laughed, “I have none for you! If you are God you can create a pillow for yourself!” Norris calmly stood his ground while the nun unloaded the gun into his chest. Barely phased Norris turned and began to walk down the street. The nun exclaimed, “Hey where are you going?” She jumped into her car and tried to run him down, but after hitting him she only managed to wreck the car as if she had hit a telephone pole. Amazed but not deterred, she jumped out of the car and began to beat upon Norris with a tire iron as he turned into a bedding and linen supply store. He grabbed a pillow from a display shelf and roundhouse kicked it so hard it flew into the nuns head and killed her instantly. The clerk reported he then heard Norris proclaim, “Old habits die hard” And now you know where that saying comes from.
Posted by RezzaBoy on 03.15.07 10:57 pm
Chuck was in a German bar one night and a jew stepped on his toe. This incident was later in history known as the Holocaust.
Posted by trevor on 04.08.07 9:12 pm
-god said let there be light….chuck said “say please”
-chuck once ate a rubiks cube and shit it out solved
Posted by crouchy on 04.17.07 1:58 pm
chuck norris doesn’t believe in germany
Posted by samostoner on 04.24.07 1:05 pm
who would win in a fight between chuck norris and god? trick question chuck norris is god
Posted by Brian on 05.07.07 12:28 pm
If it looks like chicken, smells chicken and tastes like chicken… if Chuck Norris says it’s beef, it’s beef.
Posted by Daso on 06.01.07 5:47 am
Wow… Chuck Norris vs Jackie Chan… Chuck for sure.
Posted by jonnyb on 07.02.07 11:32 pm
Kids that are born with diseases and illnesses moms were roundhouse kicked by chuck norris
boogers are scared of chuck norris
Bigfoot has been spotted many times but in actuality it was Chuck Norris pissing in the woods
Chuck Norris Once flicked his booger out his car window it hit a blind man now he can see
Chuck Norris once Kung Fu Punched the earth you might know this spot as the grand canyon
Posted by THE CHUCK on 08.24.07 9:52 pm
When bruce banner gets angry he turns into the hulk. When the hulk gets angry he turns into chuck norris.