When Chuck Norris played golf for money, chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to chuck,â€excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a holeâ€. Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said, im Chuck Norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways.
Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight.
Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is “The Twoâ€
Chuck Norris’ iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord.
Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times.
China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn’t Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus’ birthday.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.
Chuck Norris once kicked a baby elephant into puberty
Multiple people have died from Chuck Norris giving them the finger.
Chuvk Norris once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head.
Chuck Norris Knows where Jimmi Hoffa is buried.
Chuck Norris wrote stairway to heaven
Is that a gun of is Chuck Norris just two blocks away watching the war live on T.V. ?
God wanted 10 days to create earth… Chuck Norris gave him 6. On the 7th day he repeatedly roundhouse kicked him in the face for not creating man in the image of Chuck Norris. The result was Evolution.
You’re a fucking retard.
I once went to the city of atlantis to get posiedons trident. when he refused to give it to me i simply roundhouse kicked the city until it sank.
Thomas Edison got help to invent the lightbulb from Chuck Norris. When Edison told Chuck Norris that it couldn’t be done, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face until he got an idea.
Chuck Norris knowns exactly who killed Kennedy, and where Area 51 is. He is willing to tell anyone who can survive a roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris is king of the U.S. and dictates our government with threats of roundhouse kicks.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the black off Michael Jackson
It wasn’t the nuclear warhead that split the asteroid in Armegeddon, it was really Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick, but the director cut that scene out because it would make the rating above R, no one lives to see a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick
Thunder isnt the sound that comes after lightning, its the echo of someone being Round house kicked by Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris has never been cock blocked. Ever.
Chuck Norris is the reason dinosaurs are extinct
Chuck Norris gave Freddy Murcury aids.
Chuck Noris can play guitar better than Jimi Hendrix. He can rap better than Eminem, and he can DAMN sure pleasure your wife better than you can. In fact…he is right now.
Chuck Norris had sex with himself and gave birth to King Kong.
Chuck Norris got stranded at sea. He proceeded to make love to a whale, in order for the whale to return him to dry land. The whale gave birth to their child- Willy. He is the star of the movie “Free Willy.” Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked both of them to the fiery depths of hell.
chuck listens to slayer
slayer also listens to chuck
the song iron man was really writen about chuck norris’ penis
and ozzy is not high on anything but a gracious roundhouse kick from chuck norris
chuck norris is with u iin spirit and when u piss him off you get explosive diareah wherever u are no matter what u are doing
Chuck Norris raped my father. 9 months later I was born. Immediately after my birth my father died. Chuck Norris took me out to the woods and raised me from a new born baby to a fully grown man in just 20 minutes by breast feeding me himself.
He then round house kicked the shit out of me because I used a little too much teeth while feeding. To this day, one of my eyes is crooked, I have no teeth, and no hair on my balls.
Thank you Chuck Norris. Thank you.
Chuck Norris doesn’t get punched in the face. He headbuts peoples fists
Chuck Norris doesn’t do math. He stares down numbers until they make him breakfast
Chuck Norris reads the bible to Jesus before Jesus goes to sleep
One time, Chuck Norris counted up to infinity and back down. Twice.
Chuck Norris has a name for his penis. Florida.
Chuck Norris is the Master Chief.
No one knows what Jesus was doing from age 12 to 30. But it is known that when he re-emerged, he had a beard and roundhouse kicked everyone in the Jewish Temple just cuz they pissed him off.
Chuck Norris once ejaculated hot molten which he immediately formed into a ring. This ring would later become known as the ring of power, and was in itself responsible for the near destruction of middle earth.
Chuck Norris doesn’t tea bag women, he potato sacks them.
Chuck Norris doesn’t get kicked in the balls, his balls hit the kneecaps off of legs.
Chuck Norris raped a shark, who gave birth to Jaws. After the movie, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked his shark son for trying to eat a female with boobs, and unsuccessfully killing two male actors.
There really never was an Atom Bomb. Chuck Norris just jumped out of a plane and punched the ground vaporizing everything at Hiroshima.
Hitler didnt comite suicide, Chuck norris round housed kicked him in the face and he bursted into flames..
God made the earth in 6 days, and chuck norris made god in 1 day.. haha god..
Vietnam agreed to peace with the united states, because they fould out they were planing on sending in Chuck norris..
chuck norris uses titanium toilets due to the fact that his healthy diet of nails produces canon shell terds propelled with the force of a sherman tank.
Chuck norris doesnt walk on the street the street walks under chuck norris
whyd the chicken cross the road?Cus chuck norris roundhouse kicked him in the face
When batman and superman have a fight chuck norris wins
one time a blind man stepped on chuck norris’ foot,the man could see, unfortunatly the last thing he saw was a roundhouse kick to the face.
What came first the chicken or the egg?chuck norris
Chuck norris had sex with an ape the result was evolution
when chuck norris kicks you it hurts……….Forever…….and ever……you know what?……..It hurts Infanity twice over……..
The titanic didnt hit an iceberg,Chuck norris wasnt invited on its maiden voyage…….so in retaliation he round house kicked the side of it……
Roses Are Red
Violets are Blue
Ypur Face is all Red
Cause Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kicked You
Chuck Norris Smokes TNT.
Chuck Norris Counted to infinite TWICE.
Chuck Norris once went to Burger King and ordered a Big Mac and got it!
Chuck Norris calls the axis of evil, non-chucks
After the creation of jaws three, chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the coastline causing a great wave that engulfed the great shark thus killing it and destroying many parts of Asia. This wave was later referred to as the tsunami of December 2004. When interviewed in regards to the episode chuck responded “I killed the shark, he won’t be biting any one.”
Chuck Norris was once asked who he resembles more; his mother or his father. Chuck fearing people would find out he is the reincarnation of the lord Ganesh; roundhouse kicked every one in the room dead and mistakenly broke a mirror. (Refer to mirror joke)
Chuck Norris fears nothing except the mirror, but only if he is directly in front
Chuck norris is in a bar chatting up a supermodel. She cant’s
resist the Chuck and reaches into his pants. Chuck Norris roundhouse
kicks her across the room and says, “Nobody pleasures Chuck Norris
but Chuck Norris!”
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the fat off of Al Roker
Chuck Norris always gets a yatzee while playing uno.
the “try to be betterthan Chuck Norris challenge” was to long to say, so they changed it to the Olympics.
the Jabba the Hut prop for the origional starwars movie was made when, someone said that Chuck Norris couldent eat a truckfull of toothpaste and brownies, after he sucesfully completed this feat, he almost roundhouse kicked the guy that told him he couldent, except he took a Jabba size crap on him. this guy happend to be George Lucas.
usher once told Chuck Norris to get low, after Chuck Norris threw a total gym on him, he Roundhouse kicked him in the face,
Chuck Norris once hat an iligitimate child with George Michales, The child then grew up to become Billy Ray Sirus, he then Roundhouse kicked Billy Ray Sirus in the face for gettin that dam song stuck in his head, while Roundhouse kicking him he also ripped off the mullet and made him use it as a diper bag. then Beans the the rapest that works at taco bell came and bought the mullet diper bag for $14.95, then he got roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris for making a bad deal with his iligitimate son.
Chuck Norris once wrote a bank an I.O.U fo $ 18,000,000.67,in fear of getting a roundhouse kick to the face they complied.
Chuck Norris is A-Sexual
Chuck Norris once swallowed four midgets and shat out a NBA superstar. The superstar–now known as Vince Carter; gets roundhouse kicked every second monday for being gay.
Chuck Norris wrote the script for SawI and II while roundhouse kicking Spielberg and masturbating with his left hand while simultaneously reading an archie comic depicting Archie banging veronica.
Chuck Norris is the reason Michael jackson’s nose is so fucked… while petting Michaels monkey “Bubbles”, the animal bit Norris’s finger. Due to Norris’s super American—tear-resistant skin…the monkey subsequently imploded. Michael , loosing his only legal child size companion, attempted to hug Norris…Norris proceeded to roundhouse kick Michael for 231 days after which he granted Michael a day of child molestation. Once the day was up..norris proceeded to continue roundhouse Kicking michael in the face.
Chuck Norris once ploughed the entire American Mid-west Prairies with roundhouse kicks thus ending the great depression.
Chuck Norris’s Blood type is registered as “straight”.
Chuck Norris, being in New York at the time on 911; survived the deadly attack by roundhouse kicking his way through the rubble. Norris knows no fear.
Whilst playing Doom, Chuck Norris was attacked by a demon. He then roundhouse kicked his way to Mars and found the demon in question. He round house kicked the demon so hard it hit satan in the face and killed him, thus completing the game. Chuck then went back to the shop where he bought the game and asked for his money back, the clerk repeatedly shot himself through the groin with a rusty nail gun knowing that explanation of the ‘no-refund’ policy would lead to a roundhouse kick to the face.
50 Cent did not get shot 9 times. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him to the face 9 times.
The tsunamies of December 26th were not caused by a shift in the tectonic plates. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the water.
Chuck doesnt get wet, Water Gets Chuck
Chuck Noriss’ urine is strong enough to melt a steel motar shot in 15 and a half minutes
In Star Wars when Darth Vader removed his mask to show Luke his face, Chuck Norris appeared and said to Luke ” I am your father ” and smiled.
Chuck Norris doesn’t use electric toothbrushes. His standard one is always trembling in fear.
Chuck Norris raised his own parents.
chuck norris never has to get a haircut, he has a natural mullet.
Chuck Norris Invented Pokemon
Chuck Noriss gave Tommy Lee Hep.B
Chuck Noriss gave Tommy Lee Hep.B. When Tommy asked why he did this, he said “because I’m Chuck Norris” and proceeded to round-house kick him in the face.
it was said that chuck norris once got sick, but this was actually a rumor started by chuck norris himself to lure more enemies to him
chuck norris does not need oxygen to survive, oxygen needs chuck norris
chuck norris does not need gasoline to start his car, he just tells it to “go”
chuck norris does not need oxygen to survive, oxygen needs chuck norris
chuck norris does not need gasoline to start his car, he just tells it to “go”
chuck norris invented the internet
Chuck Norris doesn’t use a fishing pole to catch fish. He uses his teeth.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked me in the head because I knew too much, and now, I am almost braindead.
Chuck Norris has acid for blood.
Chuck Norris owns the Ninja Turtles.
When Chuck Norris laughs valcanos erupt.
In a episode of Walker Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris once Round House kick a man so hard the blow traveled back in time and crashed Amelia Earharts plane in the Bremuda Triangle.
FAGGOTY FAG MCFAGERSOm
chuck norris lit the sun on fire by lighting a match and farting in its direction.
chuck norris took his first steps on the moon. then roundhouse kicked neil armstrong back to earth.
when chuck norris jumped into the water, he didnt get wet, the water got CHUCKed
Chuck Norris once can cook 30 minute Brownies in 10 minutes
Chuck norris is 1/8th Navajo, no not his ancestery, he ate a fucking Indian
A young boy once asked chuck norris is his real name was charles, chuch said nothing, just simply stared at him until he exploded.
Chuck norris created the cellphone
Chuck Norris introduced Rice to the Chinese.
More people belive in Chuck Norris than God… think about it
Chuck Norris tripped over a rock in China and got pissed so he roundhoused kicked the rock until it turned into mount Everest
How does Chuck Norris show mercey? Roundhouse kicks to the face.
Who do you think will win the super bowl? Chuck Norris
chuck norris doesnt watch TV, Tv watches chuck norris
i suck
chuck norris doesnt suck, he blows XD
Will the real chuck norris please stand up?!
who will win in a gang war? Bloodz or Kripz? you guessed it!
CHUCK NORRIS!
North side, south side, east side, west side What do you represent? I represent chuck norris!!!!!
Chuck norris doesnt pay hoes to fuck him, hoes pay chuck norris!
chuck norris doesnt hax, he ownz XD
if chuck norris were to play a game his first char would be lvl ??? at creation
chuck norris doesnt do the dew, the dew does chuck norris
WHO AM I?! CHUCK MOTHERFUCKIN NORRIS!
Marilyn Monroe was once giving Chuck Norris a blow job when he came in her mouth hence the true cause of her death
chuck norris walks down broadway with a boner … none survive
chuck norris doesnt tea bag, he potato sacks.
Chuck norris made ice cream cold.
Chuck Norris doesn’t have to flirt with women to have sex with them, he simply says “Now”.
In Star Wars Chuck Norris doesn’t use a lightsaber, he uses his cock….and a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris doesn’t use a urinal, he stares at you and pisses on your boot.
Old Faithful…guess what it ain’t water… 3 words Chuck Norris’ Semen
Chuck Norris invented x-ray glasses and burned holes in pam anderson’s tit…hence her vd.
Chuck Norris once saw some chick getting beat up, and defended her and then… He didn’t roundhouse kick her to the face, cause he’s awesome as hell and doesn’t do shit like that.
superman wears chuck norris pajamas
the only thing that can cut chuck norris, is chuck norris. so when he shaves, he roundhouse kicks himself in the face.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light, not because he is scared of the dark, because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris!
Chuck Norris likes to wrap presents. By “wrap” I mean “kick.” By “presents” I mean “babies.”
Chuck Norris is a gold medal swimmer, whenever he jumps into the water, the water moves out of the way and Chuck Norris simply walks across.
my heroes in life are chuck norris and jesus…in that order
Chuck Norris and John Elway were eating dinner. They started talking about accomplishments. John Elway said there’s no way that Chuck can match up with his two super bowls. Chuck roundhouse kicked Elway in the mouth then broke Elway’s arm and said, “I won the karate championship in Sidekicks bitch”
jesus can walk on water…..chuck norris can walk on jesus
if chuck norris has sex with a man its not because hes gay its because he ran outta women.
the original US currency read “in chuck we trust”. chuck didnt like the font they used and roundhouse kicked congress until they gave him his own form of money- roundhouse kicks
when Bush said there were weapons of mass destruction in iraq he really meant chuck norris was on vacation in the middle-east.
Every night the boogyman checks his closet for chuck norris
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did.
when chuck norris breathes he supplies the world with oxygen.
in 1997, chuck achieved another milestone in his life by being the first man ever in the western hemisphere to be awarded an 8th degree black belt grand master recognition in the tae kwon do system. this was a first in 4,500 years of tradition.
i’m aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the internet and in e-mails as “chuck norris facts” ive seen some of them. some are funny. some are pretty far out. being more a student of the wild west than the wild world of the internet, im not quite sure what to make of it. its quite surprising. i do know that boys will be boys, and i neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real chuck norris facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, “Against all odds?” they may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the old west, “the justice riders” released this month. im very proud of these literary efforts. ~chuck norris
When Chuck Norris does push ups, he does not lift himself up, he pushes the earth down.
Chuck norris does not make bowel movements. But he’s the reason we do.
Once…just to prove that his shit didn’t stink, Chuck norris constructed an entire building out of it. It was later sold to Willy Wonka.
Everytime you get the goosebumps, someone is thinking about Chuck Norris. Everytime Chuck Norris gets the goosebumps, Chuck Norris is thinking about Chuck Norris.
Before Chuck Norris was circumsised, he requested a favour from the doctor, then reinforced it with a swift roundhouse kick to the face. His fore-skin is now equipped with velcro for easy dettachment.
Chuck Norris took your virginity. You may be thinking “Well that’s impossible. I lost my virginity to that sweet boy next door” And if you are, you’re wrong. DEAD wrong.
Chuck Norris always knows where Waldo is. ALWAYS.
The US military once insulted Chuck Norris. Hence- Pearl Harbor.
Jenna Jamison gets sex tips from Chuck Norris.
Contrary to popular belief, 9/11 was not a terrorist attack. It was a roundhouse kick by Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris wipes his ass, not only does he use 10 and 20 dollar bills, but the presidents feast on his poo.
The “shot heard around the world” was in actuallity chuck norris round house kicking a redwood tree, in an attempt to save a stranded house cat. this cat has developed a certain resillience and is now known around the world simply as “The Mountain Lion”
Chuck Norris invented drinking out of the carton.
chuck norris once fought steven segal, to this day steven has downs syndrome. thus explaining the ponytail.
Chuck Norris’s parents used to come into his room and ask to sleep in his bed. These requests were usually followed by a swift roundhouse kick to the face, or a tender kiss on the forehead.
How many licks does it take to the center of a tootsie pop?
Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris has don some truely amazing things like kick grasshoppers ass and rescue POWs by the thousands but when the world ends he will shelter the chosen few and start the perfect rase of super humans
If you worship Chuck Norris, you’ll get a roundhouse kick to the face,
If you don’t worship Chuck Norris, you’re already dead.
Chuck Norris is so suave, his operated answering machine system flirts with him.
The will power of Chuck Norris is so strong, he gets people to go pee for him.
Bitch
Time stops for no man….except Chuck Norris
JFK didnt save us from the cuban missle crisis, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the rockets right back at cuba and the got stuck up Fidel Castro’s ass which is why he is such a crank
Once Chuck Norris Round-House Kicked a Chunk of the earth off (Which you may know as the Moon).
Chuck Norris is “THE MAN”.
Chuck Norris caused the tsunami of 2004 by doing a double back roundhouse kick cannonball.
Guns don’t kill people, Chuck Norris kills people.
Chuck Norris does not do lines of cocaine. Lines of cocaine float to Chuck Norris’ nose. When asked by a 8 year old if he does drugs, Chuck Norris replied with a swift roundhouse kick to the face. He then cried aloud, “Don’t do drugs.”
Vote chuck norris for president or he will roundhouse kick you to the face.
If you vote for Arnold Schwartznager he will tripple roundhouse kick you to the face.
They banned cloning because if you cloned Chuck Norris he would roundhouse kick another of his roundhouse kicks and that would destroy the universe…
Chuck norris knows jack shit
when chuck norris ran for president he said he didnt have a political platform. when a reporter asked him why he said,” I am the platform”…then proceeded to roundhouse kick the reporter in the face…twice.
Chuck Norris found out that his wife was cheating on him. He does a massive roundhouse kick to her face. She’s lying on the floor gasping for breath while he comes over and says ” Dont Fuck With Chuck”.
Chuck donates blood regulary but never his own.
When Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked me, he hit me twice, once with his leg and the other with his penis.
If Chuck Norris and God got into a fight who would win?
Trick question! Chuck Norris IS God!
Yeah, my drama teacher came up with that.
I can win Connect Four in three moves
Long ago Chuck Norris rented over a million video’s but never rewind them. Once he was ask why he never rewinded, He round house kick the clerk so hard he went on to invent the DVD so that he would never remember the horrible day at the video store again..
Chuck norris in high school was the crippled manager of the football team until the 4th quarter of the state championship game chuck told the coach to put him in an the coach replied you r stupid. chuck Norris beating the crippledness jumped out of the wheel chair and roundhouse kicked the coach an went into the game throwing a 99 yard td pass to win the game then banging all the women in the crowd
Scientists found out that Chuck Norris actually is asleep in New York City….they found out this because they saw his penis….some call it the Empire State Building.
When asked if he would ever get married Chuck Norris immediately flew around the world and banged every girl he saw, he then came back and said…..I love rattlesnake condoms.
~Chuck Norris freed the slaves….. he started slavory too!
~Chuck Norris neither the alpha nor the omega, he is a greater power.
~Chuck Norris ate pancakes for breakfast, 57 raw eggs, a peice of country ham, and your mom!
chuck norris once pulled a muscle in his round house kicking leg he pulled the muscle by squating 1000000000000000000000000000 pounds and on his 8888888888888888888 rep he pulled it his trainer said chuck you need either eat or ice on that chuck then said “what about hot ice” the trainer said chuck there is no such thing chuck then said to his trainer “when i cure my leg with hot ice i will round house kick you” chuck then sat a bag of ice on the ground and stared at it till the ice was red hot but didnt not melt he then applyed it to the leg and instantly healed his pulled muscle chuck then round house kicked the trainer for doubting his abilities cuz there is nothing chuck cant do he can alter the laws of pyshics in chucks book
in chucks book E does not equal MC squared it equals…what ever the fuck he wants it to equal
chuck norris did not go to school, because he taught humans intelligence… see chuck norris isnt human, he norris.
Chuck Norris once breastfed a dying flamingo back to health.
Chuck Norris When you absolutly have to kill every motherfucker in the room accept no substutes.
chuck norris once ate an entire cake before his friends told him there was a stripper inside
Chuck Norris can lick a womans ear and tell if she’s pregnant
Chuck Norris puts his pants on like we do, but after he does he makes gold records
Chuck Norris co-wrote an episode of charles in charge, the one where charles hits the kids and he gets arrested.
chuck norris once ate three 72 ounce steaks in one hour. he spent the first 59 minuts haveing sex with his waitress
they once made a chuck norris toilet paper, but there was a problem, it wouldnt take shit from anybody
you know how i know you’re all gay? you are obsessed with chuck norris
Chuck Norris walks into a bar.
chuck norris died 10 years ago… the grim reaper is to chicken to tell him hes dead
dinosor bones are the result of the tooth fairy burying chuck norrises baby teeth
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
you know how i know dbs82 is gay? he likes my balls in his mouth
You know how you can tell you’re gay? Chuck didn’t screw your mom
the total gym has 2 purposes 1 is so other people can try to look like chuck norris the other is so he can have sex while doing a workout
According to einsteins theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you, yesterday.
Hellen Kellers’ favorite color is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking, because the rock is Chuck Norris’ personal chef.
Chuck Norris hates Jazz. He turned himself into Hurricane Katrina (means chuck norris in portugeuse) and destroyed New Orleans, home to all things Jazzy.
Hurrican Katrina was actually cause by a Roundhouse kick while chuck norris was scuba diving
The reason there has been so many different Batman’s is because Chuck
Norris kept killing them off.
When Arnold thought he killed the predator with a giant log falling from the trees… it was really just Chuck Norris bending over randomely and taking a shit.
Chuck Norris beat the sun at a staring contest.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear sun block, the sun wears Chuck block
When Chuck Norris jumps into a lake, he doesn’t get wet, the lake gets Chuck’d
Handicap parking spaces are reserved for Chuck Norris, the sign is to show what will happen to you if you take it.
Chuck Norris found out his wife was pregnant so he promptly roundhouse kicked her in the stomach.
All poisons and all antidotes are made from chuck norris’s semen.
All poisons and all antidotes are made from chuck norris’s semen.
There are only 2 things chuck norris steals, babies and virginity.
My mommy left all of us for one chance to see chuck norris in real life.
Chuck Norris can make rape funny.
ChuckNorris’s semen is so potent that chuck can bang a girl and that girl can flip you off and you will get pregnant.
Chuck Norris’ mother was only in labor for 3 seconds because Chuck Norris delivered himself.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked Mother Teresa just to prove a point.
The only reason Chuck Norris invented dirt was so he could bury his foes.
chuck norris lost his verginity before his dad did
chuck norris deleted myspace.com with a blink of his eyes..then roundhouse kicked TOM.
Chuck norris has a show on discovery, its called “when chuck attacks!”
Every national holiday should be chuck norris day
If you say chuck norris five times while practicing the ritual of perfect round-house kicking chuck norris will appear to you, and, err, probibly round-house kick ya in the nutz
This site needs to be more funny. You know the price of failure. Remember, chuck norris doesn’t repeat himself
Contrary to popular belief Chuck Norris actually did audition for the first season of American Idol, and after singing “Afternoon Delight” Simon was moved to tears by Chucks’ magnificint voice. The reason why Chuck never advanced was because the fourth judge, Vin Diesel, persuaded Randy and Puala to give him a “no” vote. Offended by this Chuck decapitated Vin, thus now there is only three judges.
Chuck Norris Doesn’t read books. He stairs at them until they give up the information
Chuck Norris fucks on the first date. Always
When Chuck Norris has sex with your wife its ok because you’ll be knocked out from a roundhouse kick
Chuck Norris counted to infinity backwards, twice.
chuck norris is afraid or vince carter for dunking over chucks little penis
Chuck Norris uses the alias Scud Rookie Hunk – Scud meaning moving very fast in a straight line. This is a secret only known to Chuck Norris. When he finds out you’ve read this you will recieve a SCUD ROOKIE HUNK to the face!!! (ANAGRAM – Work it out)

There is no such thing as safe sex with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can’t die because heaven and hell are afraid of him.
Chuck Norris farted once, scientists refer to it as the big bang.
Women used to have only 1 boob, until Chuck Norris karate chopped it into 2.
Guns don’t kill people, Chuck Norris kills people.
What would u say if I had my balls on your chin? Nothing, cuz I’d have my cock in your mouth!
What would u say if Chuck Norris had your balls on your chin? Nothing, cuz you’d be crushed by the sheer weight of it.
Chuck Norris created farenheit because learning celsius just wasnt worth his time.
Chuck Norris does everything so fast, he is owed 3 days worth of time.
one time i asked chuck norris what time it is he round house kicked me in the face and said “chuck norris doesn’t believe in time” from that day on i have never looked at a clock
chuck norris… enough said
chuck norris doesnt have to type, the keyboard knows what he wants to say
chuck norris doesnt have to move his leg to roundhouse kick someone, they simply put their faces up to his foot to save his energy
when chuck norris talks to you , he is acually talking to him self right behind u
George W Bush didnt start the war with iraq chuck norris just gave george w. bush some nukes and said to give them to his most close friends.
there arnt any retards just people that have fought chuck norris and lived not to say nothing but “no more roundhouse kick” over and over again!!!!
one day at a subway chuck norris ordered a big n tasty and GOT IT!!!!
CHuck norris doent just eat he FEEDS!!!!
It is said when people masturbate god kills a kitten, when god masturbates chuck norris kills a lion.
chuck norris can impregnate a girl across the room by pointing at her and yelling “Booya!”
when chuck norris does push-ups he doesent push off the earth, he pushes the earth down.
when chuck talks, everyone listins. and dies
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the beak through three semi-trucks, all the way to the other side.
nobody deserves chuck norris not even chuck norris.
chuck norris had windows xp in 1895
chuck norris only maturbates to pictures of chuck norris
chuck norris doesnt listen to music. music listens to chuck.
a ducks quack does not echo. this phenomenon is solely the doing of chuck norris when asked why he will only stare you down until you dont echo either.
nobody deserves chuck norris not even chuck norris.
chuck norris had windows xp in 1895
chuck norris only maturbates to pictures of chuck norris
chuck norris doesnt listen to music. music listens to chuck.
a ducks quack does not echo. this phenomenon is solely the doing of chuck norris when asked why he will only stare you down until you dont echo either.
why did the never ending story end? because of chuck.
chuck norris got the gold silver and bronze in every olympic game ever.
chuck norris killed the dinosaurs.
chuck norris doesnt sleep, he waits.
if a person votes for someone or something it is counted once. if chuck norris votes for someone or something, they win.
CHuck Norris doesnt believe in Germany!
chuck norris invented the spoon, because killing people with a knife was just to easy
if you can see chuck norris, chuck norris can see you. if you cant see chuck norris, you make be seconds away from death.
Micheal Jackson was roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris as a child, that’s what enabled him to sing so high.
-chuck norris lead the allies to victory in world war 1 and 2. chuck norris sank the bismark with a roundhouse kick to the hull chuck norris doesn’t take showers, showers take chuck norris
Once Chuck Norris Blew a half pound of cocaine………and went RIGHT to sleep…..
Chuck Norris is on a first name basis with God…in fact the only reason he isn’t god is because he is to busy roundhouse kicking people
Chuck Norris started these jokes….. and HE WILL END THEM
superman gets his strength by doing Chuck Norris’ workout program
when Chuck Norris has sex with a woman she gets knocked out and when they wake up pregnant they see “Chuck Norris was here” written on their stomachs
chuck norris doesn’t need to send e-mails girls already know when he wants them
superman was an accident when chuck norris’ forgot to use protection
How Does Chuck norris use a condom, Chuck norris dosent use condoms.
if batman and darth vader had a fight chuck norris woud win.
if u see chuck norris and ask him what time it is he will say time for a round house kick 2 the face.
if u see a twister that means chnk norris made it with a round house kick.
y is ray blined cuase of chunk norris round house kick 2 the face
When asked by a reporter, “Chuck, could you win in a fight to the death against superman”, Chuck Norris qquickly replied, “You’re an idiot. Of course I can’t kill superman. But I could roundhouse kick his sally ass to planet Cryton where we will soon thereafter die due to cryptonite exposure.”
How did the Great Depression end? It got in Chuck Norris’s way.
chuck norris doesn’t use the word “I.” chuck norris speaks in the third person.
chuck norris spelled backwards is chuck norris.
the vigin mary was really impregnanted by chuck norris.
chuck norris eats carmel and peanuts and shits paydays.
the only person that has not been roundhouse kicked in the face is chuck norris. he’s still trying to get it right.
chuck norris had sex with a pinecone. the resullt was the great redwood tree.
what time is it? chuck norris.
there used to be 8 days of the week. the extra day was called chucknorrisday. due to an extremely high death rate on chucknorrisday, there are now only 7 days of the week and monday has the highest death rate.
there is no such thing as a chuck norris bobble head. chuck norris’s head does not bobble.
the titanic did not hit an iceburg. it hit chuck norris.
everytime a bell rings, someone gets roundhouse kicked in the face.
chuck norris always carries a baseball bat to the bathroom, just incase he shits a live bobcat.
chuck norris plans on putting an I in T-E-A-M.
every morning chuck norris stands on the southern beaches of texas gazing into the ocean. this is why hurricane rita turned east.
Gert Hooghiemstra asked Chuck Norris a Kak question and got his ass kicked all round his house roundhouse-style by the Chuck!
Elvis once went into his bathroom, and saw chuck norris’s face staring him down in the mirror. Elvis told chuck to get out, and a roundhouse kick hit him through the mirror.
This is the true cause of Elvis’s death
Elvis once went into his bathroom, and saw chuck norris’s face staring him down in the mirror. Elvis told chuck to get out, and a roundhouse kick hit him through the mirror.
This is the true cause of Elvis’s death
chuck norris was born feet first so he could round house kick the doctor in the face…………. because no one delivers chuck norris but chuck norris
chuck norris doesn ,ow his lawn,../….. he simply stares at it and dares it to grow
Chuck Norris does not speak english, we speak Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not move, the planet simply rotates beneath him until he reaches his desired destination.
Chuck Norris has never physically removed a womans bra. He has heat vision.
Chuck Norris does not breathe to live, he just likes the taste of oxygen.
Chuck Norris can play CD’s on his Ipod.
Chuck Norris cannot feel pain, but pain CAN feel Chuck Norris.
Moses didn’t really split the ocean, Chuck Norris just happened to be training at the time
Chuck Norris can define the slope of a vertical line.
Chuck Norris doesn’t stop at stop signs…stop signs stop at Chuck Norris.
Superman, Batman, Spiderman and every superhero only exists due to the fact that Chuck Norris knows the art of shape shifting.
How Many Chuck Norris’ Does it take to screw in a lightbulb? none he stares itdown until it gives up and screws itself in the lightsocket. He then Roundhouse kicks it and breaks it and makesit put itself back together. Repeat
When some one cut off Chuck Norris while he was driving he used his mind bullets to shoot the driver down. When the driver was dead Chuck Norris went to his grave and Roundhouse kicked the tombstone so hard that the man came back to life.the man asked him if chuck was the guy who killed him. Chuck then proceeded to Roundhouse kicking him in the face then said “Don’t ever Question Chuck Norris…. The man is dead
when micheal jackson was young he tried to break into chuck norris’ house and chuck norris proceded to roundhouse kicking him in the face. this is why to this day michael jackson is three tones whiter and his nose is three times smaller than normal size.
While Chuck Norris was fighting Mike Tyson, he kicked mike in the balls so hard that still to this day Mike tysons voice has not gone down.
Chuck Norris likes to play with his doll.. It’s name is CHUCKIE!
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Chuck norris doesn’t wear a watch, he decides what time it is
Chuck Norris drinks LSD like water.
when the army needs backup, they send the marines, when the marines need backup they send chuck norris and hope he doesnt roundhouse kick them for bothering him
E=mc Squared isn’t true. Einstein didn’t calculat Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris had Windows 95 in 1700
No women can please Chuck Norris, only Chuck Norris can.
Chuck Norris has balls of steel that always get him a strike at the local bowling alley
Michael Jordan has never lost a one on one games. Never. Chuck Norris beat Michael Jordan, twice. After, he preceded to yell “Booya, Booya, Booya” in his face, this is where Michael Jordan got inspiration for Space Jam.
chuck norris isn’t scared of the dark, the dark is scared of chuck norris
chuck norris can divide by 0
dbs82 is a fucking queer. dude who ever you are, fuck you
if you want to fight me my name is andrew closser i live in atlanta mo see ya then ya fuckin queer
HUMPTEY DUMPTY DID NOT FALL OFF THE WALL. CHUK NORRIS ROUNDHOUSE KICKED HIM TO THE FACE. WHEN THE KINGS HORSES AND MEN TRIED TO PUT HIM BACK TOGETHER THEY SUFFERED A ROUNDHOUSE KICK RELATED DEATH.
Hitler didn’t kill himself, Chuck Norris did.
Chuck Norris once went to the Virgin Islands, now they are just the Islands.
Mary wasnt a virgin, chuck norris just never told her he was there
the san fransisco earthquake of 1906 was the twinkle in chuck norris father’s eye.
chuck norris doesnt wear body armor, body armor wears chuck norris
CHUCK NORRIS SHOULD ALLWAYS BE SPELLED IN ALL CAPS AS WELL AS ANY SENTENCES NEAR IT
AND NOT MISSPELLED LIKE IN YOUR LAST JOKE
BTW IF YOU ALLREADY HAVENT BEEN ROUND HOUSE KICKED FOR MISSPELLING HIS NAME
LOOK BEHIND YOU
CHUCK NORRIS IS SOOOOOO STRONG, THAT HE DOESNT ACTUALLY DO PUSH-UPS HE DOES EARTH-DOWNS
The twin towers didnt fall due to aircraft, chuck norris round house kicked them.
USA has never used atomic bombs. however during his asian vacation chuck norris farted…twice
Thanks to all my fans i am now 66 years old and i think that they are quite funny but come on guys and gals they are getting old
Thanks to all my fans i am now 66 years old and i think that they are quite funny but come on guys and gals they are getting old!
Mohammed Ali doesn’t have parkinsons….. Chuck Norros said Boo to him in 1985
Muhammad Ali doen’t suffer from Parkinsons disease……Chuck Norris said boo to him in 1985
Simon Weston never went to the falklands war……Chuck Norris hit him with a roundhouse kick that was so fast it set fire to his face!
Chuck Norris cooked the fish when Jesus fed the 5000
jesus told chuck norris he could come to the promise land when he died and you know what chuck norris did he gave him a roundhouse kick to the face.
dbs82 is gay
Chuck Norris was the first man to say “Run Forrest, Run”!………… Thats why the fool never stopped running!
Chuck Norris visits the moon every night…… Just to turn the light on
once about 18 years ago chuck norris proceded to pleasure and empregnate my mother. thus creating me. i know train under my father to learn his ways. be afraid. be VERY AFRAID
Chuck Norris dosn’t Pee he Q’s
chuck norris doesnt fart, he fluffs
jesus doesn’t fart on chuck norris, chuck norris farts on jesus, actually he fluffs on jesus
Chuck Norris isn’t a wrestler because it’s too hardcore for him, he can’t play “the game”
Did you know that Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer…
Too bad he never cries.
chuck norris doesnt have a night light beacause the dark is afraid of chuck norris
HHH the game hasn’t posted anything for days because Chuck Norris reads this thread and kills anyone who posts shit facts about him.
Let this be a warning to all you non funny people…….don’t fuck with Chuck!
Chuck Norris walked into a bar… it evaporated.
The Smperor of China gave Chuck one year to build the Great Wall of China. Chuck spent the first 364 days, 23 hours and 55 minutes screwing the Emperors wife.
Chuck Norris fathered only one child. His name? Jack Bauer.
Chuck Norris guns don’t have ammunition, not even blanks. He just yells BANG and you die…
Chuck Norris’s parents had sex while he was in the womb. Chuck did his first roundhouse kick and his father had a vagina from that day on.
Chuck Norris once walked to the moon.
Only one thing can please Chuck Norris and its long, black, and shiny.
His truck of course. See last fact above.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer
Little kids wear Superman pajamas, but super man wears Chuck Norris pajamas
chuck norris can belive its not butter
Chuck Norris doesnt go to hell to die, he goes to hell to regroup
Each cell in Chuck Norris creates its own bullet repellent!!
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
When Chuck Norris Does push-up, he doesnt push himself up. He pushes the earth down!!
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys!
If Chuck Norris is Late, Time better slow the fuck down.
Chuck Norris only eats veggitarians for breakfast
Chuck Norris plays Halo…
I don’t touch little boys, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks them into me…
chuck norris crossed the street, no one dared queston his motives
Jesus didnt get nailed to the cross… chuck norris roundhouse kicked him to the nails on the cross
if chuck norris and Mr. T walked into a bar it would explode because it couldnt contain the awsomeness
the theory of the creation of the universe is the big bang… thats not what happnened, chuck norris came and roundhouse kicked evey where and then BOOM!!
the movie anaconda was filmed in chuck norris’ pants
chuck norris never gets a brain freeze cuz the slurpee knows when to back the fuck off
Chuck Norris doesnt wipe his ass with toilet paper, the shit jumps off his ass onto the toliet paper in fear of his manly hands.
Chuck Norris once had sex with pamela anderson, he then round house kicked her in the tits for hurting his back with her heels, thus the real reason for her breast size reduction.
Chuck Norris doesnt have to date women to get them into bed, he simply walks into a room, says “Now”, and all the women take off their pants and spread their legs for him.
Chuck Norris once slept with Barbie, their illegitamate child born was dubbed Chucky.
Chuck Norris is so strong that he can thump you on the nose with his finger and drive your nose into your skull, thus killing you.
Chuck Norris does not approve of the war in Iraq, he expresses this daily by round house kicking Bush in the face, thus is the reason why Bush is so fucking ugly.
Chuck Norris has slept with 987,786,657,564,453,342,231 hot women, and 1 ugly woman. That one ugly woman was your mother, he felt sorry for her.
Chuck Norris has done so much cocaine that he is now always calm, no matter what the situation is.
Chuck Norris does not wash his laundry, he stares at it and says “Clean”.
Cars were invented to catch Chuck Norris, so Chuck invented the car accident.
The sun only sets becaus Chuck Norris tells it too, He hates alaska, thus the 4 months a year of constant sunlight.
Chuck Norris was in the air force, untill they started letting fagets in, upon that day, he round house kicked the fags, and his commander and simply left the service. He has never been officially discharged.
Chuck Norris once told me the secret to life, to insure that I kept the secret, he roundhouse kicked me in the mouth, and now i can never speak again.
Chuck Norris doesnt buy lottery tickets, he simply goes to the bank and says “Money, Now”.
Chuck Norris does not kick people, people run into Chuck’s feet.
If Roy Jones and Chuck Lydell got into a fight, Chuck Norris would win.
Chuck Norris and Eminem once put an album out together, it was titled, “Kickin the bitch out of my life”
Chuck Norris is so fast that he can outrun the fastest motorcycle on the earth, yes, even yours.
Chuck Norris was playing baseball and the umpire called a strike three on him while he was at bat, Chuck disagreed and simply stare at the umpire, the umpire proceeded to take chucks bat and hit hisself over the head 100 times untill the bat broke because that would be less painfull than being kicked by chuck norris, chuck kicked him anyways.
Chuck Norris once discovered this website, he cracked up laughing at the jokes, anyone within a 50 mil radius of him had there ear drums explode.
if chuck norris says he’s going to kill you he will
chuck norris cooks 2 minutes noodles in 10 seconds
Champions Juventus, AC Milan, Lazio and Fiorentina
could be relegated from Serie A and forced out of European
competition if found guilty.
CHUCK NORRIS IS SO TOUGH WHEN HE GETS A GUN POINTED TO HIS HEAD, THE GUNMAN SHITS HIS PANTS
Chuck Norris is so tough when he has a gun pointed to his head the gunman shits his pants
Chuck Norris is so tough when he is in the rodeo the bull gives up and runs away after 8 seconds
Chuck norris drinks gasoline and pisses out diesel
Chuck Norris once pulled an all- nighter by simply starring at the clock
Chuck Norris made all of these jokes because he is so great
When Chuck Norris kickboxes no1 survives
Chuck Norris made your grass turn brown by simply looking at it
Michael Jackson did just turn white because it took this long for him to realize that while he was in the womb, Chuck Norris screwed his mom and cumed all over him.
When chuck norris sneized he causes hurricane katrina
Chuck Norris once tried to hit two birds with one stone and missed, soon after the birds exploded out of the sheer thought of Chuck Norris missing his target.
Chuck norris invented the internets so that he could store all his some where.
When Chuck Norris entered asia roundhouse related deaths rose by 300%.
Chuck Norris was originally scripted for one of the bullies in Forestt Gump, but whenever he shouted ‘Run Forestt, Run!” they would have to set up a search party for all the tree’s that vanished during the scene.
Sliced bread is the best thing since chuck norris
The producer at Walker, Texas Ranger wanted Chuck to shave his beard. He roundhouse kicked him in the face. He then went to his house and pissed in his toilet, then pissed in the back part so when you flush more piss comes out.
chuck norris has 3 testicals.
Chuck Norris hasn’t dodged a bullet since the third grade but they sure have dodged him.
The only reason Chuck Norris sells the total gym is because kicking peoples butts lately has been too easy.
Chuck once said he prefers to wear a shirt and pants otherwise he said everyone would be dead because of the size of his muscles
God is just renting heaven from Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris really killed Abe Lincoln because he doesn’t like the number 16 and his tall hat.
Did you know Chuck Norris did boxing for 5 years but quit because Ali still had 130 years of training if he wanted to face Chuck.
If you look in the background of the first man to walk on the moon video you can see Chuck Norris drinking tea.
Chuck Norris was Zorro until he realized black wasn’t his color.
Chuck Norris is the Navy seals, Navy, Military, Army and the FBI.
A tornado is when Chuck Norris roundhouses someone to china and back
Chuck Norris has never done anything less than multitask in his whole life
Basket-ball was once a sport played with our feet. Chuck Norris smashed the ball so hard that we had to play with our hands. Damed Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t know fear, fear knows Chuck Norris.
Intimately.
the first time chuck norris had a wet dream. he nearly drowned.
chuck norris doesnt cry when he chops onions, he makes the onions shit their pants when he cuts them.
When the doctor went to slap chuck norris in the ass imediately after he was born. chuck norris grabbed his hand and said “you obviously have no idea who i am do you?” the doctor died due to a roundhouse kick related accident
Japan is no longer threatened by the dozens and dozens of monsters that plague the country,
the likes of Godzilla, Mothra and Rodan have all been round house kicked and eaten.
Chuck Norris doesn’t get drunk, alcoholism gets Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris had sex with my grandma…….God! She is so lucky!
Jesus walks on water, Chuck Norris walks on Jesus
chuck norris doesnt shoot deer her roundhouse kicks them till they die…
chuck norris roundhouse kicked every dinosaur that’s why they are exstinct……
chuck norris is afraid of his own round house kicks.
Chuck Norris played the Russian Rullett and won with two clips.
chuck norris tried to kick Derek Jeter and derek jeter got 200 hits while beating the shit out of chuck bitchass norris
all those stories of the mighty zeus being all powerful and sleeping with practally everyone were really about chuck norris
chuck norris is the greek, roman, norse, chinese, japanese, and anglosaxon god of the round house kick
chuck norris is not hung like a horse….horses are hung like chuck norris!
287. da coach Says:
September 7th, 2006 at 1:35 pm
chuck norris is afraid of his own round house kicks.
…you know what i have to say about that…
CHUCK NORRIS IS AFRAID OF NOTHING AND NO ONE BITCH!!!
chuck norris once roundhouse kicked a guy so hard that he broke the speed of light and kicked amelia airheart in the face when she was flying over the pacific ocean
in the movie superman 2 superman turned back time by flying backwards 3 times faster then the speed of light, chuck norris is so powerful all he has to do is walk backwards
Wind is not a force of nature. it is actually an after effect of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the side of some poor bastards face.
Chuck Norris won a game of connect four in three moves
Chuck Norris once beat a mirror in a staring contest
Chuck Norris beat a wall in a game of tennis
If Chuck went to hell, the coffee would turn cold.
The great wall of china was built to keep Chuck out, to bad it failed
CHUCK NORRIS SUCKS
Ncsmfm u suck monkey ass…Neways Chuck Norris would swallow
A pregnant woman once passed by Chuck Norris and he realized that the only thing that he couldn’t do was give birth to children. He promptly tore out the woman’s uterus and ripped open his own abdomen and inserted it into himself. He then proceded to sew himself up with a Taco Bell spork and his own beard hair.He now gives birth to 9 children a minute and throws them at oncoming traffic from freeway bridges.
One day Chuck Norris got in a fight with a giant monkey. The monkey ate Chuck Norris. Then one day at church Chuck Norris popped out of the monkeys chest and roundhouse kicked the preist. And up to this day all preists rape children. And then eat them.
Chuck Norris doesn’t use the bathroom. Toilets use the Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesnt read books, books read chuck norris and they Damn sure better like it
Chuck Norris Doesn’t believe in Santa but Santa believes in Chuck Norris and He Damn sure better like it ar else He’ll give him a round house kick in the face in his stocking.
Chuck Norris took his moms virginity!
Chuck Norris is his own Grandfather
Chuck norris doesn’t breathe air, he breathes carbon dioxide and makes air!
Chuck Norris sank Titanic.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.
Chuck Norris doesn’t have to do anything for a Klondyke Bar.
When Chuck Norris puts on his headphones, Metallica listens to him.
Chuck Norris heard about the revolutionary “bitch slap” and decided to make his own version, “the bitch kick” which was later titled “roundhouse kick to the face”.
Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan and Jet Li once ganged up on Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris simply reacted by kicking the air in front of the three. The sonic boom from the power of his kick sent the three into orbit around Earth.
Chuck Norris remains, to this day, a virgin, for whenever he attempts to have sex, the woman is overwhelmed by his penis size and suffers a heart attack.
Chuck Norris is your mom.
When Chuck Norris loses in a video game, he roundhouses the console until it lets him win.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a female for rejecting him so hard that her head lifted off the bone, went 360 degrees around her neck and back to normal. She then fell in love, they married and had 3 kids, The Hulk, Superman and Spider Man.
Chuck Norris doesn’t use a baseball bat, he roundhouse kicks the baseball.
Chuck Norris was banned from the NFL for roundhouse kicking the entire defensive line.
Some say Chuck Norris is immortal, that’s ridiculous, he isn’t immortal, he’s just, unkillable.
God doesn’t let Chuck Norris die because if he did, he’d go to heaven and roundhouse kick God in the nuts for letting him die.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a golf ball that shot around the world and killed Hitler.
Chuck norris does not get drunk off beer the beer gets drunk off Chuck Norris
>Chuck Norris wanse was raped by a gaint turtle while sleeping by the beach, the turtle then imminently had babies, the result, THE NIJA TURTLES
Chuck Norris can make a snowman out of rain.
When god Fucks up he says CHUCK NORRIS
When asked how to get rid of illegal imigrants from mexico president bush comented “i’d hire chuck norris but i’m just afraid he’ll kick me”
There is no theory to evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris has allowed to survive.
chuck norris doesnt go hunting, chuck norris goes KILLING!!!!!
Time will heal all wounds – Not if Chuck Norris roundhouse kick you in the face.
Chuck Norris doesn’t have a chin, just another fist.
Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie-pop.
Chuck Norris is the apocalpse.
If Chuck Norris gets to McDonalds after 10.30am, they still serve him breakfast.
Chuck norris didn’t get shot in the chest,he body slammed a bullet
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jesus walked on water, chuck norris walked on jesus.
When the devil dies he goes to Chuck Norris
chuck norris is the reson waldo hides!
chuck norris doesnt cut the grass; he stares at it until it cuts itself
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