Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
When Chuck Norris was a teenager, he once impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the Himalaya mountains. 9 months later, the nuns all gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in NFL history.
When the Boogeyman goes to bed he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris plays baseball he hits a homerun every time by roundhouse kicking the baseball. He then procedes to fuck all the girls in the stadium with his beard.
Chuck once got shot in the head. He then proceeded to surgically remove the bullet with his beard as foreceps and then ate it because his daily iron count was low.
Ice isn’t cold water, it’s water that is scared still by Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, “Don’t worry about it honey,†and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.â€
Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
If you look at Chuck Norris while he is smiling, your entire family will get AIDS.
Chuck Norris has an ongoing feud with the Keebler elves. It started when they stole his idea for putting a kitchen in a tree. While the elves now make subpar cookies in the tree, Chuck’s tree contains a fully functioning crystal meth lab.
Chuck Norris can actually breath fire.
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is “Charles”. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
In the back of the Guinness Book of World Records it states “All records are currently held by Chuck Norris, and the records listed in this book are only the records of those people who have come closest to Chuck Norris’s records.â€
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
God has nothing to do with the creation of the heavens and the earth, it was Chuck Norris’s roundhouse kick to the face of God that allowed him to create the heavens and the earth.
Chuck Norris was once walking along the Sahara Desert when he decided he needed shelter from the sun. So he stared at the sand until it melted into 2 ton blocks. He then made his shelter which we now call the Great Pyramids.
Adam and Eve never existed. What really happened, was that Chuck Norris sneezed and a human fetus emerged from his nose, this was the beginning of man.
Chuck Norris masterbates with a sledgehammer.
The friction in chuck norris’s jeans after he does a roundhouse kick is the actual cause of global warming
when he was a young man, chuck norris one crapped his pants. Seconds later, the poop was so frightened of an iminent roundhouse kick that it retreated back into his butthole.
Chuck norris was once the victim of a violent robbery, when the robber realized what he had done, he immediately killed himself
A lock of chuck norris’s beard is currently sold on ebay for 12 million dollars
After the cancellation of walker texas ranger, the crime rate in texas went up 200 percent
chuck norris is the current midget toss champion with a record toss of 79 feet.
chuck norris invented canadians one day when he ran out of people to roundhouse kick
chuck norris once killed an african elephant with his mind
chuck norris’s urine is more valuable the gold in many third world countries
chuck norris has never trimmed his beard, his hair follicles are to afraid to grow
chuck norris will never suffer from erectile disfunction due to the fact that his penis is permanently erect.
chuck norris can generate enough power with one roundhouse kick to solve all of the worlds energy problems.
chuck norris never gets sick because his white blood cells know karate
Chuck Norris once was playin a friendly game of golf with the pope. When Chuck shanked a ball into the bunker he began cursing. The pope said, “I will pray for you my son.” Norris proceeded to roundhouse kick him to the face stating that no one prays for Chuck Noris besides Chuck Norris, then he stole his wallet.
Chuck Norris walked down the street with a boner… There were no surviviors
When Chuck goes shark fishing, he uses only his beard to catch, kill, gut and cook the shark.
i love that joke u sick mo-fo
When chuck norris screws spencers mom spencer gets a roundhouse kick to the face
Chuck Norris went back in time too stop the Kennedy assassination. He deflected all of the bullets with his beard. JFK’s Head exploded out of sheer amazment.
before chuck norris got his liscence he was able to shoot a helicopter out of the sky with only a handgun from a moving vehicle.
Chuck Norris Doesnt tea bag he potato sacks.
The other day Chuck Norris and his girlfriend were sitting down watching the Texas Ranger when his girlfriend said, “How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood.”, there was a pause. Then Chuck Norris laughed a soft laugh when he put up his hand and made a tight fist and shoved it down his girlfriend’s thoat. He had his hand down her for a second when he jerkingly ripped it out with a fresh heart in his hand. He then said, “How dare you ryhme in the presents of Chuck Norris,” as he squished the bloody heart in his hand. Then he said, “Don’t fuck with Chuck.”
It was five years later when Chuck Norris realized the cruel dramatic irony of his girlfriend’s death, which he came to forget when the commercials ended and he got back to watching his show, so he began laughing and he laugh so hard it killed everyone within a five-hundred mile radius and causing the storm which started the second ice age.
When Microsoft was sued for a monopoly, Chuck Norris Proceeded to roundhouse kick Hasbro Games because they invented it.
Chuck Norris invented the internet.
When Chuck buys a hybrid car his beard is the energy.
When chuck norris jumps in a pool he does get wet the water gets chuck norrised
When Chuck Norris jumps in a pool, he doesnt get wet.. the water gets Chuck
In his free time, Chuck Norris knits sweaters. But when I say “knit”, I mean kick. And when I say “sweaters”, I mean babies.
Chuck Norris is really cool.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse, horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
Chuck Norris sleeps with men. Not because he is gay, but because he ran out of women.
Chuck Norris isn’t hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris goes to bed with a night light, not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but because the dark’s afaid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once at a 72 oz. steak in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris once at a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris challenged Lance Armstrong to a “who has more testicles” contest, Chuck Norris won by 5.
Chuck norris once played russian roulette with a fully loaded revolver and won.
One day, a police officer pulled over Chuck Norris for speeding. As Chuck Norris gave the cop his license, the image of Chuck Norris’ stare in the photo imediately compeled the officer to pull out his gun and commit suicide. Chuck Norris is now wanted for 27 traffic violations and 27 traffic violation related murders.
Chuck Norris’s tears can cure cancer…too bad he’s never cried.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse…horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris isnt hung like horses, horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
chuck norris can believe it’s not butter
chuck norris sleeps with a nightlight. Not because chuck norris is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of chuck norris.
Chuck norris once won a powerlifting contest using only his beard
The real reason walker texas ranger was cancelled was because he roundhouse kicked the entire cast and they were too afraid to come back.
chuch norris was born with pubic hair.
chuck norris once had sex with two women, simultaneously.
one time at a chinese steak house chuck norris tried to roundhouse kick the cook for “looking at him the WRONG way” his rebock shoelaces got caught in his own beard and he yanked himself facefirst to the ground. the anger still lingers in the air today at that vere steakhouse.
It was once rumored that Chuck Norris lost a fight to a pirate, but this was a lie created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.
When chuck norris mails in his taxes he just sends in blank forms with a picture of himself crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has never paid taxes
chuck norris doesn’t get jumped he dos the juming.
Chuck Norris is currently suing ABC for the rights to their TV Show “Law and Order.” He claims that those are the names of his right and left leg.
Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep – he’s just waiting
Behind Chuck Norris’ beard is another fist
After Chuck Norris was born, round-house related deaths increased by 13,000%
Chuck Norris found a lump under his arm, it was God, he lanced the lump, and the earth was born
Chuck Norris was walking down the street one day and saw a woman being mugged. After giving the mugger a roundhouse kick to the face he asked the woman if she was ok, she invited him back to her house for a good time…but Chuck Norris just stared at her and her clothes tore off of her body and his raging hard boner ripped through his pants. He was humping her at the speed of sound and all of the buildings just collapsed………..the city was Hiroshima.
If Chuck Norris stands on the moutain and sez do it, it gets done, and if it doesnt get done, then chuck will move on it, and thats the last thing you want Chuck to do.
chuck norris once decided to light a fart on fire, we know this because it now exsits as the sun
chuck norris requires a crane to mount woman on his penis
there are two things you can see from space the great wall of china and chuck norris’s PENIS
chuck norris once went into a kfc and asked for a whoper when denied he round house kicked kfc so hard it turned into a burger king …
chuck norris went in to a mcdonalds a day later and asked for a whoper ………they made it
HIV is really Chuck Norris in bacteria form
Chuck Norris isn’t a child of god….. God is a child of Chuck Norris…
Chuck Norris is so hung that when he does a 180 degrees turn he wipes out half the world population.(Stronger then his round house kick)
the only man to ever outsmart Chuck Norris was Stephen Hawking. He got what he deserved.
chuck norris recently decided to make his urine a beverage. This drink is now know as red bull
Christina*-No Sophie* i don’t want you to run that way, I’ll get Chuck Norris to roundhouse kick you into my arms.. *Names were changed
Chuck Norris doesn’t die-Chuck Norris chooses not to live
Chuck Norris doesn’t dround-Dround Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesn’t make magic-Chuck Norris makes miricles
Chuck Norris dont belive in God-Chuck Norris is God
what’s with the teen kelly pic. is she really an adult friend finder member or are we being lied to?
Chuck Norris didnt get ripped on the bowflex like he says in the commercial. He was born a full grown man with his beard and his 6-pack. Chuck norris created bowflex so that us mere mortals may have a chance of scoring. Well only after Chuck has made love to them first, and he did everyones mom in the world.
Chuck Norris is the only survivor of the dinosaurs.
Kevlar armor is actually Chuck Norris’s skin. (he sheds every day)
Chuck Norris went back in time before he was born, and made love to his mother, ..thats because no one creates Chuck BUT Chuck
hello every one. after you read this prepare for a roundhouse kick to ur face.
Chuck Norris doesn’t use the internet, he is the internet.
hurricane Katrina was actually a round house kick Chuck Norris gave to Moses as a gift.
Muslims dont bow towards mecca, they pray towards Norris.
Chuck Norris once ate 50 chinese babies and shat out John Basedow.
Jesus actually came back ten years ago. unfortunately the spot of his return happened to be in the way of a Chuck Norris round house kick and he was immediately reppelled into hell forever.
King Kong was the smallest species of pubic lice found on chucks balls.
Richard Simmons is actually Chuck Norris’s 4th testicle.
One day at shool, the teacher told Chuck Norris to say his ABC’s. Chuck spelled his name. When the teacher said, ” That great, now saw your ABC’s” Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked the teacher and said,” Chuck Norris doesn’t repeat himself.”
Everyone Celebrates Chuck Norris’s Birthday. We call it Christmas
In 1976 Bob Jackson said he was the Former Karate World Champion. The truth was Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked Bob Jackson in the finals knocking him out and making Chuck Norris the Real 1976 World Champion.
chuck norris was walking down the street and got a massive boner…
there were no survivers
chuck norris and his son were watching bambi. when bambi died his son started crying. chuck stood up and said “i didn’t raise a pussy” and roundhouse kicked him in the face.
chuck norris snorts anthrax
the only reason martians havent taken over earth yet is becase their too afraid Chuck Norris will Round-House kick them all the way out to plut
While chuck norris was diving off the coast of austrailia, Chuck Norris round house kicked a shark. The impact was so strong it created the 2005 tsunami.
Chuck Norris’s soul has to wounder the earth because the grim reaper is to afraid to come get him.
if chuck norris is late ….. you better slow the fuck down
Chuck Norris’ wife once asked if she could leave the kitchen… his look of disgust was so incredibly powerful that it caused the earth to implode.
Bigfoot was once spotted by Chuck Norris, however after staring at bigfoot for a while Chuck proceeded to pull his pants down thinking it was a competition… Bigfoot ran into to the woods crying never to be seen again.
Chuck Norris once masturbated in his shower. Later that afternoon he found his maid humping his shower floor.
Chuck Norris demanded live rounds and convicted sex-offenders for every episode of Walker: Texas Ranger.
Chuck Norris traveled back in time and freed the slaves because he knew he’d need a black partner on his show one day. And by need, i mean do all the bitchwork, because Chuck Norris doesn’t need anybody.
If you don’t capitilize Chuck Norris’s name, he’ll kill your grandparents.
Chuck Norris singlehandedly started and ended both world wars.
Chuck Norris killed hitler, not out of patriotism, but because he had such a sorry excuse for facial hair.
Chuck Norris shot 50 Cent 9 times but let him live for their upcoming feature film.
No girls ever fucked Chuck Norris without getting at least 15 stitches.
Chuck Norris has never had his dick sucked, but he’s fucked a lot of mouths.
Chuck Norris once boxed a kangaroo on a steel pier at the boardwalk.
Chuck Norris made the pope question his own sexuality.
In his autobiography, Chuck Norris accused Jean-Claude Van Dam and Steven Sigal of being “little pussies who probably sixty-nine with each other.”
Chuck Norris invented doggy-style, except he calls it Chuck Norris-style, and you better too.
Chuck Norris is the only record in medical history to beat cancer, not by chemotherapy, but a brief series of spinning roundhouse kicks.
Great White Sharks have an agreement with Chuck Norris, that if he sticks to the land, they’ll stick to the water.
Chuck Norris can make even the meanest of bull-dykes moist in the crotch.
Chuck Norris goes door to door across the country making sure people are getting their daily quota of Walker, Texas Ranger.
Reportedly, Chuck Norris vomits blood upon seeing any Ben Affleck movie, stating that Affleck “couldn’t roundhouse kick his way out of a wet paper bag.”
Chuck Norris is responsible for the earth’s wobble in orbit.
Because each roundhouse delivered to a persons face puts the earth out of whack every time.
Karate is Chuck Norris spelled backwards
Who let the dogs out? . . . Chuck Norris!
“To be or not to be? That is the question”. . . unless you are talking about being in the presence of Chuck Norris which in that case you’d choose “not to be” unless you want a roundhouse kick to the face!
Chuck Norris was once nailed to the cross, proceeded into heaven, and now sits at the right hand of the father . . .amen.
You can kill two birds with one stone, or if youre Chuck Norris, you can murder 12 people with one roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris plays ball in the house. His balls are the only thing that fits in the house.
a blind man accedently step on chuck norris’ shoe and chuck norris said,”do you know who i am” the blind man said no and chuck said,” i am chuck norris” and the mans blindness was cured by the meer mension of his name
When Chuck Norris pee’s it rains. (HARD)
Godiva chocolate is made out of Chuck Norris’s shit.
the website name duckshit is realy a typo. its suppose to be http://www.duckchuck.com
Chuck Norris doesn’t get pussy, pussy gets chuck.
George Bush’s new saying is “Don’t chuck with me!”
Everybody that writes something on here is goin to get chucked up!!
Jesus wears a wwcnd bracelet(what would chuck norris do). Unfortunately he did not do what chuck norris would do, or else he would have roundhouse kicked the people who nailed him to the cross.
Chuck Norris beat Jesus in a miracle contest.
Hitler commit suicide because Chuck Norris was on his way.
At the beggining of time there Chuck Norris was the only living being or thing. He immeadiatly started to masturbate to pass the time. Seven ours later he climaxed, we know this event today to be the big bang.
Every day on his birthday Chuck Norris selects one luchy child to get thrown into the sun.
chuck norris sperm is full grown babies. and when the women gives birth the babys are full grown chucks
chuck norris go out to bye a christmas he just puts a star on his dick
The flooding of the world was actually caused by the popping of chuck norris’ waterbed…….with his on beard
Osama is not hiding form the United States, he is in fact hiding from Chuck Norris.
crop circles are chuck norris’s way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down
Chuck Norris does not go hunting. Hunting implies failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Everybody has a skelaten or two in their closet. Chuck Norris has 7,583.
Oh the 8th day of creating the universe, Chuck Norris walked up to God and said “I’ll take it from here.”
Contrary to popular belief, the “Chuck” in Chuck Norris does not stand for “Charels.” It stands for “Chuck Norris”.
A random person once told Chuck Norris the a round-house kick isn’t a real marital arts move. What insued, historians describe as one of the worst miskakes in history.
Chuck Norris did, in fact die once. But when he got to Heaven, he arm wrestled God, beat his ass, and God aggreed to remake the world as it was.
Chuck Norris is so holy, the phrase “holy shit” come from when he takes a crap.
I am God…
Chuck Norris found nemo…
Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick chuckycheese in the face if he makes one more shitty joke about Chuck Norris…
David did not defeat galioth…Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face…and then it was told that the other armie ran away…but Chuck Norris looked at them and they all died…
No woman can suck Chuck Norris’ dick because his dick sucks the woman…
The waulress does not have the biggest dick through all the animals…it is Chuck Norris…
When Chuck Norris gets a boner…he can stand on it and he can see the top of Mt. Everest.
if a guy isn’t attracted to chuck norris’ penis he is considered gay
king kong gives chuck norris head
Chuck Norris is to Chuck Norris as Chuck Norris is to Chuck Norris
What most people don’t know is that the S on supermans shirt doesn’t stand for “Superman” but actually stands for “Second Strongest Person” after Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t go to the bathroom and take a shit, the bathroom comes to Chuck Norris and he leaves a shit.
Since Chuck Norris is as old as dinasaurs he has gone through every human stage of evolution.
Chuck Norris discovered fire, invented the wheel, and created the tide stain stick.
When a kid says to you “Santa’s not real, how could could he travel to all those houses in one night.” You reply “Chuck Norris could.”
Chuck Norris can fly. His round-house kicks generate lift.
Scientists have determined that Chuck Norris’s power comes from his beard. They say it emmits an unknown power source.
The original script of godfather actually had Chuck Norris be the offer that the man couldn’t refuse.
Chuck Norris round-house kicked the president of crowley foods insisting that they put titanium fortified milk on the market.
I once had intimate realations with Chuck Norris… now my ass is invincable.
Chuck Norris’s semen was found at the crime scene of a rape. Instead of arresting Chuck Norris, they marked the spot as an historical landmark
Chuck Norris…Over One Billion People Roundhouse Kicked.
Chuck Norris…Over One Billion People Roundhouse Kicked and Counting.
Change the album god damn it, put on some chuck norris
The What Would Jesus Do bracelets were once turned into What Would Chuck Norris Do bracelets but had to be turned back because to many people were being round house kicked in the face
One day a man walked by Chuck Norris… He then exploded
Can O Whoop Ass was invented by Chuck Norris
When you say Bloody Mary in front of a mirror 3 times she cuts your eyes out… When you say Chuck Norris in front of a mirror 3 times… well no one knows because there are no survivors
Jesus was never crucified and killed … What actually happened was that Jesus called Chuck Norris a girl.
tornados have nothing to do with weather…they are merely the breeze from a Chuck Norris round-house kick.
this girl named katie is really pissed at me and my friend because of our chuck norris craze.. ive only got one thing to say to you katie, if u dont shut the fuck up chuck norris is going to teabag u to death!! o wait, chuck norris doesnt just tea bag people, he potato sacks them
When I die, I hope it’s from a roundhouse kick to the face from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris found some English bastards telling jokes about him. He proceded to wait three years, storing all his roundhouse kinetic energy. The blast from the kick disrupted the balance of nature, slowly killing half of Europe. We today know it as the Black Plague
when Chuck Norris got in a fight with king kong, he lost one of his left testicles, you may now refer to its technical term jupiter.
Chuck Norris, roundhouse kicking since…ALWAYS
Chuck Norris doesnt kick ass, he looks at it, thus creating old mans ass
When chuck norris masterbates he pictures himself round house kicking himself
Chuck Norris’s nipples are so large, when they get cold, they more than double the heigth of any moutain on Earth.
chuck norris has motts (look up on urban dictionary) he used that disease and created a whole applesauce tycoon
when chuck norris runs, hes really running in place… and happens to spin the world as hes doing it
The reason Texas won the rose bowl is because Chuck Norris is from Texas…enough said…
Chuck Norris’s penis has its own gravitational pull and his balls orbit.
Bruce Lee could kick the shit out of chuck norris
Chuck Norris wears ribbed condoms inside out so he gets all the pleasure.
chuck norris once sold his soul to the devil soon after Chuck Norris roundhoused kicked the devil in the face. The devil thought this was amusing so now they play poker every second wednesday of the month
Chuck Norris and bruce lee once met in the feild of combat……chuck norris stared at bruce lee…bruce lee proceeded to be crushed at the very notion of challenging him.
Shortly after mjrpropane said that bruce lee could kick the shit out of Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris leaped out of the heavens and roundhouse kicked him in the face causing him to fly back inside his mothers vagina.
After mjrpropane was in his mothers vag. chuck norris then proceded to fuck his mother causing mjrpropane to have severe brain damage
Chuck Norris’s real name is “Father” he just thought the name Chuck Would be cool
whoever said that bruce lee could kick the shit out of chuck norris, ive got something to say to you…. if chuck norris ever heard of your little bitchy attitude towards him he would hunt you down and roundhouse in the head and rape your dead body!! he would bring u back to life and rape you to death again!! oh yeah, whats that? bruce lee is dead u dumbass!!!!
Chuch norris wished to make a vibrator imitating the size and vibration of his own penis. The final product became a baseball bat tied to a jack hammer.
Playgirl magazine once asked Chuck Norris to appear naked in an issue, Chuck laughed at the opporunity saying “there isn’t enough paper in the world to contain my bearded memberâ€. He then killed the editors simply by unzipping his pants.
Chuck Norris masterbates with a sledgehammer.
Sonic booms are really Chuck Norris’s orgasms.
Chuck Norris lives by one rule: No Asian Chicks.
Chuck Norris has slept with a woman from every country except China and Japan.
“No Asian chicks.â€
Chuck Norris’ penis is so large, that he in fact has to tie it around his left leg so that it doesn’t get in the way of his round-house kick.
Chuck Norris came up with the idea for the Total Gym after trying to bench press his own penis. He found that he needed to start with a
lighter weight and work his way up.
chuck norris beat halo 2 in one hour… with his erect penis.
Chuck Norris once put cabbage in Jackie chans ass and sewed it shut. Years later once it had turned into sourkraut Chuck Norris then round house kicked the stitches open, and then he ate the sourkraut which he thought was so good that he round house kicked Adolf Hitler in the cornhole with his beard, thus ending WWII.
When Chuck Norris jumps into the water, he dousn;t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norrised
chuck norris
enough said.
when Chuck Norris needs to shave he kicks himself in the face because Chuck Norris is the only thing sharp enough to cut Chuck Norris
If you can see Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris can see you.
If you can’t see chuck norris your about to get a roundhouse kick to the face.
God asked if he could make the world in 10 days but chuck gave him 6.
when chuck norris jumps into the water, he does not get wet, the water gets chuck.
chuck norris is the reason there is no santa
wow, get a damn life, holy shit, if chuck norris seen this he would probably find you all and hmmm…”roundhouse you in the face”, i guess!!! so fucking gay..lol!!!!!!
When Chuck Norris jumps is the bathtub Chuck Norris doesnt get wet the water get Chuck Norris
I won that tournament
Fuckin Chuck Norris…
there are no real virgins, chuck norris has already stolen every girls, and yes mans virginity even if he/she doesnt know it yet.
before his final championship match in the prestigious octagon, chuck norris once roundhoused the entire country of china- for a warmup
chuck norris once saw a frosted flakes commercial and bought 4 boxes of the product, unfortunately chuck norris did not think that they were “great.” He soon found tony the tiger and killed him with his beard claiming he was a liar and a false advertiser, the frosted flakes company needed a new mascot and did not want the news out on their product, they quickly found chuck norris and asked him to do commercials for a great sum of money, he roundhoused kicked them in the face, crippling them and then they told him the sum of money they were talking about and he agreed, the frosted flakes slogan is now, “frosted flakes are more than good, they are chuck norris”
chuck norris is hotter than hell, now hell is called chuck norris
do you know why chuck norris has a nightlight/? its not cause chuck norris is scared of the dark its because the dark is scared of him!
The foreskin from Chuck Norris’s penis is used to cover Yankee Stadium when it rains
Lesbians aren’t really lesbians, they are women who have been with Chuck, and therefore are unable to be attracted to any other man besides Him.
Chuck Norris was in the Origional Street Fighter game. The company was flooded with consumer letters asking if there was a glitch in the game, whatever button they pressed while playing Chuck Norris all he did was a round house kick. The letters were all replied in the same way- There was no glitch.
Who’s your Daddy???? Chuck Norris is.
chuck norris fucked everyones mom, therefor he is everyones father
chuck norris is.. god
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
chuck norris poops squirrells
Chuck Norris was once asked to do a roundhouse kick for some kidergartners. Upon the aksing of the question he refused as the spectical of a roundhouse kick to children would make them go blind. Chuck norris once did a round house kick so fast that his foot went back in time and kick JFK’s brains out, that is why they never found a bullet in his brains, because there never was one!
The only reason eyeless’ jokes are funny is because I am the only one that is not a son of Chuck,you are all saying stuff about your father.Stupid eyeless fag-mo.
Chuck Norris is God’s Solution to over population.
Chuck Norris is the only being on record to have YY chromosomes.
Chuck Norris doesn’t get AIDS, AIDS gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris fucked Tyler Fawbush so hard. . . his mother had an orgasm
chuck norris does not t-bag girls he potatoe sacks them.
chuck norris is 1/8 Cherokee, not because of heritage, but because he ate a fucking indian.
chuck norris uses a live texas rattlesnake as a condom.
chuck norris steps into a puddle of mud, his boot does not get muddy, he walks ontop of it.
chuck norris can touch M.C. Hammer!
Chuck norris never got bit by a shark..because the sharks are to afarid of his round hosue kics
Chuck Norris’s rigth foot is alone responable for 2,000 deaths
Texas got rid of the electric chair and replaced it with u and Chuck Norris in a room
chuck norris once paid nasa to prove rentry isnt that hard just to prove his point he did it naked,
he now hold the world record for the only man to streek across fifteen states, in 17 seconds
sigfre the entertainer wasnt mald by a tiger , but rather chuck noris in a tiger spedo
Chuck norris has full control of the force he just choses not to teach anyone it so they do not become more powerful than his penis.
All of the jedi population where not destroyed by anikan skywalker but they were destroyed by a roundhouse kick form chuck norris, after learning about george lucas’s plot for how the jedis died he then roundhouse kick him in the face so hard that it teleported him into to the jedi time and then george died by the best jedi of all Mace Windo
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’s foot. Chuck asked “do you know who i am?” the man replied no. Chuck told the man his name and on hearing the words “chuck norris” the man was instantly cured of all blindness. However, the first, last, and only thing he saw was a roundhouse kick to the face.
Darth vader didn’t listen to the empeoror he listened to chuck norris, that is why darth vader killed the emperor not because of luke. While luke was leaving the funeral of his “father” who was really chuck norris he was then killed by a roundhouse kick from none other than chuck himself.
Yoda didn’t go into excile because of losing to the emperor he went into hiding because of chuch norris
The reason why anakin became mostly robotic was not because he was burned and had his arms/legs cut off it is because he thought he could kill chuck, he tried to stab chuck with his light saber but to anakins suprise the lightsaber could not pierce threw chucks rock hard abs. So chuck knew he would need him so he only roundhouse kicked him enought to knock off his arms and legs and burn him a litte bit.
Chuck Norris has three daughters. His first daughter asked,”why is my name rose?” he said because a rose petal fell on your head when you were born. the second one asked, “why is my name daisy” he said because a daisy petal fell on your head when you were born. the third asked him”hshgf dhfjdh dfghsnfilnuv uvuvu” Chuck Norris merely said shut up roundhouse-kick.
Chuck Norris has three daughters. His first daughter asked,”why is my name rose?” he said because a rose petal fell on your head when you were born. the second one asked, “why is my name daisy” he said because a daisy petal fell on your head when you were born. the third asked him”hshgf dhfjdh dfghsnfilnuv uvuvu” Chuck Norris merely said shut up roundhouse-kick.
Chuck Norris is my anti-drug.
once chuck norris learnt how to fly so he round house kicked a plain! all the other plains ran away, and some just flew into some buildings because they could not live knowing chuck norris could fly! this was 9/11
Chuck Norris tryed to round house kick bonnie, but her vagina just ate his leg, so he round house kicked her from the inside. dog meat
Chuck Norris shoots a half court buzzer shot. At the start of the game.
A man walked up to Chuck Norris and asked what time it was. Chuck said, “Two seconds ’til.” The man replied, “Two seconds til what?” and was roundhouse kicked in the face.
Someone told Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicking people in the face wasn’t always the answer. “You’re right,” said Chuck Norris just before he roundhouse kicked him in the stomach.
Chuck Norris doesn’t have to procreate. He’s already your Daddy.
The Americans never found Hitler. Chuck Norris killed him and hid the body in his beard.
Chuck Norris is listed on the New York Stock Exchange and is currently $1,000,000.00 per share.
chuck norris has a beard?
Chuck noris once roundhousekicked a retarted baby because it laughed at him.
Handicap parking is not for handicap people, it is infact for Chuck Norris, and anyone who parks there will be handicap
chuck norris is the only man alive or dead with a beard this is not accurate but we say it because chuck norris told us to.
chuck norris does not watch porn porn watches chuck norris.
which came first the chicken or the egg?
chuck norris.
when chuck norris’s balls droped the dinosaurs became extinct.
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Chuck does not have balls….the balls have chuck norris
chuck norris is the coolest gay person alive
or that is what he seed
chuck norris once killed 20 vietnamese with one roundhouse kick.
Chuck Noris doesn’t pray to god. God prays to Chuck Noris
Chuck Norris was buying beer and the clerk asked for his I.D. Chuck was flattered, but instead roundhouse kicked him in the face. He placed the money for the beer on the counter and then stole the clerk’s wallet.
What people don’t know is that Chuck Norris is actually dead. He died from thirst because everytime he tried to take a drink of water, the water got scared and evaporated.
God created world in seven days, Chuck destroyed it while watching dallas.
chuck noris once round house kicked micheal jackson because micheal asked im if he add childrens
If you try to probe chuck norris, his ass hairs will roundhouse kick you.
Chuck norris has never taken a shit.
chuck norris has both a uterus and a urethra.
chuck norris can impregnate himself.
if this web site shutdown, the reason would be that he roundhouse kicked it.
chuck norris has 6 eyes, 2 on his head and 4 one his round house kicking leg.
chuck norris invented chuck norris.
chuck norris once ate a whole car. when he took a shit it formed chuck norris.
chuck norris kicked the earth to make it rotate.
When einstein invented the nuclear bomb, chuck norris roundhouse kicked him in the face and, went back in time, and invented it chuck norris.
the nuclear bomb did not destroy hiroshima; chuck norris did.
chuck norris’ beard won world war 2.
chuck norris won in a staring contest against a fish.
chuck norris can only be satified by one…chuck norris.
chuck norris made this web site.
chuck norris broke down the great wall.
Chuck Norris one shoved a ficus-tree up his ass and shit out individual ficus-balls.
one day chuck norris was walking down the street he saw jolly jon there was a pause jolly jon then said if ya wanna pay more thats your business if you wanna pay less thats my business. Chuck then repliedif you want to die thats my business if you want to die slow thats still my business chuck norris then procceded to roundhouse kick jolly jon in the face and his head exploded
asteroids didn’t kill the dinosaurs a roundhouse kick from chuck norris did
Chuck Norris does not do math, he stares at it until the problem answers itself.
God said “Let there be light!”
Chuck norris said “Say please”
And Chuck Norris said … Let there be God!
OJ didnt do it Chuck Norris did
chuck norris is the reason Elton John is homosexual.
matttt :
.
once chuck norris learnt how to fly so he round house kicked a plain! all the other plains ran away, and some just flew into some buildings because they could not live knowing chuck norris could fly! this was 9/11
man that shits just not funny..
Chuck Norris raped my father
Its not Check-mate, its Chuck-norris.
chuck norris smokes TNT
Rumor has it that the Americans didnt use a bomb to destroy Hiroshima and Nagasaki. They dropped Chuck Norris.
The reason why Emeril always says “bam” isnt because of the food, its because Chuck Norris killed somone with a roundhouse kick.
The new name for the roundhouse kick is “Chuck Norris”
One day Chuck Norris was walking through the desert. He has been walking for a few days and he was getting a little hungry. He sees a dessert tortoise and does a roundhouse kick to kill it. Unfortunately it was so powerful it disintegrated the tortoise and created the Grand Canyon.
Chuck Norris is the worlds greatest lumberjack. His roundhouse kicks will take out forests.
Osama Bin Laden was killed by US Armed Forced via nuclear warhead. There was a picture shown on the TV of a massive crater where the bomb exploded. 1 year later it was proven that the bomb did not explode and that Chuck Norris whipped out his cock and dropped it on Osama’s hideout.
Chuck Norris does not need to cook food, he simply eats the animal whole.
The Great Wall of China is Chuck Norris’s penis.
Hurricanes and tornadoes are created by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris killed Phar Lap
chuck norris has been dead for three years…death just dosnt have the balls to tell him!
the statue of libertie’s hand was originally created by the french because it was the only thing big enough to hold Chuck Norris’s penis when he’s wacking off
Chuck Norris went to Wal-Mart and they didn’t have any Chuck Norris…So he roundhouse kicked Wal-Mart so hard it’s name changed to Chuck-Norris.
Mt T is not black but permanently bruised
Mt T is not black but permanently bruised after questioning the power of Chuck Norris.
If you’re standing in line with $5, and Chuck Norris is standing right behind you with $5 Chuck Norris has more money than you.
Chuck Norris doesn’t adopt 3rd world asian babies; he creates them so that they can make him new jeans and boots in Vietnam for his roundhouse kicking.
Marlon Brando is the Godfather…
Chuck Norris is God’s father…
Chuck Norris was once captured by Jigsaw, and during the capture Jigsaw played him a tape that clearly stated “Hello Chuck I would like to play a game for many years now you have done terrible things you obviously do not know the true meaning of life and therefore must have it taught to you lets see you kick your way out of this one” seconds later Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the TV, and then killed Jigsaw immediately, and his kick was so powerful it killed him from 4 miles away along with everyone in between the four miles. Chuck then said “Game Over fuck face”.
the only reason we have a desert is cuz of Chuch Norris
Chuck Norris has yet to get a Jeopardy question wrong. Jesus has missed two
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
Because there was a punching bag on the other side
They said dropping an A-bomb on Hiroshima is more humane than dropping Chuck Norris
If Chuck Norris ever fell out of a boat he wouldn’t get wet, the water would get Chuck Norris. But Chuck Norris would never fall out of a boat because he can fly
God wanted 10 days to create the heavens and the earth, Chuck Norris gave him 6
Ninja Turtles do exist Chuck Norris eat a turtle then shit it out and it came
out with round house kicking ability
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did
Chuck Norris can give a person aids just by looking at them
Chuck Norris counted to infinity TWICE
Chuck Norris goes right at teahupoo
chuck norris killed elvis with a roundhouse kick to the face. this was because elvis was calling himself the king of rock and roll. and as we all know Chuck Norris is the actual king of everything. including rock and roll. so elvis was commiting a deadly sin by saying HE was the king. a swift death by roundhouse kick to the face was the only answer to this heresy. Such is the law of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only one ever to get a 100 on the A.C.T.
Chuck Norris knows the “true” meaning of the word “I”!
There’s no “I” in the words teamwork, but there is a Chuck Norris……you diagree……..roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris knows about this site, and Chuck Norris knows where you live.
Walker Texas Ranger didn’t get cancled, Chuck Norris decided it was to great for the eyes of mortals.
Chuck Norris is God, Jesus, Satan, Budah, Shiva, and every other god you can think of…. plus your father
Chuck Norris is the reason the Trix rabbit can’t eat cereal
The Virgin Marry was impregnated by Chuck Norris, that’s how Chuck Norris was born, the people who wrote the bible were too afraid to use his name so they used the closest thing that came to mind.
chuck norris’ is commonly mistaken for having a tail, we all know obviously it is his penis
If you can see Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris can see you.
If you can’t see Chuck Norris, you’re seconds from death.
Chuck Norris doesnt feel pain, pain feels Chuck Norris
Chuck norris is a dick hole !
LOL
ROFL
Just kidding.
Chuck Norris invented AIDS because he hates FAGS as much as he does criminals
Chuck Norris Played Poker and Busted pocket Aces with 7-2 off suit…with his balls in a vice, and getting head from Condeliza Rice… not once but………twice.
Every song ever written has the letter’s C.H.U.C.K N.O.R.R.I.S in it
If someone ever knock’s on your door at thee in the morning, please answer we dont need another hurricane
Spartacus isn’t Spartacus.. Spartacus is Chuck Norris
Turn around, round house kick
Spartacus isn’t Spartacus… Chuck Norris is Spartacus.
Chuck Norris caught the Leprachauns Lucky Charms, and Chuck Norris dares you to try, in fact, he dares you to even think of trying.
chuck norris once told me the secret to life is, a round house kick
heroshima and nagasaki did not get atomic bombs dropped on them. chuck norris jsut found a picture of them and roundhouse kicked it.
chuck norris has never felt pain. pain has been chuck norrised.
chuck norris fought king kong. he beat him by pissing on him.
everytime you see a crack that is where chuck norris fucked a chick.
mr.t isnt black. he is simply bruised from when he fought chuck norris
chuck norris once counted to an infinte. twice
Chuck Norris was refused a ticket to get on the Titanic…while reports say it sank because of an iceburg we all know what really happened.
Chuck Norris Got Senior Of The Month In Pre-School.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris` way of telling corn that some times, corn needs to lie the fuck down.
When Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down
Chuck Norris can bungee jump without a cord. His penis will touch the ground five hours before he does. He will survive.
chuck norris doesnt need vicks vapor rub. he just roundhouse kicks himself in the face.
In the beginning, there was Chuck Norris…The end
Volcanoes are a myth used to explain Chuck Norris’ bowel movements.
The Virgin Mary really is a virgin, she was impregnated while giving head to Chuck Norris because he dick is so long it went all the way down to her uterus.
This is Chuck Norris’s world… we’re all just living in it.
Vince Young didn’t beat USC in the Rose Bowl, it was merely Chuck Norris in a Vince Young jersey.
bruce lee called chuck norris a pussy, where is bruce lee again?
chuck norris masterbates with a 50 foot long rope
when chuck norris heard the brucle lee staement he went back in time and roundhouse kicked bruce lee in the face and turned him american
When chuck norris was born, his mom blew up from him wanting to get out so bad. the round house kick to the inside of his mom’s stomach splattered blood so fast all over the room that it killed all the docters. then the blood flooded the hospital killing everyone except chuck.
Achilles died by getting an arrow in the Achilles tendon… Chuck Norris has no Chuck Norris tendon
chuck is so cool wen he wrestles his penis rips throo his tights
Check out ebay and type in this item#5656082085, chuck norris joke for sell.
when chuck norris was asked to make a book containing comebacks. He said “You make a book about comebacks, NERD.”
Chuck norris is not a being, he is a way of life
Chuck norris is the reson we have gay people because they now the cant please a woman in the way he can and if they can he simply road house kicks them in the face until they turn gay
Chuck norris once met bruce lee in a great battle, in which the landed a roundkick so powerful it knocked bruce into next year. where he later died.
Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin, which he built himself.
It wasn’t god that created mankind. Chuck norris willed himself into existence and then inseminated a piece of sand creating woman. He then made love to her and god was born.
Chuck Norris CAN eat his own head!
your mom likes chuck norris
Chuck norris is
GAY
Chuck Norris made Mr. T have have a sex change operation just so Chuck Norris could have a black girlfirend.
the school shooting are not from troubled kids they did it because chuck norris told them if they didn’t they would get round house kicked.
Chuck Norris once made a rockso big even he coulden’t lift it. He then liffted it.
Zach b is gay with chuck norris!
One time chuck norris was hit by a truck…so he stood up and hit it back.
if chuck norris read all of these.. he would round house kick u all in the face. but of course he wont round house kick me.. again.
Chuck Norris licks his own balls not because he can, because he wants to!
Chuck Norris once walked into a McDonalds without shoes or a shirt, the employees did not dare to not serve him
chuck norris never wets the bed, the bed wets itslef in fear of chuck norris
the titanic didnt sink because it hit an ice burg, it sank because chuck norris decided to take a swim naked and his penis struck the side of the boat
Darth Vader is not luck skywalker’s father ……… Chuck Norris is.
Ronald reagon actuly words were ……… Chuck Norris tear down this wall.
Mike tision didnt bite off holly feilds ear off ….Chuck Norris did.
Kobe did rape tha girl ………Chuck Norris did.
Its not check mate its Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris ended slavery.
when Chuck Norris wants to go somewhere in his car, the door opens, the seat adjusts, ignition is started, radio is turned on to his favourite station, seatbelt is fastend and the car asks “where would you like to go Mr.Norris”,
Chuck Norris drives a 94′ Ford Tempo
Chuck Norris nevers clips his toe nails because there afraid to grow
there are two kind of people in the world people that suck and chuck norris
While playing black jack Chuck Norris can say “hit me” while having 21, and win
a group of ppl ask Chuck Norris how he is successful in alchemy, he pisses in a cup, roundhouse kicks it, it turns to gold, and he just stares at the ppl, then they proceed to turn to gold
Then the eighth grade teacher said, “Chuck Norris, where is your homework, mister?” and he replied,”I ate it.”
When Chuck Norris was born, he cut his own umbilical cord.
Hey this is for you Joylyn…
there is no one like Chuck Norris except Joylyn Daniel lol
Chuck Norris doesnt teabag people, he potato sacks them.
A meteor didnt kill the dinosaurs…Chuck Norris did
chuck norris was declared a saint, he then roundhouse kicked the pope in the face and said “no one declares chuck norris a saint BUT chuck norris.”
chuck norris built the tower of the piza, this roundhouse kick made it lean.
chuck norris is the second coming of jesus.
chuck norris was feeling generous and decided to let jesus walk on water ONCE.
chuck norris’s penis is the reason for the hole in the ozone layer.
chuck norris eats people, not because he’s a cannibal, but because he can.
chuck norris created the grand canyon with his penis, the mississippi river is his sperm.
chuck norris decided a deck of cards should have 52. why? BECAUSE HE’S FUCKING CHUCK NORRIS.
we are all chuck norris’s children.
chuck norris built the great wall of china, once again: no asian chicks.
chuck norris shits cities.
chuck norris’s blood is acidic and burns through titanium, it also purifies your soul. too bad you die first.
chuck norris says “i love you” with a shotgun.
chuck norris doesn’t shoot people, people beg for the honor to be shot by chuck norris.
chuck norris is what happened to tubgirl.
chuck norris doesn’t eat, he absorbs nutrience while masturbating.
chuck norris wrote the dictionary.
Chuck Norris went for a swim… His balls dropped…The result was the 2005 tsunami
god weeps in the presence of chuck norris
on the SATs chuck norris got an extra 800 points just for being chuck norris.
chuck norris makes babies with a rope, formaldehyde and barbie dolls. he then rapes and dispose of their bodies in his beard.
chuck norris is the reason god decided to make us die.
chuck norris is santa clause.
chuck norris has a small colony living in his beard.
chuck norris built a fully functional spaceship out of paperclips, he now uses that as his main source of transportation.
chuck norris has a livejournal.
chuck norris rips the heads off barbiedolls.
the bellybutton is actually the official “chuck norris was here” symbol.
chuck norris is superman.
chuck norris can regenerate his own body parts.
chuck norris is the 8th wonder of the world.
When asked to attend a party Chuck Norris Responded “Chuck Norris doesnt attend your party, your party attends Chuck Norris” and then proceeded to roundhouse kick them in the face and chest simultianiousy.
The last thing Helen Kellar saw or heard was a roundhouse kick form Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris went to a McDonald’s and ordered a Big Mac…he got it
we all know that the “body and blood of christ” they give to u in church is actually the body and blood of chuck norris
When you drink bottled water, there is a remote chance that you will indeed swallow some of Chuck Norris’s semen, rendering you steryl for the rest of your life
four score and seven years ago
Chuck Norris publicly humiliated Abraham Lincoln because of his atrocious beard. Abe then proceeded to launch a direct insult at Chuck, entailing that Chuck’s roundhouse kick was as weak as a his beard. Upon hearing this, Chuck Norris summoned his clone army to give Abe 200 simultaneous roundhouse kicks, and then Chuck Norris had consentual sex with Abe’s dead carcass.
fly is to shit, as millions of american and some European middle aged women are to Chuck Norris
helen kellers favorite color is chuck norris
Chuck Norris called 867-5309 and denounced that songs right to be on the radio, which was followed by his consumption of a grizzly bear using only chopsticks
Tupac died from a roundhouse kick to the crotch by Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris kicked off Michael Tysons ear
Chuck Norris slept with a Dutch girl, and stole her shoes afterwards, which he fashioned into nunchucks using his teeth and his beard
When people say oh shit, you can presume that Chuck Norris has just pooped on their head
Chuck Norris was the first man to orbit Uranus, which he later had sex with.
When on trial for murder, Chuck Norris presented his beard and his enormous penis as evidence. Then, the all female jury were so shocked, their heads turned into various types of fruits, and the judge turned into the Kool-Aid guy. Unfortunately for them, Chuck doesn’t accept marketing schemes that uses a “K” in the spot of a “C”, considering it is the first letter of his name. So Chuck decided to piss in the Kool-Aid guys jug, have sex with each member of the jury, and then roundhouse kicked the shit out the prosecutors, and his lawyer too.
Chuck Norris: (noun)definition: a word used in replacement of any sexually derived word, ex. “Yo man, her Norris was tight as a drum man, I Chucked the shit out of her though man”
Guns don’t kill people, Chuck Norris does
Chuck Norris created water
iF Chuck Norris walks by a fire hydrant, he pisses on it
Laws were made to be broken, Texas Walker Ranger was made to be dominated by the incessant roundhouse action of Chuck Norris
CHuck NOrris so almighty and the shit, he can stick a fork in the toaster, and the toaster will say “oh shit, thats Chuck Norris” and it will never toast again
Oreo is straight for taking my line about Chuck, who in 2004 broke the record for fastest movement of a body part, and it wasn’t his leg…
Chuck Norris likes blonde girls because they remind him of his first dog, whom was his first sexual partner
Chuck Norris doesn’t get hungover, the alcoholic beverages which he consumed feel like shit the next morning
Chuck Norris can’t read, but he can kick like a fucking mule
Chuck Norris is so hard, that he hibernates, just so he can give the bears in the caves titty twisters
After Chuck Norris’ recent purchase of Staples, he changed their ad campaign from “That was easy” to “Fuck yuppies and their motherfucking mouse-pads”
When you are hungry, you can thank Chuck Norris for shitting all over the U.S. crops in peaceful protest against vegetables
Chuck Norris bobs for tugboats in the atlantic ocean
Rednecks lack teeth in many cases, because Chuck Norris roundhoused the shit out of their faces
My Bologna has a first name, and its Chuck motherfucking Norris
Contrary to popular opinion, Chuck Norris infact did sleep with Monica Lewinsky, and Bill was so afriad of his beard, that he took all the blame
pussymagnet is latin for Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris fries chicken with his mind
Chuck Norris sniffed dogs buts when he was little, just because people woudn’t let him sniff theres
Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, and fucked the deputy
Chuck Norris watches retarded baby alien fetus porn because he is Chuck Norris
IF you ask Chuck Norris which way it is to town, he will use his eyeballs to remove your genitalia, and then he will roundhouse kick your lips so hard, that they are kissing his ass
Chuck Norris created ice-skates so he could castrate male boars
When Chuck Norris was born, he round-house kicked the doctor and said “No one delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris!”
Chuck Norris traveled to the end of the rainbow, and roundhoused the fat elf, saying “you fuck with rainbows, you fuck with Chuck Norris”
chuck norris invented sex.
I’m Chuck Norris.
And i’m gonna roundhouse all you sons of bitches.
With my beard.
Once God told Chuck Norris that if he roundhouse kicked anyone else God would curse him. Chuck Norris preceded to roundhouse kick God so hard that his body was found in hell the next day
Chuchk norris doesn’t ejaculate sperm he ejaculates the world’s strongest men.
Chuck Norris ALWAYS has sex on the first date. The last time he didn’t was the period in time known as the holocaust.
rudolf the red nose reindeer’s nose is red because Chuck norris roundhouse kicked him in the face
osama bin laden wears a turban to protect himself from chuck norris
walker texas ranger was only canceled so that chuck norris could further pursue his career as a jedi knight.
Chuck Norris’ asshole is the blackhole.
Chuck Norris’ dick is so hard he doesnt need a cup
RIK JAMES IS BETTER n btw I LOVE YOU CHARLIE MURPHY!!!=D=D=D
…IM RIK JAMES BITCH
Chuck Norris invented electricity so he could trim his pubic hairs
Chuck Norris has had sexual relations with every kingdom of the living world, including bacteria
Nick jackson loves the cock more than Chuck Norris likes fake boobs
Chuck Norris doesn’t use a mouse to control his computer, he uses a water buffalo
Chuck Norris is the one who kicked that guys dog
One day, Chuck Norris strolled onto a telivision screen, right into the set of tellitubbies. He looks around, eyebrows raised and says “What the jesus fucking skull fucking christ is this fucking shit, what the fuck is going on here?!” He grabbed the nearest tellitubbie and made him eat his own hand. When the tellitubbie starting crying from the horrifying agony of being forced to eat his own hand, Chuck Norris slapped him (The tellitubbie was unworthy of a round house kick) and said “Shut your mouth.. and keep eating at the same time… do it…DO iT.” Satisified with this, Chuck Norris peered through the T.V screen at the small red-haired boy watching. Muttering something to himself about ‘youngsters and their watching bullshit’ he stepped majestically out of the T.V and into the living room of the small red haired child. Chuck stared at the kid, and the kid stared back. Chuck yells what the fuck are you looking at, fuck-stick?! The kid continues to stare at Chuck Norris. Preparing himself for a round house kick, Chuck suddenly stops, filled with an overwhelming pity for the child. What with watching that telli-whatsit shit on T.V, the kid couldn’t help being stupid, and it wasn’t his fault being borne with red hair. Thinking quickly, Chuck quickly throws on episodes of walker texas ranger. Instantly the kid, blinks and rubs his eyes…”Thank you Chuck, you saved me, please can you help my grandmother?”
Chuck goes ” WTF, kid, who do you think I am? Chuck Norris…..wait. Oh yeah, um, where is your grandma?”
“excuse me young man, but what are you doing in my house, Timmy, is this a friend of yours?” The old lady walked into the lounge room.
“Damn.” said Chuck, “You one fine grandma.”
He shows the woman the time of her life, vidoe taping it all the while. He gave the footage to the lady and she nows lets people see it on the net for $5 a peice so she could retire. I think its called goat.se
This is a Chuck Norris Joke that all i need to say you should have uncontrolable laughter if not Chuck norris will round house kick you.
Chuck Norris was onced round housed kicked by Steven Hawkings. It was the closes Chuck Norris ever came to being defeated.
Chuck Norris’es one and onlt defeat was to chuck Norris
The Great Wall of China was invented to keep Chuck Norris out… they failed miserebly
There was a race around the galaxy between Flash and Superman, who won?
Chuck Norris.
Chuck norris can make Rocks Bleed
If chuck norris is late, Time better slow the FUCK down.
The only hand large enough for chuck norris to masturbate with is, the state of michigan.
Chuck Norris has constant diorehha…nothing hard exist chuck norris’ ass
chuck norris ate 2000 dimsims…he then shat out Jet Lei
Chuck Norris Swallows
Chuck Norris didnt blow up the World Trade Centre…His cock did
Chuck Norris mother tried to have an abortion…Chuck Norris no longer has a mother
Chuck Norris raped a dolphin with his beard…the result was Jaws
Macgyver doesnt have shit on Chuck Norris…Chuck Norris Shits in his mouth
chuck norris is so great… his name is chuck norris
When chuck norris was born his mom was thining what to name him… so when she held him in her arms he said”look bitch just name me norris chuck norris”.
Chuck Norris CAN believe its not butter
Chuck Norris sold his sould to the devil for his amazing good looks and his unmatchable martial arts skills. After the deal chuck died went to hell gave the devil a roundhouse kick to the face, took his sould back, and came back to life. The devil was very pleased with Chucks way of doing things and now the play poker on the 3rd night of every month in davey jones’s locker
Micheal Jackson once told Chuck Norris he wasn’t that great. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the black off him.
Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of himself. Chuck Norris died three years ago the grimreaper is just scared he will get round house kicked in the face. God and the devil are fighting over who gets Chuck Norris on there dodgeball team. There is no superman there is only Chuck Norris. Love doesn’t make the world go round Chuck Norris does. Chuck Norris’s penis is so big it’s behind you. Not even Chuck Norris can defeat Chuck Norris. Every time you say Chuck Norris you are owed one round house kick to the face. Chuck Norris doesn’t hunt because that implies that he might lose Chuck Norris goes killing. Chuck Norris is #1 everyone else just sucks. If Chuck Norris is late time better slow the fuck down. Chuck Norris’s total exercise equipment is really a capturing device so when Chuck Norris come to round house kick you in the face he doesn’t have to waste his energy running after you…not that you would get away anyway. Chuck Norris can smell your fear. The story about bloody mary and the mirror isn’t true its really if you say Chuck Norris three times he’ll roundhouse kick you in the face. It is an honor if you get rounhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris. If Chuck Norris told you to smell his fingers you wouldn’t hesitate.
Who Is Mike Jones?…Chuck Norris
In the year 2008 Chuck Norris will be elected president and he will teach the U.S. Military the Martial Arts so there will be no need for Guns….
chuck norris doesn’t eat salad, he tosses them
chuck norris is the 152nd pokemon
chuck norris invented the chuck norris joke
Chuck Norris killed my father and rapped my mother with 1 roundhouse kick
Chuck Norris eats pussy shit for breakfast. and likes it.
Any man that has sex with Chuck Norris, is still straighter than any man who has sex with a woman.
Chuck Norris once kicked a guy so hard and so fast that his foot was faster than the speed of light, went back in time, and kicked Amelia Airheart out of her plain.
oxygen needs chuck norris to live
Brad is gay with chuck norris
When Chuck Norris goes tanning the sun gets burnt.
Chuck Norris eats Buffalo wings from actual Buffalo.
the holucoust was chuck norris’ payback for what the jews did to jesus
Chuck Noris is the reason why men turn gay
There once was a kid who really sucked at telling Chuck Norris jokes, so one night when this little boy went to sleep he recieved a round-house kick to the face from Chuck Norris in his dream, and when he awoke, he died.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat chinese food, chuck norris eats chinese people
There is only one person who has ever survived Chuck Norris on “killing” mode…
Here’s the story:
One day when chuck Norris was in kidergarden he saw a girl playing with a ball on the play ground. He really wanted the ball, but his telekinetic powers were taken away by his mom (cause it was that time of month) so he had to physsically take it. So he want over to the girl and when she refused to give him the ball he gave her his first ever roundhouse kick to the face.
-This lady later became very famous…her name was HELEN KELLER
one time a guy asked chuck norris if his real name was charles so chuck roundhouse kicked him in the face and said “Dont tell anyone”.
one episode of Walker Texas Ranger – $600.
Chucks beard trimmer – $75.
A roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris to your skull – will fuck your shit up
Chuck Norris can eat air!
Chuck Norris makes Attila The Hun look like a spice girl.
Chuck Norris put Stephen Hawlking where he is today.
Chuck Norris goes to National Karate tournaments walks in for five or so seconds and is instantly given first.
Chuck Norris plays with dolls and he could kick your ass.
Good old Chuck is pushing 300. He blows out his candles each year with a swift roundhouse under the table.
Chuck Norris can levatate.
Chuck Norris can pick up M & Ms with his but hole and make you eat them.
Chuck Norris is the center of the Universe and therefore is the creator of all gravity.
Some people report seeing a bright light in a near death experience, the bright light is just glare off of chuck norris’s belt buckle after he roundhouse kicked someone.
Chuck Norris once counted every star and named each of them after different girls that he has banged. He was going to name them after all of the people he has killed, but he found that some stars would require multiple names.
chuck norris’s penis was once mistaken for a an anaconda by a woman, he then roundhouse kicked her in the face for belittling him… and then fucked her
Chuck Norris was born a paraplegic, but he roundhouse kicked the doctor until his legs worked.
Charles Darwin didn’t base his theory of survival of the fittest on his observations of the Galapagos Islands, but rather on Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris memorized pi.
When banks compete, Chuck Norris wins.
Arby’s is thinkin’ Chuck Norris.
The Chuck-er the Norris, the rounder-house the kick.
Behind every successful individual is Chuck Norris.
God created Chuck Norris and then murmured “Uh-oh.â€
The chair got Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris never loses in solitaire.
Chuck Norris blinked…once.
Chuck Norris doesn’t know the meaning of Goosefraba.
Chuck Norris doesn’t spoon with girls, he sporks with them.
When at incredible heights, Chuck Norris looks down.
Chuck Norris stole the cookies from the cookie jar.
Chuck Norris > Frosted Flakes (Basic Math)
The only thing better than sex is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has the final decision on whether the Caesar of Rome lives or dies.
Chuck Norris read the internet.
Chuck Norris’s favorite color is ultra-violet.
When Chuck Norris plays Pacman, the ghosts are always blue.
Chuck Norris was resurrected…TWO times.
Dr. Norris practices dentistry using two different techniques: the right and left leg.
Chuck Norris is a poet, he just doesn’t know it.
Chuck Norris is Gellin’.
It’s a bird…It’s a plane…It’s a roundhouse kick!
Chuck Norris draws 4D objects in art class.
Only when you would rather be a victim in the movie Hostile is when Chuck Norris is through with you.
Chuck Norris drinks 999,999 bottles of beer faster than you can sing the song.
If every person that has met Chuck Norris has died, then:
a) All dead people have met Chuck Norris
b) No living person has met Chuck Norris
c) If a person is living, he will meet Chuck Norris
d) The lucky ones meet Chuck Norris first
e) All of the above
Chuck Norris has found me…
He will find you!
Norris For President!!!
Vote Norris or He’ll Kick Your Ass!!
Chuck Norris, M.D.
Chuck Norris found Bin Laden
the population of homosexuals in america dropped 50% two years ago due to the fact of Chuck Norris eye For the Queer guy…He Roundhouse kicked them in the face until it exploded then fucked their Corpses…They now have Queer Eye For The Straight Guy…But chuck says it wont last as there is no such thing as Straight…Due to the fact Chuck Norris has fucked everything on earth that moves…and if it dont move he pushes it!
Chuck Norris never has to trim his beard. This is so because his beard never grows for fear of being roundhouse kicked
chuck norris is right behind you. always.
the big Bang is equal to 1CNRK one chuck norris roundhouse kick
Chuck Norris was the original cast for the superman series, he decliend. when asked why he said I dont want to look like a pussy.
When Chuck Norris cheerleads, it IS a sport.
I failed 75% of my Senior year. Second graduation is going to BLOW!
NOT.
Because my school got roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris.
The last time Chuck Norris urinated a tsunami hit Indonesia.
Chuck norris round house kicked his way of his momas woom
the death penalty is the minimum sentence in oregon for people who say chuck norris’ name out loud
chuck norris can unscramble eggs and count to infinity
when chuck norris masturbates the sun rises
When chuck norris does push ups he doesn’t push hinself up he pushes the earth down.
a staring contest came up to chuck norris and blinked
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
the statue of liberty turned green because chuck norris fucked it too many times
Chuck Norris counted to infinity…twice.
Chuck Norris – 1, universe- 0
when normal guys finish peeing, they usually shake off excess urine, but Chuck Norris just gives it a good roundhouse kick until the urine leaps off
chuck norris can generate enough power with one roundhouse kick to solve all of the worlds energy problems. But he doesn’t think we’ve earned it yet.
Chuck Norris got sick of all the women screaming while he rooted them, so he inventd porn!!
on one single day in 1967, chuck norris single handedly killed 300,000 vietcong by roundhouse kicking them to death
Chuck Norris once broke a record of eating over 9,000,000 gerbils… twice
Chuck Norris says his favorite food is Lhasa Apsos.
Chuck Norris once got into a fight with a giant Swedish meat ball, saved the world against tacos, and killed a gaint albino ant-eater. And it was all in a days work.
Chuck Norris once led a group of penguins into war. don’t worry, you’ll learn about it in your history class
Chuck Norris cando cart-wheels while surfing on a polar bear. Yah, i’d like to see you try that.
The reason the Easter Bunny doesn’t exist, is because Chuck Norris round-house kicked the fuck’n rodent till it fuck’n bled to death.
Robin Hood can fire an arrow and kill a deer with a single arrow. Chuck Norris can fire an arrow backwards and kill a 80 ton grizzly bear, 100 feet away.
Chuck Norris once defeated 8,000 clowns in 3 seconds!
When you say to your teacher, my dog ate my homework, and she doesn’t believe you, next time, say Chuck Norris ate my homework, and I garentee she’ll believe you
If you think all those people that dissapeared mysteriosly from Roanoke was never solved- you’re wrong. Chuck Noris just fuck’n ate them all.
In the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, it took Aragorn an hour to kill 300 orcs. It took Chuck Noris 2 seconds to kill 5,000,000,000,000,000,000 orcs and Aragorn
Chuck Noriss is the thing that goes bump in the night.
Chuck Norris is the reason why the dinosaurs are extinct
Chuck Norris secretly has a third niple. But he’s still cool anyway
Chuck Norris was walking through the desert, and it started to get real hot so he built a shelter out of sand.- today those shelters are known as the great peramids
Chuck Norris is secretly 1,000,000,000,000 years old
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his own dad
Chuck Noris knows apsolutely everything
Chuck Norris once killed a Samurai, a knight, a pirate, ninja, a cowboy, and a jedi in 1 second.