Chuck Norris once commented, “There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none.â€
Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.
Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris’s nutsack.
When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.
Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king’s horses and all the king’s men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.
New one….
Chuck Norris started a blog. He then invented blog technology that allowed him to give all visitors to his blog a roundhouse kick to the face.
When little kids ask their mothers who Chuck Norris is, each and every single one of them can say, “You’re real father.”
Pingback: chuck norris jokes iv 2 - Duckshit, Lots of Jokes and Funny Pictures
chuck fucked me
once upon a time…… chuck
chuck norris wears white after labor day. no one. calls him on it.
Chuck Norris shits pure gold.
When chuck norris jumps in water, he doesnt get wet…. the water gtes chuck
chuck norris doesnt get high of of weed. weed gets high of of chuck norris
chuck norris owns a restaraunt it is called roundhouse cafe… the only thing on the menu is pain and untimely death
chuck norris once gave roundhouse kick to the face of maddog, because he couldnt make a funny joke about him
Chuck Norris was hit by a car one day, died and went to heaven, he talked with St Peter at the gates and St. Peter said absolutely nothing this is unlikely because Chuck Norris cannot die he is immortal and the car and the man actually died instantaneously on contact because Chuck Norris has not only the Roundhouse kick of death but the touch of death when he feels like having it turned on
The Texas police department attempted to arrest Chuck Norris……… He did not respond to their drawed guns, The police officers then proceeded to shoot them selves in the head.
When u drink unicorn blood u become invincible, when u drink Chuck Norris blood u become pure energy and later bring about the apocalypse.
Remember the great New York City blackout? Three words Chuck Norris’ Boner
Satan once threatened to kill Chuck Norris. Chuck just laughed, then tore off the devils and stole his soul.
Chuch Norris doesn’t believe in no shirt , no shoes, no service. with this he entered a convienence store wearing nothing but a beard, and got served.
Chuck Norris invented the term D.O.A.
The thing that Chuck Norris feels the worst about is letting Bruce Lee beat him in a fight. To alieve his depression, he kicked himself in the nuts eight times, then shat a Ford Bronco.
its been proven that chuck norris’ roundhouse is more powerful than both bombs dropped on hiroshima and nagasaki
Chuck Norris has had sex with well over 3,000 women, and doesn’t remember any of thier names.
CHUCK NORRIS VS Superman, Batman, the fantastic four, Spiderman, GODZILLA THE HULK AND THE TERROIST GUYS FROM COUNTER STRIKE. guess who wins? His name begins with
CHUCK and ends with NORRIS.
CHUCK NORRIS VS Superman, Batman, the………
LMAO, THAT IS THE FUNNIEST DARN THING I HAVE EVER HEARD! g unit! HOW DO YOU COME UP WITH SUCH HILARIOUS JOKES!!!!!!!!!!?!!!LOL FRIGGIN L
chuck norris doesnt have legs. he has two pure stick of roundhouse power?
hitler didn’t commit suicide……chuck norris roundhouse kicked him to death
chuck norris doesnt cut his grass, he stands in the yard and DARES it to grow.
one day on the set of walker texas ranger a babie died.. then with a quick rub of his beard chuck brought it back to life… 10 quick seconds later he hit it with a swift roundhouse kick just to prove one point…. the chuck can givith and the chuck can takith
How many rednecks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None…because Chuck Norris round house kicked them in the face and did it himself.
kids are afraid of the dark, the drak is afraid of chuck norris
Chuck Norris actually died in 1982. The Grim Reaper knows better than to tell him
Chuck Norris is actually 857 years old. However, whenever Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks someone in the face, he bcomes 35 days younger
chuck norris once counted to infinity, twice
Chuck noris dosn’t speak, Instead, he roundhouse kicks Satan, and then has Satan have someone else talk for him.
Despite media reports confirming it, Judge Alito will not be nominated to the Supreme Court. As you already know, Chuck Norris is the Supreme Court.
Chuck Norris once bought the internet, sold the internet, and bought it once more. After twice acquiring the internet, he roundhouse kicked all the dipshits on the internet for their lack of spelling and grammar ability.
Chuck Norris is divisible by 0
chuck norris sleep with a night light on, not becasue he is afraid of the dark, because the dark is afraid of him.
who would win in a fight between Chuck Norris and God? Trick question. Chuck Norris is god.
Heres 1
Chuck Norris is so strong, he flexed in his car, and his car blew up
CHUCK NORRIS IS A FUCKING FAG WHO IS OVER RATED
Alex Capps died last night from a roundhouse kick to the face because Chuck Norris read his comment. He then kicked himself in the face because he hates fags and bled pure gold.
Hey Alex, Look behind you…
ROUNDHOUSE KICK!!!
i am a loser
when people are faced with a delema an angel and a devil appear on their shoulders. Chuck Norris has two Chuck Norris’s appear and they both tell him the same thing. 1. a roundhouse kick to the face is always the answer. 2. never question Chuck Norris!
You think these chuck Norris jokes are funny? Dont laugh.. he’s you real dad…
Chuck Norris isnt born into life, life is born into Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris got so mad one day that he went into the forrest and fought every tree, bench pressed some tigers, shrugged some bears, and played catch with with a monkey using squirrels. he then proceeded to round house kick the park ranger when he tried to stop him and then he banged his wife.
Hey alex chuck norris owns (because he owns everything and if he doesnt he could just stare at you and get it) this website i think he read your post and i think you wont see tomorrow and i also think that chuck norris will enjoy roundhouse kicking you in the face.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a 7 year old boy in the face and he died when we was 87.
Chuck Norris is really two people, but Chuck Norris killed the other.
chuck norris can believe its not butter
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked the down’s syndrome out of an eleven year old boy. We now know that boy as Steven Hawking.
Chuck Norris stole the mona lisa
They say onlz two things can survive a nuclear blast, cockroches….and Chuck Norris
When God said: “Let there be light!” Chuck Norris replied: “Say please…”
Chuck Norris is so powerful, when he roundhouse kicks people they become shadows
Chuck norris once raped the virgin mary and a man named lebron james was born
Chuck norris doesn’t have regular sexual intercourse with women… he ejaculates into his hand and punches them in the vagina
Chuck Norris is my father.
Take a guess at his parenting techniques…
darn right!
Roundhouse kick to the face!
global warming is chucks way of saying you need to learn how to swim.
Before there was Adem and Eve there was god and before thare was god there was nothing and even before that there was…Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’ wife cheated on him and became pregnant….Chuck found out and right after the beautiful girl was born he roundhoused kicked the baby….she went blind and deaf…most people know her as Hellen Keller
there is only one thing osama bin laden is hiding from……….Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked the world into a flat disk. It has only just recovered
You know they say that Jesus is the right hand of God, well Chuck Norris is the left. And he says “Nothing says NO like a good bitchslap!”
80 gallons of blood were mopped up on the set of walker texas ranger, no bullets were fired…..Chuck Norris doesnt need bullets.
Its said that the headless horse man had his head cut off, this was proove wrong when the head was found with chuck norris’s boot print in the side of it
Chuck Norris used to practice in the Sahara Forest.
Chuck Norris used to practice in the Sahara Forest.
Sure, you are going to say that the Sahara is a desert….
well of course it is…… NOW.
Chuck Norris doesn’t listen to music. Music listens to Chuck Norris.
The only reason Chuck Norris ISN’T THE ONE is because JET LI slept with the director….twice
Chuck Norris didn’t have sex with my mother-I believe the correct term is ‘immaculate conception’.
chuck norris sleeps with the lights on, not because hes scared of the dark, but because the dark is scared of Chuck Fucking Norris
Chuck norris is so butch, His jookes could kick your ass
Chuck norris is so butch, His jokes could kick your ass
Chuck’s right foot is so power that his left foot morphed into another right foot. Now he is capable of roundhouse kicking multiple fow’s in twice as many countries with a single kick. But if he does this to much and too close to any of the southern or northern poles, it would cause the world to implode.
The Boogie man checks under his bed for Chuck Norris before he goes to bed!
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a guy so hard his foot went past the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earheart as she flew over the Pacific
Chuck Norris lost his left testical to Wolverine in a sparring match… you may now know it by its common name.. Jupiter
chuck norris roundhouse kicked every member of congress to get a human cloning bill passed, just so he could have a decent sparring partner.
chuck norris once ate 408 steaks in an hour only after having had sex with 972 virgins for the first 45 mins, his orgasim made the tower of pisa lean
chuck norris walks into mcdonalds orders a whopper… and he gets one
Chuck Norris once took a shit, that shit then proceeded to sprout arms and legs, it is now known as Mr. T.
When Chuck Norris was born his parents decided to name him Gaylord Farglesquad, Chuck Norris then gave them both a roundhouse kick to the face and said,” Dammit, bitch, my name will be Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not play sports because roundhouse kick’s to the face are not legal
When Chuck Norris’ toilet would not flush he simply stared down the turd and it immediately flew down the pipe.
chuck norris drove into the car wash. when he saw how fast the automatic brushes were spinning, he stepped out of his car and roundhouse kicked them until they stopped. nothing spins faster than Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kicks.
theres no such thing as a lesbian. just a woman who hasnt met chuck norris
chuck norris once banged 42, 974 girls in 1 hour and 3 mins. amazingly, 9 months later 69, 762 babies made of pure gold were born. over 2, 000 of them were quintuplets
there is no such thing as a lesbian. just a woman who hasnt met chuck norris.
there is no such thing as a straight man. just a man who hasnt met chuck norris.
chuck norris shoots bullets from his ass
Chuck Norris has sex with men not because he’s gay, but because he’s run out of women
how many times have you heard, “the first man ever” and “chuck norris” in the same sentence?
On the seventh day God rested….. Chuck Norris then took over.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
Chuck Norris does not need to put his name on the back of his gi.
But he does.
Anyone can piss on the bathroom floor, Chuck Norris can Shit on the Ceiling
The Ark of the Covenant from “Raiders of the Lost Ark” contains the energy released from a single Chuck Norris roundhouse kick and a fragment of Chuck’s beard. The short scene that followed it opening was actual fotage of the german actors’ grusome deaths.
When asked how Harrison Ford survived he explained that his scenes had to be recorded off set so as not to suffer a similar fate, but that they kept him as close as possible. When the reporter questioned where Ford was filmed Chuck said, “The moon.” He then roundhouse kicked the reporter’s camera, the reporter and the set for the interview. None were ever seen again.
Chuck Norris didnt have to whip kunta kinte for his name to be toby, he simply had to roundhouse kick him to the face…..in his next life , kunta was then reincarnated as toby…………
There is enough food remnants in Chuck Norris’ beard to feed every starving child in Africa. This gave him the idea of serving the children. Upon arriving in Africa he then proceeded to cook each child and then served himself. Chuck gained 57 diseases from the meal, which he immediately cured, then, fashioning a boat made out of natives, road the waves all the way home.
There are no Chuck jokes, only Chuck facts. Chuck has been all, seen all, done all. And he knows Karate.
if my mom brot chuck norris home i`d leave them alone so they could have wild animolistic sex and not even tell my dad
The sperm of all males within 100 miles of Chuck Norris instantly evaporates.
Chuck Norris eats entire resturants
there is no global warming…Chuck Norris hates shoveling his driveway
Old faithful is actually a weak attempt to model Chuck Norris’ ejaculation
Everbody wonders why the sphynx doesnt have a nose…..its because Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it off!!!!!
instead of counting sheep jumping over a fence in order to fall asleep Chuck Norris’ counts himself jumping over the great wall of china
Chuck Norris flosses with barbed wire
Chuck Norris was practicing in an asteroid field and roundhouse kicked a hole in the fabric of space time. This phenomina is known as a black hole.
Chuck Norris does not jump, the earth falls off his feet.
Chuck Norris has no reflection. when Chuck Norris looked in the mirror, his reflection ran away.
Chuck Norris does not have to have sex with a woman for her to become pregnant, he simply points to her uterus and says “BAM!”.
Chuck Norris does not wear shoes, choes wear Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris screws a girl…..she dies.
Chuck Norris really does have no friends. He roundhouse kicked them all to death
“Can someone help me? im still bleeding from when that bastard kiked his way out…”
2 days later, she was found dead with a footprint on her face.
Chuck Norris doesnt bleed, his sweat is just red.
The only reason there is not a national Chuck Norris day is because God would get jealous and cause the next apocalypse!
when chuck norris took a giant shit garry coleman was born
gary then said what you talkin about chuck…chuck then round house kicked him
there is only one reason the U.S. has never lost a war………..Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer
when chuck norris goes to donate blood he simply asks for a handgun and a bucket
Chuck Norris eats a Reese’s the wrong way.
Chuck Norris does not play Halo. Instead, he screams at the aliens until they commit mass suicide and destroys the ring with a roundhouse kick.
on fathers day Chuck Norris thought to himself………why not Chuck Norris day?
why dont you all shut the fuck up before i roundhouse kick you to the face?
Chuck Norris’ beard is inferior to mine. My roundhouse kicks hit harder and faster… and I can bang more women in a shorter time.Always.
chuck norris does not go to school school comes to chuck norris and when the classes are over he round house kicks the teachers in the face and says your doin my god damn homework
chuck norris doesnt piss… ever
When Bob Marley Says “Get up Stand Up”.. Chuck Norris sits down…
..then roundhouses him in the head
chuck norris invented a time machine to impregnate his mother. because only “chuck norris” is “chuck norris” enough to make “chuck norris”
when you open a can of whoop-ass, chuck norris pops out.
Chuck Norris doesn’t urinate. He erradicates!
Chuck Norris can divide by 0.
Chuck Norris doesn’t tea bag, he potatoe sacks!
Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep…..he waits.
Chuck Norris always has spare time because time is scared still by Chuck Norris.
Chuck norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. The ball immediately went flat out of sheer terror. Thereafter Chuck Norris persuaded the refs to let him use a 3 month old baby. He roundhouse kicked the baby 70 yards through the uprights, and preceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
When you all shut up, Chuck Norris will stop attacking us disquised as Al-Qaeda
Chuck Norris can catch the Gingerbread Man
When Chuck Norris Decides he needs a shave he just kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris IS in Fact, Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can move so fast he can avoid being rained on.
Chuck Norris beat up his shadow.
Chuck Norris once applied for a job at NASA [National Air & Space Administration] Later that week when a shuttle was supposed to lift off, chuck norris was fired for roundhouse kicking the shuttle into orbit. He then gave a roundhouse kick so hard to his boss, that he went flying into the orbit of Uranus!
Chuck norris eats the red ones first
Chuck Norris’ shampoo bottles Don’t have directions on them.
Chuck Norris knows a wrong way to eat a reeses
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer
rosa parks was the only person to deny chuck norris of a good seat on a bus. when she did, he got revenge by giving the entire continent of africa AIDS.
chuck norris is my idol
Chuck Norris does not have to kick the crap out of you, crap runs out of your ass in fright when you come into contact with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris invented christmas so he could bang Ms. Claus while Santa is away.
Chuck argued the existence of Santa Claus to the Supreme Court.
Chuck Norris’s balls are completely hairless because he roundhouse kicks so often, the hair is chaffed clean off.
Scientists have determined that a queef is actually a vagina yearning for Chuck.
Chuck Norris doesn’t fuck girls. He allows women to place their vagina around his dick.
Chuck cries after sex because it usually kills his partner.
No matter how aroused a girl might get, no vagina on earth is moist enough for Chuck’s taste.
Chuck Norris will never cum inside an anus. He feels its just tasteless.
Chuck has horrible handwriting.
Chuck Norris had a childhood friend whose mother was morbidly obese. One day he told his friend, “Your mom is so fat that she pisses all over herself”, thus starting yo mama jokes.
Chuck can’t get a tan because the sun is afraid of what will happen if it burns Chuck.
Chuck Norris drinks his coffee with cream and nails, except he replaces the coffee with gasoline.
if you want a list of chuck norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list
when chuck norris’ wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, chuck said “don’t worry about it honey” and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.”
When Chuck Norris pwns a noob, it STAYS pwned
Britney Spears’ “Hit Me Baby (One More Time)” was inspired by…you guessed it….Chuck Norris
Eds once pushed Chuck Norris and Chuck then gave him a roundhouse kick in the face.
those are pretty good ones c street.
I hearby declare that I, Chuck Norris, being of sound mind and jugment declare that I am a fraud. I am really a gay over the hill nobody, with little talent and with a penis thats even smaller. I currently have 3 uncurable plagues. Also on a more personal note you all suck ass!
Chuck Norris can eat one lays potato chip.
Chuck Norris sucks nigger cock
chuck norris doesnt have good handwriting. but he doesnt need it because he will roundhouse kick you in the face
who ever it is that is impersonating chuck norris is already dead because right after there coment appeared chucks son (you know him as god) instantly took there life and sent them to hell where the devil butt rapes them while they burn forever but cant die
we didnt dig the panama canal, chuck norris simply broke the two continents apart.
Yes Chuck Norris is a bad ass but you dumb f*** are saying some stupid s*** that is anoying the f*** out of me
chuck norris can satisfy a camel
CHUCK NORRIS’ PRESENCE IN DENMARK ENDED UP CALLING THE PROPHET MUHAMMED INTO EXISTENCE. IT THEN TOOK ALL OF 2 DAYS FOR THEM TO CONVERT ALL MUSLIMS TO CHUCK-SLAM, THE ULTIMATE RELIGION. CHUCK NORRIS THEN ROUNDHOUSE KICKED THEM ALL TO DEATH FOR TAKING HIS NAME IN VAIN.
PREVIOUS FORMS OF LIFE THOUGHT UP THE IDEA OF FOOD BECAUSE EVERYONE GOT SO SICK OF CHUCK NORRIS FEASTING ON THEIR SOULS. UNFORTUNATELY, CHUCK JUST TOOK TO SUCKING SOULS FOR DESSERT.
CHUCK ONCE WORE A WINDBREAKER…WIND HAS NEVER BEEN THE SAME SINCE.
CHUCK NORRIS HATES BOUNTY PAPER TOWELS BECAUSE HE KNOWS HE IS THE QUICKER PICKER UPPER.
CHUCK NORRIS CANNOT EVER GET TATTOOED BECAUSE SINCE HE FLEXES EVERY ONE OF HIS MUSCLES AT MORE THAN 5,000 TIMES PER SECOND AND SNAPS TATTOO NEEDLES WITH PURE THOUGHT.
CHUCK NORRIS EATS HAIR, SNOT, GRANITE AND FISTFULS OF CRACK ALL AT ONCE. HE THEN WASHES IT ALL DOWN WITH A GLASS OF FLAMING DRAGON URINE. WHEN HE SHITS, AN AMERICAN PRESIDENT IS BORN.
PONY TAILS WERE INVENTED WHEN CHUCK NORRIS ROUNDHOUSE KICKED A HORSE SO HARD THAT ITS ASS STUCK TO THE BACK OF STEVEN SEGAL’S HEAD.
WHEN CHUCK NORRIS HUNTS QUAIL, HE MAKES DAMN SURE NONE OF HIS HUNTING BUDDIES COME BACK WITHOUT PELLETS IN THEIR FACES.
CHUCK NORRIS INVENTED SKIRTS BECAUSE HE WAS SICK AND TIRED OF ALWAYS HAVING TO RIP A WOMAN’S PANTS OFF.
CHUCK NORRIS WATCHES OPRAH. AND WHEN HE DOES IT HE SMILES, BECAUSE HE IS THE ONLY ONE THAT KNOWS SHE’S A CYBORG DEATHMACHINE CREATED BY HIM TO KILL THE HOMELESS AT NIGHT. THE REAL OPRAH RESIDES IN HIS BASEMENT, AND SHE IS GRATEFUL.
CHUCK NORRIS HAS 8 PhD’s…ALL OF WHICH IN ROUNDHOUSE KICKS.
IN 1989, HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE TOOK HAMMERS AND PICKAXES TO THE BERLIN WALL AND HAD LITTLE SUCCESS UNTIL CHUCK NORRIS TOOK PITY ON THEM. HE COMPACTED THEIR BODIES INTO A SUPER-DENSE MASS AND FORMED A CLUB OUT OF IT WHICH HE USED TO BATTER THE WALL TO PIECES. NOT BEING CONTENT WITH A JOB HALF DONE, HE ALSO CLUBBED TO DEATH ANYONE THAT HAD EVER LOOKED AT THE WALL.
MOST PEOPLE THINK THAT THE LEANING TOWER OF PISA LEANS BECAUSE CHUCK ROUNDHOUSE KICKED IT. BUT IN ACTUALITY, HE COCK-SLAPPED IT.
CHUCK NORRIS IS MADE OUT OF SUGAR AND SPICE. THE SUGAR’S FROM A RAZOR TIPPED TITANIUM DONUT AND THE SPICE COULD BURN A HOLE THROUGH THE SUN.
Who is Chuck Norris
*Author recieves roundhouse kick to face
Superman Wears Chuck Norris PJs
chuck norris and god got into a fight.. guess who won? its a trick question, chuck norris is god
Who is Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris ate a whole cake before his friends could tell them there was a stripper inside.
Who would win the 3 karate kids or Chuck Norris. The 3 kids then they would killl them selves so Chuck the fuck could win
Is it true if you kill chuck norris you become chuck norris
When chuck norris round houses babies they shit everywhere
Adam and eve were the sons of god. but god is the son of chuck norris.
Chuck Norris once visited the Leaning Tower of Piza….. and he stared it straight.
chuck invented the word sex
How many Chuck Norris’ does it take to screw in a lightbulb..? None, Chuck Norris sees in the dark.
Chuck Norris does not get morning wood. The sun rises when Chuck Norris gets hard.
when chuck norris round house kicks it causes a cold front
chuck norris equals m c squared
chuck norris has 3 balls otherwise known as the three wise men
chuck norris created rap when he said how much would could chuck norris chuck
chuck norris doesnt get dirty dirty gets chuck norris
chuck norris doesn’t have a social security number, a birthdate, or a family he only has a chuck norris
chuck norris is gellin so stop yellin
we had roman numerals and chuck got mad so he made a new number system
mc hammer said cant touch this so chuck norris round house kicked him all the way back to the ghetto
chuck norris doesnt sweat, sweat humps chuck norris
chuck norris doesnt like men men like chuck norris
my dog didnt eat my homework chuck norris roundhouse kicked it
a bird tried to shit on chuck norris so chuck norris round house kicked the shit back in the birds ass and it died of aids
Contrary to belief, Chuck Norris is not a racist. He has no problem roundhouse kicking anyone anywhere, anytime.
Chuck Norris does not have a Nationality.
Chuck Norris’ legs are the ‘Weapons of Mass Destruction’.
Chuck Norris is used as the death penalty in over 40 states.
In 1987, Chuck Norris got into a barfight with Mr. T, which is why you haven’t seen Mr. T since.
Chuck norris pleasured 62,103 women simultaneously using only his massive cock and a feather.
scientists have recently discovered that blizzards are nothing more than chuck norris masterbating.
The was once a romour that Chuck Norris Lost a fight to a pirate, this was a lie. Chuck Norris made this up to lure in more pirates to fight.. Pirates were not very smart.
Chuck Norris went to heaven, he saw God sitting there sitting on his throne and he said, “You’re in my seat.”
Mr. T and Chuck Norris cannot be in the same building at the same time. One place cannot hold that level of awsomeness.
Chuck Norris built the stone hendge
after eating 7million burritos from taco bell, chuck norris proceeded to take the biggest shit the world has ever seen….you now now this shit as the city of Buffalo, NY
hey administrator IX is nine not IV dumbass!
Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in the Wonders of the World because nothing impresses him but Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris invented Soilent Green
The Bermuda Triangle is not where people disappear, it’s where they go to hide from Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can solve a rubix cube without touching it.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to say
It is said if you drink from the same river as wolves you become a werewolf. If you drink from the same glass as Chuck Norris he roundhouse kicks you in the face for taking his drink
Chuck Norris wonders why Disney World is the happiest place on earth. Whenever he goes there all he hears are screams of pain.
Chuck Norris, Arnold Swarzenegger, and Sylvester Stallone all died and went to heaven. There was only one seat left in the bar and it was next to Zues. Sylvestor said, “I should sit there because of my strength.” Arnold said, “I should sit there because of my many acheivements.” Chuck Norris looked Zues straight in the eye and said, “Hey Zues! Yer in my fuckin’ seat.”
Scientist’s studies show that the sun gives us light, but in reality, all it is, is a reflection from Chuck Norris’ golden dick.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shit…he is the SHIT!
Chuck Norris doesn’t have to flush after taking a shit. HE orders the shit to go away!
Raid bug spray is really the scent of Chuck Norris’ feet.
Chuck Norris pees out plastic toy soldiers just so he can crush them with his right foot.
To the best of your knoweledge, the dinosaurs persihed due to a meteor, but that wasn’t a meteor, that was Chuck Norris going for his daily jog
There are no weapons of mass destruction, there is only Chuck Norris
There have been many romours about Chuck Norris’s penis. if it’s small or big. actually, it doesn’t exist. but then, how does he satisfy so many women, it’s easy. with the right amount of roundhouse kicks he pleasure them so much that they die and can’t beg for more
Jesus doesn’t love Chuck Norris because he wants to… he loves him because he HAS to.
So Osama Bin Laden now tells the world that he will not be taken alive… well thats obvious because when we send chuck norris to find him, he will just roundhouse kick him in the face and that will be the end of it…
Chuck Norris can win a game of connect 4 in only 3 moves
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, chuck norris decides what time it is.
The boogie man checks HIS closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris bought an arena football franchise and renamed it the Chuck Chuck Norris’s.
Chuck Norris doesn’t take showers, Chuck Norris takes blood baths.
Chuck Norris once round housed an author [and any author] for forgetting to capitalize his name, when one author begged long and hard enough for his life to be spared, Chuck only let him do so so he could ROUND HOUSE KICK HIM IN THE FACE in all caps.
chuck norris only listens to 2 people
1. chuck norris
2. chuck norris’s mom
in unrelated news chucks norris’s mom was killed today in a freak roundhouse kick to the face accident…who will tell chuck norris not to kill hookers?
chuck norris eats hookers both ways
chuck norris doesnt feel pain, pain feels chuck norris
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
I dont like you all saying im second to chuck norris ….. no one is and he got mad and beat my ass
When God said, “Let there be light” Chuck Norris said, “Say please”
Chuck Norris went to a fancy restaurant and ordered a medium rare steak, the steak was just medium so Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the chef in the face so fast that they went back in time five minuets. Chuck Norris then yeld at the chef saying, “Make it right this time.”
When Chuck Norris plays wheel of furtune he gets the answer right after 0 guesses for letters.
If you watch your tv shows close enough you will see Chuck Norris flipping you off in the background.
In the 8th grade Chuck Norris had to a project when he had to take care of a potato baby. He named the baby Chuck Norris. Minuets later he roundhouse kicked the potato for impersinating him.
While crossing the continent of Africa, Chuck Norris was struck by lightning during a rainstorm. It never rained there again.
Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris doesn’t go hunting. The word hunting implies he could fail. Chuck Norris goes killing.
hitler did not kill himself, but instead, chuck norris’ roundhouse kick did. his roundhouse kick is so powerful it looked like a 12 guage shotgun wound. hail chuck norris’
chuck norris once roundhouse kicked himself in the on accident. then did it again for roundhouse kicking himself in the nuts.
Chuck Norris invented the penis…..He invented it because he wanted somthing else to roundhouse kick people with!
Chuck Norris was walking down the street one day, and noticed an abnormal growth on the side of his stomach. After a few days, the growth fell off, and soon became a little Chuck Norris baby. Though the baby was radiating with so much energy, Chuck Norris realized it was too powerful for this world. So he threw the baby into the sky, and it is today known as the sun on Teletubbies.
when chuck norris jumps in a pool. he doesnt get wet . the water gets chuck norrised
Chuck Norris isnt hung like a horse……..Horses are hung like Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris was actually made on the first day of creation then he round house kicked god in the face and made everything inferior to chuck norris.
chuck norris really crapped out the pyramids in egypt
God is actually Chuck Norris’s left testicle
Chuck Norris does not stub his toes, he obliterates street curbs and destroys table legs.
evil kenevil would have never had the speed to make any of his jumps if they wherent powered by a round house kick by chuck norris
Chuck Norris once hopped into a Lions Den, and Came out wearing the Skin of a Tiger as his coat.
Chuck Norris once had an F-16 Fighter jet attack him….Even the black box was destroyed
Chuck norris doesn’t play halo, he doesn’t play CS, and he doesnt play everquest…………………..chuck norris plays WoW to kick the hordes ass
Go Alliance
When Chuck Norris goes to a bar he doesnt order the drinks the drinks come to him…………………………..Go WoW members lol
Chuck Norris dual weilds penies *slap* *slap*
RJH
For Chuck Norris, the price is ALWAYS right!
Why did Atlantis disappear? Ask Chuck.
Chuck Norris is the way the cookie crumbles
chine used to border the united states…. he round house kicked it through the earth, for only 1 reason…he didnt like it
while in a knive fight his opnent got a lucky swipe off and cut off his left testicle…. it is scientifically named “jupiter”
aliens were once from earth…. he just roundhouse kicked them off of earth
chuck norris once traveled to atlantis to collect posideons trident… he wouldn’t give it to him so chuck round-housed kicked his city until it sank.
Chuck Norris doesnt use Bowflex, It uses Chuck.
Chuck Norris isnt old, just aged to perfection.
Chuck Norris Caused hurricane katrina with a round house kick.
Chuck Norris doesnt use condoms he uses trash bags
The only thing scarier then chuck norris is chuck norris
When chuck norris has diaherea, he shits out blood and bones.
When chuck norris eats a raisin, he shits out a watermelon
The real saying goes, Out of the frying pan and into the CHUCK NORRIS!!
chuck was having a drink in a bar. when a woman walked up and seat next to him. they started talking, then the woman put her hand down chucks pants. chuck norris roundhouse kicked her in the face. he then yelled ONLY CHUCK NORRIS CAN PLESSURE CHUCK NORRISS
contrary to popular opinion, The craters on the moon were not created by meteors but by chuck norris’s foot when he round housed kicked it in the face for robbing a convenient store.
Chuck Norris boiled water so hot that not even Chuck Norris could drink it. Then he drank it
There was actually a planet past pluto in our solar system, but one day when Chuck Norris was jerking off, he ejaculated and knocked the planet out of our orbit
chuck norris sparked the big bang
Chuck Norris can remote-detonate roundhouse kicks.
Chuck Norris went to India and he was so squished in the streets that he had to roundhouse kick his way through, while eating Somosas
Tibet monks can sing using three sets of vocal chords, but Chuck Norris can rip your vocal chords out, stretch them and roundhouse kick the Imperial March from Star Wars on them
Hey Alex Capps, go take a long walk off a short cliff you fag!!!
micheal jackson roundhouse kicked the black out of micheal jackson
chcuk norris roundhouse kicked the black out of micheal jackson***
Chuch Norris doesn’t smell what “The Rock” is cookin’.
chuck norris disses himself occasionaly just to see who will agree and when someone does he round house kicks them in the face
note chuck norris speaks in 3rd person because hes more than 3 ppl
The CIA is actually just Chuck In Action.
Chuck Norris doesnt count the number of people he has roundhouse kicked ………. he counts the number of people left
chuck noris could rob a bank with his penis
Chuck Norris plays Risk with real armies
Chuck Norris can pop and make the fun stop when he eats Pringles
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a man in the face for letting him roundhouse kick him in the face
Chuck Norris’ pen ran out of ink…so he roundhouse kicked it in the face
Chuck Norris brought balance to the Force, but then proceeded to roundhouse kick it in the face
Chuck Norris keeps things in reach of children
Chuck Norris once blew up a hamster by roundhouse kicking it in the face
Chuck Norris shat his pants after watching himself on TV…He then roundhouse kicked his pants in the face for being on while he was crapping
Chuck Norris’ answer machine does not leave a message after the beep…it leaves a message after roundhouse kicking the caller in the face
Chuck Norris lost his left leg in combat, the leg we see is really his penis just before his right leg roundhouse kicks us in the face for looking at his penis without pleasuring it
chuck norris built all of the worlds major high ways with a roll of road and a round house kick!
the reason gene simmons’ tongue is so big is because its still swollen from a roundhouse kick chuck gave him when he was 6
chuck norris knows how they get the figs in the fig-rolls
Chuck Norris doesn’t wet the bed…the bed wets itself in fear.
Chuck Norris doesn’t check the closet for the boogyman…the boogyman checks the closet for Chuch Norris.
Chuck Norris’ tears heal cancer, too bad he never cries…
Chuck died ten yrs ago, but the Grim reaper was to affraid to tell him.
Chuck Norris doesn’t have aids, but he gives them to people anyways
Criss Angel once did a trick for Chuck Norris. He shouted at Criss “Nobody deceives Chuck Norris!!” roundhouse kicked him in the face and knocked the cleft off of his chin.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books he stares them down untill he gets all the information he needs
Chuck norris doesnt jack off, only because when he does, the force he creates is greater then the all the bombs droped in ww2.
Chuck Norris can get delivery from Digiorno.
the oringal name for simon says was actually called chuck norris says after 20000 wins and 20000 roundhouse kick deaths chuck norris decided to make it simon says named after his left testcle
chuck norris is so good at basketball he can forfeit and still win
for chuck norris it only takes 1 to tango
Why did the chicken cross the road?
cause chuck norris told him to or he would round house kick him in the face
Chuck Norris went to McDonalds and was denied what he ordered. He then round house kicked the store turning into Burger KIng So he could have it his way
Chuck Norris has the largest cock amongs all insects. Those with a bigger cock got roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris and are now extinct.
chuck norris sucks. he is a good martial artist, but he isn’t god, or anything close. u should b ashamed of yourselves 4 even calling him god. get a life u fucknuts!!!!
black people are scared to say nigger in the presence on chuck norris
chuck norris dosnt walk the street just moves
Chuck Norris has horrible handwriting but it doesn’t matter because he just stares at the words and they immeadiatly become perfect.
Chuck Norris doesn’t masturbate, masturbate Chuck Norris’.
Alexandra: the prophet was found round house kicked to the face this morning, the police didn’t need to ask witnessess what they saw because there is only one possible suspect…Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris was birthed out of his mother feet first, so he could deliver a round house kick to the face to his doctor because no one delivers Chuck Norris, except Chuck Norris.
Alexandra the prophet was once a student of mine. I roundhouse kicked her so hard, that she is amnesic.
Chuck Norris can have his cake and eat it too!
Chuck Norris Is so good he is fattening!
Why did the kid fall off his bike? because Chuck Norris delivered a roundhouse kick to his head!
Nobody does chicken like Chuck Norris… but then he roundhouse kicks it, making cooking it pointless
Everyone knows please is the magic word. As in the case when Alexandra: The Prophet says “please dont kill me chuck.” Too bad chuck doesnt believe in magic.
Chuck Norris doesnt think anything tastes like chicken
When Chuck Norris shaves he has to roundhouse kick himself, because the onlything that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
moth balls are just dried up sperm from chuck norris
chuck norris gets lazy sometimes and decides to fart instead of roundhouse kick…then his enthusiasm comes back after faking you out with the fart… then roundhouse kicks you
Chuck Norris wasn’t born like most babies, he fought his way out. Soon after he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris went to a roundhouse kick competition, after kicking the dummy so hard causing it to explode the judge gave him 9/10 score. The next day the judge was found decapitated in his living room and a head shaped hole in the window. The next day his head was found in China and had caused an explosion upon impact killing 10 people.
When the Hulk gets angry he becomes Chuck Norris.
Dont piss off the hulk or he will become Chuck Norris and Roundhouse kick you in the face.
Hey for all you guys who think Chuck Norris isn’t cool he was the seven time world Karate Champion, trained with Bruce Lee and is in a whole bunch of movies so bite roundhouse kick jerks.
It is said that you cannot simply walk into mordor. Chuck Norris changed all that
Michael Jackson never had surgery. Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him white
Scientists once thought diamons were the hardest material on earth, then they discovered chuck norris’s dick
Chuck norris went to burger and ordered a big mac… he got it without question
Like a good neighbor, Chuck Norris is there to roundhouse kick you in the face.
Chuck Norris is the most efficient alternative energy source
Supermodels have calendars of Chuck Norris on their walls
Macgyver can build a boat out of paperclips, Chuck Norris can build a Cruise Ship out of Macgyver.
Chuck Norris doesnt rent houses, houses rent Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris plays golf he doesnt need clubs, only roundhouse kicks and a good stare for putting.
If Chuck Norris ever loses a competition it is only because he is tired of winning.
Chuck Norris can not change hair styles because his hair is petrified from the first time he looked in the mirror.
There was a period of time when Chuck Norris broke his leg in a chili dog accident. This period of time is known as the great depression.
TUPAC didnt get shot , he just met chuck norris!!! yeah
Chuck Norris is the reason you’re alive
Chuck Norris does not drink bottled water. He drinks bottled Chuck Norris.
god wanted 10 days to make the earth, the chuck gave him 7.
Chuck Noris, what else needs to be said.
the din osaurs didn’t go extinct chuck norris roundouse kicked them extinkshion
Chuck Noris
Chuck Noris counted to infinity… twice…in sign language…before it was invented…
Chuck Noris round housed kicked so fast that he beat the speed of time and made the dinosaurs extinct…with one kick.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the doctor that delivered him because no one slaps Chuck Norris except Chuck Norris.
chucj norris is gay
who’s ur DADDY? chuck norris
how did the chicken cross the road? because chuck norris dropp kicked the chicken.
chuck norris doesnt wear a watch he says what time it is
The opening scene in Saving Private Ryan is loosely based on a dodgeball game Chuck Norris played in second grade. O yea!!!!!
there is no evolution theory, chuck norris allows the species to live.
Chuck norris isnt white, white people are chuck norris.
When Chuck Norris looks into the mirror…The mirror is scared of Chuck Norris…
Chuck Norris is so great, that only Chuck Norris can find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow… and take it without getting his ass kicked by lesbian leprechauns- he just roundkicks them in the face and they let him have that damn gold! gO cHuCk!
chuck norris once went to hell and died
“one day, God and Chuck Norris decided to play a game of basket ball, but they soon stopped after they’re ball got stuck in the hoop, we know this now as the planet Jupiter.”
Chuck norris can slama rovolving door!!!
chuck noris built the house he was born in.fact
Chuck Norris is a turd!
Chuck Norris poops his pants!
Chuck Norris sucks Donkey Dinger!
chuck norris once laughed at himself, he was then forced to roundhouse kick himself in the head fro doing so.
Gary Zandi is a cockhead n chuck norris rules.
chuck norris once laughed at himself, he was then forced to roundhouse kick himself in the head for doing so.
Gary Zandi is a cockhead n chuck norris rules.
sath :
.
I have been in tears laughing at work so hard im about to get fired-but cus i was laughing at chuck norris jokes he came and round house kicked my boss in the face now i got a raise
-hahahahahhahahah – god round house kicked michael jackson nuf said-
if at first you dont succeed, ur not chuck norris
chuck norris is my hero….
scarface didnt die from a shotgun chuck norris roundhouse kicked him in the back
super glue is actually chuck norriss sperm
chuck norris can fuck you in the ass and have his ball is ur mouth at the samne time
chuck norris can actually get a guy pregnant
chuck norris is hiding in my shoe box
chuck norris doesnt get athletes foot , athletes foot gets chuck norris
chuck norris ate my homework
chuck norris ate mrs spencer
i love u chuck i wanna have your baby and im a man
chuck norris doesnt use anal lube , rather he uses your bloody asshole as a lubricant
chuck norris shot an airplane from his nostril and it hit one of the twin towers
chuck norris’ penis is so big, it is now a movie star and starred in 3 movies: tremors, tremors 2, and tremors 3.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick.
Chu- *blood curdling scream*
chuck norris did hassle the hoff
Chuck Norris doesn’t smack his bitch up, he roundhouse kicks her in the face.
CHUCK NORRIS
Chuck Norris is forbidden to enter Mirror Mazes as several leading scientist predicted using modern Chucknomics that that many Chuck Norris’ in a single building would cause the entire universe to collapse around itself.
Jet Li once looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way, now we all know why the right side of Jet Li’s face is messed up. Chuck Norris would of felt bad if Jet Li was kicked by his Right Leg and killed him so he used his left leg.
chuck norris once got in an argument with lance armstrong over who had the most testicles..chuck norris won by 3
chuck norris once got in an argument with lance armstrong over who had the most testicles…chuck norris won by 3
Chuck Norris beat World of Warcraft
chuck norris can smell what the rock is cooking
Chuck Norris doesn’t check to see what flower the bean is, the beans check with Chuck Norris to see what flower they are.
chuck norris is the reason why waldos hiding.
The Devil sold his soul to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about
the only man Chuck Norris sleeps with IS Chuck Norris
Diamond was believed to be the hardest thing on Earth until Chuck Norris got his first erection.
Chuck Norris speaks Braile
Chuck Norris speaks Braile.
Osama is not hiding from the United States, he is hiding from Chuck Norris
Rodney King chose to get his ass whooped by those cops because his other choice was Chuck Norris
When NASA needs advise advice….they call Chuck Norris
Hurricane Katrina was only a violent sneeze from Chuck Norris
On christmas eve fat man santa looks at his three lists to see who gets what presents, naughty ones get coal, nice ones get a new bike, chuck norris gets Mrs. Claus. Poor Santa
Chuck Norris is not full of shit. shit is full of chuck norris.
Why is a elephant crying, cause Chuck Norris has a bigger Penis
Chuck norris once fought Johnny Rocketfingers, they ended up in a tie, but Chuck broke Johnnys glasses and then glued them together simply using his saliva
Chuck Norris invented food simply because he got tired eating babies
The Speed of Light challenged Chuck Norris to a race. Chuck Norris won.
Man evolved from ape. God evolved from Chuck Norris.
Food doesn’t taste like chicken. Food tastes like Chuck Norris
On a list of the worlds 100 best looking guys, Chuck Norris was listed 1-356.
If you defy Chuck Norris’ will. He will round house kick your face until you shit out a cinder-block.
Chuck Norris can do it. But you can’t.
Chuck Norris cannot shave his beard even if he wants to, because no scissors can cut through it
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes wide open
If u follow the rainbow until the end…u wont find any gold…Chuck norris doesn´t share
Chuck Norris once got an erection laying face down
He struck oil.
What the “Rock is Cooking” is usually what Chuck Norris feels like for supper.
Chuck Norris doesnt call it sex if the woman lives.
Chuck Norris doesnt believe in god, he believes in Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked you through the computer
Apollo’s 1 through 12 failed, but 13 succeeded after Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it directly to the moon.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Germany. Chuck Norris no longer believes in David Hasslehoff.
Chuck Norris is never late, because 8 years ago, Chuck Norris made time his bitch.
You think a flood is just a natural thing, but in reality (you must have guessed) it’s god pissing in his throusers because CHUCK NORRIS is coming to the beach!!
Chuck sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CHUCK NORRIS WALKED INTO BURGER KING ORDERED A BIG MAC AND GOT ONE
CHUCK NORRIS WAS WALKING THROUGH A JUNGLE, FLY KICKED A TOOCAN AS HARD AS HE COULD(BECAUSE HE CAN) ….THE TOOCAN PROCEEDED TO SHIT FUITY CIRCLES
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee, this has nothing to do with his ancestry…the man literally ate a fucking Indian!
Alex Capps is a gay man, chuck norris once showed a man his penis and turned him to stone
chuck norris is the best speller in the world,not because he is that smart, the dictionary changes to fit his ideas
chuck norris is now sueing NBC for $40000000000 because the show “law and order” are the trademark names for his left and right legs.
chuck norris doesn’t sleep, he waits
chuck norris sleeps with a night light not because he is scaird of the dark but because the dark is scaird of chuck
CHUCK once came upon a mighty river. On its bank was a boat. In the boat there was a goat, a wolf, and a radish. The wolf said to CHUCK: “You can only have two items in the boat at once. You need to take all three of us to the other shore of the river. The wolf cannot be in the boat at the same time as the goat, or it will eat it. The goat cannot be in the boat at the same as the radish, or it will eat it. You cannot be alone in the boat. You can only use the boat three times back and forth. What do you do?” CHUCK said: “Fuck you moron”, and killed everyone including himself.
Two matoes crossed the road. One was run over by Chuck Norris. The other t’mato looked around, over his shoulder, and said: Hey buddy, catch up!
Chuck norris is not gay hes just fucked all the girls!! wooohooo
Chuck Norris is omniscient and omnipotent and omnipresent and omnipomni and omniglious. And omnidrizlisque. And gay.
When I find myself in Chuck of trouble, mother Mary Chuck to me. Speaking words of wisdom: Chuck it be. Chuck it be, let it Chuck, Chuck it be, let Chuck be. Speaking words of Chuckdom: Chuck it be.
WTF?
also, chuck norris it is said that chuck norris has no chin, only another fist
Chuck Norris can eat a rubix cube and poop it out solved.
chuck norris destroyed the periodic table ’cause the only element he belives in is surprise.
chuck norris doesn’t need to ‘port to Orgrimmar. he thinks of Orgrimmar and it comes to him.
(go horde)
chuck norris is luke skywalker’s real father
chuck norris doesn’t use spell check, if he happens to mispell a word Oxford simply will change the actuall spelling of it.
When Chuck Norris’ wife burns dinner. He throws away the dishes, Calls his wife a whore, and then sleeps with your mom!!!
Chuck Norris had sex with a dolphin once. Nine months later the dolphin gave birth to a Great White shark.
Chuck Norris Is The Only Person To Beat The Mona Lisa In A Staring Contest.(Property Of Me) No Stealing!!
Jesus might walk on water, but Chuck Norris walks on Jesus.
chuck is a loser
Chuck Norris is the help in Hamburger Helper.
Chuck norris roundhouse kicked the universe and started the big bang!
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on dry land
In the beginning there was nothing…Then chuck norris roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said “get a job!” …this is the story of the universe
When Chuck Norris says he’s goin to fuck a girls brains out, he fucks her brains out…literally.
Chuck Norris was born in a house built by himself.