Duckshit
Funny Jokes and Dirty Jokes
Chuck Norris Jokes (best so far)
Posted on 04.11.06 9:27AM under Chuck Norris Jokes
Chuck Norris’s penis is so big that it has a penis of its own and it is still bigger than yours.
Chuck Norris doesnt consider it sex if the woman lives
When Chuck Noris jumps in a pool he dosen’t get wet water gets Chuck Noris.
Chuck Noris round house kicked the leaning tower of piza
Chuck Noris isn’t hung like a horse a horse is hung like him..
The atom bomb isn’t real.. It’s just Chuck falling out a plane and punching the ground..
Wat is the quickest way to mans heart?
Chuck Noris’s fist.
Chuck Noris retards are just people that have been round house kicked in the face by Chuck Noris
Chuck Norris pees in a can and sells it as redbull.
God wanted to create the world in 10 days… Chuck Norris gave him 6.
Most people put their pants on one leg at a time, Chuck Norris does both legs at once.
It never rains when Chuck Noris is around, if it tried he would just roundhouse kick every single raindrop
a stagnant container of chuck norris’s urine turns in to diamonds after 2 days
There are actually 8 wonders of the world. Chuck Norris counts for 4 of them.
this was actually a dictionary website until it said chuck norris spelled something wrong so he round house kicked it into this.
God said let there be light, Chuck Noris said say please.
Posted by Sympho on 04.14.06 10:16 pm
Truly THE best ever !!
Posted by Kyle on 04.15.06 1:17 am
Absolutely superb!
Posted by Mike on 04.15.06 10:38 pm
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into th Hulk, when the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris
Posted by John Frost on 04.16.06 3:21 pm
Chuck Norris is so great he once won at connect four in three moves. How? Because Chuck Norris is so great all he has to do is stare at a piece and it will change color.
Posted by chuck norris mom on 04.16.06 8:05 pm
Chuck norris can speak braille
if u can’t chuck it then fuck it
dont fuck with my chuck
Posted by priya on 04.16.06 8:52 pm
chuck norris hair is always perfect b/c the hair is to afraid to step out of line b/c of getting a rounhoused kick.
Posted by janny de beer on 04.17.06 10:08 am
Chuck norris was born with three testicles, after a while he ripped one off, threw it in the sea and called it Australia.
Spiderman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck norris has never bougyht a lawn mower, he just dared his grass not to grow.
Posted by MlsTlsPrwrs on 04.18.06 1:38 am
Chuck Noris puts the “laughter” back in “manslaughter”.
Posted by Jacob Piercey on 04.19.06 12:26 am
chuck norris doesn’t have a family, a family has chuck norris.
One Chuck Norris found a man with the same name as him, and he then he round house kicked him in the face.
Chuck Norris has three testicales.
Chuck Norris was a geek in school, until he round house kicked every teacher and student in North America.
1,2,3,4,5,chuck norris,6,7,8 we all forgot the chuck norris number?
Posted by James Kenny on 04.19.06 10:03 am
Chuck norris was there before God.
Jesus walks on water; Chuck Norris walks on Jesus.
Chuck lost his virginity before his dad did.
If you ever ask Norris what time it is he will always say”Two seconds till”. When you ask “two seconds till what?” he will have his foot in your face.
NEVER QUESTION CHUCK NORRIS!!!!
Posted by Napper85 on 04.20.06 2:50 am
Dont you wish your girlfriend was hot like Chuck Norris
Posted by Driver 446 on 04.21.06 1:01 am
Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a contest to see who had the most balls. Chuck Norris won by 5.
Posted by chalkielover on 04.21.06 2:46 am
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls
Posted by jacob is gay on 04.21.06 4:18 am
Ok… Jacob, those jokes are the worst jokes of all time… some of them don’t even have punch lines.
For everyone else, Chuck Norris jokes are hilarious when you get them right, but you can’t just say random shit and end it with “he round house kicked (them, it, him, her, etc.).” That’s not creative, and not funny. If that were the case, I could say “Chuck Norris had a dog…. but then he round house kicked it!” and people would find it hysterical.
Posted by Juan smith on 04.21.06 8:09 am
Chuck Norris can divide by zero!!
Posted by comicor tragic on 04.21.06 1:13 pm
chuck norris is his own father
Posted by Elvis on 04.21.06 7:08 pm
chuck norris counted to infinty…twice
Posted by nedreilly on 04.22.06 5:37 am
Heres some Chuck Norris jokes that i made up.
If you look up pain in the dictionary there’s a picture of Chuck Norris.
It is commonly accepted that ‘Chuck Norris’ is an anagram for ‘pain’. Some scholars have questioned this but they have all died of mysterious roundhouse kicks to the face.
There is no word in the english language that rhymes with ‘Chuck Norris’. There used to be but he killed it.
Posted by nedreilly on 04.22.06 5:43 am
Jesus may be the son of god ,but god is the son of Chuck Norris.
Posted by Dan on 04.22.06 10:25 am
Chuch Norris can the joke “Chuck Norris had a dog…. Then he roundhouse kicked it” Funny
Posted by Upeoplesuck on 04.22.06 4:54 pm
For God’s sake people, don’t you have anything better to do than to talk about a retard’s balls and kicks, and other shit? Who the hell is Chuck Norris anyway?
Posted by MoBYDiCk on 04.22.06 5:00 pm
nedreilly u need to play the voilin with ur wrists plz.
ur jokes suck ballz
Posted by TboneZ on 04.22.06 6:28 pm
You live by the sword, you die by the sword.
You live by chuck norris, you die by a roundhouse kick.
bad joke, but check out chuck norris’s game at http://www.addictingames.com .
Posted by Kelly on 04.22.06 6:34 pm
When Chuck Norris does push ups, he doesnt push himself up, he pushes the world down.
There is no theory of evolution, only a list of animals Chuck Norris allowed to live.
Chuck Norris slammed a revolving door
When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks for Chuck Norris under the bed.
Posted by Brent Ashford on 04.22.06 7:32 pm
When Chuck Norris looks into a mirror he sees Chuck Norris
Posted by Kris on 04.22.06 9:45 pm
Made this up:
Chuck Norris does not run with the wind, The wind runs with Chuck Norris
Posted by Cleo Writters on 04.23.06 1:37 pm
Some I made up.
Tom Cruise follows scientology.
The Pope follows Catholicism.
but Chuck Norris runs so fast, he can follow himself.
Only two things can cut titanium
Chuck Norris’s right and left hand.
Chuck Norris can dig a whole in water… with a holly shovel.
Chuck Norris got in the Darwin Award 3 times. Not because he’s stupid, but because he’s rid the human species of so many moronic people.
Posted by crabicide` on 04.24.06 11:29 am
Mr. Tea and Chuck Norris walk into a bar. The bar explodes, because no building can contain that much awsome.
When Chuck norris works out with a machine. The machine gets stronger.
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet. Untill Chuck Norris round house kicked her into a glacier.
Posted by KDuffy on 04.24.06 6:02 pm
A dingo didn’t eat your baby, Chuck Norris did.
Posted by Wouldn't you like to know on 04.24.06 8:43 pm
Chuck Norris has been dead for 4 years but…….the Grim Reaper is too afraid to tell him…..
Posted by facemace on 04.25.06 12:05 am
It ain’t over til Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the shit out of the fat lady
Posted by mosesmalone on 04.25.06 11:02 pm
chuck norris once ate an air guitar and when he shat it out it was your mom.
chuck norris is not human yet his penis is bigger than yours
Posted by Umm on 04.26.06 4:04 pm
Reading these posts I found someone who said that he/she does not know who Chuck Norris is. GO TO HELL YOU BASTARD CHUCK NORRIS WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU WITH A NARWHALE’S HORN
Posted by dillon on 04.26.06 5:21 pm
kennedy didnt die from a shot to the head,chuck norris blocked the bullet with his beard and kennedys head blew up with shock.
Posted by Chuck Fucking Norris on 04.26.06 9:13 pm
Upon reading this website, I, Chuck Norris, laughed so hard it triggered what naive, atheist, Chuck-denying scientists termed the “December 2004 Tsunami”.
Posted by imp on 04.27.06 9:32 pm
man was created in the image of god
god was created in the image of chuck norris
Posted by BCS on 04.28.06 5:01 am
God rested on the seventh day, because he had a battle with Chuck Norris on the sixth day.
Posted by crapboy on 04.28.06 5:50 am
holy shit, these jokes are soooooo shit its hilarious to think you guys think theyre funny…….oh sorry……youre all american right…….please accept my sympathy
Posted by big_v on 04.28.06 10:16 am
funny dude funny
Posted by Ashley on 04.28.06 4:26 pm
Chuck Norris’ girlfriend once asked “how much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood” Chuck Norris told her no one rhymes in Chuck Norris’ presence then ripped her throat out. “NO ONE FUCKS WITH CHUCK”, 2 years and 5 months later Chuck Norris realized the irony of that statement and laughed so hard anyone in a 100 mile radius went deaf
Posted by robert on 04.28.06 5:35 pm
Chuck Norris has defeated the sun and moon consecutively in a staring contest.
Posted by sean on 04.28.06 9:24 pm
hey im not sure if you all knew this but chuck noris’s tears cure cancer…… the only problem is he never cry’s
chuck lost his virginity before his father
Posted by JOJO on 04.29.06 11:19 pm
Chuck Norris can never die. One time, Death tried to take Chuck Norris to Heaven. Chuck Norris simply stared at Death until Death killed himself.
Posted by Gandalf on 04.29.06 11:38 pm
All women want Chuck Norris. Any woman who says otherwise is either blind or a lesbian, and Chuck Norris probably already gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
There was no big bang. Chuck Norris just gave an asteroid the first roundhouse kick.
Lightning and thunder are just Chuck Norris practicing his round house kicks on the clouds.
Someone once tried to arm-wrestle Chuck Norris in bar. Chuck Norris smashed his hand through a table, roundhouse kicked every other man in the face, and banged every woman in the bar.
Posted by Vince on 04.30.06 1:23 am
Here are some I made up
Einstein told Chuck Norris his round house kick could not break the speed of light.
Chuck Norris rebuttal by round house kicking him from the Future.
Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in surgery, he believes in rounds house kicks to the face.
Satellite images of Chuck Norris started the war in Iraq
Tiger Woods imitates his swing after Chuck Norris’s round house kick.
Chuck Norris walks on water because the water is scared of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris killed a shark when he told it to not breath
When a man farts, the fart scurries back into the man and the man explodes because Chuck Norris doesn’t like Stink
Posted by crapboy on 04.30.06 2:32 am
Chuck Norris ordered me to I apologize for insulting America. *I’m sorry.*
I didn’t know he could enter my dreams at night. Now I can only dream of him. *sigh*
Posted by FJ1 on 04.30.06 12:13 pm
Chuck Norris sleeps on a bed of Machettes
Posted by deathman on 04.30.06 9:48 pm
when chuck norris dives into water he doesnt get wet the water gets chuck norris
Posted by aDaM on 05.01.06 3:11 am
who ever keeps writing these things about how the jokes are not funny is going to get a round house kick to the face by chuck norris.
Posted by LittleSusie on 05.01.06 3:13 am
A lot of people go to sleep in Superman pajamas, but Superman, he goes to sleep in Chuck Norris pajamas!!!
There was once a spotted horse that pissed off Chuck Norris, and got a round house kick to the face. We now know this animal as a giraffe.
Posted by John on 05.01.06 3:19 am
the only reason im typing this is b/c if i didnt chuck norris would round house kick me in the face.
Posted by JOJO on 05.01.06 2:18 pm
There were three men walking on a beach. A white man, a Mexican, and a Black man. While they were walking they found a genie lamp buried in the sand. They picked it up and rubbed it, producing a very disgruntled genie. The Genie looked at the three men and Told them that since he was eager to get back to his slumber he would only give each of them one wish.
The Mexican man said, “I wish to be the wealthiest man in the world.”
*Poof* Suddenly a great golden mansion sprung up from the sand filled with jewels and gold. The Mexican went inside and was happy.
The Black man said, “I wish I had all the most beautiful women in the world in love with me.
*Poof* A thousand hotties from every race and age were suddenly groveling at his feet, beggin him to make sweet sweet love to them. He took them to the other side of the beach and was happy.
The white man said, “I wish I was the strongest and smartest, and most handsome man in the world.”
*Poof* He turned into Chuck Norris and stole the other two guys’ Mansion, riches and bitches and roundhouse kicked them both in the face! HA!
Posted by Mike on 05.01.06 7:08 pm
Chuck norris sleeps with a night light because the dark is afraid of chuck norris.
Chuck norris, Vin Diesel, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were all at the gates of heaven, for the selection to be god’s right hand man. First god asked Arnold why he should be his right hand man. “well, i believe that since i have made so many movies, and am the governator of california, i think that i should be your right hand man,” he replied.
Next god asked Vin Diesel why he should be his right hand man. “well, i believe that since i have made movies and accomplished a lot throughout my life, i should be your right hand man.” he replied.
Lastly, god asked chuck norris why he should be his right hand man. Chuck norris replied, “I believe, that you are sitting in my seat.”
Posted by kijunuah on 05.01.06 8:57 pm
Chuck Norris once ate a bowl of dog food and crapped out a rocket launcher. He then proceeded to eat the rocket launcher and crapped out a tank. He then proceeded to eat the tank and he crapped out the sun.
Posted by Purplenurple on 05.01.06 10:15 pm
God was bored so he created the world.
God was lonely so he created man.
God was proud because man created Chuck norris.
Chuck Norris was born with a beard.
If at first glance Chuck Norris seems to be carrying around a large telephone pole sized object do not be alarmed. We all bet boners somtimes.
If Chuck Norris ate Vern Troyer (mini-me Austin Powers) he’d shit out Gary Coleman (different strokes).
Chuck Norris eats cookie dough and shits out cookies.
Chuck Norris took a fake name before starting in movies. His original name was God.
Posted by Ken on 05.02.06 5:53 am
At the end of walker texas ranger the credits are’nt the people who produced the show but a list of people he roundhouse kicked that day.
Posted by Sperm on 05.02.06 10:38 am
Chuck Norris Sperm count is so high that you have to chew before you swallow
Posted by daniel on 05.02.06 8:50 pm
chuck norris has satelite but his picture doesnt go out when it rains
Posted by ryan on 05.02.06 9:25 pm
Chuck Norris does not sleep; he waits.
When Chuck Norris was born, he roundhouse kicked the doctor and said “No one delivers Chuck Norris, but Chuck Norris”.
Posted by Jonny on 05.02.06 9:34 pm
it is said that Hugh Hefner, the founder of playboy has slept with over 90,000 woman in his life…Chuck Norris calls this a slow tuesday
Posted by Willie Wiebe on 05.02.06 10:51 pm
They were thinking of making Chuck Norris toilet paper, but then they remembered, Chuck Norris doesnt take crap from ANYONE!!
Posted by Willie, again on 05.02.06 10:57 pm
-Watching a Chuck Norris movie will make your testicles grow 12%
-Chuck Norris refers to himself in fourth person.
-Chuck Norris eats lunch for breakfast.
-Chuck Norris wipes with 40-grit sandpaper
-If chuck norris was a woman, then he wouldn’t have a period. He would have an exclamation point!!!!!
-Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when hes peeing
and to finish it off:
-If at first you don’t succeed, your obviously not Chuck Norris
Posted by Chuck you. on 05.03.06 1:13 pm
Chuck norris has been defeated before. This 1 time Nemo bitch slapped him with his lucky fin. & won. The end.
Posted by ladyjane on 05.03.06 4:46 pm
crap boy, you are hilarious.
thanks man. how do u feel about south African’s then? haha. and be nice.
Posted by ladyjane on 05.03.06 4:52 pm
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact he invented the entire colour spectrum. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
Posted by scotty on 05.04.06 6:55 am
almost none of these people will actually know who Chuck Norris is/was. That’s not really what makes the jokes funny. All those wankers who have to be arseholes and different can all get round-house kicked in the face:p
Posted by i had sex with chuck norris on 05.04.06 8:54 pm
people who make up chuck norris jokes are just mad cuz they can’t be chuch norris.
kidding
dudes so funny
Posted by Dojo on 05.06.06 1:42 am
Chuck Norris never appears in public because he hate people.
If Chuck Norris could be one thing in the galaxy what would it be?
Bizarro Chuck Norris.
What is the one thing Chuck Norris fears?
Nothing…shut the fuck up.
When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror what does he see?
A piece of glass colored like Chuck Norris about to be smashed.
When Chuck Norris drinks alcohol what happens?
He gets faster, stronger, and more deadly.
When Chuck Norris smokes grass what happens?
Absolutley nothing.
How does Chuck Norris ask a girl out?
He doesn’t.
How does Chuck Norris trim his beard?
With a diamond saw.
What is Chuck Norris’ favorite food?
Doesn’t have a favorite. He enjoys a balanced diet of all major food groups.
Posted by thom on 05.06.06 10:44 am
chuck norris doesnt have sperm cells,he shoot whales!
Posted by aido179 on 05.06.06 12:23 pm
chuck norris had a daughter, she lost her virginity so chuck found it and put it back!
chuck norris doesnt die, he waits until theres a reason to come back
jesus arose in three days, chuck norris arose in three seconds.
Posted by ho3nut on 05.06.06 3:45 pm
chuck norris doesn’t use steroids
steroids use chuck norris
Posted by MURPHYDAWG on 05.06.06 10:16 pm
chuck norris is so hot that he wouldnt mate with any1 unless there was some1 as sexy as him so he had stared his on gender there is now 3 female male and chuck noris
Posted by gay redneck on 05.07.06 9:02 am
First off, rednecks fuck there sisters. Chuck Norris fucks me Because he doesnt have a sister, he roundhouse kicked her in the face. I have now fucked 7 p[eople, my sister,my brother,my dad, my mom,my grandma myself, and chuck norris. You are all gay sombitches. Eat me out bitches…
Posted by Vince on 05.07.06 4:46 pm
A man once asked Chuck Norris to round house kick him in the head. Chuck Norris asked “Why?” The man replied “I want to time travel!”
Posted by Vince on 05.07.06 4:49 pm
Super Mario coined the phrase “ITSA MARIOOO” after he was round house in the head by Chuck Norris
Posted by Chuck Norris' Bitch on 05.08.06 2:24 am
When Chuck Norris turned 10, the whole world unanimously decided to rename God “Chuck Norris”.
Chuck Norris has spawned many children — John Wayne Gacy, Jeffrey Dahmer, The Zodiac Killer, Eileen Woernos, Jack The Ripper, Lee Harvey Oswald, The Olson Twins, and Adolf Hitler. Because of this, it is illegal for him to have children in all 50 states.
Chuck Norris doesn’t really have a beard. The “beard” is just a part of his face. It has been theorized that if Chuck Norris ever grew a beard, every woman in the world would simultaneously orgasm, causing the Earth to careen out of orbit and crash into the sun.
Chuck Norris’s mom tried to abort him. Eighteen times.
Chuck Norris bathes in nuclear waste, and uses plutonium for mouthwash.
Blood doesn’t run through Chuck Norris’s veins. Acid does.
Once, Chuck Norris went to Africa, and then went to Iraq. Because of the high levels of uranium in his sperm, military intelligence assumed this was for nuclear weapons, and declared war on Iraq.
Chuck Norris’s Penis is actually a detachable, fully capable nuclear warhead.
Chuck Norris invented a language which he called “Chuckeese”. However, over thousands of years, the name got lost. We now refer to that language as “Latin”.
Posted by this guy on 05.08.06 2:30 pm
Chuck norris eats ice cream with glass sprinkles on it
The government dont tell Chuck Norris what to do he tells the goverment to go to hell.
Chuck norris shaves with a chain saw.
Posted by anderson on 05.09.06 1:53 am
chcuk norris can sneeze with his eyes open
chuck nrris can put on mascara without opening his mouth
Posted by anderson on 05.09.06 1:57 am
chuck norris has no pop ups on his computer because they fe
Posted by al mount on 05.09.06 4:35 pm
One time Superman challenged Chuck Norris to see if he could round house kick him out of the air while flying faster than a speeding bullet…well, why do you think Christopher Reeves ended up in a wheelchair? That horse story was a bunch of bullshit…
Posted by al mount on 05.09.06 4:39 pm
I am the only known survivor of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Posted by opokay on 05.10.06 12:26 am
Chuck Norris invented Chuck Norris Jokes.
David Blaine isn’t really going to hold his breathe for 9 mins, but rather Chuck Norris is going to stare oxygen into him
Lemons think that Chuck Norris is too sour.
Posted by TY on 05.11.06 12:02 am
Chuck norris is walking down the street and trips and falls into a mudd puddle. The mudd puddle does not get chuck norris wet but the puddle gets chuck norris then he roundhouse kicks it
Posted by TY on 05.11.06 12:05 am
Chuck Norris could roundhouse kick thrugh the hoover dam if he wanted to
Posted by TY on 05.11.06 12:08 am
the moon does not orbit around the earth it orbits around Chuck Norris
Posted by schwek on 05.11.06 6:21 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to know how to swim. The water moves out of his way. That wasn’t moses, Chuck just went for a run.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Rick James in the face and said, “I’m Chuck Norris bitch!”
The meaning of life is……..DON’T FUCK WITH CHUCK!
Posted by Jimi-jam on 05.12.06 12:04 pm
If Chuck Norris were a planet it would be called…. Kickin’ Your Anus
Posted by jo mama on 05.12.06 8:21 pm
when Chuck Norris does a pushup he doesnt goup the world goes down
God said let there be light Chuck Norris made Him say please
Posted by nameless wonder on 05.12.06 10:03 pm
attention everyone . . . Testicle that is all
Posted by Nick on 05.13.06 12:52 am
If every god and deity from all religion and myth came together to create one ultimate superhuman, do you know who that would be?
Chuck Norris?
Nah, Chuck Norris could kick that guys butt.
Posted by Jimi-jam on 05.13.06 8:29 am
How many Chuck Norris’ does it take to change a lightbulb? None, he just stares it down until it changes itself….OR There is only ONE Chuck Norris!!
Posted by you all suck on 05.13.06 2:19 pm
some jokes are funny but some are totaly crap.
chuck drives a norris minor
dont use god in ur jokes thats fucked up man
chuck norris was created by his own sperm
Posted by slayer on 05.13.06 8:26 pm
chuck norris doesn’t mow his yard, he sits on the front porch and dares it to grow.
Posted by Cracker on 05.14.06 1:30 am
The death star is powered by chuck norris
The chaos theory does not relate to a butterfly flapping
it’s wings creating a hurricane but rather
chuck norris throwing his fastest round house kick
Darth Vader only answers to chuck norris
Chuck norris was not born but instead concieved in a dojo
Posted by Wahwahwah on 05.14.06 7:09 am
Chuck Norris is actually Gordon freeman, just give him a crowbar and glasses
Posted by naz on 05.14.06 10:45 am
chuck norris doesnt have to “play dead” for bears….bears have to “play dead” for chuck norris
Posted by shawn G on 05.14.06 2:01 pm
chuck norris doesn’t wear kevlar vests..kevlar vests wear chunk norris
Posted by mesk on 05.14.06 11:26 pm
Chuck Norris says he is no more than a simple mortal..
only he promised a roundhouse kick in the head to the ones who even think about try to become one.
Posted by chuck will kill me if i tell you on 05.14.06 11:42 pm
chuck norris once harvested his sweat into a pure non-dilluted liquid based drug known as Adreamachrome, A.K.A Adrenaline.
Posted by chuck will kill me if i tell you on 05.14.06 11:44 pm
Chuck Norris is so presice with his roundhouse kicks, he can shave an aisan woman.
Posted by poop on 05.14.06 11:56 pm
Chuck Norris has two speeds walk and kill
Posted by poop on 05.15.06 12:00 am
the one ring to rule them all was lost by chuck norris
Posted by Big Number One on 05.15.06 1:22 am
A roundhouse kick to the face by Chuck Norris is condsidered a means of execution for prisoners in all 50 U.S. states and Puerto Rico
Posted by ChuckFan on 05.15.06 7:29 pm
Chuck Norris Said let there be Chuck jokes, and behold this site was made. And Chuck Norris was pleased.
Posted by Hpnotizin on 05.16.06 3:23 pm
Q: What did Eve ask Adam the first time they met?
A: “Will you fuck me in the ass like Chuck Norris did?”
Of course there are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. That’s bcause Chuck Norris lives in Iowa.
Posted by Hpnotizin on 05.16.06 3:51 pm
Chuck Norris went to Burger King and ordered a Big Mac…and He got it.
He is also suing Burger King for the simple fact that they didn’t put razor wire in his burger, as He requested.
Posted by Hpnotizin on 05.16.06 4:09 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to use a compass, because all Norths point to Chuck Norris.
Posted by Grahven312 on 05.17.06 1:32 am
Chuck Norris doesn’t need glasses. He makes things come closer.
Chuck Norris doesn’t walk. He tells the ground where to go.
It’s never been argued that Chuck Norris is the greatest man alive. Everyone just agrees.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a man in the face just for snoring.
Chuck Norris doesn’t go hunting he goes slaying.
Chuck Norris kills ghosts.
Chuck Norris said if I misselt inythang he’d…
Posted by smseal on 05.19.06 9:23 am
I thought I would add to the Chuck revolution…
Chuck Norris doesn’t use condoms, condoms use Chuck Norris.
Iraq uses Chuck Norris pee instead of Uranium to make Nuclear bombs.
The only reason for global warming is because Chuck Norris went on a world tour and cause a climate change!
Chuck Norris can’t get an orgasm, because his orgasm would be too ashamed to make a appearance!
The Grand Canyon was caused by Chuck Norris taking a pee in some open field!
Posted by LolMan on 05.19.06 7:23 pm
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger it doesn’t mean fuck you, its how many seconds you have to live.
Leading hand sanitizers kill 99.9% of germs.
Chuck Norris can kill 100% of whatever the fuck he wants.
Chuck Norris’s sperm can break 13 condoms, the birth control pill, a brick wall, and the 1975 steelers offense in order to inpregnate a women.
Posted by Bob Smith on 05.19.06 11:09 pm
crapboy :
.
holy shit, these jokes are soooooo shit its hilarious to think you guys think theyre funny…….oh sorry……youre all american right…….please accept my sympathy
Where are you from? You can make fun of us all you want but it still doesnt change the fact that we are the world superpower and your probably some limp-wristed socialist bastard! XD XD
Posted by Joe Palmer on 05.20.06 1:43 am
Chuck Norris isnt hung like a horse, horses are hung like Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesnt Tea Bag women, he potato sack them
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pees
Posted by Silence on 05.20.06 3:13 pm
Here are some I came up with…They’re not all funny - but you people inpire me…
-There is no such thing as speeding tickets – people get tickets for driving faster than Chuck Norris.
-The movie “Sidekicks” was based on a true story on how Chuck Norris fantasized about going on adventures with Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris doesn’t listen to music – music listens to Chuck Norris.
-One day – Bill Clinton asked Chuck Norris how he felt about George Bush; Chuck Norris replied with the same answer he has for every question, “He’s no Chuck Norris.”
-Saddam didn’t let the U.S. government search his warehouses because he wanted to hide any weapons of mass destruction – he wanted to hide the super soldier he was creating to combat the forces of Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris likes rap music
-Chuck Norris was supposed to play KC Jones in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. But when told he had to wear a mask, he roundhouse kicked the director and said “Chuck Norris has nothing to hide.”
-One day – a man asked Chuck Norris if “Chuck” was short for “Charles.” He replied by saying “No. Chuck is short for Chuck” and proceeded to give the man a roundhouse kick to the face.
-Chuck Norris doesn’t eat chicken – he eats rooster.
Posted by browny on 05.21.06 6:54 am
chuck norris doesnt wear a watch , he says what time it is
Posted by Gavin on 05.21.06 8:03 am
Pre-Chuck Norris, a violent case of vometting was called vomit.
Posted by CanRock on 05.21.06 9:36 am
Chuck Norris eats Alphabits and poop’s out the word “KILL”
Posted by Nick on 05.21.06 4:10 pm
Im glad you can spell “Norris” right you jackass
Posted by crazy_eddie on 05.21.06 8:53 pm
Chuck norris can lead a horse to water..AND MAKE IT DRINK!
Chuck norris can have his cake and eat it too.
Chuck norris CAN bring a knife to a gun fight. And win by roundhouse kicking it into his foe.
Chuck norris vs. God?! Ridiculous! Why would chuck norris fight himself?
Chuck norris does not get wet.
Water get roundhouse kicked.
Chuck norris does not wish he was the man on the wheaties box. No. The man on the wheaties box wishes he was Chuck norris.
Chuck norris had a beard even before he was born.
Posted by Evil Furby on 05.21.06 9:39 pm
You guys inspire me also…
If you want to know how well endowed Chuck Norris is, just ask your mom.
Leading hand sanitizers can kill 99.9% of germs and bacteria. What is the other .1% ? Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need a compass, he is the True North.
Your favorite color is actually Chuck Norris.
Once someone asked Chuck Norris if he had any Grey Pou pon, Chuck Norris replied, “I have to wipe first.”
Contrary to scientific theory, time does not loop, instead the intire universe is created and destroyed everytime Chuck Norris straps, and unstraps his belt buckle.
When Shaq needs new shoes, he politely asks to borrow them from Chuck Norris.
Q. If a tree falls in the forest and noone is there to hear it does it make a sound?
A. Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris knows your scared, and he’s watching you right now. Hurry, put your pants back on!
As community service a judge once ordered Chuck Norris to breast feed starving badgers.
Chuck Norris shits razorblades smelted from the teeth fillings of all the people who make him angry.
Who you gonna call? Chuck Norris.
Your sister is in love with Chuck Norris, but he blew her off.
Chuck Norris doesn’t know that music exists, because whenever people play it around him, he does his roundhouse kick dance.
Posted by sath on 05.23.06 3:07 pm
I have been in tears laughing at work so hard im about to get fired-but cus i was laughing at chuck norris jokes he came and round house kicked my boss in the face now i got a raise
-hahahahahhahahah - god round house kicked michael jackson nuf said-
Posted by Michael on 05.23.06 3:38 pm
When chuck norris cuts an onion, the onion cries.
Chuck norris can karate chop a tomato into eighths
Posted by Cheese on 05.23.06 10:55 pm
If Chuck Norris is running late, time better slow the fuck down.
Chuck Norris went to the virgin islands, now there just the islands.
Q: How much food does Chuck Norris eat?
A: Enough to kick your ass!
If at first you don’t succeed, your obviously not Chuck Norris
Posted by The magnitude of chucks balls on 05.24.06 4:42 am
god doesnt get even.
He gets chuck norris.
Posted by joel mclaughlin on 05.24.06 7:24 am
When chuck norris takes a dump, a black man turns white…
Posted by John Doe III on 05.24.06 10:38 pm
The helicoptor was invented when someone saw Chuck Norris doing 90 roundhouse kicks a second.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity…twice.
Posted by mike on 05.25.06 3:18 pm
when chuck norris graduated from ranger school (* us army’s 3rd hardest school) he doesnt get a ranger tab everyone eles gets a chuck norris tab
Posted by mhm ur face on 05.25.06 10:13 pm
God said “let there be light.” Chuck norris said “say please.”
Posted by Chuck Norris on 05.26.06 3:50 am
Last thankgiving i was at my home and my wife burned the turkey.I simply kissed her on the forehead and said”no worries dear.”I then walked out on the beach of my hand created mystic island i live on. I then i let out a turkey call.Within 4 seconds, hundrerds of turkeys flew upon my mystic island.I choose the turkey that i saw fit, and ate it whole. I went inside my home and proceded to vomit a fully cooked turkey, mashed potatos, stuffing, cranbury sauce, and two pumpkin pies.Then, while you watched a boring Detroit Lions Football i watched a matchup of the two nfl teams of my choosing. They compete for the “Chuck Norris Championship”,which is secret. Recently players voted it more important then the NFL championship.
Posted by Chuck Norris on 05.26.06 3:56 am
Also, I don’t like it when people say”Chuck Norris jokes.”They are facts, not jokes.
Posted by tim johanson on 05.27.06 5:33 pm
Bruce Lee Kicked Chuck Norris’ ass.
Posted by WestO on 05.28.06 1:11 am
Chuck Norris no longer has a shadow. He once round-house kicked someone so fast it got in the way and was thrown off. It still wanders around looking for him and round-house kicking people who still wear fanny packs, baby squirrels, and Subway sandwich artists.
Posted by PHATMAN on 05.28.06 12:44 pm
IF SPIDERMAN AND THE HULK FOUGHT DO YOU KNOW WHO WOULD WIN?CHUCK NORRIS
Posted by CHuCk FaN on 05.28.06 4:38 pm
Chuck Norris Got kicked out of Kindergarten because he would’nt go recess
“CHuck Dont Play”
Posted by Big Bank Hanks on 05.28.06 6:01 pm
I was reading the bible and it said that chuck norris couldnt die because “CHUCK FUCKING NORRIS IS GOD”
Posted by The Good life on 05.29.06 12:55 am
Whats the difference between a road kill dog and a road kill lawyer? Nothing the both got round house kicked by Chuck Norris.
People don’t take chaser pills to get over a hang over they chew Chuck Norris pellets.
Someone once called Chuck Norris gay, Chuck Norris immediatey ruond house kicked him in the face so hard his daughter can’t sing, this victim was called Elvis.
In Texas you don’t get capital punishment you get the Chuck Norris.
Because of Paris hiltons Sex video with Chuck Norris we now know why Nicole Richie looks the way she does.
Chuck Norris had sex with N’Sync and they turned into the Spice Girls.
Chuck Norris had sex with Earth and Made The Grand Canyon.
The reason that oxygen gets thinner the higher up you go is because you get farther away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once ate beans a shat it all out we now call it…well its south of the states.;)
Chuck Norris drives a gremlin but it is blessed by his awsomness and is now a Lamborgini Diablo.
Posted by Jackmac!! on 05.29.06 3:26 pm
with some men, their left testicle is larger than their right. with others, their right is bigger than their left. with chuck norris, each testicle is bigger than the other.
Posted by Brendan Libbey on 05.29.06 11:29 pm
when chuck noris does a roundhouse kick everybody within a 100 mile radius has an instant orgasim!
Posted by Aaron on 05.30.06 6:24 pm
Chuck Norris can’t have sex with the earth….. the Grand Canyon isn’t wide enough.
Posted by neil on 05.30.06 11:21 pm
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. not because chuck norris is scared of the dark, but because the dark is scared of chuck norris
Posted by Jamal Saquan Tyrique on 05.31.06 3:15 pm
Penis
Cunt Rag
8===D
anal crevis
rectum
ball cheese
clitoris
frotch
Porch Monkey
purple pubic people
Posted by frOOt_lOOps on 06.01.06 12:39 pm
Titanium was first designed to be used in a pair of scissors made to trim chucks beard.
unfortunately the blades shattered on impact and killed everyone in the room.
Posted by Chuck Norris on 06.03.06 1:48 am
chuck norris is such a queer he makes elton john look like joe frazier
Posted by Chuck Norris on 06.03.06 1:50 am
chuck norris has such a small penis that when he tries to do a girl she roundhouse kicks him in the face.
Posted by Chuck Norris on 06.03.06 1:52 am
chuck norris is such a fag jean claude van damme beat him up
Posted by Chuck Norris on 06.03.06 1:56 am
Chuck norris went to prison and he didnt drop the soap because its slippery he dropped it because he likes getting it in the ass.
Posted by penis lick on 06.03.06 3:30 am
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Posted by Norris Eater on 06.04.06 12:04 pm
Chuck Norris beat Pacman twice
He says the ending is good
No you can’t see
Posted by dont fuck with the chuck on 06.04.06 5:02 pm
pokemon pissed off chuck norris so he round-house kicked them to the face and into rock tunnel. this is how Ash *just got round-house kicked to the face by Chuck Norrise* Ketchum got his name.
Posted by dont fuck with the chuck on 06.04.06 5:04 pm
chuck norris’s favorite food is coconuts. why? because thats how the black man was created.
Posted by All the Haters on 06.04.06 10:53 pm
i made this up
Jesus wears a wristband that says “what would Chuck Norris do”
Posted by tha_man on 06.07.06 2:06 pm
we don’t live in a democracy, we live in a chucktatorship.
Chuck Norris can believe its not butter.
Posted by Me:) on 06.08.06 10:26 pm
9/11 wasn’t a terrorist attack, chuck norris roundhouse kicked the twin towers
Posted by L0rd_Haart on 06.09.06 12:32 am
Bob Smith u suck and some day we r goina take over the world!
Cuck Norris went paintballin with the pro’s but was soon kicked off cuz he kept pistel whippin the pro’s and roundhouse kickin them!
Posted by HARRY on 06.10.06 12:55 pm
IF IT LOOKS LIKE BEEF, SMELLS LIKE BEEF, AND EVEN TASTE LIKE BEEF AND CHUCK NORRIS SAYS ITS CHICKEN, ITS CHICKEN!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by T 4000 on 06.13.06 7:40 am
Chuck Norris’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t fuck with Chuck!” Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of him went deaf.
..>I wonder what Chuck Norris Thinks About these jokes
Posted by jon on 06.14.06 7:59 pm
Chuck Norris Once roundhouse kicked a guy so hard, his mothers head went through her asshole. When told of this tragedy, chuck replied In Chuck we Trust”
Posted by jon on 06.14.06 8:01 pm
Cuck norris’s pubic hair is the tie that binds!
Posted by ryan on 06.15.06 5:17 pm
chuck norris sperm cells dont look like tadpoles, they look like bullfrogs
Posted by alza... on 06.16.06 12:21 am
omg these jokes r so funy!! huever says they rnt is gonna get round house kicked in the face…by Chuck Norris!!
Posted by This is sweet!!! on 06.16.06 5:39 am
this is great! i love chuck and these jokes r the best! keep up the good work!!!
Posted by dudeman on 06.17.06 9:19 pm
CCR once wondered who’ll stop the rain… chuck norris if and when he wants to.
Posted by Davizz on 06.21.06 12:44 am
The French surrender to Chuck Norris every day at 2:00, the time when walker: texas ranger comes on.
Posted by bum ticler on 06.21.06 1:58 am
chuck norris is so good at ticiling bums that they shit all over his hands
Posted by conman kyle on 06.21.06 1:50 pm
When tax time comes round, Chuck Norris only sends several blank sheets of paper and a photograph of himself…crouched and ready to attack…Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes. Ever.
The cookie crumbled when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it.
Chuck Norris, while still inside the womb, decided to punch his way out…Thus the creation of C-Section birthing.
Chuck Norris has beat the entire poplulation of Japan at ping pong…in one game.
When Chuck Norris goes for a jog he stays in place…the world spins beneath his feet
Theres only one person cooler than Chuck Norris. The answer:Chuck Norris.
e=mc²…but mc²=Chuck Norris.
Posted by AnthonyVargas on 06.22.06 4:34 pm
chuck norris doesnt tea bag his women, he potato sacks them!!!
hahahahaha i rule!! actually i heard it from a friend but it still whipped the fuck out of me
Posted by eamo on 06.22.06 5:43 pm
tsunami is just the term used for chuck norris going diving
Posted by poot on 06.23.06 6:52 pm
hey guys, chuck norris is the biggest loser of all time. thanx to all of the idiots out there, the chuck norris jokes have really died out… the only other time i have EVER seen this type of stupidity was with star wars… yes, its dumb now too.
Posted by Dorks united on 06.23.06 8:41 pm
Chuck Norris invented the spoon because knives were too easy to kill people with
Posted by Fuckyou on 06.23.06 11:15 pm
FUckyou
Posted by LaDeDa! on 06.23.06 11:19 pm
Chuck norris dared his grass to grow, he has never mowed his lawn. Bitch.
Posted by Shrek on 06.24.06 2:16 am
Chuck Norris considers anything under 80 proof a soft drink…bitchs
Posted by Bra P on 06.24.06 6:50 am
I heard Chuck Norris does not breath hard……cause if he does, hurricanes are formed.
Chuck Norris does not support the New York Yankees…….The yankees support Chuck.
Posted by Bra P on 06.24.06 7:16 am
To Bob Smith…….
I would not be cocky about your country If I were you…….I heard Chuck is teaming up with Osama Bin Laden……and the plan is simple…….If they found that you voted for George Bush or anyone (who voted for Bush) for that matter……you will suck their dicks for eternity……..Glad I am not AMERICAN
Posted by Huba on 06.25.06 5:52 pm
For all of you tards that have something to say against Chuck Norris here is a tip…
It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe in Chuck Norris…He believes in you. So you better show some goddamn respekt, or your face will meet his foot in a very unpleasant manner.
Posted by jon on 06.26.06 3:16 am
chuck norris gargles peanut butter
Posted by kyle on 06.27.06 9:56 am
what happens when chuck norris tries to fly a plane?
9/11
Posted by kyle on 06.27.06 9:58 am
if chuck norris found out about this website he would delet the internet
Posted by kyle on 06.27.06 10:00 am
the priets of jsuses time told him to build a temple in 3 days chuck norris built it in 2 days
Posted by Vikki on 06.27.06 8:59 pm
Chuck Norris can stare down a blind man
Chuck Norris is the only person with a six LITER
Chuck Norris is the reason a frigophobia means: fear of the cold. If you ask him about this, he will just stare at you menacingly.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
Posted by cyan on 06.28.06 7:49 am
Ozzy chews on bats, Chuck Norris chews on Bengal Tigers
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of “P”
Chuck Norris killed off Mendelev cuz the only element Chuck Norris can accept is the element of surprise.
There are no different human races, just ppl. that got roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris iinto different colours of blyck, yellow and red.
Posted by Strike Parker on 06.28.06 9:07 am
Chuck Norris is a FUCKING ACTOR
Posted by Strike Parker on 06.28.06 9:14 am
I once got in 2 fight with Chuck Norris then i woke up and wrote this
Posted by Aussie on 06.28.06 9:18 am
lol/chickenlol
Posted by Manatee.of.War on 06.28.06 3:45 pm
In college, Chuck Norris was roommates with Genghis Khan, Hitler, Hannibal Lector, and Sadaam Hussein. By the second semester of their freshman year, they collectively asked for a new roommate stating that Chuck was too violent and they couldn’t concentrate on their studies. He also roundhouse kicked thier Ramen Noodle supply into the Red Sea.
Posted by Acid-Clutch on 06.28.06 4:04 pm
Chuck Norris’ fist has it’s own ecosystem.
Chuck’s hair stays so perfect, scientists used it to lure the Lock Ness
Monster, Bigfoot, and Donald Trump into captivity.
Chuck Norris rinses his mouth with napalm and they then comments, “this
shit is weak!!!!!!
When Chuck was born, he used his umbilical cord as piano wire to choke his way out of the delivery room. When they finally caught him moments later, he had impregnated every expecting mother in the maturnity ward. All of the baby Chucks the grew within minutes and won the Tour de France, the America’s Cup, and a Grammy Award later that day.
Posted by Gods Hand on 06.29.06 8:31 am
Chuck Norris once circumnavigated the world in a Geo Metro.
Chuck Norris once stared down the Mona Lisa….after a few minutes, he shouted “quit smiling bitch”, and she did.
Chuck Norris doesn’t have to drink alcohol. He simply stands next to it and gets drunk by osmosis.
Leprechauns are always after Chuck Norris’ Lucky Charms.
The well known phrase “too good to be true” has been changed to “too Chuck Norris to be true” by order of Mensa.
Chuck Norris once freed a stuck gate in the Panama Canal by roundhouse kicking it over the phone.
“Chuck Norris” is the other white meat.
“Chuck Norris” - it’s what’s for dinner.
I just saved a ton on money by switching to Chuck Norris for my car insurance.
Chuck Norris is the taste of a new generation, not Pepsi.
“Make love, not Chuck Norris”
Posted by MyDadsaMountie on 06.30.06 12:17 am
Crop circles are chuck norris’s way of saying that sometimes corn needs to lay the fuck down
Posted by Chucky on 06.30.06 1:45 pm
When Chuck Norris goes to give blood, he asks for a pistol and a bucket.
Posted by chuck norris on 06.30.06 3:28 pm
chuck norris was originally called to be ¨ethan hunt¨ in mission impossible but when he realized that the movie´s name was`mission impossible´
he roundhouse kicked the director saying “there´s no mission impossible for me´´
Posted by chucks gonna whip your ass on 07.01.06 6:47 pm
chuck norris dont tea bag you he potatoe sacks you
chuck norris is so bad he brushes his teeth with barbwire
Posted by the human garbage disposal on 07.03.06 11:17 pm
Chuck norris can drink a gallon of milk in under an hour
there are only two things in life that are certain: death and Chuck Norris
Posted by thenewkid on 07.04.06 1:35 am
Chuck Norris is his own brother
Chuck Norris can stare at the sun for as long as he wishes
Every time you here a bell ring a fairy gets its wings, every time a raindrop hits the ground Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks his next victim
Chuck Norris taught Albert Einstein
When Chuck Norris jumped into the ocean, he created a tsunami in Indonesia
Chuck Norris can catch bullets
When people look into a mirror they see their reflections, when Chuck Norris looks into a mirror the mirror refuses to look back
Chuck Norris invented north, south, east, and west
We don’t live, Chuck Norris allows us to live
Chuck Norris doesn’t go to the gym, he just jogs infinity miles every morning before breakfast
Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice
Chuck Norris doesn’t strike a match, he stares at it until it ignites
Chuck Norris gave himself laser eye surgery
Chuck Norris can hear light, then he races it and wins
Chuck Norris lost his shadow
When we make paper airplanes, Chuck Norris makes paper submarines
When Chuck Norris went camping he caught Bigfoot
Chuck Norris can look in two different directions at once
The 51st state will be called Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesn’t need emotions when he can roundhouse kick any problem he has
Chuck Norris can see through two way mirrors, on both sides
The only thing Chuck Norris cannot control, is his roundhouse kicks to the face
Posted by A-train on 07.08.06 12:10 am
In the original version of the bible Chuck norris was one of the three wise men, one gave silver one gave gold, Chuck gave the gift of Beard. The the other two were so jealus of the gift they insisted he be rewritten out of the bible… so he gave them a roundhouse kick to the face
Posted by ham sandwich on 07.08.06 6:09 pm
Just a few i made up….
Superman may have returned but Chuck Norris never left
How do we kno that Chuck Norris wasn’t one of the first people on earth well u cant break one of his ribs
Posted by spiff on 07.10.06 3:12 am
Chuck Norris beat World of Warcraft
Posted by Josh Helms on 07.12.06 12:39 am
Chuck Norris uses rattlesnakes for provolactics
Once at seaworld shamoo splashed Chuck Norris, Chuck jumped into the tank, threw the whale into the stands, splashed it and yelled “How do you like it bitch?!?” the whale died of fright and Chuck Norris finished its show.
Once Chuck made love to 50 tuscan nuns, they later gave birth to the New England Patriots
Chuck Norris once ate a bad plate of oysters, that night he vomited into his toilet, the vomit congeled into Bruce lee, Muhammed Ali, and Clint Eastwood
Posted by tum yeto on 07.13.06 6:12 am
chuck norris ALWAYS knows where Carmen SanDiego is.
chuck norris knows where waldo is.
chuck norris ate a box of crayons and shit out a rainbow.
the reason dinosauors are extinct: roundhouse kick to the face, each and every one.
chuck norris’ bedroom is often refered to as “the holy lands”
chuck norris is so strong, his ass eats his underwear.
chuck norris created midgets by punching people in the head.
chuck norris drinks lighter fluid and pisses fire.
no, its true, unicorns were real. until chuck norris roundhouse kicked their horns into their heads. now theyre just horses.
the big bad wolf didnt do shit. chuck norris roundhouse kicked all the little pigs’ houses down.
chuck norris invented the wheel.
chuck norris invented the shocker.
the grass is always greener on the other side. except when chuck has been there, then its filled with blood, tears, and human skulls.
chuck norris rolls his penis in glass for fun.
chuck norris doesnt stop at a stop sign. the stop sign stops for chuck norris.
chuck norris claims he’s colorblind. just incase he roundhouse kicks a black guy he cant be considered racist.
chuck norris’s toilet is the fountain of youth.
winne the pooh’s previous name was “winne the bear”. until he met chuck norris.
chuck norris eats childrens books and shits out the new yorker.
chuck norris invented gasoline because its the only thing that gets him drunk.
chuck norris eats clams and shits out pearls.
the dark side of the moon is chuck norris’ shadow.
the holy grail is chuck norris’s spitter.
Posted by Ben truman on 07.14.06 9:28 pm
During the Alaskan power outage of ‘89, Exxon Mobile officials used Chuck Norris’ heart to pump oil to the lower 48 states.
The Next generation of spacecraft from NASA will use a composite material based on the molecular structure of Chuck Norris’ big toenail.
Chuck Norris’ DNA has it’s own DNA.
Chuck Norris’ friend once asked him to make a toy airplane. Behold, the F-18.
Dallas City police have forbidden Chuck Norris to ever mosh again.
I arm wrestled Chuck Norris’ pinky finger once. and lost.
Posted by big D on 07.15.06 3:35 pm
here’s 1 chuck norris once round house kicked bart simsons head soooooooo hard that it imploded and got smarter
Posted by mike on 07.16.06 9:25 pm
chuck norris once drank a wine cooler but threw it up because it was so femine years later he collected his throw up and we no it now as a jack daniels
Posted by CHUCKHATER HATER on 07.18.06 10:25 pm
i once fought chcuk norris many years ago then i woke up and typed this
and to the guy who said that chuck norris was just an actor is a complete lunatic and is the bravest soul i have ever met
Posted by Kevin on 07.19.06 12:09 am
Chuck Norris doesn’t listen to music, the music listens to Chuck Norris
Posted by CHUKACHUC on 07.20.06 3:37 pm
Chuck Norris doesnt have a last name he kicked it so hard that he now has 2 first names.
Posted by chris on 07.20.06 8:49 pm
When chuck norris plays poker he wins everytime because a roundhouse always beats a fullhouse…..
Posted by Luke on 07.22.06 12:16 am
chuck norris: women want him, men envy him, god wants to be him
Posted by Luke on 07.22.06 1:13 am
chuck norris can eat just one
atlantis was real until they made it against the law for chuck norris to round house kick any one, so he round house kicked atlantis into the bottom of the ocean
chuck norris sunbathes in antarctica
chuck norris doesnt need to wear sunscreen. he got sunburned once,he round housed kicked the sun so hard it was unconcious so long the dinosaurs went extinct
we pray to god to protect us god prays to chuck norris to protect him
Cane didnt kill able chuck norris round house kicked him
I am one of chuck norris’ 873,961 children; 873,962; 873963…
Posted by Ernest on 07.23.06 5:51 pm
nice way to mispell Norris jackass
Posted by Sagwa on 07.23.06 11:31 pm
Chuck Norris needs a consealed weapons lisence in 6 states just to wear pants.
When Chuck Norris bathes in nuclear waste, the nuclear waste gets superpowers.
Disabled parking spaces are not for disabled people, they are for Chuck Norris, and if you park there, you will become disabled.
If you lost your virginity Chuck Norris probably has it.
Posted by 3rdstrikr on 07.24.06 2:57 am
when chuck norris jacks off, he uses glass for lotion.
Posted by goodym8 on 07.24.06 10:34 am
Chuck norris doesnt wear a watch.
HE DECIDES WHAT TIME IT IS
Posted by chucky! on 07.25.06 10:19 pm
It is believed chuck norris was once frightened, but it was just when he walked by a mirror in the dark
Everytime you masturbate Chuck Norris punches a mexican baby in the face
Posted by thewhore on 07.26.06 3:56 pm
just a few of my favorites! CHUCK IS THE FUCKING MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
chuck norris went to a burger king and ordered a big mac, and got it.
they tried to carve chuck norris’ face into mount rushmore, but the rock was too soft.
first there was nothing, then chuck norris roundhouse kicked existence into being.
Posted by all mighty PiPi on 07.26.06 6:47 pm
Chuck dosent need spining rims on his car becuse if his rims stop moving chuck will just hop out the car and round house kick them
The (burger) King is unable 2 change facil expressions because chuck norris round house kicked him in the head becuase he got Chucks order wrong, this caused him 2 become paralyzed in the face, that is y you now have it your way at BK
Chuck Norris is the reason y Carmen SanDiego and Waldo are hiding
Posted by Daniel "Muspar" G on 07.28.06 1:08 am
Contrary to popular belief, pickup trucks are not built in factories. Chuck Norris screams them into existence.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to clean his house, he simply walks into a room and the dirt gets scared and leaves.
Posted by Ben on 07.28.06 2:14 am
Hickory Dickory Dock………..Your Mother’s a Dirty Whore!
Posted by Ben on 07.28.06 2:16 am
bruce lee dodged chuck norris’ roundhouse kick, then did some crazy asian shit and ripped his hear out. yeah take that!
Posted by Harvey Birdman on 07.28.06 3:21 pm
There are only two people that can beat Chuck Norris in a fight. The first is Mr. T…actually no-one would win and the fight would last for ever. The two bohmeths decided to call a truce so they could kick ass eslewhere. The other being is Jack Bauer from the show 24. Jack would yell his catch phrase “put down your weapons” and Chuck would be forced to drop his legs (only sissys need weapons)… but honestly Jack had no chance… he would become to scared after Chuck ripped off his own legs legs that Jakc would beat himself to death with Chucks legs. Then Chuck would reattach his legs himself.
Posted by Harvey Birdman on 07.28.06 4:09 pm
Did you know that brokeback mountain isn’t just a movie about gay cowboys? it is also what CHUCK NORRIS calls a pile of ninjas in ihis front yard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by lucky chuck on 07.29.06 1:13 pm
Chuck Norris can make statues flinch.
There are two things that can kill superman, kryptonite, and a roundhouse kick to the face.
god sits at the right hand of chuck
Posted by lucky chuck on 07.29.06 1:37 pm
Jesus wanted to be like Chuck Norris when he grew up, hence the beard and the white robe.
No one can give a thumbs up like Chuck Norris. Because Chuck Norris doesnt give a thumbs up, he shows you what he will kill you with.
Chuck Norris can make Ray Charles flinch.
Posted by wood chuck, chuck on 07.29.06 2:21 pm
oh yeah, and all you who keep mentioning bruce lee. bruce lee tried all that shit and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face and now hes dead.! bruce lee is asian anyway? bruce WHO?
Posted by Foo on 07.29.06 11:39 pm
Chuck Norris has got milk.
Posted by Foo on 07.29.06 11:41 pm
Chuck Norris can not get a speeding ticket, what ever speed Chuck Norris is going the speed limit will automaticly change to.
Posted by Music Man on 07.31.06 12:01 am
Just a few I came up with:
Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kicks can cause tornados.
Once upon a time, someone tried to steal Chuck Norris’ 501’s, but the jeans kicked the thief’s ass on their own.
When Chuck Norris flexes his muscles, they let out a sound that can be heard clear to China, but only by dogs; the dogs get scared.
Boeing pays Chuck Norris handsomly to produce 100 roundhouse kicks per second in their wind tunnels to test new airplane designs.
Posted by The Kane on 07.31.06 4:56 am
Chuck norris has no Pubic Hair!!! Because Hair Doesnt Grow on Steel
Posted by jedi on 07.31.06 5:12 am
some of these chuck norris jokes are so lame how about something like”among scientists it is common knowledge that chuck norris split the atom with a roundhouse kick”
Posted by LiquidStyles on 07.31.06 7:17 am
When Chuck Norris has sex woth a man, its not because he is gay, its because he has run out of women
Posted by Ron Burgundy on 08.03.06 4:29 am
i could fuk up chuck norris.
chuck norris round house kicked all u fukwits in the face coz you’s are all fags and cant make up jokes 4 shit!
we did like sum of the jokes but we still h8 all you’s
fuk you frm the people of NewZealand!
LONG LIVE RON BURGUNDY!!!
Posted by Ron Burgundy on 08.03.06 4:32 am
i could fuk up chuck norris.
chuck norris round house kicked all u fukwits in the face coz you’s are all fags and cant make up jokes 4 shit!
we h8 all you chuck norris fans
fuk you frm the people of NewZealand!
LONG LIVE RON BURGUNDY!!!
Posted by Ken on 08.03.06 10:17 am
wen asked if he prefers Mr Pibb over Dr Pepper, chuck norris sed Mr Pibb. the person asked him why and he sed ‘i dont trust doctors’ then proceeded to shoot lazers out of his eyes and eat the heart of evryone in the room.
Posted by Kenjiro on 08.04.06 8:10 am
Chuck Norris doesn’t cop firewodd. His fierce glare turns the trees into logs.
I came up with this, but not as good as these.
Posted by Kenjiro on 08.04.06 8:10 am
Chuck Norris doesn’t chop firewodd. His fierce glare turns the trees into logs.
I came up with this, but not as good as these.
Posted by Chuck on 08.04.06 1:23 pm
This is probably the best one I’ve ever heard:
“Today in a small town in Wisconsin, Chuck Norris had an erection……there were no survivors”
Posted by Chris Puckett on 08.06.06 4:43 pm
Chuck norris don’t get punched in the face he headbuts your fist
Posted by Squish Mitten on 08.06.06 7:58 pm
I Love Chuck Norris!!
I thought I saw him once but it was only an eclipse of the sun.
Posted by vierra,z on 08.08.06 4:25 am
Chuck Norris doesnt complain about the heat,the heat complains about chuck norris
Posted by vierra,z on 08.08.06 4:27 am
Chuck Norris isnt afraid of the dark , the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Posted by Barlizzle on 08.09.06 10:48 am
You know the prickly things on the back of your neck? That’s Chuck Norris.
It was actually Chuck Norris that said “Let there be light.” And it wasn’t just good….it was awesome.
Posted by michael J on 08.10.06 2:55 am
In the first, unreleased take of the climax of the Notre Dame classic “Rudy”, Chuck Norris armed With only instict, disguised as opposing linebacker # 3, summerily executed Rudy’s stunt double by means of roundhouse kick to the neck, throat, and spine. The kid from goonies only survived because Chuck was assured that the real Rudy was already Dead.
Posted by Sagwa on 08.10.06 3:15 am
Chuck Norris put the laughter in manslaughter.
Posted by cheese-o-matic on 08.10.06 2:16 pm
Chuck Norris masterbastes with a sledgehammer.
Posted by Blowme on 08.11.06 9:48 am
Elvis isn’t dead… He’s just hiding because he owes Chuck Norris money
Posted by Blowme on 08.11.06 9:51 am
Chuck is so tough that when he does a chin-up he pulls the earth downwards
Posted by Blowme on 08.11.06 9:55 am
Q: What’s the chemical symbol for Dynamite?
A: Chuck Norris
Q: Why did Hitler kill himself in his bunker?
A: He knew Chuck Norris was coming for him.
Q: Why is the earth round?
A: Coz Chuck Norris says so…
Posted by Josh on 08.12.06 3:45 am
Chuck Norris doesnt get fired, if he does he simply does a roundhouse kick to the manager and fires them out of the building…
when chuck norris looks in a mirror he doesnt see himself the mirror sees chuck norris
Posted by ~mike~ on 08.13.06 5:56 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t eat, food surrenders to him.
Posted by Funny Jokes » Archive » Chuck funny joke norris - chuck norris jokes best so far - Duckshit, Lots of Jokes and Funny Pictures on 08.15.06 7:56 am
[...] chuck norris jokes best so far - Duckshit, Lots of Jokes and Funny Pictures Chuck Norris’s penis is so big that it has a penis of its own and it is still bigger … Chuck Joke Norris. Piss funny Jokes ” Chuck Norris Jokes (best so far) … [...]
Posted by Jimmy Spell on 08.16.06 12:16 am
I sucked Chuck Norris’s dick.
Posted by Jimmy Spell on 08.16.06 12:21 am
Chuck Norris is a motherfucker.
Posted by yo on 08.16.06 1:10 am
chuck noerris doesnt listen to laws of gravity.
Posted by yo on 08.16.06 1:12 am
chuck norris sits faster than u walk
Posted by Booge on 08.16.06 3:01 am
Chuck Norris’ balls are so big that he would need a forklift to carry them!
Posted by see ya on 08.17.06 2:07 pm
Chuck Norris’s dick is so big it still has snow on it in the summer time
Posted by lamesh on 08.18.06 6:32 pm
BRUCE LEE is God, and at the same time the only person Chuck is afraid of. Was, actually, cause Lee is dead… But Lee did impossible: he ripped out Norris’ chest hair. Impressive, ha?
Posted by Royal on 08.19.06 9:43 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t have orgasms…..orgasms have Chuck Norris
Posted by Royal on 08.19.06 9:48 pm
Chuck Norris’ cologne smells like Chuck Norris.
Posted by Royal on 08.19.06 9:54 pm
NASA uses Chuck Norris’ sweat to coat the front of the space shuttle. because its impermiable to heat, cold and round house kicks…….
Posted by jmac on 08.23.06 11:58 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t go hunt, hunting insinuates failure, Chuck Norris goes killing
Posted by Wholly Evil on 08.26.06 8:51 pm
What scientists believe to be the big bang was actually Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicking existence into being.
Posted by Williers on 08.27.06 12:36 pm
“When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, its just because he has run out of women.”
Posted by joel on 08.27.06 9:56 pm
it is rumoured that there is a movie, that when you finish watching it, you recieve a phone call from chuck norris whispering to you “seven days” moments later, chuck norris will roundhouse kick you door down and kill you…….. chuck norris does not wait seven days.
Posted by mandingo on 08.31.06 9:23 am
when chuck norris goes to pick n pay, he just picks
Posted by see ya on 08.31.06 7:08 pm
chuck norris doesn’t ever have to answer his phone calls because his phones are too scared to ring, they just answer themselves
Posted by see ya on 08.31.06 7:11 pm
chuck norris chopped down the cherry tree. george washington saw him and was going to tell on him but chuck roundhouse kicked him in the teeth and made him take the blame.
Posted by see ya on 09.01.06 1:50 pm
when chuck norris’s wife asks him to do the dishes he throws all the dishes in the trash and tells her she’s fat
Posted by see ya on 09.02.06 1:31 pm
chuck norris doesn’t aim, he dares his gun to miss.
Posted by dean o on 09.03.06 4:32 am
Chuck Norris masturbates to the echo of his deceased fathers voice.
Chuck Norriss semen is not fit for human consumption.
Chuck Norriss testicles do not resemble elderly ladies smiling at the sight of three fatally wounded lions.
Chuck Norriss ejaculant is not delicious.
Posted by dean o on 09.03.06 4:38 am
Chuck Norris is part of the fluid that comprises human male ejaculant.
Posted by james on 09.07.06 12:37 pm
the giraffe was created when chuck norris uppercutted a horse
Posted by tolandor on 09.09.06 10:53 am
Mozart’s “Dies Irae” should be rename to its original name “Chuck Irae”.
Chuck Norris its the One Ring…
If u dont know who Chuck Norris its then proberly Chuck Norris dont wanna be know by u.
“Walker- Texas Ranger” its a reality show.
To be in the presence of Chuck its to be in the presence of pure awsomeness.
If u insult Chuck Norris and dont get a roundhouse kick back, then proberly u are dreaming.
Posted by Pablo on 09.10.06 3:30 pm
If you spell “Chuck Norris” in Scrabble, you win…forever.
Posted by Dude888 on 09.10.06 7:57 pm
Chuck Norris survived falling out of a plane without a parachute by yelling at the ground to SLOW DOWN!
Posted by Wolf on 09.11.06 12:06 am
Lesbians are only women who have already had sex with chuck norris
Posted by wolf on 09.11.06 12:18 am
chuck norris cna fold a piece of paper 13 times
Posted by Hungryhippo on 09.12.06 1:21 am
chuck norris beat the internet.
Posted by mike on 09.13.06 12:21 am
Once a blind man stepped on chuck norris’s shoe. Chuck Norris yelled at him saying, “Do you know who i am? Im Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name cured this mans blindness, but the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw was a fatal roundhouse kick to the face.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family doesnt die from cholera or dysentary, rather fatal roundhouse kicks to the face. Since he doesnt require a wagon, he carries the oxen, axle, and meat all on his back, and always makes it to Oregon before you.
Posted by mike on 09.13.06 12:26 am
the greatest coverup of all time was Hitler didnt infact commit suicide, but was tea bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris jumped off a 500 foot cliff, landing on a rock. shortly after the rock died.
Posted by dsQuared on 09.13.06 1:06 pm
i think therefore……Chuck Norris
Posted by buttnoid on 09.14.06 4:04 am
chuck norris beat shaolin, kung fu master and even bruce lee not because of his roundhouse kick into the face its just because of beared
Posted by buun2 on 09.14.06 3:22 pm
Chuck doesn’t flush his own waste-it knows what to do.
Posted by buun2 on 09.14.06 3:29 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t flush..period!
Posted by D, on 09.14.06 5:07 pm
When little kids go to bed they check under their bed for the boogieman. When the boogieman goes to bed he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
Posted by troublebeing on 09.16.06 4:50 pm
ya know them dogs with the flat faces? they were never like that untill one messed with chuck norris!
Posted by Charlie on 09.17.06 4:31 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t go sleep when the sun goes down, the sun goes down when Chuck Norris goes sleep!
Ron Burgundy posted two of three comments insulting Chuck Norris. He wanted to click the button 3 times to post his comment 3 times…Chuck was there on the second click.
Posted by supafly on 09.19.06 11:21 pm
ok people that talk crap about the jokes , why did you look up this site and read the jokes just to talk crap about them you are the ones without lives we just want to read a few funny jokes
p.s chuck norris didn’t sell his soul to the devil, the devil sold his soul to chuck norris
Posted by Jesse on 09.20.06 10:22 pm
Chuck norris is hot,
his penis is so big that he can give him self blow jobs, but he doesnt cause he cums so much it would come out his arse.
Posted by Jesse on 09.20.06 10:33 pm
Chuck Norris doesnt need to put the toilet seat up, the toilet seat puts itself up because it doesnt want to be burnt by acid.
Posted by Jesse on 09.20.06 10:35 pm
Chuck norris doesnt miss when he pees, the toilet moves to get his pee because it heard about the time chuck norris peed too high and the urinal he was trying to pee in got roundhous kicked so hard it became a condom machine.
Posted by MONO on 09.22.06 6:02 pm
Chuck Norris counted to infinity…. twice!!!
Posted by † GAGE † on 09.23.06 6:48 pm
Some of these ppl actually ahve a point….some of these jokes dnt have any punch lines and are gay…like sayin he just rounhouse kiks shit isnt very funny……but when u ppl get it rite its is pretty funny so keep it up……in conclusion……..fuck chuk norris lmao!!!!!!!!!
Posted by name on 09.26.06 10:14 am
chuck norris has such a big penis that when he was doing his laundry someone came up to him and told him that pepsi and coke were the same thing and then he roundhouse kicked them in the face and did the mexican hat dance.
haha!
Posted by Dave G. on 09.27.06 7:50 am
Why is Bruce Lee dead?
Because nobody lives after defeating Chuck Norris.
Posted by Dave G. on 09.27.06 7:52 am
Why is Bruce Lee dead?
Because nobody lives after defeating Chuck Norris.
Posted by Andy on 09.30.06 12:25 am
Chuck Norris doesn’t play games. In fact, nobody knew what a game was until Chuck Norris was born and things “got serious.”
When people say that Chuck Norris has issues, Chuck Norris issues them his bi-weekly issue of “Roundhouse Kicks and The Face of Tommorow.”
Posted by JKC on 09.30.06 1:35 am
When You Get To The End Of A Rainbow You Dont Get A Pot Of Gold Only Chuck Norris
Posted by matt b on 09.30.06 1:26 pm
chuck norris is my father…and my mother…and he is yours too
Posted by Ben on 09.30.06 8:37 pm
Chuck Norris is the name given to him by the government. God was already taken.
Posted by thor on 10.03.06 2:19 am
when chuck norris goes for a swim chuck norris doesnt get wet the water gets chuck norrised
Posted by jonny park on 10.04.06 6:24 pm
before the boogie man goes to bed, he checks his closet for chuck norris.
chuck norris’s cum cures cancer, but he never cums.
chuck norris slams revolving doors.
When it’s tax return time, chuck only sends an envelope with a picture of himself the the stance of attack, he never has to pay for taxes again!
Posted by Ryan on 10.05.06 1:57 pm
Chuck Norris does not run he just spins the world really quick with his feet.
Whats behind Chucks beard, another fist to hit you with
Posted by the man! on 10.06.06 3:45 pm
Chuck norris does not play god.
Playing is for kids.
Posted by boxy on 10.11.06 6:30 pm
when chuck norris plays poker, he plays for souls.
Posted by danger on 10.12.06 10:45 am
There is no such thing as evolution, just a list of species that Chuck Norris allows to live.
Posted by see ya on 10.13.06 2:07 pm
chuck norris once did a recon of the Vietnam jungle and found three quarters, two dimes, your mom’s wedding ring she dropped down the sink a couple years ago, that sock you lost yesterday, and that naked baby picture you thought you burned.
Posted by see ya on 10.13.06 2:20 pm
once the sock monster accidentaly took chuck norris’s lucky roundhouse sock, chuck norris then procceded through the dryer into sock monster land, took his sock back and roundhouse kicked him so hard it was the equivalent of an EMP missile hitting the earth and everyone’s dryer stopped working and their clothes lines fell down.
Posted by see ya on 10.13.06 2:23 pm
how many babies does it take for chuck norris to paint a wall,
because he roundhouse kicks them so hard….just one
….chuck norris spits on your dead bebess
Posted by see ya on 10.14.06 1:59 pm
chuck norris doesn’t wanna Fanta
Posted by see ya on 10.14.06 2:04 pm
chuck norris doesn’t need keys, he simply says open-says-a-chuck
Posted by Joe on 10.14.06 4:38 pm
According to Chuck Norris, everyone else is a minority!
Posted by norris on 10.14.06 8:58 pm
osoma bin ladin is not hiding from the U.S army he is hiding from Chuck Norris
Chuck norris created Mount Rushmore simply by looking at it.
Chuck Norris created sperm whales because he had nothing to do.
Posted by jordan on 10.18.06 8:11 pm
chuck norris dosen’t just swim in pools ….he pees in them to!
Posted by chuck norris' son on 10.18.06 9:09 pm
Chuck Norris knows where waldo is!
Posted by In Chuck we trust on 10.20.06 4:39 pm
Chuck Norris told Dirty Harry to go ahead and make his day.
Chuck Norris can be in a round room and pee in the corner.
Chuck Norris made a hole in one…by roundhouse kicking a golf ball.
Chuck Norris beat the 72′ Dolphins.
Chuck Norris has moved the immovable object.
Chuck Norris’s semen is now bidding for $2 million on ebay.
Violence in Iraq dropped 50% after the movie “Delta Force” was broadcast on Al-Jazeera.
Chuck Norris
Posted by Aizen on 10.20.06 9:44 pm
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Waldo and said “stop hiding you’re annoying” That’s why all “where’s Waldo” stuff was Burned in Quebec
-Aizen, Chuck Norris’s #1 Zealot
Posted by chuck norris on 10.21.06 3:32 pm
that is terrific due to the fact that everything said in these jokes are true and i appreciate you expanding the knowlege of my huge genitallia!!
Posted by lil Chuckie on 10.22.06 8:44 am
if you type in Chuck Norris name in lower case. You will get no correction, because you immediately die from a roundhouse kick.
Posted by Sam on 10.24.06 4:52 am
When the boogey-man goes to sleep at night. He checks his cudboard for chuck norris
Posted by sealhunter on 10.26.06 8:59 am
Chuck Noris is so cool and real awesome when i grow up i want to be just like him. fuckin faggots
Posted by see ya on 10.28.06 1:37 pm
when chuck norris was a child he once made a working machine gun out of a lego set
Posted by Jason on 10.29.06 2:31 am
Chuck Norris dosen’t believe in world hunger it’s just a list of people that chuck norris won’t allow to eat.
Posted by Jeremy on 10.30.06 2:04 am
These are STUPID…….REALLY STUPID
Posted by Jeremy on 10.30.06 2:06 am
Chuck Norris is STUPID and GAY
Posted by Stevo on 10.31.06 3:47 pm
When Chuck Norris dies he’ll come out with more albums then tupac.
Posted by Stevo on 10.31.06 4:23 pm
Chuck Norris pulled the sword from the stone.
Posted by Podri on 11.01.06 2:44 pm
WALLY HIDES FROM CHUCK NORRIS!!!
Posted by norris on 11.01.06 11:57 pm
chuck norris does not consider it sex unless the women dies
Posted by ryan on 11.03.06 2:34 pm
lol thats some funny fucking shit and that jeremy guy that said there stupid is dumb
Posted by Monkey on 11.06.06 11:32 am
The most dangerous chemical on the Periodic table is CN, Cyanide Nitrate. It shares the same initials as Chuck Norris, This is not a coincidence.
Yes, I play WoW. Im still finding it amazing after all this time that Chuck Norris Jokes are still out there…
Posted by bob on 11.07.06 1:37 am
When Chuck Norris pulls up to a toll booth he dosent pay them, them pay him.
Posted by bob on 11.07.06 1:39 am
When Chuck norris was a baby his parents didnt change his pants, he changed theres.
Posted by the real bob on 11.07.06 1:40 am
Chuck Norris….
…well what the fuck are you waiting for?
Posted by u mofo on 11.07.06 1:51 am
Chuck norris says no ones allowed to be as strong as him… he roundhouse kicked himself in the face and sent himself into the future.
Posted by bob on 11.08.06 6:29 pm
chuck noris isnt emo, emo is chuck noris
Posted by Shane on 11.09.06 10:26 pm
Chuck Norris can square root negative integers
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartbearn, wait, Chuck norris doesn’t get heartburn, heartburn gets Chuck Norris.
Posted by bob on 11.11.06 2:55 am
could chuck norris make a burrito that was soo hot that he himself coud not eatit?
of course not, he chuck norris!
Posted by LLLLLLLL on 11.12.06 9:16 am
When Chuch gives blodd, he asks for a pistol and a bucket
Posted by Zakk on 11.14.06 12:02 am
Solar fusion is cased by Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking hydrogens together!
Posted by LLLLLLLL on 11.15.06 5:53 am
Chuck Norris can sit on his own lap!
Posted by see ya on 11.16.06 2:43 pm
chuck norris eats lightning and shits thunder
Posted by chuck friggin norris on 11.18.06 10:20 pm
dude that guy who isnt american here should get his ass wipped by CHUCK NORRIS CAUSE HES FRICKIN AMERICAN U FUCKIN NOOB!!!!!!!
Posted by chuck friggin norris on 11.18.06 10:30 pm
any one who says chuck norris would hlep osama is a fuckin retard. hes kinda american.
chuck norris has the best poker face in the world. it helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite his hand of a joker, 2 of clubs, 7 of spades, a green 4 from uno and a ‘get out of jail free’ card from monoply.
chuck norris can eat a rubix cube and poop it out solved.
chuck norris once shot down an enemy plane by pointing his finger at it and yelling “BANG!”
when chuck norris fucks a man, its not because hes gay, its because hes run out of women.
pee wee herman got arrested for ejaculating in public. chuck norris recived an award for it.
chuck norris ejaculates nails, thats why he laughs when some one asks ‘did you nail her?’
a girl hasnt been fucked untill fucked by chuck norris.
chuck norris only masturbates to pictures of chuck norris.
If the flash and superman were to have a race to the edge of the universe you know who would win? chuck norris.
Once, chuck norris round house kicked some one so fast it broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed amelia airheart while she was flying over the pacific ocean.
Posted by chuck friggin norris on 11.19.06 12:03 am
chuck norris is luke skywalkers REAL father.
chuck norris invented water.
chuck has invented a language that incorporates karate and martial arts, so if you find yourself getting the shit kicked out of you by chuck norris then he might just be saying he like your hat.
Posted by brandon fore on 11.21.06 4:27 am
chuck norris doesn’t beat his meat, he roundhouse kicks it.
your contious is chuck norris telling you what to do.
chuck norris dosen’t bitch slap, he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
what is the worst thing besides getting aids. getting roundhouse kicked by chuck norris.
Posted by Currently in Hiding on 11.21.06 4:45 pm
I kicked Chuck Norris’s Ass And because of that am currently hiding in an alternate universe.
Posted by bob on 11.21.06 5:13 pm
crapboy is a punk ass bitch, you non american pussy. If chuck doesn’t kill you, I will
Posted by chuck norris on 11.22.06 7:48 pm
dude…..no..
Posted by durtadur on 11.23.06 11:44 pm
When Chuck Norris wants juice he doesn’t sqeeze it himself, he stares at it until it pisses itself.
Posted by chuck norris on 11.25.06 3:50 pm
chuck norris once visited the virgin islands, now its just known as the islands.
Posted by cow sperm is milk on 11.26.06 6:46 pm
U R NOT CHUCK NORRIS THE PERSON ABOVE THIS. FUCK U
Posted by aaron on 11.28.06 2:38 am
chuck norris once punched a man in the soul
Posted by hahahahaha on 11.29.06 6:16 am
u guys r all weird get a life
Posted by chuck norris on 11.29.06 7:52 pm
well maybe im NOT chuck norris or maybe i AM. think what you want cause personally i dont care. IM CHUCK NORRIS BIIIIIIAAAAAAAATCH!!!!!!
Posted by hahahahaha on 11.30.06 5:51 am
ur not fuking chuck norris u homo get a life who the hell calls them selves chuck norris on this thing you loser
Posted by luke skywalker on 11.30.06 5:57 am
i agree with hahahaha or wateva the fuk it is wat a wierd name(loser)but i agree that the guy that calls himself chuck norris is a homo and needs to get a life
Posted by Ryan Sandy on 12.01.06 6:52 pm
superman, batman, and chuck norris all met in heaven. they went up to god and god asked them, “why do you think you deserve to sit in the seat beside me?” batman replied, “i fight crime and save lives!” superman replied, “yeah!? well i do that AND i fly!” chuck norris replied, “i believe your sitting in my chair”
Posted by J. Kehrley on 12.02.06 12:07 am
Here’s one I wrote.
The first automobie ran on concentrated Chuck Norris, but it only ran for five miles before it’s engine went into fullscale thermonuclear meltdown.
Posted by chuck norris on 12.02.06 8:07 pm
well im pissing people off. I RULE!!! this means i gots a bigger internet cock than all u guys!! now time to piss more people off…penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis
Posted by chuck norris on 12.02.06 8:16 pm
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Posted by George on 12.02.06 10:58 pm
If you put every superhero you get one Chuch Norris……whats that say about Chuch Norris?
-wow thats lame…..lol
Posted by chuck norris on 12.03.06 1:42 am
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Posted by chuck norris on 12.03.06 7:44 pm
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