Chuck Norris’s penis is so big that it has a penis of its own and it is still bigger than yours.
Chuck Norris doesnt consider it sex if the woman lives
When Chuck Noris jumps in a pool he dosen’t get wet water gets Chuck Noris.
Chuck Noris round house kicked the leaning tower of piza
Chuck Noris isn’t hung like a horse a horse is hung like him..
The atom bomb isn’t real.. It’s just Chuck falling out a plane and punching the ground..
Wat is the quickest way to mans heart?
Chuck Noris’s fist.
Chuck Noris retards are just people that have been round house kicked in the face by Chuck Noris
Chuck Norris pees in a can and sells it as redbull.
God wanted to create the world in 10 days… Chuck Norris gave him 6.
Most people put their pants on one leg at a time, Chuck Norris does both legs at once.
It never rains when Chuck Noris is around, if it tried he would just roundhouse kick every single raindrop
a stagnant container of chuck norris’s urine turns in to diamonds after 2 days
There are actually 8 wonders of the world. Chuck Norris counts for 4 of them.
this was actually a dictionary website until it said chuck norris spelled something wrong so he round house kicked it into this.
God said let there be light, Chuck Noris said say please.
Truly THE best ever !!
Absolutely superb!
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into th Hulk, when the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris is so great he once won at connect four in three moves. How? Because Chuck Norris is so great all he has to do is stare at a piece and it will change color.
Chuck norris can speak braille
if u can’t chuck it then fuck it
dont fuck with my chuck
chuck norris hair is always perfect b/c the hair is to afraid to step out of line b/c of getting a rounhoused kick.
Chuck norris was born with three testicles, after a while he ripped one off, threw it in the sea and called it Australia.
Spiderman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck norris has never bougyht a lawn mower, he just dared his grass not to grow.
Chuck Noris puts the “laughter” back in “manslaughter”.
chuck norris doesn’t have a family, a family has chuck norris.
One Chuck Norris found a man with the same name as him, and he then he round house kicked him in the face.
Chuck Norris has three testicales.
Chuck Norris was a geek in school, until he round house kicked every teacher and student in North America.
1,2,3,4,5,chuck norris,6,7,8 we all forgot the chuck norris number?
Chuck norris was there before God.
Jesus walks on water; Chuck Norris walks on Jesus.
Chuck lost his virginity before his dad did.
If you ever ask Norris what time it is he will always say”Two seconds till”. When you ask “two seconds till what?” he will have his foot in your face.
NEVER QUESTION CHUCK NORRIS!!!!
Dont you wish your girlfriend was hot like Chuck Norris
Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a contest to see who had the most balls. Chuck Norris won by 5.
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls
Ok… Jacob, those jokes are the worst jokes of all time… some of them don’t even have punch lines.
For everyone else, Chuck Norris jokes are hilarious when you get them right, but you can’t just say random shit and end it with “he round house kicked (them, it, him, her, etc.).” That’s not creative, and not funny. If that were the case, I could say “Chuck Norris had a dog…. but then he round house kicked it!” and people would find it hysterical.
Now THAT was funny!
Chuck Norris can divide by zero!!
chuck norris is his own father
chuck norris counted to infinty…twice
Heres some Chuck Norris jokes that i made up.
If you look up pain in the dictionary there’s a picture of Chuck Norris.
It is commonly accepted that ‘Chuck Norris’ is an anagram for ‘pain’. Some scholars have questioned this but they have all died of mysterious roundhouse kicks to the face.
There is no word in the english language that rhymes with ‘Chuck Norris’. There used to be but he killed it.
Jesus may be the son of god ,but god is the son of Chuck Norris.
Chuch Norris can the joke “Chuck Norris had a dog…. Then he roundhouse kicked it” Funny
For God’s sake people, don’t you have anything better to do than to talk about a retard’s balls and kicks, and other shit? Who the hell is Chuck Norris anyway?
nedreilly u need to play the voilin with ur wrists plz.
ur jokes suck ballz
You live by the sword, you die by the sword.
You live by chuck norris, you die by a roundhouse kick.
bad joke, but check out chuck norris’s game at http://www.addictingames.com .
When Chuck Norris does push ups, he doesnt push himself up, he pushes the world down.
There is no theory of evolution, only a list of animals Chuck Norris allowed to live.
Chuck Norris slammed a revolving door
When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks for Chuck Norris under the bed.
When Chuck Norris looks into a mirror he sees Chuck Norris
Made this up:
Chuck Norris does not run with the wind, The wind runs with Chuck Norris
Some I made up.
Tom Cruise follows scientology.
The Pope follows Catholicism.
but Chuck Norris runs so fast, he can follow himself.
Only two things can cut titanium
Chuck Norris’s right and left hand.
Chuck Norris can dig a whole in water… with a holly shovel.
Chuck Norris got in the Darwin Award 3 times. Not because he’s stupid, but because he’s rid the human species of so many moronic people.
Mr. Tea and Chuck Norris walk into a bar. The bar explodes, because no building can contain that much awsome.
When Chuck norris works out with a machine. The machine gets stronger.
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet. Untill Chuck Norris round house kicked her into a glacier.
A dingo didn’t eat your baby, Chuck Norris did.
Chuck Norris has been dead for 4 years but…….the Grim Reaper is too afraid to tell him…..
It ain’t over til Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the shit out of the fat lady
chuck norris once ate an air guitar and when he shat it out it was your mom.
chuck norris is not human yet his penis is bigger than yours
Reading these posts I found someone who said that he/she does not know who Chuck Norris is. GO TO HELL YOU BASTARD CHUCK NORRIS WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU WITH A NARWHALE’S HORN
kennedy didnt die from a shot to the head,chuck norris blocked the bullet with his beard and kennedys head blew up with shock.
Upon reading this website, I, Chuck Norris, laughed so hard it triggered what naive, atheist, Chuck-denying scientists termed the “December 2004 Tsunami”.
man was created in the image of god
god was created in the image of chuck norris
God rested on the seventh day, because he had a battle with Chuck Norris on the sixth day.
holy shit, these jokes are soooooo shit its hilarious to think you guys think theyre funny…….oh sorry……youre all american right…….please accept my sympathy
funny dude funny
Chuck Norris’ girlfriend once asked “how much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood” Chuck Norris told her no one rhymes in Chuck Norris’ presence then ripped her throat out. “NO ONE FUCKS WITH CHUCK”, 2 years and 5 months later Chuck Norris realized the irony of that statement and laughed so hard anyone in a 100 mile radius went deaf
Chuck Norris has defeated the sun and moon consecutively in a staring contest.
hey im not sure if you all knew this but chuck noris’s tears cure cancer…… the only problem is he never cry’s
chuck lost his virginity before his father
Chuck Norris can never die. One time, Death tried to take Chuck Norris to Heaven. Chuck Norris simply stared at Death until Death killed himself.
All women want Chuck Norris. Any woman who says otherwise is either blind or a lesbian, and Chuck Norris probably already gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
There was no big bang. Chuck Norris just gave an asteroid the first roundhouse kick.
Lightning and thunder are just Chuck Norris practicing his round house kicks on the clouds.
Someone once tried to arm-wrestle Chuck Norris in bar. Chuck Norris smashed his hand through a table, roundhouse kicked every other man in the face, and banged every woman in the bar.
Here are some I made up
Einstein told Chuck Norris his round house kick could not break the speed of light.
Chuck Norris rebuttal by round house kicking him from the Future.
Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in surgery, he believes in rounds house kicks to the face.
Satellite images of Chuck Norris started the war in Iraq
Tiger Woods imitates his swing after Chuck Norris’s round house kick.
Chuck Norris walks on water because the water is scared of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris killed a shark when he told it to not breath
When a man farts, the fart scurries back into the man and the man explodes because Chuck Norris doesn’t like Stink
Chuck Norris ordered me to I apologize for insulting America. *I’m sorry.*
I didn’t know he could enter my dreams at night. Now I can only dream of him. *sigh*
Chuck Norris sleeps on a bed of Machettes
when chuck norris dives into water he doesnt get wet the water gets chuck norris
who ever keeps writing these things about how the jokes are not funny is going to get a round house kick to the face by chuck norris.
A lot of people go to sleep in Superman pajamas, but Superman, he goes to sleep in Chuck Norris pajamas!!!
There was once a spotted horse that pissed off Chuck Norris, and got a round house kick to the face. We now know this animal as a giraffe.
the only reason im typing this is b/c if i didnt chuck norris would round house kick me in the face.
There were three men walking on a beach. A white man, a Mexican, and a Black man. While they were walking they found a genie lamp buried in the sand. They picked it up and rubbed it, producing a very disgruntled genie. The Genie looked at the three men and Told them that since he was eager to get back to his slumber he would only give each of them one wish.
The Mexican man said, “I wish to be the wealthiest man in the world.”
*Poof* Suddenly a great golden mansion sprung up from the sand filled with jewels and gold. The Mexican went inside and was happy.
The Black man said, “I wish I had all the most beautiful women in the world in love with me.
*Poof* A thousand hotties from every race and age were suddenly groveling at his feet, beggin him to make sweet sweet love to them. He took them to the other side of the beach and was happy.
The white man said, “I wish I was the strongest and smartest, and most handsome man in the world.”
*Poof* He turned into Chuck Norris and stole the other two guys’ Mansion, riches and bitches and roundhouse kicked them both in the face! HA!
Chuck norris sleeps with a night light because the dark is afraid of chuck norris.
Chuck norris, Vin Diesel, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were all at the gates of heaven, for the selection to be god’s right hand man. First god asked Arnold why he should be his right hand man. “well, i believe that since i have made so many movies, and am the governator of california, i think that i should be your right hand man,” he replied.
Next god asked Vin Diesel why he should be his right hand man. “well, i believe that since i have made movies and accomplished a lot throughout my life, i should be your right hand man.” he replied.
Lastly, god asked chuck norris why he should be his right hand man. Chuck norris replied, “I believe, that you are sitting in my seat.”
Chuck Norris once ate a bowl of dog food and crapped out a rocket launcher. He then proceeded to eat the rocket launcher and crapped out a tank. He then proceeded to eat the tank and he crapped out the sun.
God was bored so he created the world.
God was lonely so he created man.
God was proud because man created Chuck norris.
Chuck Norris was born with a beard.
If at first glance Chuck Norris seems to be carrying around a large telephone pole sized object do not be alarmed. We all bet boners somtimes.
If Chuck Norris ate Vern Troyer (mini-me Austin Powers) he’d shit out Gary Coleman (different strokes).
Chuck Norris eats cookie dough and shits out cookies.
Chuck Norris took a fake name before starting in movies. His original name was God.
At the end of walker texas ranger the credits are’nt the people who produced the show but a list of people he roundhouse kicked that day.
Chuck Norris Sperm count is so high that you have to chew before you swallow
chuck norris has satelite but his picture doesnt go out when it rains
Chuck Norris does not sleep; he waits.
When Chuck Norris was born, he roundhouse kicked the doctor and said “No one delivers Chuck Norris, but Chuck Norris”.
it is said that Hugh Hefner, the founder of playboy has slept with over 90,000 woman in his life…Chuck Norris calls this a slow tuesday
They were thinking of making Chuck Norris toilet paper, but then they remembered, Chuck Norris doesnt take crap from ANYONE!!
-Watching a Chuck Norris movie will make your testicles grow 12%
-Chuck Norris refers to himself in fourth person.
-Chuck Norris eats lunch for breakfast.
-Chuck Norris wipes with 40-grit sandpaper
-If chuck norris was a woman, then he wouldn’t have a period. He would have an exclamation point!!!!!
-Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when hes peeing
and to finish it off:
-If at first you don’t succeed, your obviously not Chuck Norris
Chuck norris has been defeated before. This 1 time Nemo bitch slapped him with his lucky fin. & won. The end.
crap boy, you are hilarious.
thanks man. how do u feel about south African’s then? haha. and be nice.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact he invented the entire colour spectrum. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
almost none of these people will actually know who Chuck Norris is/was. That’s not really what makes the jokes funny. All those wankers who have to be arseholes and different can all get round-house kicked in the face:p
people who make up chuck norris jokes are just mad cuz they can’t be chuch norris.
kidding
dudes so funny
Chuck Norris never appears in public because he hate people.
If Chuck Norris could be one thing in the galaxy what would it be?
Bizarro Chuck Norris.
What is the one thing Chuck Norris fears?
Nothing…shut the fuck up.
When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror what does he see?
A piece of glass colored like Chuck Norris about to be smashed.
When Chuck Norris drinks alcohol what happens?
He gets faster, stronger, and more deadly.
When Chuck Norris smokes grass what happens?
Absolutley nothing.
How does Chuck Norris ask a girl out?
He doesn’t.
How does Chuck Norris trim his beard?
With a diamond saw.
What is Chuck Norris’ favorite food?
Doesn’t have a favorite. He enjoys a balanced diet of all major food groups.
chuck norris doesnt have sperm cells,he shoot whales!
chuck norris had a daughter, she lost her virginity so chuck found it and put it back!
chuck norris doesnt die, he waits until theres a reason to come back
jesus arose in three days, chuck norris arose in three seconds.
chuck norris doesn’t use steroids
steroids use chuck norris
chuck norris is so hot that he wouldnt mate with any1 unless there was some1 as sexy as him so he had stared his on gender there is now 3 female male and chuck noris
First off, rednecks fuck there sisters. Chuck Norris fucks me Because he doesnt have a sister, he roundhouse kicked her in the face. I have now fucked 7 p[eople, my sister,my brother,my dad, my mom,my grandma myself, and chuck norris. You are all gay sombitches. Eat me out bitches…
A man once asked Chuck Norris to round house kick him in the head. Chuck Norris asked “Why?” The man replied “I want to time travel!”
Super Mario coined the phrase “ITSA MARIOOO” after he was round house in the head by Chuck Norris
When Chuck Norris turned 10, the whole world unanimously decided to rename God “Chuck Norris”.
Chuck Norris has spawned many children — John Wayne Gacy, Jeffrey Dahmer, The Zodiac Killer, Eileen Woernos, Jack The Ripper, Lee Harvey Oswald, The Olson Twins, and Adolf Hitler. Because of this, it is illegal for him to have children in all 50 states.
Chuck Norris doesn’t really have a beard. The “beard” is just a part of his face. It has been theorized that if Chuck Norris ever grew a beard, every woman in the world would simultaneously orgasm, causing the Earth to careen out of orbit and crash into the sun.
Chuck Norris’s mom tried to abort him. Eighteen times.
Chuck Norris bathes in nuclear waste, and uses plutonium for mouthwash.
Blood doesn’t run through Chuck Norris’s veins. Acid does.
Once, Chuck Norris went to Africa, and then went to Iraq. Because of the high levels of uranium in his sperm, military intelligence assumed this was for nuclear weapons, and declared war on Iraq.
Chuck Norris’s Penis is actually a detachable, fully capable nuclear warhead.
Chuck Norris invented a language which he called “Chuckeese”. However, over thousands of years, the name got lost. We now refer to that language as “Latin”.
Chuck norris eats ice cream with glass sprinkles on it
The government dont tell Chuck Norris what to do he tells the goverment to go to hell.
Chuck norris shaves with a chain saw.
chcuk norris can sneeze with his eyes open
chuck nrris can put on mascara without opening his mouth
chuck norris has no pop ups on his computer because they fe
One time Superman challenged Chuck Norris to see if he could round house kick him out of the air while flying faster than a speeding bullet…well, why do you think Christopher Reeves ended up in a wheelchair? That horse story was a bunch of bullshit…
I am the only known survivor of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris invented Chuck Norris Jokes.
David Blaine isn’t really going to hold his breathe for 9 mins, but rather Chuck Norris is going to stare oxygen into him
Lemons think that Chuck Norris is too sour.
Chuck norris is walking down the street and trips and falls into a mudd puddle. The mudd puddle does not get chuck norris wet but the puddle gets chuck norris then he roundhouse kicks it
Chuck Norris could roundhouse kick thrugh the hoover dam if he wanted to
the moon does not orbit around the earth it orbits around Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to know how to swim. The water moves out of his way. That wasn’t moses, Chuck just went for a run.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Rick James in the face and said, “I’m Chuck Norris bitch!”
The meaning of life is……..DON’T FUCK WITH CHUCK!
If Chuck Norris were a planet it would be called…. Kickin’ Your Anus
when Chuck Norris does a pushup he doesnt goup the world goes down
God said let there be light Chuck Norris made Him say please
attention everyone . . . Testicle that is all
If every god and deity from all religion and myth came together to create one ultimate superhuman, do you know who that would be?
Chuck Norris?
Nah, Chuck Norris could kick that guys butt.
How many Chuck Norris’ does it take to change a lightbulb? None, he just stares it down until it changes itself….OR There is only ONE Chuck Norris!!
some jokes are funny but some are totaly crap.
chuck drives a norris minor
dont use god in ur jokes thats fucked up man
chuck norris was created by his own sperm
chuck norris doesn’t mow his yard, he sits on the front porch and dares it to grow.
The death star is powered by chuck norris
The chaos theory does not relate to a butterfly flapping
it’s wings creating a hurricane but rather
chuck norris throwing his fastest round house kick
Darth Vader only answers to chuck norris
Chuck norris was not born but instead concieved in a dojo
Chuck Norris is actually Gordon freeman, just give him a crowbar and glasses
chuck norris doesnt have to “play dead” for bears….bears have to “play dead” for chuck norris
chuck norris doesn’t wear kevlar vests..kevlar vests wear chunk norris
Chuck Norris says he is no more than a simple mortal..
only he promised a roundhouse kick in the head to the ones who even think about try to become one.
chuck norris once harvested his sweat into a pure non-dilluted liquid based drug known as Adreamachrome, A.K.A Adrenaline.
Chuck Norris is so presice with his roundhouse kicks, he can shave an aisan woman.
Chuck Norris has two speeds walk and kill
the one ring to rule them all was lost by chuck norris
A roundhouse kick to the face by Chuck Norris is condsidered a means of execution for prisoners in all 50 U.S. states and Puerto Rico
Chuck Norris Said let there be Chuck jokes, and behold this site was made. And Chuck Norris was pleased.
Q: What did Eve ask Adam the first time they met?
A: “Will you fuck me in the ass like Chuck Norris did?”
Of course there are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. That’s bcause Chuck Norris lives in Iowa.
Chuck Norris went to Burger King and ordered a Big Mac…and He got it.
He is also suing Burger King for the simple fact that they didn’t put razor wire in his burger, as He requested.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to use a compass, because all Norths point to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need glasses. He makes things come closer.
Chuck Norris doesn’t walk. He tells the ground where to go.
It’s never been argued that Chuck Norris is the greatest man alive. Everyone just agrees.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a man in the face just for snoring.
Chuck Norris doesn’t go hunting he goes slaying.
Chuck Norris kills ghosts.
Chuck Norris said if I misselt inythang he’d…
I thought I would add to the Chuck revolution…
Chuck Norris doesn’t use condoms, condoms use Chuck Norris.
Iraq uses Chuck Norris pee instead of Uranium to make Nuclear bombs.
The only reason for global warming is because Chuck Norris went on a world tour and cause a climate change!
Chuck Norris can’t get an orgasm, because his orgasm would be too ashamed to make a appearance!
The Grand Canyon was caused by Chuck Norris taking a pee in some open field!
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger it doesn’t mean fuck you, its how many seconds you have to live.
Leading hand sanitizers kill 99.9% of germs.
Chuck Norris can kill 100% of whatever the fuck he wants.
Chuck Norris’s sperm can break 13 condoms, the birth control pill, a brick wall, and the 1975 steelers offense in order to inpregnate a women.
crapboy :
.
holy shit, these jokes are soooooo shit its hilarious to think you guys think theyre funny…….oh sorry……youre all american right…….please accept my sympathy
Where are you from? You can make fun of us all you want but it still doesnt change the fact that we are the world superpower and your probably some limp-wristed socialist bastard! XD XD
Chuck Norris isnt hung like a horse, horses are hung like Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesnt Tea Bag women, he potato sack them
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pees
Here are some I came up with…They’re not all funny – but you people inpire me…
-There is no such thing as speeding tickets – people get tickets for driving faster than Chuck Norris.
-The movie “Sidekicks†was based on a true story on how Chuck Norris fantasized about going on adventures with Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris doesn’t listen to music – music listens to Chuck Norris.
-One day – Bill Clinton asked Chuck Norris how he felt about George Bush; Chuck Norris replied with the same answer he has for every question, “He’s no Chuck Norris.â€
-Saddam didn’t let the U.S. government search his warehouses because he wanted to hide any weapons of mass destruction – he wanted to hide the super soldier he was creating to combat the forces of Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris likes rap music
-Chuck Norris was supposed to play KC Jones in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. But when told he had to wear a mask, he roundhouse kicked the director and said “Chuck Norris has nothing to hide.â€
-One day – a man asked Chuck Norris if “Chuck†was short for “Charles.†He replied by saying “No. Chuck is short for Chuck†and proceeded to give the man a roundhouse kick to the face.
-Chuck Norris doesn’t eat chicken – he eats rooster.
chuck norris doesnt wear a watch , he says what time it is
Pre-Chuck Norris, a violent case of vometting was called vomit.
Chuck Norris eats Alphabits and poop’s out the word “KILL”
Im glad you can spell “Norris” right you jackass
Chuck norris can lead a horse to water..AND MAKE IT DRINK!
Chuck norris can have his cake and eat it too.
Chuck norris CAN bring a knife to a gun fight. And win by roundhouse kicking it into his foe.
Chuck norris vs. God?! Ridiculous! Why would chuck norris fight himself?
Chuck norris does not get wet.
Water get roundhouse kicked.
Chuck norris does not wish he was the man on the wheaties box. No. The man on the wheaties box wishes he was Chuck norris.
Chuck norris had a beard even before he was born.
You guys inspire me also…
If you want to know how well endowed Chuck Norris is, just ask your mom.
Leading hand sanitizers can kill 99.9% of germs and bacteria. What is the other .1% ? Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need a compass, he is the True North.
Your favorite color is actually Chuck Norris.
Once someone asked Chuck Norris if he had any Grey Pou pon, Chuck Norris replied, “I have to wipe first.”
Contrary to scientific theory, time does not loop, instead the intire universe is created and destroyed everytime Chuck Norris straps, and unstraps his belt buckle.
When Shaq needs new shoes, he politely asks to borrow them from Chuck Norris.
Q. If a tree falls in the forest and noone is there to hear it does it make a sound?
A. Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris knows your scared, and he’s watching you right now. Hurry, put your pants back on!
As community service a judge once ordered Chuck Norris to breast feed starving badgers.
Chuck Norris shits razorblades smelted from the teeth fillings of all the people who make him angry.
Who you gonna call? Chuck Norris.
Your sister is in love with Chuck Norris, but he blew her off.
Chuck Norris doesn’t know that music exists, because whenever people play it around him, he does his roundhouse kick dance.
I have been in tears laughing at work so hard im about to get fired-but cus i was laughing at chuck norris jokes he came and round house kicked my boss in the face now i got a raise
-hahahahahhahahah – god round house kicked michael jackson nuf said-
When chuck norris cuts an onion, the onion cries.
Chuck norris can karate chop a tomato into eighths
If Chuck Norris is running late, time better slow the fuck down.
Chuck Norris went to the virgin islands, now there just the islands.
Q: How much food does Chuck Norris eat?
A: Enough to kick your ass!
If at first you don’t succeed, your obviously not Chuck Norris
god doesnt get even.
He gets chuck norris.
When chuck norris takes a dump, a black man turns white…
The helicoptor was invented when someone saw Chuck Norris doing 90 roundhouse kicks a second.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity…twice.
when chuck norris graduated from ranger school (* us army’s 3rd hardest school) he doesnt get a ranger tab everyone eles gets a chuck norris tab
God said “let there be light.” Chuck norris said “say please.”
Last thankgiving i was at my home and my wife burned the turkey.I simply kissed her on the forehead and said”no worries dear.”I then walked out on the beach of my hand created mystic island i live on. I then i let out a turkey call.Within 4 seconds, hundrerds of turkeys flew upon my mystic island.I choose the turkey that i saw fit, and ate it whole. I went inside my home and proceded to vomit a fully cooked turkey, mashed potatos, stuffing, cranbury sauce, and two pumpkin pies.Then, while you watched a boring Detroit Lions Football i watched a matchup of the two nfl teams of my choosing. They compete for the “Chuck Norris Championship”,which is secret. Recently players voted it more important then the NFL championship.
Also, I don’t like it when people say”Chuck Norris jokes.”They are facts, not jokes.
Bruce Lee Kicked Chuck Norris’ ass.
Chuck Norris no longer has a shadow. He once round-house kicked someone so fast it got in the way and was thrown off. It still wanders around looking for him and round-house kicking people who still wear fanny packs, baby squirrels, and Subway sandwich artists.
IF SPIDERMAN AND THE HULK FOUGHT DO YOU KNOW WHO WOULD WIN?CHUCK NORRIS
Chuck Norris Got kicked out of Kindergarten because he would’nt go recess
“CHuck Dont Play”
I was reading the bible and it said that chuck norris couldnt die because “CHUCK FUCKING NORRIS IS GOD”
Whats the difference between a road kill dog and a road kill lawyer? Nothing the both got round house kicked by Chuck Norris.
People don’t take chaser pills to get over a hang over they chew Chuck Norris pellets.
Someone once called Chuck Norris gay, Chuck Norris immediatey ruond house kicked him in the face so hard his daughter can’t sing, this victim was called Elvis.
In Texas you don’t get capital punishment you get the Chuck Norris.
Because of Paris hiltons Sex video with Chuck Norris we now know why Nicole Richie looks the way she does.
Chuck Norris had sex with N’Sync and they turned into the Spice Girls.
Chuck Norris had sex with Earth and Made The Grand Canyon.
The reason that oxygen gets thinner the higher up you go is because you get farther away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once ate beans a shat it all out we now call it…well its south of the states.;)
Chuck Norris drives a gremlin but it is blessed by his awsomness and is now a Lamborgini Diablo.
with some men, their left testicle is larger than their right. with others, their right is bigger than their left. with chuck norris, each testicle is bigger than the other.
when chuck noris does a roundhouse kick everybody within a 100 mile radius has an instant orgasim!
Chuck Norris can’t have sex with the earth….. the Grand Canyon isn’t wide enough.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. not because chuck norris is scared of the dark, but because the dark is scared of chuck norris
Penis
Cunt Rag
8===D
anal crevis
rectum
ball cheese
clitoris
frotch
Porch Monkey
purple pubic people
Titanium was first designed to be used in a pair of scissors made to trim chucks beard.
unfortunately the blades shattered on impact and killed everyone in the room.
chuck norris is such a queer he makes elton john look like joe frazier
chuck norris has such a small penis that when he tries to do a girl she roundhouse kicks him in the face.
chuck norris is such a fag jean claude van damme beat him up
Chuck norris went to prison and he didnt drop the soap because its slippery he dropped it because he likes getting it in the ass.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris beat Pacman twice
He says the ending is good
No you can’t see
pokemon pissed off chuck norris so he round-house kicked them to the face and into rock tunnel. this is how Ash *just got round-house kicked to the face by Chuck Norrise* Ketchum got his name.
chuck norris’s favorite food is coconuts. why? because thats how the black man was created.
i made this up
Jesus wears a wristband that says “what would Chuck Norris do”
we don’t live in a democracy, we live in a chucktatorship.
Chuck Norris can believe its not butter.
9/11 wasn’t a terrorist attack, chuck norris roundhouse kicked the twin towers
Bob Smith u suck and some day we r goina take over the world!
Cuck Norris went paintballin with the pro’s but was soon kicked off cuz he kept pistel whippin the pro’s and roundhouse kickin them!
IF IT LOOKS LIKE BEEF, SMELLS LIKE BEEF, AND EVEN TASTE LIKE BEEF AND CHUCK NORRIS SAYS ITS CHICKEN, ITS CHICKEN!!!!!!!!!!!
Chuck Norris’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t fuck with Chuck!” Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of him went deaf.
..>I wonder what Chuck Norris Thinks About these jokes
Chuck Norris Once roundhouse kicked a guy so hard, his mothers head went through her asshole. When told of this tragedy, chuck replied In Chuck we Trust”
Cuck norris’s pubic hair is the tie that binds!
chuck norris sperm cells dont look like tadpoles, they look like bullfrogs
omg these jokes r so funy!! huever says they rnt is gonna get round house kicked in the face…by Chuck Norris!!
this is great! i love chuck and these jokes r the best! keep up the good work!!!
CCR once wondered who’ll stop the rain… chuck norris if and when he wants to.
The French surrender to Chuck Norris every day at 2:00, the time when walker: texas ranger comes on.
chuck norris is so good at ticiling bums that they shit all over his hands
When tax time comes round, Chuck Norris only sends several blank sheets of paper and a photograph of himself…crouched and ready to attack…Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes. Ever.
The cookie crumbled when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it.
Chuck Norris, while still inside the womb, decided to punch his way out…Thus the creation of C-Section birthing.
Chuck Norris has beat the entire poplulation of Japan at ping pong…in one game.
When Chuck Norris goes for a jog he stays in place…the world spins beneath his feet
Theres only one person cooler than Chuck Norris. The answer:Chuck Norris.
e=mc²…but mc²=Chuck Norris.
chuck norris doesnt tea bag his women, he potato sacks them!!!
hahahahaha i rule!! actually i heard it from a friend but it still whipped the fuck out of me
tsunami is just the term used for chuck norris going diving
hey guys, chuck norris is the biggest loser of all time. thanx to all of the idiots out there, the chuck norris jokes have really died out… the only other time i have EVER seen this type of stupidity was with star wars… yes, its dumb now too.
Chuck Norris invented the spoon because knives were too easy to kill people with
FUckyou
Chuck norris dared his grass to grow, he has never mowed his lawn. Bitch.
Chuck Norris considers anything under 80 proof a soft drink…bitchs
I heard Chuck Norris does not breath hard……cause if he does, hurricanes are formed.
Chuck Norris does not support the New York Yankees…….The yankees support Chuck.
To Bob Smith…….
I would not be cocky about your country If I were you…….I heard Chuck is teaming up with Osama Bin Laden……and the plan is simple…….If they found that you voted for George Bush or anyone (who voted for Bush) for that matter……you will suck their dicks for eternity……..Glad I am not AMERICAN
For all of you tards that have something to say against Chuck Norris here is a tip…
It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe in Chuck Norris…He believes in you. So you better show some goddamn respekt, or your face will meet his foot in a very unpleasant manner.
chuck norris gargles peanut butter
what happens when chuck norris tries to fly a plane?
9/11
if chuck norris found out about this website he would delet the internet
the priets of jsuses time told him to build a temple in 3 days chuck norris built it in 2 days
Chuck Norris can stare down a blind man
Chuck Norris is the only person with a six LITER
Chuck Norris is the reason a frigophobia means: fear of the cold. If you ask him about this, he will just stare at you menacingly.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
Ozzy chews on bats, Chuck Norris chews on Bengal Tigers
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of “P”
Chuck Norris killed off Mendelev cuz the only element Chuck Norris can accept is the element of surprise.
There are no different human races, just ppl. that got roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris iinto different colours of blyck, yellow and red.
Chuck Norris is a FUCKING ACTOR
I once got in 2 fight with Chuck Norris then i woke up and wrote this
lol/chickenlol
In college, Chuck Norris was roommates with Genghis Khan, Hitler, Hannibal Lector, and Sadaam Hussein. By the second semester of their freshman year, they collectively asked for a new roommate stating that Chuck was too violent and they couldn’t concentrate on their studies. He also roundhouse kicked thier Ramen Noodle supply into the Red Sea.
Chuck Norris’ fist has it’s own ecosystem.
Chuck’s hair stays so perfect, scientists used it to lure the Lock Ness
Monster, Bigfoot, and Donald Trump into captivity.
Chuck Norris rinses his mouth with napalm and they then comments, “this
shit is weak!!!!!!
When Chuck was born, he used his umbilical cord as piano wire to choke his way out of the delivery room. When they finally caught him moments later, he had impregnated every expecting mother in the maturnity ward. All of the baby Chucks the grew within minutes and won the Tour de France, the America’s Cup, and a Grammy Award later that day.
Chuck Norris once circumnavigated the world in a Geo Metro.
Chuck Norris once stared down the Mona Lisa….after a few minutes, he shouted “quit smiling bitch”, and she did.
Chuck Norris doesn’t have to drink alcohol. He simply stands next to it and gets drunk by osmosis.
Leprechauns are always after Chuck Norris’ Lucky Charms.
The well known phrase “too good to be true” has been changed to “too Chuck Norris to be true” by order of Mensa.
Chuck Norris once freed a stuck gate in the Panama Canal by roundhouse kicking it over the phone.
“Chuck Norris” is the other white meat.
“Chuck Norris” – it’s what’s for dinner.
I just saved a ton on money by switching to Chuck Norris for my car insurance.
Chuck Norris is the taste of a new generation, not Pepsi.
“Make love, not Chuck Norris”
Crop circles are chuck norris’s way of saying that sometimes corn needs to lay the fuck down
When Chuck Norris goes to give blood, he asks for a pistol and a bucket.
chuck norris was originally called to be ¨ethan hunt¨ in mission impossible but when he realized that the movie´s name was`mission impossible´
he roundhouse kicked the director saying “there´s no mission impossible for me´´
chuck norris dont tea bag you he potatoe sacks you
chuck norris is so bad he brushes his teeth with barbwire
Chuck norris can drink a gallon of milk in under an hour
there are only two things in life that are certain: death and Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris is his own brother
Chuck Norris can stare at the sun for as long as he wishes
Every time you here a bell ring a fairy gets its wings, every time a raindrop hits the ground Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks his next victim
Chuck Norris taught Albert Einstein
When Chuck Norris jumped into the ocean, he created a tsunami in Indonesia
Chuck Norris can catch bullets
When people look into a mirror they see their reflections, when Chuck Norris looks into a mirror the mirror refuses to look back
Chuck Norris invented north, south, east, and west
We don’t live, Chuck Norris allows us to live
Chuck Norris doesn’t go to the gym, he just jogs infinity miles every morning before breakfast
Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice
Chuck Norris doesn’t strike a match, he stares at it until it ignites
Chuck Norris gave himself laser eye surgery
Chuck Norris can hear light, then he races it and wins
Chuck Norris lost his shadow
When we make paper airplanes, Chuck Norris makes paper submarines
When Chuck Norris went camping he caught Bigfoot
Chuck Norris can look in two different directions at once
The 51st state will be called Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesn’t need emotions when he can roundhouse kick any problem he has
Chuck Norris can see through two way mirrors, on both sides
The only thing Chuck Norris cannot control, is his roundhouse kicks to the face
In the original version of the bible Chuck norris was one of the three wise men, one gave silver one gave gold, Chuck gave the gift of Beard. The the other two were so jealus of the gift they insisted he be rewritten out of the bible… so he gave them a roundhouse kick to the face
Just a few i made up….
Superman may have returned but Chuck Norris never left
How do we kno that Chuck Norris wasn’t one of the first people on earth well u cant break one of his ribs
Chuck Norris beat World of Warcraft
Chuck Norris uses rattlesnakes for provolactics
Once at seaworld shamoo splashed Chuck Norris, Chuck jumped into the tank, threw the whale into the stands, splashed it and yelled “How do you like it bitch?!?” the whale died of fright and Chuck Norris finished its show.
Once Chuck made love to 50 tuscan nuns, they later gave birth to the New England Patriots
Chuck Norris once ate a bad plate of oysters, that night he vomited into his toilet, the vomit congeled into Bruce lee, Muhammed Ali, and Clint Eastwood
chuck norris ALWAYS knows where Carmen SanDiego is.
chuck norris knows where waldo is.
chuck norris ate a box of crayons and shit out a rainbow.
the reason dinosauors are extinct: roundhouse kick to the face, each and every one.
chuck norris’ bedroom is often refered to as “the holy lands”
chuck norris is so strong, his ass eats his underwear.
chuck norris created midgets by punching people in the head.
chuck norris drinks lighter fluid and pisses fire.
no, its true, unicorns were real. until chuck norris roundhouse kicked their horns into their heads. now theyre just horses.
the big bad wolf didnt do shit. chuck norris roundhouse kicked all the little pigs’ houses down.
chuck norris invented the wheel.
chuck norris invented the shocker.
the grass is always greener on the other side. except when chuck has been there, then its filled with blood, tears, and human skulls.
chuck norris rolls his penis in glass for fun.
chuck norris doesnt stop at a stop sign. the stop sign stops for chuck norris.
chuck norris claims he’s colorblind. just incase he roundhouse kicks a black guy he cant be considered racist.
chuck norris’s toilet is the fountain of youth.
winne the pooh’s previous name was “winne the bear”. until he met chuck norris.
chuck norris eats childrens books and shits out the new yorker.
chuck norris invented gasoline because its the only thing that gets him drunk.
chuck norris eats clams and shits out pearls.
the dark side of the moon is chuck norris’ shadow.
the holy grail is chuck norris’s spitter.
During the Alaskan power outage of ’89, Exxon Mobile officials used Chuck Norris’ heart to pump oil to the lower 48 states.
The Next generation of spacecraft from NASA will use a composite material based on the molecular structure of Chuck Norris’ big toenail.
Chuck Norris’ DNA has it’s own DNA.
Chuck Norris’ friend once asked him to make a toy airplane. Behold, the F-18.
Dallas City police have forbidden Chuck Norris to ever mosh again.
I arm wrestled Chuck Norris’ pinky finger once. and lost.
here’s 1 chuck norris once round house kicked bart simsons head soooooooo hard that it imploded and got smarter
chuck norris once drank a wine cooler but threw it up because it was so femine years later he collected his throw up and we no it now as a jack daniels
i once fought chcuk norris many years ago then i woke up and typed this
and to the guy who said that chuck norris was just an actor is a complete lunatic and is the bravest soul i have ever met
Chuck Norris doesn’t listen to music, the music listens to Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesnt have a last name he kicked it so hard that he now has 2 first names.
When chuck norris plays poker he wins everytime because a roundhouse always beats a fullhouse…..
chuck norris: women want him, men envy him, god wants to be him
chuck norris can eat just one
atlantis was real until they made it against the law for chuck norris to round house kick any one, so he round house kicked atlantis into the bottom of the ocean
chuck norris sunbathes in antarctica
chuck norris doesnt need to wear sunscreen. he got sunburned once,he round housed kicked the sun so hard it was unconcious so long the dinosaurs went extinct
we pray to god to protect us god prays to chuck norris to protect him
Cane didnt kill able chuck norris round house kicked him
I am one of chuck norris’ 873,961 children; 873,962; 873963…
nice way to mispell Norris jackass
Chuck Norris needs a consealed weapons lisence in 6 states just to wear pants.
When Chuck Norris bathes in nuclear waste, the nuclear waste gets superpowers.
Disabled parking spaces are not for disabled people, they are for Chuck Norris, and if you park there, you will become disabled.
If you lost your virginity Chuck Norris probably has it.
when chuck norris jacks off, he uses glass for lotion.
Chuck norris doesnt wear a watch.
HE DECIDES WHAT TIME IT IS
It is believed chuck norris was once frightened, but it was just when he walked by a mirror in the dark
Everytime you masturbate Chuck Norris punches a mexican baby in the face
just a few of my favorites! CHUCK IS THE FUCKING MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
chuck norris went to a burger king and ordered a big mac, and got it.
they tried to carve chuck norris’ face into mount rushmore, but the rock was too soft.
first there was nothing, then chuck norris roundhouse kicked existence into being.
Chuck dosent need spining rims on his car becuse if his rims stop moving chuck will just hop out the car and round house kick them
The (burger) King is unable 2 change facil expressions because chuck norris round house kicked him in the head becuase he got Chucks order wrong, this caused him 2 become paralyzed in the face, that is y you now have it your way at BK
Chuck Norris is the reason y Carmen SanDiego and Waldo are hiding
Contrary to popular belief, pickup trucks are not built in factories. Chuck Norris screams them into existence.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to clean his house, he simply walks into a room and the dirt gets scared and leaves.
Hickory Dickory Dock………..Your Mother’s a Dirty Whore!
bruce lee dodged chuck norris’ roundhouse kick, then did some crazy asian shit and ripped his hear out. yeah take that!
There are only two people that can beat Chuck Norris in a fight. The first is Mr. T…actually no-one would win and the fight would last for ever. The two bohmeths decided to call a truce so they could kick ass eslewhere. The other being is Jack Bauer from the show 24. Jack would yell his catch phrase “put down your weapons” and Chuck would be forced to drop his legs (only sissys need weapons)… but honestly Jack had no chance… he would become to scared after Chuck ripped off his own legs legs that Jakc would beat himself to death with Chucks legs. Then Chuck would reattach his legs himself.
Did you know that brokeback mountain isn’t just a movie about gay cowboys? it is also what CHUCK NORRIS calls a pile of ninjas in ihis front yard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chuck Norris can make statues flinch.
There are two things that can kill superman, kryptonite, and a roundhouse kick to the face.
god sits at the right hand of chuck
Jesus wanted to be like Chuck Norris when he grew up, hence the beard and the white robe.
No one can give a thumbs up like Chuck Norris. Because Chuck Norris doesnt give a thumbs up, he shows you what he will kill you with.
Chuck Norris can make Ray Charles flinch.
oh yeah, and all you who keep mentioning bruce lee. bruce lee tried all that shit and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face and now hes dead.! bruce lee is asian anyway? bruce WHO?
Chuck Norris has got milk.
Chuck Norris can not get a speeding ticket, what ever speed Chuck Norris is going the speed limit will automaticly change to.
Just a few I came up with:
Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kicks can cause tornados.
Once upon a time, someone tried to steal Chuck Norris’ 501′s, but the jeans kicked the thief’s ass on their own.
When Chuck Norris flexes his muscles, they let out a sound that can be heard clear to China, but only by dogs; the dogs get scared.
Boeing pays Chuck Norris handsomly to produce 100 roundhouse kicks per second in their wind tunnels to test new airplane designs.
Chuck norris has no Pubic Hair!!! Because Hair Doesnt Grow on Steel
some of these chuck norris jokes are so lame how about something like”among scientists it is common knowledge that chuck norris split the atom with a roundhouse kick”
When Chuck Norris has sex woth a man, its not because he is gay, its because he has run out of women
i could fuk up chuck norris.
chuck norris round house kicked all u fukwits in the face coz you’s are all fags and cant make up jokes 4 shit!
we did like sum of the jokes but we still h8 all you’s
fuk you frm the people of NewZealand!
LONG LIVE RON BURGUNDY!!!
i could fuk up chuck norris.
chuck norris round house kicked all u fukwits in the face coz you’s are all fags and cant make up jokes 4 shit!
we h8 all you chuck norris fans
fuk you frm the people of NewZealand!
LONG LIVE RON BURGUNDY!!!
wen asked if he prefers Mr Pibb over Dr Pepper, chuck norris sed Mr Pibb. the person asked him why and he sed ‘i dont trust doctors’ then proceeded to shoot lazers out of his eyes and eat the heart of evryone in the room.
Chuck Norris doesn’t cop firewodd. His fierce glare turns the trees into logs.
I came up with this, but not as good as these.
Chuck Norris doesn’t chop firewodd. His fierce glare turns the trees into logs.
I came up with this, but not as good as these.
This is probably the best one I’ve ever heard:
“Today in a small town in Wisconsin, Chuck Norris had an erection……there were no survivors”
Chuck norris don’t get punched in the face he headbuts your fist
I Love Chuck Norris!!
I thought I saw him once but it was only an eclipse of the sun.
Chuck Norris doesnt complain about the heat,the heat complains about chuck norris
Chuck Norris isnt afraid of the dark , the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
You know the prickly things on the back of your neck? That’s Chuck Norris.
It was actually Chuck Norris that said “Let there be light.” And it wasn’t just good….it was awesome.
In the first, unreleased take of the climax of the Notre Dame classic “Rudy”, Chuck Norris armed With only instict, disguised as opposing linebacker # 3, summerily executed Rudy’s stunt double by means of roundhouse kick to the neck, throat, and spine. The kid from goonies only survived because Chuck was assured that the real Rudy was already Dead.
Chuck Norris put the laughter in manslaughter.
Chuck Norris masterbastes with a sledgehammer.
Elvis isn’t dead… He’s just hiding because he owes Chuck Norris money
Chuck is so tough that when he does a chin-up he pulls the earth downwards
Q: What’s the chemical symbol for Dynamite?
A: Chuck Norris
Q: Why did Hitler kill himself in his bunker?
A: He knew Chuck Norris was coming for him.
Q: Why is the earth round?
A: Coz Chuck Norris says so…
Chuck Norris doesnt get fired, if he does he simply does a roundhouse kick to the manager and fires them out of the building…
when chuck norris looks in a mirror he doesnt see himself the mirror sees chuck norris
Chuck Norris doesn’t eat, food surrenders to him.
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I sucked Chuck Norris’s dick.
Chuck Norris is a motherfucker.
chuck noerris doesnt listen to laws of gravity.
chuck norris sits faster than u walk
Chuck Norris’ balls are so big that he would need a forklift to carry them!
Chuck Norris’s dick is so big it still has snow on it in the summer time
BRUCE LEE is God, and at the same time the only person Chuck is afraid of. Was, actually, cause Lee is dead… But Lee did impossible: he ripped out Norris’ chest hair. Impressive, ha?
Chuck Norris doesn’t have orgasms…..orgasms have Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris’ cologne smells like Chuck Norris.
NASA uses Chuck Norris’ sweat to coat the front of the space shuttle. because its impermiable to heat, cold and round house kicks…….
Chuck Norris doesn’t go hunt, hunting insinuates failure, Chuck Norris goes killing
What scientists believe to be the big bang was actually Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicking existence into being.
“When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, its just because he has run out of women.”
it is rumoured that there is a movie, that when you finish watching it, you recieve a phone call from chuck norris whispering to you “seven days” moments later, chuck norris will roundhouse kick you door down and kill you…….. chuck norris does not wait seven days.
when chuck norris goes to pick n pay, he just picks
chuck norris doesn’t ever have to answer his phone calls because his phones are too scared to ring, they just answer themselves
chuck norris chopped down the cherry tree. george washington saw him and was going to tell on him but chuck roundhouse kicked him in the teeth and made him take the blame.
when chuck norris’s wife asks him to do the dishes he throws all the dishes in the trash and tells her she’s fat
chuck norris doesn’t aim, he dares his gun to miss.
Chuck Norris masturbates to the echo of his deceased fathers voice.
Chuck Norris’s semen is not fit for human consumption.
Chuck Norris’s testicles do not resemble elderly ladies smiling at the sight of three fatally wounded lions.
Chuck Norris’s ejaculant is not delicious.
Chuck Norris is part of the fluid that comprises human male ejaculant.
the giraffe was created when chuck norris uppercutted a horse
Mozart’s “Dies Irae” should be rename to its original name “Chuck Irae”.
Chuck Norris its the One Ring…
If u dont know who Chuck Norris its then proberly Chuck Norris dont wanna be know by u.
“Walker- Texas Ranger” its a reality show.
To be in the presence of Chuck its to be in the presence of pure awsomeness.
If u insult Chuck Norris and dont get a roundhouse kick back, then proberly u are dreaming.
If you spell “Chuck Norris” in Scrabble, you win…forever.
Chuck Norris survived falling out of a plane without a parachute by yelling at the ground to SLOW DOWN!
Lesbians are only women who have already had sex with chuck norris
chuck norris cna fold a piece of paper 13 times
chuck norris beat the internet.
Once a blind man stepped on chuck norris’s shoe. Chuck Norris yelled at him saying, “Do you know who i am? Im Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name cured this mans blindness, but the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw was a fatal roundhouse kick to the face.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family doesnt die from cholera or dysentary, rather fatal roundhouse kicks to the face. Since he doesnt require a wagon, he carries the oxen, axle, and meat all on his back, and always makes it to Oregon before you.
the greatest coverup of all time was Hitler didnt infact commit suicide, but was tea bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris jumped off a 500 foot cliff, landing on a rock. shortly after the rock died.
i think therefore……Chuck Norris
chuck norris beat shaolin, kung fu master and even bruce lee not because of his roundhouse kick into the face its just because of beared
Chuck doesn’t flush his own waste-it knows what to do.
Chuck Norris doesn’t flush..period!
When little kids go to bed they check under their bed for the boogieman. When the boogieman goes to bed he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
ya know them dogs with the flat faces? they were never like that untill one messed with chuck norris!
Chuck Norris doesn’t go sleep when the sun goes down, the sun goes down when Chuck Norris goes sleep!
Ron Burgundy posted two of three comments insulting Chuck Norris. He wanted to click the button 3 times to post his comment 3 times…Chuck was there on the second click.
ok people that talk crap about the jokes , why did you look up this site and read the jokes just to talk crap about them you are the ones without lives we just want to read a few funny jokes
p.s chuck norris didn’t sell his soul to the devil, the devil sold his soul to chuck norris
Chuck norris is hot,
his penis is so big that he can give him self blow jobs, but he doesnt cause he cums so much it would come out his arse.
Chuck Norris doesnt need to put the toilet seat up, the toilet seat puts itself up because it doesnt want to be burnt by acid.
Chuck norris doesnt miss when he pees, the toilet moves to get his pee because it heard about the time chuck norris peed too high and the urinal he was trying to pee in got roundhous kicked so hard it became a condom machine.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity…. twice!!!
Some of these ppl actually ahve a point….some of these jokes dnt have any punch lines and are gay…like sayin he just rounhouse kiks shit isnt very funny……but when u ppl get it rite its is pretty funny so keep it up……in conclusion……..fuck chuk norris lmao!!!!!!!!!
chuck norris has such a big penis that when he was doing his laundry someone came up to him and told him that pepsi and coke were the same thing and then he roundhouse kicked them in the face and did the mexican hat dance.
haha!
Why is Bruce Lee dead?
Because nobody lives after defeating Chuck Norris.
Why is Bruce Lee dead?
Because nobody lives after defeating Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t play games. In fact, nobody knew what a game was until Chuck Norris was born and things “got serious.”
When people say that Chuck Norris has issues, Chuck Norris issues them his bi-weekly issue of “Roundhouse Kicks and The Face of Tommorow.”
When You Get To The End Of A Rainbow You Dont Get A Pot Of Gold Only Chuck Norris
chuck norris is my father…and my mother…and he is yours too
Chuck Norris is the name given to him by the government. God was already taken.
when chuck norris goes for a swim chuck norris doesnt get wet the water gets chuck norrised
before the boogie man goes to bed, he checks his closet for chuck norris.
chuck norris’s cum cures cancer, but he never cums.
chuck norris slams revolving doors.
When it’s tax return time, chuck only sends an envelope with a picture of himself the the stance of attack, he never has to pay for taxes again!
Chuck Norris does not run he just spins the world really quick with his feet.
Whats behind Chucks beard, another fist to hit you with
Chuck norris does not play god.
Playing is for kids.
when chuck norris plays poker, he plays for souls.
There is no such thing as evolution, just a list of species that Chuck Norris allows to live.
chuck norris once did a recon of the Vietnam jungle and found three quarters, two dimes, your mom’s wedding ring she dropped down the sink a couple years ago, that sock you lost yesterday, and that naked baby picture you thought you burned.
once the sock monster accidentaly took chuck norris’s lucky roundhouse sock, chuck norris then procceded through the dryer into sock monster land, took his sock back and roundhouse kicked him so hard it was the equivalent of an EMP missile hitting the earth and everyone’s dryer stopped working and their clothes lines fell down.
how many babies does it take for chuck norris to paint a wall,
because he roundhouse kicks them so hard….just one
….chuck norris spits on your dead bebess
chuck norris doesn’t wanna Fanta
chuck norris doesn’t need keys, he simply says open-says-a-chuck
According to Chuck Norris, everyone else is a minority!
osoma bin ladin is not hiding from the U.S army he is hiding from Chuck Norris
Chuck norris created Mount Rushmore simply by looking at it.
Chuck Norris created sperm whales because he had nothing to do.
chuck norris dosen’t just swim in pools ….he pees in them to!
Chuck Norris knows where waldo is!
Chuck Norris told Dirty Harry to go ahead and make his day.
Chuck Norris can be in a round room and pee in the corner.
Chuck Norris made a hole in one…by roundhouse kicking a golf ball.
Chuck Norris beat the 72′ Dolphins.
Chuck Norris has moved the immovable object.
Chuck Norris’s semen is now bidding for $2 million on ebay.
Violence in Iraq dropped 50% after the movie “Delta Force” was broadcast on Al-Jazeera.
Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Waldo and said “stop hiding you’re annoying” That’s why all “where’s Waldo” stuff was Burned in Quebec
-Aizen, Chuck Norris’s #1 Zealot
that is terrific due to the fact that everything said in these jokes are true and i appreciate you expanding the knowlege of my huge genitallia!!
if you type in Chuck Norris name in lower case. You will get no correction, because you immediately die from a roundhouse kick.
When the boogey-man goes to sleep at night. He checks his cudboard for chuck norris
Chuck Noris is so cool and real awesome when i grow up i want to be just like him. fuckin faggots
when chuck norris was a child he once made a working machine gun out of a lego set
Chuck Norris dosen’t believe in world hunger it’s just a list of people that chuck norris won’t allow to eat.
These are STUPID…….REALLY STUPID
Chuck Norris is STUPID and GAY
When Chuck Norris dies he’ll come out with more albums then tupac.
Chuck Norris pulled the sword from the stone.
WALLY HIDES FROM CHUCK NORRIS!!!
chuck norris does not consider it sex unless the women dies
lol thats some funny fucking shit and that jeremy guy that said there stupid is dumb
The most dangerous chemical on the Periodic table is CN, Cyanide Nitrate. It shares the same initials as Chuck Norris, This is not a coincidence.
Yes, I play WoW. Im still finding it amazing after all this time that Chuck Norris Jokes are still out there…
When Chuck Norris pulls up to a toll booth he dosent pay them, them pay him.
When Chuck norris was a baby his parents didnt change his pants, he changed theres.
Chuck Norris….
…well what the fuck are you waiting for?
Chuck norris says no ones allowed to be as strong as him… he roundhouse kicked himself in the face and sent himself into the future.
chuck noris isnt emo, emo is chuck noris
Chuck Norris can square root negative integers
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartbearn, wait, Chuck norris doesn’t get heartburn, heartburn gets Chuck Norris.
could chuck norris make a burrito that was soo hot that he himself coud not eatit?
of course not, he chuck norris!
When Chuch gives blodd, he asks for a pistol and a bucket
Solar fusion is cased by Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking hydrogens together!
Chuck Norris can sit on his own lap!
chuck norris eats lightning and shits thunder
dude that guy who isnt american here should get his ass wipped by CHUCK NORRIS CAUSE HES FRICKIN AMERICAN U FUCKIN NOOB!!!!!!!
any one who says chuck norris would hlep osama is a fuckin retard. hes kinda american.
chuck norris has the best poker face in the world. it helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite his hand of a joker, 2 of clubs, 7 of spades, a green 4 from uno and a ‘get out of jail free’ card from monoply.
chuck norris can eat a rubix cube and poop it out solved.
chuck norris once shot down an enemy plane by pointing his finger at it and yelling “BANG!”
when chuck norris fucks a man, its not because hes gay, its because hes run out of women.
pee wee herman got arrested for ejaculating in public. chuck norris recived an award for it.
chuck norris ejaculates nails, thats why he laughs when some one asks ‘did you nail her?’
a girl hasnt been fucked untill fucked by chuck norris.
chuck norris only masturbates to pictures of chuck norris.
If the flash and superman were to have a race to the edge of the universe you know who would win? chuck norris.
Once, chuck norris round house kicked some one so fast it broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed amelia airheart while she was flying over the pacific ocean.
chuck norris is luke skywalkers REAL father.
chuck norris invented water.
chuck has invented a language that incorporates karate and martial arts, so if you find yourself getting the shit kicked out of you by chuck norris then he might just be saying he like your hat.
chuck norris doesn’t beat his meat, he roundhouse kicks it.
your contious is chuck norris telling you what to do.
chuck norris dosen’t bitch slap, he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
what is the worst thing besides getting aids. getting roundhouse kicked by chuck norris.
I kicked Chuck Norris’s Ass And because of that am currently hiding in an alternate universe.
crapboy is a punk ass bitch, you non american pussy. If chuck doesn’t kill you, I will
dude…..no..
When Chuck Norris wants juice he doesn’t sqeeze it himself, he stares at it until it pisses itself.
chuck norris once visited the virgin islands, now its just known as the islands.
U R NOT CHUCK NORRIS THE PERSON ABOVE THIS. FUCK U
chuck norris once punched a man in the soul
u guys r all weird get a life
well maybe im NOT chuck norris or maybe i AM. think what you want cause personally i dont care. IM CHUCK NORRIS BIIIIIIAAAAAAAATCH!!!!!!
ur not fuking chuck norris u homo get a life who the hell calls them selves chuck norris on this thing you loser
i agree with hahahaha or wateva the fuk it is wat a wierd name(loser)but i agree that the guy that calls himself chuck norris is a homo and needs to get a life
superman, batman, and chuck norris all met in heaven. they went up to god and god asked them, “why do you think you deserve to sit in the seat beside me?” batman replied, “i fight crime and save lives!” superman replied, “yeah!? well i do that AND i fly!” chuck norris replied, “i believe your sitting in my chair”
Here’s one I wrote.
The first automobie ran on concentrated Chuck Norris, but it only ran for five miles before it’s engine went into fullscale thermonuclear meltdown.
well im pissing people off. I RULE!!! this means i gots a bigger internet cock than all u guys!! now time to piss more people off…penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis
penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis
If you put every superhero you get one Chuch Norris……whats that say about Chuch Norris?
-wow thats lame…..lol
penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis
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Chuck Norris is so awesome, his jokes can have sex with your mom, sister and grandmother, and eat dead babies for breakfast.
hahahaha. i like tat. and you dont have to be chuck norris just to put his name as the name. god no imagination in adults. u see im a teenager 16 yrs old and i still have imagination. beet that old people!
Made this up while reading one of those ad ads in Utopia World of Legends…
Intellectuals solve problems, geniuses prevent them. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks both intellectuals and geniuses, and the problems prevent and solve themselves.
Chuck Norris is so fuckin gay he wears underwear on the outside of his pants so thatmakes him also so retarded.
Question 1: How does wearing underwear on the outside of your pants make you gay?
Question 2: If wearing underwear on the outside of your pants makes you a retard then does the word -thatmakes- make you a retard?
I believe so if you are going to flame at least use you spell checker, please.
I agree with Danny, I mean jeez, if you’re gonna talk smack about somebody do it right and spell check and make sure that when you do, that youre actually making sense while you do it. And what bad insults ” oo youre wearing your underwear outside your gay” thats just f***in stupid
made these up (I know they’re not that good)
Chuck Norris Knits Sweaters. By knits I mean kicks, and by sweaters I mean babies.
What’s the difference between Chuck Norris and a baby panda? Chuck norris breaks the blender.
~ACC
i killed the bastardyou fucking queers have no life.. get a fucking job
Chuck Norris doesn’t like it in the ass. The ass likes it in Chuck Norris.
when Chuck Norris made god he was just trying to make hes pennis
Chuck Norris doesn’t get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost!
Gosh, everybody stop bashing Chuck Norris jokes, if you’ve got a problem with them why are you even on this page anyway? Besides, if you have nothing better to do than cuss out people who make these jokes you could probably use a life too. *cough* “killed chuck norris” *cough*
Chuck can win a game of trivial pursuit without rolling the dice and without answering a single question. He just nods his head and strokes his beard.
When you say “no one is perfect” Chuck Norris takes as a personal insult.
Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know, except the definition of mercy.
Chuck Norris once fingered a 102 year old woman.
9 months later she had a baby.
This baby, though announced as a girl by the delivery doctors, still contained both a three foot dick and a full grown beard, as well as a tattoo which when read backwards in a mirror reads “Property of Chuck”.
To this day, doctors are still performing tests trying to figure out how this phenomenon occured. Whenever they think they have a break thruogh, it is said that Chuck merely grins. Though this cannot be confirmed because his grin his the only preemptive sign that one will recieve before being killed instantly by a flying roundhouse to the face.
“Knock Knock”
“Who’s there?”
“Chuck…”
“Chuck who?”
“Chuck Norris…”
“…Shit”
Chuck once raped the founder of Chucky Cheese because he claimed they copied the name of his sperm which is Chucky’s Cheese.
Chuck Norris is a kind, loving man who respects women and whose goal in life is to one day gain world peice. In his spare time he gives to the poor and feeds the homeless. There is no one more gentle than him. He is a true softy in all respects exept for this rugged appearance which is enhanced by his thick facial hair which they say comes from his diet of eating newborn babies exclusively. We all owe him a debt of gratitdue.
a priest, a rabbi, and a revernd walk into a bar. chuck norris roundhouse kicks them all.
They can’t find Jimmy Hoffa, reason is … Chuck Norris ate him.
chuck norris once roundhouse kicked a mcdonalds and
turned it into a taco bell
Donald Trump doesn’t fire Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris fires Donald Trump.
Chuck Norris is never late, time simply slows down for him.
Holy crap I just laughed my ass off, i can’t believe i just read all of these chuck fucking norris.
Chuck norris won American Idol then decided it was to gay and gave it to Clay Aiken
Sure, the joke was funny, but the one thing I can’t get past is the fact that “pizza” was spelled WRONG in the first joke. ARGHHHHHH!!!
Black
Chuck Norris has never been in a movie where he dies. His secret: Ask the dead directors
Chuck Norris once had sex with every nun in a covenant deep in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later they gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated, untied team in football history.
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ALL OF IT!
When Chuck Norris yells at the telivision during a football game the players listen.
Chuck Norris doesn’t tea bag a woman, he glad bags them.
Every time chuck norris rings a bell a woman has an orgasm
some people die when they see chucks fist
When chuck norris goes hunting he is only chanlleged by hunting himself.
the 30 funniest Chuck Norris jokes ever
1.) Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2.) Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
3.) There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
4.) Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
5.) If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
6.) If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
7.) Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.
8.) Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
9.) Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.
10.) Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
11.) Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father.
12.) Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of the word.
13.) Most people put their pants on one leg at a time, Chuck Norris does both legs at once.
14.) Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
15.) Chuck Norris puts the “laughter†back in “manslaughterâ€.
16.) NEVER QUESTION CHUCK NORRIS!!!!
17.) Chuck Norris can divide by zero!!
18.) Chuck Norris counted to infinty…two times.
19.) If you look up pain in the dictionary there’s a picture of Chuck Norris.
20.) You live by the sword, you die by the sword.
You live by Chuck Norris, you die by a roundhouse kick.
21.) It ain’t over til Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the fat lady.
22.) Chuck Norris has defeated the sun and moon in a staring contest.
23.) Chuck Norris can walk on water because the water is scared of Chuck Norris.
24.) There was once a spotted horse that pissed off Chuck Norris, and got a round house kick to the face. We now know this animal as a giraffe.
25.) There were three men walking on a beach. While they were walking they found a genie lamp buried in the sand. They picked it up and rubbed it, producing a very disgruntled genie. The Genie looked at the three men and Told them that since he was eager to get back to his slumber he would only give each of them one wish.
The First man said, “I wish to be the wealthiest man in the world.â€
*Poof* Suddenly a great golden mansion sprung up from the sand filled with jewels and gold. The First man went inside and was happy.
The Second man said, “I wish I had all the most beautiful women in the world in love with me.
*Poof* A thousand hotties from every race and age were suddenly groveling at his feet, beggin him to love them. He took them to the other side of the beach and was happy.
The Third man said, “I wish I was the strongest and smartest, and most handsome man in the world.â€
*Poof* He turned into Chuck Norris and stole the other two guys’ Mansion, riches and girls and roundhouse kicked them both in the face! HA!
26.) Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were all at the gates of heaven, for the selection to be god’s right hand man. First god asked Arnold why he should be his right hand man. “well, I believe that since I have made so many movies, and am the governator of California, I think that I should be your right hand man,†he replied.
Next god asked Vin Diesel why he should be his right hand man. “well, I believe that since I have made movies and accomplished a lot throughout my life, I should be your right hand man.†he replied.
Lastly, god asked Chuck Norris why he should be his right hand man. Chuck Norris replied, “I believe, that you are sitting in my seat.â€
27.) Chuck Norris eats cookie dough and poops out cookies.
28.) Chuck Norris wipes with 40-grit sandpaper.
29.) Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
30.) How many Chuck Norris’ does it take to change a light bulb? None, he just stares it down until it changes itself.
i don’t really know a whole lot about this chuck norris. Could someone maybe tell me who he is?
　　　　　　　　　　@LOVESLAVE@
　　　　　　　R18　PERMISSION　ONLY
　　　　　　　　　やãŠã„。。。BxBæ„›
Everytime Chuck Norris inhales, roughly 6 million people die.
There was no Holocaust, only Chuck Norris inhaling.
Osama Bin Laden is hiding from Chuck Norris, not the United States’ Military.
Question: why will chuck norris never die?
Answer: for one he is chuck norris second the devil is scared of him.
the government found four weapons of mass destruction—chuck norris’s arms and legs
chuck norris was walking one day when he noticed his shadow following him. He asked it what it was doing and when it didn’t reply he roundhouse kicked it…
YOUR MOTHER BROUGHT YOU INTO THIS WORLD AND CHUSK NORRIS WILL TAKE YOU OUT OF IT!!!!!!
the reason crapboy didn’t use his real name is because Chuck Norris would find out where he lived,steal him from his house, and kill him just by reading it.
Chuck Norris once visited the virgin islands. They are now called the islands.
3/4 Doctors say that Chuck Norris cannot perform open heart sugery. 75% of doctors die during their sleep.
As a Texan, I do my best to emmulate and dress like Chuck Norris…then I realized that this was blasphemy and was swiftly roundhouse kicked in the face.
Chuck Norris Trumps Gravity
Chuck Norris once downed a bottle of sleeping pills…He blinked
If Chuck Norris stood on your chest you would instantly turn into grass.
Chuck Norris has taken every drug known to man, at the same time, and then roundhouse kicked the addiction before it even started.
Chuck Norris can live at -30,000 degrees Farenheit, and he doesn’t need fire to cook.
Chuck Norris snaped his fingers and the sun was created.
Chuck Norris looked a dinosaur in the eye once…..Only once!!
If you were to crawl through Chuck Norris’s ass, you would end up in Middle Earth.
When four thousand ninjas challenged Chuck Norris to a fight, he decided it wouldn’t be fair, so he tore off all his arms and legs, and then roundhouse kicked them all in the face, then sowed his limbs back on using a railroad spike and barbed wire.
Chuck Norris is a red head, his pubic hair holds up the Golden Gate Bridge.
Chuck Norris eats rocks, and shits lightning bolts.
On the seventh day god rested, then Chuck Norris took over.
Here is a list of Chuck Norris’ food groups:
Wiskey
Chuck Norris is the only person who can talk about Fight Club.
Chuck Norris is a faggot.
When Chuck Norris watches a movie, the movie watches Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris shit’s, he shit’s brick’s of Gold.
the city of new york is currently located on chuck norris’s bicept
once, a noble man asked chuck norris for his autogragh, upon hearing this, chuck roundhouse kicked him in the face and said, “there you go”,”if your still alive, you’ll be the only surviver to have chuck’s autograph”
chuck norris is heard to have been born with 3 penis’s and he could keep the shortest one. chuck norris’s penis is currrntly 26 feet long
chuck norris shits mountains
chuck norris could beat up jesus.
chuck norris knows of 563 ways to kill someone using only the hair from his left testicle.
the grand canyon is actually chuck norris’ asscrack.
when chuck was young lad, his concious told him that he might be gay. chuck proceeded to roundhouse kick his concious into submission. when his concious came to, it no longer wanted to be gay.
CHUCK NORRIS RECENTLY WENT HUNTING WITH DICK CHAINEY. DICK CHAINEY SHOT CHUCK IN THE LEG WITH A SHOT GUN. CHUCK NORRIS ROUND HOUSE KICKED HIM AND SAID “NO ONE TICKLES CHUCK NORRIS”
um… chuck norris is my dad{and probaly your dad too} so don’t talk shit. but if you don’t get that chuck jokes are supposed to be lame than you take life to seriosly and you should appear in a lifetime movie with Chuck so he can beat your ass.
I made these up so enjoy!!!
Chuck norris once got into a fight with 10,000 ninjas and blacked out, when he came to he was the only person left on the planet!
I once got into a fight with chuck norris, the only reason he didnt kill me is because…..oh shit he did kill me!!!
Chuck norris almost tripped on a rock, roundhouse kicked the ground and struck oil.
When chuck norris sweats he over flows the oceans.
Chuck norris ate breakfast once, and shit out a cow, a chicken, and a field of wheat!
When the grim reaper took the soul of jesus,chuck norris roundhouse kicked him and made him put it back!
Not the trinity but the holy quad…the father the son the holy gost, and chuck norris, who split that mutha sucka into three!!!
The entire movie “Anaconda” was filmed inside Chuck Norris’ pants
When Chuck Norris falls down, the ground moves away… =DDD
Chuck Norris is the fucking bomb.
Chuck Norris is off the fucking chain.
Chuck Norris broke the fucking chain.
The Titanic didn’t hit an iceburg it hit Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris was asked to star in broke back mountain they had to rename the movie Chuck fucks and it was about Chuck fuking women.
THE GUY WHO KEEPS SAYING PENIS FOR 2 PAGES MAY HAVE A BIGGER INTERNET “COCK” BUT A NEWBORN BABY GIRL HAS A BIGGER “COCK” THAN THAT LITTLE PUSSY.
These are new and not copied jokes!
Chuck Norris wiped off the “Big Bang” as a case of gas.
All newborn babies are tought fear by looking at a picture of Chuck Norris.
In the future all convicts will be executed by Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking them in the face.
Chuck Norris’ mom lost her verginity to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’ idea of execising is punching babies in a hospital.
Chuck Norris can drink raw eggs and shit out baby chickens.
Chuck Norris i not human, he’s Chuck Norris..
Chuck Norris dosent have heart, he prefered an ekstra fist instead.
Here’s 1
Atlas Doesnt Hold the world up, Chuck Norris does. He roundhouse kicked atlas so far, we call that S.O.B Pluto
chuck norris doesn,t rescue the cat from the tree he just orders it 2 come down
chuck norris dosent breathe he just holds air hostage.
chuck norris deserves more than this, so does the woman he was with last night
chuck norris walked into a bar and asked if the bar tender had any grapes he said no and chuck left the bar. later chuck came back and asked the bar tender if he had any grapes the bar tender said no so chuck left again. then chuck came back and asked if they had grapes the bar tender said “if you ask me again im going to hammer your lips to a table” so chuck left. later he came back and asked the bar tender if he had a hammer the bar tender said “no” so chuck said got any grapes. hahahahahahahaha
scientists think the “Big Bang Theory” happened when gases exploded. But evry1 really knows that all that happened is chuck sneezed
chuck norris had a dream that he died. when he opened his eyes he was chained to a fat,hairy’ugly’20 foot woman then satan appeared in front of him and chuck asked why am i chained to this freak lady and satan said “chuck you have to pay for your sins.chuck looks over and says why does george bush get chained to carmen electra and satan says “well carmen has to pay for her sins.hahahahahahahahahahahahahahanskjfgsjgg;ojdofigjsdjjo;iszjdalkdchiknjhcbilawhdblkjsdfool
chuck norris’ sperm is so strong that he fertilized himself
the t-rex in jurassic park wasent animation it was chuck norris in a costume
superman has a secret identity of clark kent, clark kent has a secret identity of chuck norris
chuck norris looked at him self in the mirror and his reflection screamed and ran away.
how much wood could a wood chuck ckuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? chuck norris does but wut the heck evry1 knows chuck chucks more
slim shady couldnt stand up because chuck norris broke his legs.
chuck norris asked what he hasn’t roundhouse kicked, a little boy said me and chuck roundhouse kicked him
poopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopthats what chuck saidpoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopopoopoopoopoppoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopooopoooppooopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopoopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopoopoopoopoopopopopopopoopoopoopoopopopopopopopopopopopopopopoif you still reading this your a loser
Sticks and stones may break my bones but a stare from chuck Norris will liqufy your kidneys…
Chuck Norris doesnt eat Lucky Charms he eats leprechauns.
Chuck Norris is so bad he makes Almond Joy sad.
Chuck Norris fucks Care Bears.
Bra P Says:
I would not be cocky about your country If I were you…….I heard Chuck is teaming up with Osama Bin Laden……and the plan is simple…….If they found that you voted for George Bush or anyone (who voted for Bush) for that matter……you will suck their dicks for eternity……..Glad I am not AMERICAN
****
ASS WIPE, may the Norris deliver a walker: Texas ranger sized spin kick to you and your wish you where American ass.
Chuck Norris went to Burger King and ordered a Big Mac and got one
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer
Chuck Norris can ride a motorbike backwards.
What do you get when you cross chuck norris with a baby chicken? A roundhouse kick to the face, never cross chuck norris.
Chuck Norris sleep with a nightligh because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris is not a Vampire, he only drinks blood because sometimes its fun to play dress up
Chuck Norris is not a man, but a roundhouse kick machine from the year 2057
God Said “And it was good” and Chuck Norris said, “Eh, you did an ok job, but will you shut the fuck up already, im trying to sleep, dont make me put you back in your cage!”
How were giraffes created?
Chuck norris upper kicked a horse.
Theres no suck thing as wind, its jest chuck norris exhaling!
Chuck Norris doesn’t have hair on his balls, not because he hasn’t gone through puberty but because hair doesn’t grow on steel
There is no such thing as hurricanes, Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks!
stop talking about me
chuck noris runs around the world so fast he hits him self in the back
I got roundhoused dicked in the ass!
The ninja turtles r a true story, once chuk norris eat a turtle and when he crap,it came out with a size of 20 ft tall and knowing karate.
When Chuck Norris sneezes he doesn’t say “achoo” he says “DIE EVERYONE” and thats what happens next.
Chuck Norris doesn’t use condoms, there is no protection against Chuck Norris.
Einstein’s original theory of relativity was that if Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you, your relatives will feel it.
Chuck Norris can believe it’s not butter.
Chuck Norris isn’t Irish, his hair is just stained with the blood of his victims.
Chuck Norris’s real name is Carlos Ray, but he roundhouse kick everyone who calls him that and the ones who call him Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
Chuck Norris once asked this one dude, “What do u prefer a roundhouse kick or death” that person said “A roundhouse kick”
He should’ve said death.
Chuck Norris killed himself just so he could come back to life to say “See, even I can’t stop the destruction of Earth.”
Chuck Norris was asked to play the Terminator instead of Arnie but then the producers reliease it would just turn into a doucmentary instead of a movie
chuck norris is fucking awesome
chuck norris can pop a wheelie on a unicycle
the fastest way to a mans heart is with chuck norris’s fist
Only one thing beats the trump card, and that’s the Norris card.
God may know best… but Chuck Norris knows even better.
Behind Chuck Norris’ beard, there is no chin… only another fist.
Arnold Scharznegger once ripped off chuck norris’s head….second later he woke up and had blood force head trauma.
IF CHUCK IS SO HARD WHY HAS HE GOT A CHICKENS NAME? AND HOW DID BRUCE LEE KICK THE SHIT OUT OF HIM? THE LIGHT WASNT PUSHED! IT WAS THAT BRUCE LEE GOT SO MAD THE LIGHT DECIDED TO COMMIT SUICIDE.BRUCE LEE TOOK CHUCKS BEARD AND ATE IT IN BIRDSNEST SOUP! HE THEN RAPED CHUCKS ASS AND CHUCK THANKED HIM AFTERWARDS AND ASKED FOR HIS PHONE NUMBER! CHUCKS HEART ONCE STOPPED AND BRUCE LEE STARTED IT BY BLINKING NEAR HIM! BRUCE LEES NOT DEAD HES JUST WAITING FOR CHUCK TO FUCK UP SO HE CAN COME BACK AND TEACH HIM HOW TO ROUND HOUSE! YOU GEEKS GOTTA GET A LIFE! BUY MINE NOW ON E-BAY £10 STERLING NO FUCKING OFFERS. ADIOS GEEKS
Chuck Norris Can See Sound Better Than He Can Hear Light.
Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kicked Time In The Face.
Cuck Norris Answers All Questions With A Roundhouse Kick.
Chuck Norris Beat A Mirror In A Staring Contest.
Chuck Norris Pisses Bullets And Shits Guns.
Chuck Norris Punched A Ghost Once.
Five Birds Sat On A Wall, One Was Shot How Many Survived, None, They Suffocated Because The Air Ran Away From Chuck Norris(Who Later Caught It And Beat The Shit Out Of It)
When Chuck Norris Collided With A Train He Didn’t Get Run Over The Train Got Chuck Norris’d
God Gave Chuck Norris One Wish Which He Used For Ultimate Roundhouse Kick Ability.He Then Roundhouse Kicked God And Took Control Of Existence.god whos is everything,should have saw it coming and apoligized to chuck for being stupid,Chuck Norris Replied ,Keep Talkin and you wont be seeing anything nigger
I WAS TEACHING CHUCK HOW TO EAT NAILS THE OTHER DAY AND HE WAS UPSET WHEN I SHOWED HIM THIS SITE.SO PLEASE KNOCK IT OFF AND THE REFERENCES TO GOD BECAUSE THEY ARE BLASTPHEMOUS. THANKS TO ALL WHO ADHERE TO THIS FOR THE LORD SHALL LIGHT YOUR WAY.
I trained Chuck Norris. He is my bitch.
God didn’t create Chuck Norris.Chuck Norris created God
Chuck Norris beat The Internet, and he got the high score.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is actually based on a true story… once chuck norris ate a live turtle, when he crapped it out it was five feet tall and knew karate.
Once a lobster got hold of Chuck Norris right testicle. Shortly after it was proven lobsters do not stand roundhouse kicks to the face very well.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a salmon, just because he felt like it. Its descendants are known today as stingrays.
Once Chuck Norris’ wife forgot to make dinner. He promptly roundhouse kicked her in the stomach. Instantly she gave birth to two little girls, which were eaten by Chuck in return.
Chuck Norris has the ability to install world peace. He just doesn’t feel like it.
Bradly and Ryan… Chuck Norris is gunna come out a corner one day and beat the holy living shit out of you two so bad by the time the fight is finished, bradly will be straight and ryan will be skinny. He’s gunna roundhouse kick Ryan in the face and then call him a bitch…and Bradly… Chuck is gunna come and roundhouse kick you in the balls and then feed you to your mom…
On the set of Walker Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris didn’t forget his lines he just roundhoused characters in the face!
Al Gore did not create the internet. Chuck Norris did. When Chuck Norris heard Al Gore say he created the internet, He roundhouse kickd Gore in the face.
chuck norris can be a pimp and a prostitute too.
if chuck norris is late…time better slow the fuck down!
Chuck Norris was born in a cabin in the wood that he built himself
i am not amused…
Chuck norris’ Tears cure cancer. too bad he never cries!
What do you get when you cross Chuck Norris with a pair of boots. Answer, A round house kick to the face, because nobody crosses Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is so Bad Ass He Ate A Dirty Diaper and Shat Out a Gold Brick
Aliens Don’t Abduct Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris Abducts Aliens
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch.. He decides the time!
Deuteronomy 10:14
“..And then the LORD descended from the heavens, and spake towards the people of Jerusalem, saying, “Yea, speak ye not the name of Chuck Norris, for He is fucking G-d, bitches.”
i wish i was chuck norris…
Someone who survived a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick wanted to get revenge on Chuck so he resurrected Bruce Lee and told him to kill him. Bruce Lee stared at the guy and said “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING!? WHAT YOU SAW IN THE MOVIES IS CALLED ACTING!!” he then roundhouse kicked the guy in the face and said “DONT FUCK WITH CHUCK!!” Chuck was so pleased with Bruce Lee that he decided not to give him a roundhouse kick to the face and smiled. Bruce Lee died again in shocked after seeing Chuck Norris smile.
When little kids drink koolaid the Koolaid Jar man busts from the wall. When you drink redbull, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you in the face because that is his urine.
Chuck Norris’ dick is so long that he doesn’t need to see your wife to have sex with her from thounsands of yards away.
J.K. Rowling (author of harry potter) wrote a book 8 of the harry potter series called Harry Potter and the deadly Chuck Norris but it never published….
-Chuck Norris’ main food group is Whiskey.
-Chuck Norris once picked up a wild boar with his mind and digested it telekinetically and he wasn’t even hungry.
-Chuck Norris wears a ring with a picture of a unicorn that has an erection. If I was on Chuck Norris’ ring, I’d have an erection too.
-For Halloween the devil dresses up like Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris eats rocks and shits lightning bolts.
-For Breakfast, Chuck Norris eats intercepted kids letters to Santa
-One Time, Chuck Norris watched someone that had committed treason be put to death. Chuck Norris then killed himself, went to hell, roundhouse kicked him, and revived himself while wearing the man’s face as a loin cloth.
chuck norris is going to roundhouse kick all you mother fuckers
this is a comment from BITCHBLACK
when chuck norris was born the doctor didnt slap him because chuck norris had already round house kicked him 2 the face
chuck norris doesnt know what rape is cuz he has never heard no
George Bush didnt start the war in Iraq, Chuck Norris started the war in Iraq.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked tne Berlin Wall.
Violence isn’t the answer, Chuck Norris is the answer.
People are afraid of the boogyman but the boogyman is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris roundhoused kicked pluto out of the solar system and brought it back.
Its not that chuck norris can see ghost, ghost can see chuck norris.
Every home security system should come with chuck norris.
Commets didnt kill dinosaurs chuck norris did.
theres some really funny shit on here and if any of you say otherwise well fuck you your a retard because chuck is going to come after you.
chuck noris will make the hole world have nukliur fallout if no one believes in his religon of round house kicks to the face.
chuck norris dosent confess his sins 2 the pope, the pope confesses 2 chuck. And besides the point evry one knoes that chuck norris is a sinless being!
Hitler did not commit suicide he simply got round housed kicked in the face by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris defies Quantum mechanics.
The big bang started when Chuck Norris punched the space-time continuum.
Chuck Norris wrote his own secrete auto-biography and called it the Bible.
When Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks light he turns it into mass.
In Return of the Dragon, Bruce Lee won against Chuck Norris, (remember folks its acting), but Bruce broke his hand on Chucks chest hair.
chuck norris doesnt teabag people he potato sacks them
chuck norris does not go hunting
cause the word hunting means the a chance
of failure.
chuck norris goes killing
When one door closes, another door opens. And behind THAT door is Chuck Norris.
chuck norris once ate a taco and took a shit now we know that shit as mexico
Albert Einstein once tried to explain te E=mc2(energy=mass*speed of light2) theory to Chuck Norris. Norris told him he already knows by showing him his roundhouse kick.
every time chuck norris pissis he clogs the toilet
chuck norris can eat a rubiks cube and shits it out solved
On parents day, Chuck Norris’ kids got arrested for bringing a lethal weapon to school.
Chuck Noorris doens need to shit… people shit form him.
Who does Chuck norris hate most?… Fat people busause when he round house kick’s them they dont go as far!
The only reason Osama Bin Lauden is still alive is that no one is brave enough to be the one who breaks the news of 9/11 to Chuck Norris.
PENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENisPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENisPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENisPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENis
When Chuck Norris farts people…. people listen
Jesus might walk on water, but Chuck Norris walks on Jesus.
Chuck Norris went to waffle house and got pancakes. Chuck Norris dosent need cable he has a box where 3 midgets act out walker Texas ranger scenes but never get it quite right so he has sex with them and when he cums it shoots them off in the air where he roundhouses them
When you can see chuck norris chuck norris can see you… when you can’t see chuck norris you are about to get roundhouse kicked in the face
Chuck Norris doesn’t use toilet paper, he scares the shit out of even himself!!!!
seriously yall. chuck norris is a good actor but thats it hes and actor. hes not this bullshit billy bad ass yall making him out to be, and im a bit confused why or even how yall came up with so retarded lame ass jokes for the man.
seriously yall. chuck norris is a good actor but thats it hes and actor. hes not this bullshit billy bad ass yall making him out to be, and im a bit confused why or even how yall came up with so retarded lame ass jokes for the man. i think its time for a life yall
when chuck norris goes to sleep at night he checks under his bed for bruce lee. bruce lee is invinsible. bruce lee pees on steel.
Chuck Noriss’ mom died at childbirth from a roundhouse kick to the head… that’s why he was raised by wolves.
Pingback: the best chuck norris jokes
The atom bomb isn’t real.. It’s just Chuck falling out a plane and punching the ground..
it should be jumped out of a plane instead.
why whould chuck fall out of a plane
if you play monapaly aganst chuck norris and he lands on your property you owe him money
Chuck Norris got into a staring contest with himself… the epic battle continues to this day
When you pay taxes, you’re actually buying your life from Chuck Norris
Death visited Chuck Norris to settle his debt
Chuck Norris once kicked a 165 lb guy so hard he ballooned to 600 lbs
Chuck Norris kicked smoking..litterally
Chuck Norris plays kick ball with bowling balls
Chuck Norris bowls a stike by simply staring at the pin
When God said “let there be light” Chuck Norris moved his hand
Chuck Norris can eat a bowl of hot soup with his bare hand
Chuck Norris buys his beard birthday cards
Chuck Norris slaps people with his eyes
Chuck Norris moved the earth 4 feet by bungee jumping
Even Chuck Norris’s shit has a matching beard to compliment its creator
Chuck Norris opened a restarant and his special was a
1-2 combo of a bowl of fears with a side of a kick to the face
Chuck Norris witnessed his own child birth
At a Chuck Norris crime scene, there are no witnesses just scared survivors
Even Chuck Norris is scared of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once stared at a picture for so long it engoulphed into flames
Chuck Norris feeds his beard kittens and tiny birds
When Chuck Norris dies, he insists on going to hell to kill everybody he sent down there again
Chuck Norris gave cats 9 lives so he can kill them 8 times
All of Chuck Norris’s action movies are his personal workout videos
Chuck Norris kills people for knowing him
Chuck Norris affects the world population
Chuck Norris once kicked a tornado to another state
Chuck Norris can handle the Truth
Chuck Norris onced snapped his finger, and all of the dinosaures were extincted the next day
Chuck Norris cut off his own finger and 2 grew back the next day
Beauty is only skin deep because Chuck Norris punched you inside out
If you look at the back of a $20 bill, Chuck Norris is in the bushes staring at you
Chuck Norris buys some time by the pound
When Chuck Norris shaves his beard, he makes gloves. The state of Alaska thanks him
When it’s known that Chuck Norris is on a killng spree, a night curfue is enforced
Chuck Norrisis is able to look both ways before crossing the street without moving his head
Cars look ways before crossing Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris got a suntan simply by staring onto the mirror
Chuck Norris likes the color green… you should like the same
There’s only one way to survive Chuck Norris… when you find the way, let me know
During his downtime, Chuck Norris only hurts people
Superman has 2 weaknesses, cryptonite and an episode of Walker Texas Ranger
Chuck Norris can’t play a villian because good will never win
Chuck Norris makes donations to the morgue
Chuck Norris once pet a cat and it barked
Chuck Norris never leaves home without 3 things: all the seasons to Walker Texas Ranger, his cold stare and a 10pk of body bags
Chuck Norris doesnt watch movies, he stares at them
Comedy Central hosted a Chuck Norris roast, too bad there were no survivers
Chuck Norris goes to funerals for the laughs
The emergancy room arent as packed when Chuck Norris goes on vacation
Thanks to Chuck Norris, humans have moved up on the endangered species list
Chuck took a sleeping pill and blinked once
Chuck Norris ate a pizza and shitted out a scared Italian man
Blind people are greatful the cant see themselves die by the hands of Chuck Norris
A solar eclipse only happens when Chuck Norris stares at the sun
Chuck Norris got into a staring contest with himself… the epic battle continues to this day
When you pay taxes, you’re actually buying your life from Chuck Norris
Death visited Chuck Norris to settle his debt
Chuck Norris once kicked a 165 lb guy so hard he ballooned to 600 lbs
Chuck Norris kicked smoking..litterally
Chuck Norris plays kick ball with bowling balls
Chuck Norris bowls a stike by simply staring at the pin
When God said “let there be light” Chuck Norris moved his hand
Chuck Norris can eat a bowl of hot soup with his bare hand
Chuck Norris buys his beard birthday cards
Chuck Norris slaps people with his eyes
Chuck Norris moved the earth 4 feet by bungee jumping
Even Chuck Norris’s shit has a matching beard to compliment its creator
Chuck Norris opened a restarant and his special was a
1-2 combo of a bowl of fears with a side of a kick to the face
Chuck Norris witnessed his own child birth
At a Chuck Norris crime scene, there are no witnesses just scared survivors
Even Chuck Norris is scared of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once stared at a picture for so long it engoulphed into flames
Chuck Norris feeds his beard kittens and tiny birds
When Chuck Norris dies, he insists on going to hell to kill everybody he sent down there again
Chuck Norris gave cats 9 lives so he can kill them 8 times
All of Chuck Norris’s action movies are his personal workout videos
Chuck Norris kills people for knowing him
Chuck Norris affects the world population
Chuck Norris once kicked a tornado to another state
Chuck Norris can handle the Truth
Chuck Norris onced snapped his finger, and all of the dinosaures were extincted the next day
Chuck Norris cut off his own finger and 2 grew back the next day
Beauty is only skin deep because Chuck Norris punched you inside out
If you look at the back of a $20 bill, Chuck Norris is in the bushes staring at you
Chuck Norris buys some time by the pound
When Chuck Norris shaves his beard, he makes gloves. The state of Alaska thanks him
When it’s known that Chuck Norris is on a killng spree, a night curfue is enforced
Chuck Norrisis is able to look both ways before crossing the street without moving his head
Cars look ways before crossing Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris got a suntan simply by staring onto the mirror
Chuck Norris likes the color green… you should like the same
There’s only one way to survive Chuck Norris… when you find the way, let me know
During his downtime, Chuck Norris only hurts people
Superman has 2 weaknesses, cryptonite and an episode of Walker Texas Ranger
Chuck Norris can’t play a villian because good will never win
Chuck Norris makes donations to the morgue
Chuck Norris once pet a cat and it barked
Chuck Norris never leaves home without 3 things: all the seasons to Walker Texas Ranger, his cold stare and a 10pk of body bags
Chuck Norris doesnt watch movies, he stares at them
Comedy Central hosted a Chuck Norris roast, too bad there were no survivers
Chuck Norris goes to funerals for the laughs
The emergancy room arent as packed when Chuck Norris goes on vacation
Thanks to Chuck Norris, humans have moved up on the endangered species list
Chuck took a sleeping pill and blinked once
Chuck Norris ate a pizza and shitted out a scared Italian man
Blind people are greatful the cant see themselves die by the hands of Chuck Norris
A solar eclipse only happens when Chuck Norris stares at the sun
I traveled home this past weekend to celebrate Christmas with my family. While we were eating dinner, someone mentioned Chuck Norris. To my amazement, my family had never heard Chuck Norris Jokes before. I went to this Chuck Norris Jokes website and read about half of the top 100 jokes there. I’ve never seen them laugh so hard! Good times… good times…
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hahaha i got a good 1 when chuck norris wakes up and goes outside the son hides and the moon turns his face and when hes in his house the moon hides and the son turns arround because the dark and light are affraid of chuck and they take turns hiding
Thats terrible!