Duckshit
Funny Jokes and Dirty Jokes
Chuck Joke Norris
Posted on 03.21.06 8:19PM under Chuck Norris Jokes
The Devil went down to Georgia not because he was looking for a soul to steal.. Chuck Norris took over hell for two weeks and told the Devil to get the fuck out.
Chuck Norris is the reason that God rested on the seventh day.
Three simple rules of survival:
1. Don’t take the name of Chuck in vain
2. When in the presence of Chuck, avert your eyes, lest you recieve a roundhouse kick to the face
3. When camping, bring toilet paper
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There Is No Such Thing As A Lesbian, There Are Just Girls Who Haven’t Met Chuck Norris
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Chuck Norris doesn’t eat nails for breakfast, he eats rail road spikes.
This just in:
“Alexandria the prophet” was currently found in Japan, where she apparantly landed after a good round house kick to the face by god…I mean Chuck Norris.
——
Someone once asked Chuck Norris “How much wood, could a wood chuck chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck wood?” uppon completing of the sentance Chuck Norris just smiled. Two seconds later Chuck resorected Bruce Lee and he proceeded to roud house kick the person to death for taking the name of Chuck in vein.
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chuck norris enventd a time machine and went back to just before j.f.k. was shot, he jumped in front of the bullets and shattered them all with his beard. j.f.k. died out of pure amazement.
——
Superman only has two weeknesses. Kryptonite and a round house kick from Chuck Norris.
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Posted by Muther_Hubbard on 03.22.06 10:29 am
They once tried to turn Walker Texas Ranger into a movie, unfortunately every time they filmed a fight scene there were mass casualties due to the power of Chuck Norris’s roundhouse kick. Word soon got around about the problems on set and the film was never finished as they could find no actors brave or strong enough to withstand a Roundhouse kick from Chuck. The director of Walker Texas Ranger the Movie suggested Chuck Norris leave his roundhouse kick out of any fight scene for the safety of his fellow actors. The director died approximately 30 seconds after his suggestion – cause of death, multiple roundhouse kicks to the face.
Only one person has ever survived a round house kick from Chuck Norris, his name…..Chuck Norris
The secret to eternal life is Chuck Norris
Spaceships don’t use nuclear fuel, turbo boosters or rocket power to get to the moon. Instead Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks them up there
A man once asked Chuck Norris if he was having a nice day, Chuck Norris replied that the day was in fact having a nice Chuck Norris, he then roundhouse kicked the man in the face for daring to ask Chuck a question.
Only one known natural substance can withstand the power of Chuck Norris’s roundhouse kick….. it’s name….Chuck Norris’s beard.
Posted by ALEX on 03.22.06 9:19 pm
CHUCK NORRIS CAN ROUNDHOUSE KISS MY ASS!!! HE SUCKS SHIT
Posted by BEAD on 03.23.06 12:58 pm
Chuck Norris once ate a hamburger and he pooped out a cow.
Posted by Chuck's_ememy on 03.23.06 2:24 pm
Evolution isn’t real, its a list of animals that Chuck Norris lets live!
Chuck Norris can win a game of conect 4 in 3 goes!
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer!
Posted by DP44 on 03.26.06 1:30 am
Cars don’t run into other cars, they run into Chuck Norris.
Posted by Chuck Norris on 03.30.06 9:18 am
Thanks for all the attention and publicity. I knew that my roundhouse kicks and brutal punishment would leave an everlasting mark on every one of you. Make sure to vote for me in the next election. Chuck Norris for President of the WORLD!
Kiss my ass Superman!
Posted by Evan on 03.31.06 10:31 pm
Chuck Norris joined the justice leauge just so he would have some competition
Posted by Joel on 04.01.06 4:41 pm
chuck norris is so scary the boogie man has to check his closet to make sure chuck is not there
chuck norris is the only man alive who has slamed a ravolving door
chuck norris’s tears are a cure for cancer… to bad he never cried
when god said “let there be light” chuck norris said “say please”
people dont kill people, chuck norris kills people
Posted by gosh on 04.02.06 10:57 am
chuck norris only masturbates to pictures of chuck norris
Posted by kelsi on 04.02.06 11:15 am
chuck norris sucks and i hate his beard what a loser, when you have a red beard, you know that something is wrong with you!!!!
Posted by ryan mosch on 04.02.06 12:28 pm
chuck norris
Posted by mdloud on 04.02.06 1:05 pm
FICK THAT TRICK >>>>>> THAT GOD HATEN SUN OF A BITCH
Posted by mdloud on 04.02.06 1:06 pm
sryy…
Posted by Amanda on 04.02.06 10:42 pm
Chuck Norris can believe it’s not butter.
No one can make Chuck Norris smile with just a dallop of daisy.
Posted by chucked yo mama on 04.02.06 10:58 pm
chuck norris once ate a piece of wood and shit out fire.
Posted by Muther_Hubbard on 04.05.06 5:04 am
Chuck Norris puts Viagra in his eyes so he can look hard
When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger
Chuck Norris can speak Braille
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands….. they are now just known as Islands
Chuck Norris’ sperm can penetrate 13 condoms, the birth control pill, a brick wall, and the 1975 Pittsburgh Steelers offensive line in order to impregnate a woman.
Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, “I believe… I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride.” Arnie says, “I believe… that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements.” God then turns to Chuck Norris, who replies with, “I believe… you are sitting in my seat.”
Posted by bizz on 04.06.06 1:47 pm
before chuck norris, there was only one political party. then chuck norris karate chopped it in two to form democrats and republicans. chuck norris likes conflict.
Posted by Kurozetsumei on 04.07.06 6:47 pm
Chuck Norris reads the ending of Harry Potter to kids who buy them. when they srat to cry, Chuck Norris says “I’ll give YOU something to cry about,” and he roundhouse kicks them in the face.
Posted by Napper85 on 04.10.06 1:46 am
HA HA HA HA! Muther Hubbard’s were the Best..
Posted by b-man on 04.10.06 2:04 am
chuck norris can give a women an orgasm just by saying BOO-YA.
Posted by An Arkkist on 04.10.06 5:17 pm
When george orwell wrote 1984, he left out one important detail: Big Brother is in fact chuck Norris.
DNA tests condcted on chuck norris indicate that he is, in fact, the father of mother nature. He doesnt pay child support because no body will tell him that he needs to pay it due to the fear of a roundhouse kick to the face.
Posted by andrew on 04.10.06 9:34 pm
Chuch Norris Once walked into a resturant to order a delicous hamburger. The Waiter told chuck norris that they didnt have any more patties and told him to order something else…Chuck Norris roundhouse kick him, but missed so the blast of wind out of the roundhouse hit the waiter leaving him with a broken nose and collar bone.
Posted by andrew on 04.10.06 9:35 pm
Chuck norris once roundhouse kicked God so hard that he had a kid named Jesus.
Posted by Rosealie on 04.11.06 8:17 pm
Andrew’s was by far the best. Chuck norris is my hero. Kiss my ass super man.
Posted by me on 04.11.06 10:48 pm
there are no weapons of mass destruction in iraq…… chuck norris lives in alabama
just so u know i dont know where chuck norris ives im just saying alabama cuz it fits
Posted by john on 04.13.06 8:29 pm
chuck norris doesnt have to cut his graas he dares his grass to grow
Posted by david messer on 04.16.06 4:38 pm
chuck norris does know a wrong way to eat a resses
Posted by BOB MARELY on 04.17.06 8:19 am
CHUCK NORRIS ONCE ROUNDHOUSE KICKED THE TURKEY AT THANKSGIVING SO HARD IT SHIT OUT ALL THE TRIMMINGS
Posted by carol on 04.17.06 5:49 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. wet gets him.
question: what kind of house does Chuck Norris live in?
answer: a Roundhouse
Posted by Some Kid on 04.18.06 12:25 pm
People say that someday Jesus will return to earth…. he’s been here for years disguised as Chuck Norris….
Posted by Kevin on 04.18.06 12:33 pm
People who left negative remarks ’bout Chuck are no longer with us do to an unexpected deadly roundhouse kick to the face
Posted by Kevin on 04.18.06 12:39 pm
Chuck Norris Syndrome: Increasing tightening of the jeans and the feeling of being repeatedly roundhouse kicked in the face through a car windshield.
Posted by mama terrisa on 04.18.06 7:15 pm
chuck norris doesnt cut his grass, his grass cuts itself in fear of being roundhouse kicked by chuck norris
chuck norris once ordered a big mac at burger king…he got it
chuch norris once sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and incredible martial arts skill,moments after the deal chuck roundhouse kicked the devil and stole his soul back,the devil who respects irony forgave chuck and wasn’t mad,now they play poker every second wednesday of the month
chuck norris wanted to prove that defeating cancer wasn’t a big deal,so he smoked 3 packs of cigarette’s for 2 years and aquiring 6 different kinds of cancer,he got rid of the cancer by flexing for 30 minutes…beat that lance armstrong
chuck norris once was training with wolverine when one of his testicles was chopped off,its now known as jupitar
chuck norris once hit a baseball it later killed the dinosaurs
chuck norris once kicked a rock…its now known as the moon
there’s only one hand that beats a royal flush…chuck norris’ hand
chuck norris has such a good poker face in 2003 he won the national poker championship with a nine of clubs,two of hearts,a king of diamonds,a number six green uno card, and a get out of jail free monoply card
when chuck norris has sex with a man its not because he’s gay, its because he’s run out of women
chuck norris once roundhouse kicked a horse…its decendints are later known as a giraffe
Posted by Chucketh on 04.18.06 9:35 pm
Chuck Norris shouldve played gandalf in LOTR
Posted by Rpaczy on 04.20.06 1:06 am
Chuck Norris’ penis is so large it’s the ambassador to china.
Chuck Norris’ penis is so large it arrives half an hour early
Chuck Norris once had an erection. We now know the consequence as the Grand Canyon.
Posted by CherriPyMan_21 on 04.20.06 4:40 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t defy gravity.Gravity obeys him.
Posted by Drk regime on 04.21.06 2:25 pm
Cuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch he say’s what time it is
There is no eveluition only animals Chuck Norris let live
In the beggining there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked that nothing and told it get a job
Posted by Alysha on 04.21.06 9:05 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t eat green olives, green olives eat Chuck Norris!
Posted by God on 04.21.06 11:24 pm
I did not create Chuck Norris…
Posted by Dan on 04.22.06 10:20 am
Beggers on the streets don’t ask Chuck Norris for money. They give it to him.
Posted by minicrossbow on 04.22.06 1:41 pm
chuck noris is not hun like a horse a horse is hung like chuck noris
it is said that chuck noris ate an entire 3 lb steak in an hour and within the first 45 minutes he was having sex with the waitress
chuck noris is the reason waldo hides
chuck noris’ roudhouse kick killed my dog not the car
Posted by minicrossbow on 04.22.06 1:42 pm
it is certain mine are the funniest! anyone agree?
Posted by poopoo paints on 04.22.06 10:05 pm
chuck norris can crush babies between his nipples
Posted by Beat that Lance Armstrong on 04.24.06 2:38 am
What Came first the chicken or the egg?…Answer, Chuck Norris
Posted by Whitey on 04.25.06 4:46 pm
chuck Norris can divide by 0
chuck norris went into mcdonalds and asked for a whopper… and he got one
Posted by Unknown on 04.25.06 10:18 pm
Chuck Norris is so great that he counted to infinity, twice
Posted by Chuck Norris on 04.26.06 10:15 pm
Who would win in a fight Between Van Damme and Stalone? Chuck Norris>
Posted by j on 04.26.06 10:38 pm
hugh hefner the owner of playboy magazine has boasted having sex with 20000 women over the years , chunknorris, calls that a slow tuesday
Posted by mackey on 04.26.06 11:08 pm
only one person cried at chuck norris’s birth….. it was the doctor…………………… never slap chuck norris.
Posted by crapboy on 04.28.06 5:57 am
ahh, you americans…….such a unique sense of humour…..I guess you have to be from the same lobotomised culture to appreciate it
Posted by Cyprus on 04.28.06 6:12 pm
In space no one can hear you scream but everyone can hear Norris roundhouse kick you in the face.
Posted by Jared B. on 04.28.06 10:02 pm
An iceburg didn’t sink the titanic, Chuck Norris did. While waiting for room service in a lower, outer room on the ship, Chuck got frustrated and rounghouse kicked a hole in the side of the ship.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to eat his Wheaties.
King Arthur didn’t pull the sword from the stone, Chuck Norris did. But a few days later, after seeing “Made in China” on the hilt while cleaning the Lock Nesse Monser’s blood off of it, he threw it away.
Posted by al gore on 04.28.06 10:32 pm
theres a reason why bush is retarded
he was drunk and challenged chuck norris
Posted by John hates Chuck Norris on 04.29.06 8:45 am
HERES A FUNNY CHUCK NORRIS JOKE.
CHUCK NORRIS WAS SUCKING MY! DICK AND WHEN I REALIZED HOW SHITTY IT WAS I ROUND HOUSE KICKED HIM!! IN THE FACE AND BROKE HIS FUCKING NECK!
MY! ROUNDHOUSE KICKS ARE SO POWERFUL WHEN I WAS KICKING THE SHIT OUT OF CHUCK NORRIS I GAVE HIM A ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO THE FOOT AND BROKE HIS NECK!!
MY PENIS IS SO BIG I CAN FUCK CHUCK NORRIS AND THE REST OF HIS FAMILY!!!
CHUCK NORRIS IS SUCH A LITTLE PUSSY WHEN MY MOM WAS PREGNANT WITH ME I ROUNDHOUSE KICKED HIM IN THE FACE FROM THE WOMB AND HE CRIED LIKE A BITCH BEGGING MY MOTHER TO NOT HAVE ME BECAUSE HE WAS AFRAID OF ME!
GOD SAID “LET THERE BE LIGHT”…CHUCK NORRIS SAID “SA”… THATS ALL HE HAD TIME FOR BECAUSE I KILLED THE FAGGOT!!!
WHO WOULD WIN IN A FIGHT A TIGER OR A BULL!?!?!?..ANSWER!.. ME BECAUSE I CAN KICK THE SHIT OUT OF CHUCK NORRIS!!
ONE MORE JOKE!!
I AM SO MUCH STRONGER THEN CHUCK NORRIS THAT CHUCK NORRIS ASKED GOD TO TAKE HIS LIFE SO I WOULDN’T BUTT FUCK HIM ANYMORE!! HAHAHAHAHAHA HE DIDN’T WANT MY PENIS IN HIS ASS!!! CAUSE HES A PUSSY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHA LITTLE BITCH CHUCK NORRIS IS A FLOPPY COCK!!
Posted by bob on 04.29.06 2:01 pm
CrapBoy must be French. At least Americans wash their asses
Posted by John Hater on 04.29.06 2:15 pm
John you need to relax, just because our mom dosn’t love you, osen’t you man you can hate Chuck Norris.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds till.” After you ask, “Two seconds to what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Posted by To- John Hater on 04.29.06 6:51 pm
ya i think ur just jelous becuase chuck norris sucked my friends dick and not urs….
and gues wat ….dont hate on me becuase i watched!!!!!
oh!! Bitch
chuck norris is soooo gay…..
Posted by To- John Hater on 04.29.06 6:52 pm
chuck norris is soo gay……. me makes me look straight
Posted by Chuck Norri's Gay Lover on 04.29.06 9:04 pm
hey girls i want you all to know that chuck norris is my boyfriend and that this john cat can say all the shit he wants, but chuckie will only be sucking one dick and thats MINE! and for anyone who was wondering, charles is very gentle and loving. he is a tender little boy behind all the round house kicks. john, you hurt his feelings. you bully!
Posted by chuck norris, chuck norris, chuck norris on 04.30.06 3:57 pm
chuck norris isn’t hung like a gerbil; gerbils are hung like chuck norris. there is a story that chuck norris once lost a fight to a pirate, but people say that this is a lie made up by chuck to draw more pirates to him. that’s bullshit. chuck norris obviously lost to the pirate, which is why pirates always have huge beards and chuck norris always has a faggy little red beard. every time a pirate beats the shit out of chuck, he has to shave his beard and get the pirate’s hook hand up his ass. chuck has been known to lose fights on purpose because he likes it. one time chuck norris roundhouse kicked his pregnant girlfriend in the stomach to kill the baby, and the baby said “what the fuck? did you just try and kick me, you fucking fag? your roundhouse kicks suck and so do you!”. the baby then ripped it’s way out of chuck norris’s girlfriend and kicked the shit out of chuck. chuck norris doesn’t sleep: he’s afraid his father will come in and rape him again like he did every night until chuck was 17. one time chuck norris was having sex with his girlfriend and she said “how much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?”. chuck then began to cry, because he’s too much of a pussy to prevent his girlfriend from rhyming in his presence. then she beat him, because he’s too much of a pussy to stop her from doing that too. chuck norris only masturbates to pictures of chuck norris look-alikes because he has a fetish for old men with red beards.
Posted by chink with attitude on 04.30.06 9:23 pm
My man chuck norris is so fly… How fly is he! He is so flexible because Tae Kwon doe that he can suck his own fire crotch that John Hater films as he sucks his fire crotch
Posted by John hater can suck my dick on 04.30.06 11:31 pm
John hater you are a filthy cunt bastard and need to stop trying to impress people with shitty chuck norris jokes.
John you need to relax, just because our mom dosn’t love you, osen’t you man you can hate Chuck Norris.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds till.” After you ask, “Two seconds to what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Two things, if you had spelled any words right maybe it would hav been a better insult, and if you had read the page your shitty joke was already posted like 4 times you stupid shmuck. “dosn’t (sp) love you, oesn’t (sp) you man you can…” WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!?!?!?!? i knew only stoners liked chuck norris.
HERES SOME MORE FUNNY CHUCK NORRIS JOKES!!
MY ROUND HOUSE KICKS ARE SO POWERFUL, I WAS PRACTICING KICKING RHE AIR WHEN I BROKE THE SPEED OF LIGHT AND WENT BACK IN TIME AND WAS ABOUT TO STOP THE BULLETS FROM HITTING J.F.K WITH MY BEARD, BUT THEN I REMEMBERED WAIT A SECOND!! I DON’T LIKE J.F.K!!!! AS I THOUGHT THIS I HAPPENED TO LAY EYES ON CHUCK NORRIS AS A CHILD, I RAN UP TO HIM AND BEGAN TO KICK THE SHIT OUT OF HIM, I ROUND HOUSE KICKED HIM IN THE RIBS SHATTERING THEM INSTANTLY, THUS CREATING THE RIB SANDWICHES SERVED IN POPULAR RESTARAUNTS.
THERES A REASON WHY JOHN KERRY IS SO GAY, HE GOT DRUNK ONE NIGHT AND CHALLENGED ME TO FIGHT, AS EXPECTED I BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THE LIBERAL PUSSY AND MADE HIM HAVE STEAMY SEX WITH CHUCK NORRIS FOR MY OWN SICK PLEASURE, AFTERWARDS I ROUNDHOUSE KICKED BOTH OF THEM IN THEIR HEADS KILLING THEM INSTANTLY.
WHO WOULD WIN IN A FIGHT…STALLONE OR CHUCK NORRIS..ANSWER:ME!!!! (I MIGHT LOSE TO STALLONE BUT I COULD EASILY CRUSH CHARLES NORRIS)
WANNA KNOW HOW JOHN KERRY GOT HIS PURPLE HEARTS?!?! IN VIETNAM I ROUND HOUSE KICKED HIM THREE TIMES, HE ORIGANALLY DIED BUT DR.FRANKENSTEIN BROUGHT HIM BACK TO LIFE!!
I WAS MERCILESSLY ASS MURDERING JOHN HATER ONE DAY WHEN CHUCK NORRIS WALKED IN AND GOES “hey guys how much dick could chuck suck if chuck did suck a lot of dick” THEN I KICKED THE SHIT OUT OF THE LITTLE FAGGOT AND MADE HIM AND JOHN HATER HAVE BRUTAL ANIMAL SEX, BUT WHEN I WAS STARTING TO SEE JOHN HATER HAVE ORGASMS WITH PLEASURE I DECIDED IT WOULD BE EASIER TO RIP CHUCKIES PENIS OFF, WHEN I WENT TO PULL IT I REALIZED IT WAS FAKE, AND THEN HIS FAKE BEARD FELL OFF, AFTER THIS I KILLED JOHN HATER AND FUCKED HIS DEAD BODY, THEN I ROUND HOUSE KICKED CHAZ IN HIS CHIN AND HIS SKELETON CAME OUT OF HIS BODY!!!
WHY IS CALIFORNIA SEPERATING FROM AMERICA?!? ANSWER: I ROUTINELY GO DOWN THERE AND PRACTICE MY ROUND HOUSE KICKING, WHICH ARE SO POWERFUL THEY KEEP PUSHING CALIFORNIA FURTHER AND FURTHER AWAY!!!
Posted by johan on 05.01.06 2:58 am
chuck Norris knows the ending to the never ending story.
Posted by FA_kin_SU_pha on 05.01.06 3:39 pm
the reason there is no life on mars is becase Chuck Norris has allready been there.
Posted by asher on 05.02.06 3:20 pm
you people need a life
Posted by daniel on 05.02.06 8:45 pm
guns dont kill people. chuck norris does
Posted by chester1427 on 05.04.06 1:18 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t turn into a zombie, zombies turn into Chuck Norris.
Posted by Yakov Smirnoff on 05.05.06 12:41 am
In Soviet Chuck Norris, you don’t bother with communism; communism gets roundhouse kicked in the face.
Posted by nick on 05.05.06 1:24 pm
the one about chuck norris and god on the seventh day is totally cruel and needs to be taken off
I AM DISGRACED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Posted by silentarian on 05.06.06 12:03 am
Wow… three things amuse me.
One is the new Chuck Norris joke trend, some of which makes me laugh, while some gets rather repetative, as it mostly involves sex and roundhouse kicks. Still, they got smiles from me.
The second thing is the people who complain that the Chuck Norris jokes are a waste of time and the people who write/enjoy them are losers, etc. The irony is obvious, since many of these people waste a LOT of time writing these insults, or even rewriting the jokes to make the original writers look/feel stupid. Really, get a life people.
And thirdly, I’d say there was a really good chance that Crapboy had to search a thesaurus for 30 minutes before finding the word ‘lobotomised,’ which, by the way, he spelled wrong.
Anywho, thanks to all the writers of these jokes, and the rewriters of these jokes. You have brought me much humor.
Posted by nick and matt on 05.08.06 5:36 pm
Chuck Norris can make a girl climax simply by pointing at her and saying “Boo-Ya!”
When Chuck Norris goes to the beach and jumps into the water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets “Chucked”
It takes 14 pupeteers to make Chuck Norris laugh… It only takes 2 to make him destory an orphanage.
Chuck Norris and Jesus played on Jeopardy. Jesus got 2 questions wrong. Chuck didn’t get any.
The difference between Chuck Norris and God is that Chuck Norris can destroy what he’s created. God isn’t allowed to.
Posted by Chuck will kil u all on 05.12.06 4:14 pm
I swear to god, if i hear one more person call chuck norris, “Charles” I will personally rip their throats out. His name is Carlos ray norris. Call him that or chuck, or the leg, but it would be a sin to call him that gay assed name “Charles”.
and one more thing, for all you fuck wads who are making fun of chuck norris, i hope you all die, People joke about chuck being insanely god like for a reason. He is the only man in 4500 yrs of tai quan doe (i can’t spell) tradition to get an 8th degree black belt.
There once was a man in Ohio who turned off Chuck Norris’s show and almost lived.
Chuck norris thinks of natural law as more of a surgestion
a man once said chuck norris couldn’t kill a man with a feather, so chuck norris tied a feather to his shoe and round house kicked him
Chuck Norris can kill a man with a feather.
Chuck Norris once impregnated a woman be fucking the arches of her feet
Oregon is the Canada of california. Chuck Norris felt bad for Washington because it was crammed between two canaada’s and under appreiciated, so he round house kicked it and it became its own continent…on mars. UNfourtanetly, he ended up killing all the apples in the process, so he no longer felt any attatchement to it, and blew it up by staring at it.
I don’t like canada because chuck norris said so
damn canada
There may have been seven dwarves, but there is only one chuck norris
Chuck norris banged snow white and the dwarves got to watch
Chuck norris found the last digit in pi. It was 2.
Posted by Chuck will kil u all on 05.12.06 4:17 pm
Chuck Norris rocks FUCK YEAH!!! donate to Kik start, chuck norris said so. Chucknorris.com
Posted by Joe on 05.13.06 10:32 am
This site rocks. This site is the s^&*%. Believe you me!
Posted by Joe on 05.13.06 10:33 am
This site rocks. This site is the real thing. Believe you me!
Posted by Chuck Norris Is Flippin Sweet on 05.13.06 1:41 pm
There are no virgins cause Chuck Norris fucked all of the Women already.
Chuck Norris finished the song that never ends
Chuck Norris tells Napolean Dynamite what he is gonna do today
Posted by All the Haters on 05.13.06 9:18 pm
All u haters will die due to roundhouse related deaths within 1 day of reading this
Posted by v12 on 05.14.06 7:56 pm
chuck norris sleeps with a night light not because he’s afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of chuck norris. haah
Posted by Hpnotizin on 05.16.06 4:14 pm
Mary was in fact a virgin…untill Chuck Norris fucked her…!!!
Posted by twingamer25 on 05.16.06 11:03 pm
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Posted by twingamer25 on 05.16.06 11:04 pm
Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out correct.
Posted by twingamer25 on 05.16.06 11:16 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t tea-bag women, he potato-sacks them.
Posted by A-ron on 05.18.06 1:25 am
Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to wear pants.
Chuck Norris can talk about fight club.
Posted by Pierce on 05.18.06 7:02 am
Superman only has two weeknesses. Kryptonite and a round house kick from Chuck Norris.
Posted by the joo on 05.18.06 3:04 pm
chuck norris once walked into a tit bar and got a lap dance… the woman proceeded to shake her mellons in his face… only seconds later he walked out of the bar, there were no survivors
Posted by HHH the game on 05.19.06 5:04 pm
HHH can beat the shit out of chuck norris, you don’t hear chuck norris being called the cerebral assasin, or the game, or the king of kings! thats right bitches
Posted by the incomprehensible on 05.20.06 1:47 pm
Chuck Norris is so Bad that Micheal Jackson has to pay him in order to do the song.
Posted by Batman on 05.21.06 7:59 pm
chuck norris roundhouse kicked my dog
Posted by kiernan on 05.22.06 9:35 pm
chuck norris can touch the vertical asymptote
Posted by AHS on 05.24.06 8:47 pm
chuk norris only fears one thing… and that’s wiping out humanity
Posted by Crazy Marine Who Loves Chuck Norris Jokes on 05.25.06 6:26 pm
Chuck Norris doesnt do push ups, he pushs the earth DOWN
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down
God wanted 8 days to create existance, Chuck Norris gave him 7, and the nroundhouse kicked god for not making adam in Chuck’s image.
only one thing can look at chuck norris in the mirror….chuck norris
Chuck Norris was the 4th wise man, and he gave jesus the gift of beard, which jesus proudly wore till his dying day. The other wise men were so jealous that they evicted Chuck Norris from the bible. they later were found dead of multiple roundhouse kicks to the face.
Posted by Dyne on 05.27.06 9:38 pm
Chuck Norris does’nt laugh, he Chuckles.
What does Chuck Norris put in his milk?….CHUCKlate NORRISment!
There is no I in team but there is in Chuck Norris.
Sperm whales are produced every time Chuck Norris cums!
Did you know that “the force of the North”, “the mouth of the south”, “the beast of the east”, and “the best of the west”, are all one man!….Chuck Norris!!!
Everytime Chuck Norris does a round house kick, time slows down!
A solar eclipse only occurs everytime Chuck Norris takes a shit!
Did you know the fountain of youth is actually Chuck Norris’s penis!
The only thing that can kill Freddy Krueger, Jason Vorhees, Micheal Meyers, and Leatherface, is a round house kick from Chuck Norris!
Chuckie from “child’s play”, is actaully Chuck Norris’s doll from his youth!
Chuck Norris is Darth Vader’s father!
When the Grimm Reaper is on Vacation Chuck Norris takes over!
Chuck Norris can see with his eyes closed!
Chuck Norris can hear hair grow!
Chuck Norris makes pregnant women pregnant!
The Hulk reverts back to Bruce Banner when Chuck Norris is around!
Chuck Norris uses Samurai swords for toothpicks!
Chuck Norris has no heart, its a black hole!
Chuck Norris’ Round house kicks can produce Mach 10 sound vibrations, light distortion, a 10.4 apacalypse quake, illegal movements that break both Murphy,Boyle, and Newton laws of science, and causes a ripple in time, that causes time to repeat so repititiously that you suffer Chuck Norris kicks multiple times by accident!!!
Posted by Damasta on 05.29.06 4:28 am
The dinosaurs weren’t killed by a meteor. Chuck Norris just round house kick them all.
Posted by Damasta on 05.29.06 4:31 am
Chuck Norris can beat the entire justice league in just one round house kick in superman’s face
Posted by toykeeper on 05.29.06 7:18 am
Chuck norris makes flat women grow boobs!
Chuck Norris doesnt need oxygen, oxygen needs Chuck Norris!
Chuck Norris doesnt take a shower the shower takes a Chuck Norris!
Chuck Noris doesnt listen to the radio, the radio listens to Chuck Norris!
Chuck Noris doesnt have a life, a life has Chuck Norris!
Chuck Norris cant take a picture, because the camera breaks!
When Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks a cow it turns into a Spam!
Mosquitos dont Suck Chuck Norris , Chuck Norris Sucks mosquitos!
Chuck Norris is sooo hot he makes volcanoes erupt!
Posted by toykeeper on 05.29.06 7:54 pm
When Chuck Norris round house kicks a cow it turns into spam!
When Chuck Norris round house kicks a chicken it turns into nuggets!
When Chuck Norris round house kicks a pig it turns into bacon!
When Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks a dog it turns into a hotdog!
When Chuck Norris round house kicks a sheep it turns into cotton!
When Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks a lamb it turns into muttons!
When Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks a goat it turns into veal!
When Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks a fish it turns into sushi!
When Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks a dollar it turns into a penny!
When Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks a man it turns into a baby!
Chuck Norris can make a genie’s wish come true!
C huck Norris doesnt feel pain, pain feels Chuck Norris!
Posted by doesn't matter on 05.30.06 2:33 am
when chuck norris does pushups, he doesn’t puch himself up, he pushes the world down.
Posted by LOL on 06.02.06 4:10 am
chuck norris doesn’t have a penis, its only his 3rd leg……..
Posted by Reese on 06.03.06 1:36 am
Chuck Norris died 10 years ago…
But the grimm reaper was afraid to tell him
The story about the Ninja Turtles is partially true…
Chuck ate 4 turtles for lunch. In passing through they came out with bandanas and knowing Karate
Posted by blahaha on 06.03.06 9:14 am
chuck norris walked down the street with an erection… there were no survivers…
Posted by Denbaek on 06.04.06 3:56 pm
In the movie “The Godfather” Vito Corleone has a saying: “I’ll make him an offer he cant refuse.” The “offer” being the choice of a round house kick to the face by Chuck Norris or doing whatever it is Vito Corleone requires. Chuck Norris and Vito Corleone are very good friends
Posted by Dyne on 06.06.06 9:29 am
When Chuck Norris takes a shit, it goes directly……..To Hell!!!
Posted by Dyne on 06.06.06 9:30 am
I heard when Chuck Norris round house kicks you, he doesnt just roundhouse kick you, he roundhouse kicks…….your soul!
Posted by Dyne on 06.06.06 9:32 am
Chuck Norris does not wear any garments upon his feet, for the materials fear the pain ….of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick!
Posted by Dyne on 06.06.06 9:33 am
Chuck Norris’s hair can replace lost limbs….its too bad it is unbreakable!!!
Posted by Schmelbie on 06.10.06 7:13 pm
While filming in the movie Dodge Ball, Vince Vahn stupidly challenged Chuck Norris to a death match. Chuck norris laughed and round housed kicked him in the neck killing him. He then walked away saying “i win…”
Posted by me on 06.11.06 2:20 am
chuck norris dosent get frost bite frost bites chuck norisr
Posted by josh on 06.11.06 6:24 pm
chuck norris drinks milk then shits icecream
Posted by josh on 06.11.06 6:28 pm
we know this ice cream as products frome dairy queen
Posted by josh on 06.11.06 6:32 pm
ben franklin did not invent electricity chuck norris did. when ben franklin discovered it chuck norris went back in time ans round house kicked ben franklins ass and claimed the idea was his
Posted by josh on 06.11.06 6:40 pm
dinosours did not become extinked from a meteor. it was becouse of chuck norris
Posted by e love on 06.15.06 3:43 am
chuck norris is the best thing since sliced bread.
when u call the ghostbusters, the ghostbusters call chuck norris.
Posted by e love on 06.15.06 3:46 am
chuck norris is from the north, that is why the union won the civil war.
Posted by orks on 06.17.06 8:54 am
in the bible, the being that christians worship was misspelled as GOD. the correct spelling is C H U C K N O R R I S
Posted by orks on 06.17.06 8:55 am
that was a good one eh!?
Posted by That Guy on 06.17.06 5:23 pm
Due to Einstein’s theory of reletivity, Chuck norris can accually Round house Kick you yesterday.
Posted by NO 1 on 06.17.06 8:29 pm
IF Chuck Norris is late then time better slow the fuck down.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. When he left they were just The Islands.
Posted by sam on 06.18.06 5:25 am
chuck norris once double teamed a woman. he had sex with her traveled back in time and joind in with himself
Posted by jimmy on 06.18.06 11:01 pm
Chuck Norris went to a restaurant and ordered a steak. It did what it was told
Posted by |-|0r/\/3Y 4 (|-|\_/(| on 06.20.06 12:21 am
Chuck Norris’ penis is know as the fountain of youth because when he fucks you (wether your male or female) you will never stop haveing children
If Chuck Norris Fucks a dog, when the puppy is born it comes with the power of invincibilit,super strength, and the power of roundhouse kicks.
chuck Norris has the ablility to kill a yack from 200 yards away…WITH MINDE BULLETS!!!
When Ashton Kucher punked Chuck Norris and yelled “You just got punked” Chuck Norris quickly replied with a sevier roudhouse kick to the face and yelled “You just got Chucked!”
there was no ‘Big bang’ that started the universe, it was simply chuck norris who went back in time and fought himself. when the two chucks when in for the round house kick, if created a giant explosion….there were no mortal survivers,later that day cuck norris farted and created the sun
Posted by dOC on 06.20.06 2:19 am
Chuch Norris is so cool, that when the Fonz gives him a ‘two thumbs up’ he rips them off and sticks them on his ‘two thumbs up’ which becomes a four thumbs up. Which makes Chuck Norris Twice as Cool.
Posted by Scoop on 06.23.06 12:57 pm
e love got it wrong:
Chuck Norris isn’t the coolest thing since sliced bread, sliced bread is the coolest thing since Chuck Norris.
We have sliced bread because Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the original loaf into slices.
Posted by jamoz! on 06.24.06 3:53 am
chuck norris once roundhouse kikd bruce lee in half creating jet lee and brandon lee….. he then roundhouse kikd them both in the face at once and killed them.
Posted by doichland on 06.24.06 9:16 pm
god overslept in the 7th because he had a fight with chuck norris on th 6th. they decided to settle it with armwresttle match. it to so long, the devil crept into heaven. he then roundhouse kicked the devil and every snae ever since. oh and chuck won the match
Posted by thehottestgirlalive.....its true on 06.25.06 2:59 am
chuck norris wasn’t born…. he was created
Posted by Chuck Miester on 06.26.06 12:41 am
Chuck Norris Never kept his cool, he tossed it and picked up badass mother fucker.
Posted by Fuckoff on 06.26.06 6:21 pm
Chuck Norris never takes drugs. He takes nuclear waste.
Posted by Alex on 06.28.06 12:02 pm
Chuck Norris is suing NBC. Law & Order are trademarked as his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read. He just stares at a book until it gives him the information he wants.
When Chuck Norris was born, the first thing he did was to fuck the nurse. Having finished he roundhouse kicked her in the face. She was the fourth woman Chuck Norris had had sex with.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need spell check, spell check needs Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the reason that Daniel Powter is having a bad day.
One day Chuck Norris tripped and fell. He roundhouse kicked the ground for causing such an error, and today we have the Pacific Ocean.
Posted by Chuck Lover on 06.30.06 12:18 am
Why doesnt Chuck Norris ever take a crap?
because nothing can escape him!
Posted by in reply to john hates chuck norris on 07.03.06 11:54 pm
A. you were raping a dude. that means you’re gay.
B. no respectable man wants a dick in his ass. do you? yeah. I bet.
C. the guy didnt do anything to you… If you dont like him then dont read the damned sites.
D. Piss off, dickhole.
Posted by big brother on 07.05.06 12:06 am
Chuck Norris eats coal and shits diamonds.
God meant to extend Chuck Norris’ penis but the phone rang. it was superman.
Chuck Norris doesn’t take a bong hit, bong hits take a Chuck Norris!
Chuck Norris put the “straw” in strawberries.
Chuck Norris stole the cookie from the cookie jar.
God once said: when all the nations are at peace, and all the racial barriers are broken down, and all the colors of all the races are mixed, a perfect child will be born, and he will be named Chuck Norris. the chuck norris we know today traveled back in time to when there was black chicks.
Oprah doesn’t control women, Chuck Norris controls women!
Posted by chuck norris on 07.05.06 12:59 am
thats right, i’m the best! hell yeah! if you don’t believe it, then i’ll roundhouse kick you in the face. if you survive, then my good buddy mr. t will finish you off!
Posted by spiff on 07.10.06 3:01 am
when chuck norris goes to the beach, he doesn’t need sunblock, instead the sun needs “ChuckBlock”
Posted by pops on 07.13.06 2:33 pm
i once met Chuck Norris and i liv……Wham……..ouch……AND HE ALMOST LIVED THATS ROUNDHOUSE NUMBER 9,865,547,899,654,123 FOR ME
Posted by fuck every1 on 07.16.06 6:01 pm
fuck every1 who says chuck norris jokes arent funny…. smoke weed and then you’ll laugh fucking hard….. smoke weed all you fucking losers who dont smoke anythind….. fuck you all(eccept stoners)…. so eres some jokes….
*God said let there be light…Chuck Norris said please.
*Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow onder his gun.
Posted by who's chuck norris? on 07.17.06 1:43 am
Chuck Norris does not drives on the wrong side of the road, the road is going in the wrong direction.
Chuck Norris did not learned how to roundhouse kick people.Roundhouse kicks power has automatically been transfered to Chuck, because they were too afraid he would roundhouse kick them after being bored of learning them.
Chuck Norris does not drive on the wrong side of the road, people are driving on the wrong side of the road.
If you insult Chuck Norris, he’ll go to bed and dream about roundhouse kicking you. That’s enough to break 47 bones of your body.
If Chuck Norris is not happy,he will roundhouse kick sadness.
When you see Chuck Norris, don’t look at him more than 3 seconds.If you do, his eyes will roundhouse kick your own eyes and you will become blind.
Posted by Gizzl on 07.17.06 11:43 pm
Chuck Norris never needs to pull the trigger. The bullets just simply escapes the fucking gun in fear of Chuck Norris.
Posted by tricky on 07.19.06 12:15 pm
chuck norris walked into a bar, the bar appologised…. so chuck noris roundhouse kicked it for daring to talk.
it is also a proven fact that chuck created the plague…………… due to bordom of roundhouse kicking every one to death
Posted by Joe on 07.22.06 1:46 pm
Chuck Norris once shaved his beard and went by the name of Bruce Lee.
Posted by Frode H on 07.23.06 6:10 pm
I just tought of this one: )
Chuck Norris went to China a long time ago, he lost his penis by accidently roudhouse kicking it, while defending the Chineese from the Mongols.
Chuck Norris returned to America leaving his dick to protect china.
Chuck Norris needed his dick back because he had to take a piss. God the almighty could not move the dick out of china so he created a new one to Chuck Norris, that took 8 days, then Chuck Norris took a piss, and created the atlantic ocean.
Posted by Frode H on 07.23.06 6:16 pm
Chuck Norris only went once to Atlantis.
Posted by Leon on 07.24.06 12:44 pm
Superman wears Chuck Norris PJ’s to bed
Chuck Norris is One up on Jesus. he doesnt walk on water, he swims through land
what does Chuck Norris see when he look through the mirror. nothing . . . theres only one Chuck Norris
Posted by Hans on 07.26.06 4:08 pm
Chuck Norris does not water flowers he drowns them until they give up their beauty.
Posted by Blue And Trance on 07.27.06 3:04 am
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a penny and it became a quarter.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a wolf so hard it became the first
chihuahua.
When Chuck Norris found out that the director of Walker Texas Ranger suggested he needed a stunt double, he laughed in his face, then he roundhouse kicked himin the face, killing him instantly, and wile standing over his dead body he chuckled and said “There is and will only be ONE!! Chuck Norris.
Posted by Blue And Trance on 07.27.06 3:15 am
Since Chuck Norris hates Germans he roundhouse kicked a random German on the street, that man was known as albert einstien.
Posted by Hawk on 08.02.06 1:00 am
the borg doesn’t assimilate chuck norris, chuck norris assimilates the borg, he now uses them to surf then net for pictures of himself.
Posted by ethan on 08.04.06 1:39 am
Chuck Norris can’t wear a condom, there is no protection from Chuck Norris.
94% of women lost there virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were really fat and ugly.
Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris. Then he roundhouse kicked them for running away.
70% of most people’s body weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris’ body weight is dick.
Chuck Norris uses a live rattlesnake for a condom.
All women lost there virginity to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.
Posted by tim on 08.04.06 3:15 pm
moses couldn’t part the red sea so chuck norris did it with seral repetaive round house kicks!
Posted by pwnerer on 08.06.06 11:51 pm
lol i love these chuck norris jokes keep em going guys!!!
Posted by ould times on 08.08.06 1:14 am
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to swallow when he eats.
Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep; he waits.
Chuck Norris’s testicles are so large his swimmers are sperm whales.
When God flooded the planet Chuck Norris ate two of every animal. he swam through the storm with the animals resting in his belly. When he found dry land (he farted out a dove to find the olive branch) he pooped for eight days and set the animals free. a week later Noah arrived and Chuck Roundhouse kicked him for being late.
Chuck Norris has no enemies. He has Dead People.
Chuck Norris doesn’t commit murder, he removes the sick and the weak so the herd can be free of their deadweight.
Every person Chick Norris kills wins a Darwin Award because they were stupid enough to offen Chuck Norris and Chuck always removes his victims from the gene pool.
Posted by Dan on 08.18.06 5:03 pm
When Chuck Norris gets hit by a car, he doesn’t get hit by the car… Its a head on collision
Posted by radom hero also roundhouse kicked in the face on 08.20.06 7:14 am
1 thing i learned readig this is that roundhouse kicks hurt…
when done by chuck norris
Posted by Mitch on 08.20.06 9:27 am
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Chuck Norris’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t fuck with Chuck!” Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Posted by allthepeopleonthisthingaredumbasses on 08.22.06 2:21 pm
chuck norris once walked down the road with a massive irrection…..there were no survivors.
Posted by shrek luvs chuck on 08.28.06 5:09 am
with great power comes reposibility, with great martial skills comes Chuck Norris.
many are born brave few remain so, after they learn of Chuck
most old women are kept alive in the knowledge that Chuck Norris is out there.
if Chuck norris wasn’t a ranga the world would explode.
Chuck norris is the weapons of mass destruction in iraq the american government was just to scared of a riot if they said Chuck norris was loose.
iran claimes it needs its nuclear programme for power we all know it’s to make nukes but you would want weapons too if you were told chuck norris was hiding somwere in the country next to you.
Posted by Mr. B on 09.02.06 10:02 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t consider it sex if the woman survives.
Scientists only know about 4% about the universe, Chuck Norris knows the rest.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need a mouse for his computer, the pointer follows his stare.
In order to shave, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks Chuck Norris in the face because the only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
Posted by occa on 09.03.06 8:47 am
chuck norris dosent sleep with a gun under his pillow he sleeps with a pillow under his gun
Posted by bobby on 09.07.06 3:48 pm
Walker Teaxas Ranger said Chuck Norris was a pussy. The next day they fought and WW2 erupted.
Posted by the_g33k on 09.08.06 3:59 pm
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water and make it drink.
Posted by Sir Al on 09.09.06 10:49 pm
If Something looks like chicken, smells like chicken and tastes like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, the its fucking beef.
Chuck Norris only went to Atlantis once, thats all he needed.
Chuck Norris does not sleep… he waits.
(Q) Why doesnt Chuck Norris take shits?
(A) Because nothing escapes Chuck Norris
Posted by Sir Al on 09.09.06 11:00 pm
Oxygen needs Chuck Norris to breathe
Chuck Norris only has one hand… The Upper Hand
When the U.S Government sends a letter to Chuck Norris to pay his taxes Chuck Norris simply returns the letter with a picture of himself crouched and ready to attack, Chuck Norris has never had to pay his taxes.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies simply look at the endangered species list
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 18,000 percent.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds till.” After you ask, “Two seconds to what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Posted by bobby on 09.12.06 1:59 am
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. When he left they were just called “The Islands”.
Posted by Dave on 09.14.06 10:35 pm
When Chuck Norris saw Ace Ventura, he killed Jim Carrey for saying his name and not referring to him. When he heard the people cry he said: ‘Behold, i am a merciful Chuck’ and brought him back to life as long as he would never make a bad movie. Jim Carrey Has been in hiding ever since the Grinch movie.
Posted by insanecanadian on 09.16.06 9:09 am
When Gary Coleman kept asking “whatchoo talking’ ’bout Willis” it was Chuck norris
The last space shuttle exploded because Chuck Norris willed it to
Chuck Norris makes the world go ’round
Chuck Norris could have put out the fires of 9/11, with his stream of urine
Osama Bin Laden is in a cave somewhere hiding, from Chuck Norris
You can do whatever you want if you want to bad enough, but only if Chuck Norris allows it
Chuck Norris supports Bush because he likes to see the death toll rise
Chuck Norris does not support capital punishment, he enforces it
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked his way to the center of the Earth
Posted by yeah baby on 09.17.06 12:15 am
when the incredible hulk gets angry, it turns into Chuck Norris
Posted by Paul Oliver on 09.21.06 8:08 pm
If Chuck Norris is late time better slow the fuck down
Posted by Evan on 09.23.06 8:47 pm
chuck norris doesn’t cry, his eyeballs sweat
Posted by Joe on 09.27.06 12:32 am
Your mom called, she wanted you to swing by the YMCA men’s restroom and pick up her teeth!
Posted by jim on 09.27.06 3:01 am
The dinosaurs once fucked with Chuck Norris…………Once
Posted by morgan on 10.08.06 2:19 am
Chuck Norris’ sperm is so potent he can impregnate men.
Posted by stuarty on 10.08.06 11:26 am
Chuck Norris dosn’t get drunk, Drunk gets chuck norris!!!
Posted by stuarty on 10.08.06 11:33 am
Chuck Norris can walk on water to some people that don’t know, but if you own a yacht and happen to be sailing near him don’t cross his path or get in his way just ask the survivors from the Titanic.
Posted by stuarty on 10.08.06 11:56 am
Chuck Norris dosen’t get cancer, Cancer gets chuck norris its the same with aids, and any general death that anyone could dream up or think of that could be the downfall of the Chuck . for example you’d think that bullets would be Chucks weakness far from it Chuck Norris is a bullets weakness.!!!
God didn’t create the world we live in, He was working for Chuck Norris.
The Devil once tried to buy Chuck Norris’ soul, But he ended up selling his to Chuck Norris.
Posted by Gummiber on 10.09.06 1:22 pm
bruce lee once kicked chuck norris’ ass… he woke up from this dream only seconds later by a roundhouse kick to the face
Posted by Alex on 10.15.06 2:26 pm
chuck norris can unscramble eggs
Posted by In Chuck we trust on 10.20.06 4:00 pm
Chuck Norris legally changed his middle name to fuckin’.
Posted by 808_norris on 10.24.06 6:03 am
yall is all stupid for spelling Chuck Norris’s name wron yall should be shot or worse roundhouse kicked by Chuck…
by the way chuck wrote the bible god just edited it…
chuck norris split the red sea with his large penis..
while Quarter backs throw pigskins chuck norris throws pigs…chuck threw a football and landed as an atomic bomb on tokyo…
chuck norris roundhoused kicked will ferrel for naming his sons walker and texas ranger….
chuck norris built the great wall of china to keep the gays from coming in…
Posted by Tesio on 10.25.06 5:30 am
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer
Posted by Dran on 10.28.06 8:05 pm
Chuck Norris once fought superman, the loser had to wear their underwear outside of their clothes.
Posted by Says: on 11.01.06 5:35 pm
chuck norris once ate a pinnapple
Posted by Says: on 11.01.06 5:43 pm
Chuck Norris doestn jerk off, jerk off Chuck Norris’s
Posted by Says: on 11.01.06 5:48 pm
Chuck Norris once made himself into a tree, then he lost his leaves in the winter time, and decided not to be a tree anymore.
Posted by Says: on 11.01.06 5:51 pm
The leading cause of death by Chuck Norris is decapitation by ejaculation.
Posted by BIG BEATTIE on 11.05.06 7:13 pm
Chuck norris doesn’t go down the canal the canal goes to him
Posted by BEAT ON HEAT on 11.05.06 7:15 pm
carlsberg don’t do chck norris jokes but if they did they probably but the best chuck norris jokes in the world
Posted by Ipock on 11.14.06 4:35 am
These fucking jokes are awesome.
Posted by jonfin on 11.15.06 12:39 am
Chuck Norris has never met Jonfin!
Posted by Maverick on 11.17.06 10:13 pm
The US President was planning on releasing Chuck Norris on Heroshiema, but he decided dropping the A-Bomb was the more “Humaine” thing to do.
Posted by Resi on 11.19.06 1:38 pm
Chuck Norris once set the world on fire, then vacated to the next planet. We now know this world as “Hell” and “the devil” is actually Chuck’s personal slave.
Posted by Resi on 11.19.06 1:39 pm
Chuck Norris once set the world on fire by farting, then vacated to the next planet. We now know this world as “Hell” and “the devil” is actually Chuck’s personal slave.
—Missed a bit—
Posted by jonfin on 11.21.06 2:06 pm
jonfin tells chuck what to do!
Posted by pew on 11.22.06 6:08 pm
I found new name to replace chuck norris..its our main teacher. SS(sigita sluckiene)
Posted by Big daddy longstroke on 11.26.06 2:45 am
The ninja turtles…TRUE STORY…Chuck Norris once ate a baby turtle, and when he shit it out it was 6 feet tall and knew karate
Posted by Big daddy longstroke on 11.26.06 3:18 am
Chuck Norris poops light sabers
Chuck Norris doesn’t think frosted flakes are great
Trix aren’t for kids they’re for Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris is the real slim shady
Chuck Norris does not believe nor taste the rainbow
Chuck Norris once sucked a cows nipple for 2 minutes and later shit 5 pounds of whipped cream
Chuck Norris’ envelopes seal without him licking them
The speed of light is a measurement relative to the time it takes Chuck Norris to run the 100 meter dash
Chuck Norris never needs to do anything for a klondike bar, people simply lay them at his feet upon command
Chuck Norris once killed a man for a klondike bar, only to realise that he had five already in his pocket… still cold
Chuck Norris makes goldfish brand crackers frown
Vampires only come out at night not due to inability to withstand sunlight but simply because that is when Chuck Norris sleeps… or excuse me waits
Posted by cow sperm is milk on 11.26.06 6:43 pm
bIG DADDY UR A LOSER. UR NOT EVEN A GUY I BET. UR A IT. SUCK IT
Posted by fatfish99 on 11.29.06 6:56 am
this site is awesome, Chuck Norris is quite possably the greatest person on the planet. i am making a site that contains every chuck norris joke ever, so if you have any more… i would be much obliged.
Posted by geomac on 12.01.06 4:18 pm
when pulled over by a police officer. Chuck norris doesn’t get a warning….the officer does.
Posted by i am not on 12.02.06 8:25 am
Chuck Norris once stared down Michalageos “david” who then became “the thinker”… Thats all i got.. sorry guys… i’ll try again later. Shouts go to James M frm south Australia!
Posted by jfjfjf on 12.05.06 12:37 pm
YOU STUPID ASSHOLES WITH SEX AND PENIS JOKES FUCK UP!
Posted by james mcmurray on 12.08.06 1:13 am
despite what george lucas says, there are 3 sides to the force
1/ light side
2/dark side
3/chuck norris
jesus is such a badass he changed the walker texas ranger show and almost survived
Posted by nick on 12.09.06 4:32 pm
i dont think these have been done yet…
chuck norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
chuck norris does not go hunting, he goes killing.
the quickest way to a man’s heart is chuck’s fist.
chuck norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
if at first you don’t succeed, you are obviously NOT chuck norris.
most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes, chuck norris has 72…and they’re all poisonous.
chuck norris has counted to infinity…twice.
chuck norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
chuck norris once challenged Lance Amstrong in a “Who has more testicles?” conest. chuck norris won by five.
Posted by The Ark on 12.09.06 10:28 pm
I saw Chuck Norris……. he’s old… but, still can kick my dad’s ass -_-
Posted by Jenn on 12.11.06 1:03 am
Chuck Norris made Mona Lisa Smile!
Posted by liz on 12.11.06 2:03 am
chuck norris won an oscar for just standing in a film ..
its all i got
Posted by I Play in a Band and Skate with Chuck Norris on 12.11.06 2:31 am
Chuck Norris Owns little losers like Jhon.
Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick a penny and make George Washinton’s nose bleed.
There is only one thing that can get Chuck Norris high, smoking his beard.
Posted by Chuck Norris is my hero on 12.22.06 5:00 am
How much chuck could Chuck Norris chuck if Chuck Norris could Chuck Norris? only Chuck Norris knows and he will never tell unless you can withstand a roundhouse kick to the face
Posted by #56 on 12.23.06 1:35 am
Chuck Norris once visited a catholic monestary, nine months later the nuns gave birth to the ‘72 Dolphins, the only undefeated team in NFL history
Posted by Norris is the best on 12.23.06 1:38 am
Mr. T and Chuck Norris once walked into a bar. The bar instantly exploded because no building on earth can hold that much cool.
Posted by atallica on 12.23.06 9:18 pm
When the Terminator says “I’ll be back”, He is going to get Chuck Norris.
Posted by joyce on 12.27.06 1:22 am
Why dont they send Chucky boy to Iraq???
Posted by DeathisRedemption on 01.01.07 6:06 am
Chuck Norris invented a new kind of T.P. it doesn’t take any shit.
Posted by carrotpee on 01.03.07 8:45 pm
Chuck Norris is having my babies.
Posted by Sarah Roberts on 01.03.07 11:22 pm
Chuck Norris Masterbates with Glass!
Posted by David on 01.07.07 2:46 am
Chuck Norris’ sperm is so potent, it can penetrate 13 condoms, the birth control pill, a brick wall, and the 1975 Pittsburg Steelers ofensive line in order to impregnate a women.
Posted by Lil Vampire on 01.09.07 1:10 am
Chuck Norris didn’t invent the bow and arrow, he looked and the tree and the bow and arrow invented themselves
Posted by Andrew on 01.12.07 2:36 pm
Chuck Norris’s dick is what hit the pentagon…That’s why it grew back.
Chuck Norris gets men pregnant.
Chuck Norris’s dog picks up his own shit because Chuck Norris doesn’t take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris played golf and got a hole in zero.
Chuck Norris won connect four in 3 moves.
Chuck Norris punched the ground in anger, we call the hole the grand canyon.
Chuck Norris lost tic tac toe against Mr. T, in retaliation Chuck Norris invented racism.
Chuck Norris looked in the mirror and said “No one out stares Chuck Norris,” he’s still there to this day.
Posted by Andrew on 01.12.07 4:27 pm
Chuck Norris can count to infinity
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Posted by kathmean on 01.16.07 2:31 pm
In the average living room, there are 1242 things Chuck Norris can use to kill you…including the room itself.
Posted by Jonathan on 01.17.07 7:40 pm
Fuck that guy and all of you stupid bitches
Posted by doug on 01.18.07 7:58 pm
Queston: why will Chuck Norris never die?
Answer: because one hes chuck norris and two the devil is afraid of him.
Posted by ME on 01.19.07 7:25 pm
To everyone who doesn’t like Chuck Norris,
STAY OFF CHUCK NORRIS SITES…
Thanks thats all I have to say.
Posted by sean oneill on 01.24.07 7:24 pm
dude i cryed i laughed so hard. nothing in years has made me laugh that much. my roomies dont get it, my friends dont get it, but i f-n do. thank u for giving me something to make me fucking laugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! not just laugh but cleanse my soul a bit. I needed that thank you
Posted by Catharsis Wilder on 01.26.07 4:09 pm
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
Posted by Satanus on 01.30.07 2:46 pm
ok some dude wrote way above that triple h is better than chuck Norris because of his faggoty ass nicknames, wrestling is gay and if u don like chuck norris or chuck norris related jokes find another site to visit
Posted by the cheese on 01.30.07 3:23 pm
the dinosaurs looked at chuck norris the wrong way once,ONCE
‘
chuck norris doesnt climb the tower, the tower bows to chuck norris
chuck norris takes a baseball bat to the bathroom in case he craps out a couger
Posted by raja on 02.10.07 12:51 am
neo isnt the one, chuck norris is.
chuck norris and mr t. walk into a bar the bar soon explodes cause no building on earth can hold that much awesome.
chuck norris’s cowboy boots are made of real cowboys.
chuck norris kills a baby every time u touch urself.
Posted by lafonda on 02.12.07 2:01 am
Chuck Norris turns ribbed condoms inside out so he gets the pleasure.
Posted by Gerry on 02.25.07 11:53 am
Chuck Norris does not dodge bullets,bullets dodge Chuck Norris.
Posted by Chuck Norris on 03.05.07 9:17 am
Chuck Norris had sex with Hitler and then killed hiter
Posted by Chuck Norris on 03.05.07 9:17 am
Chuck Norris had sex with Hitler and then killed hiter
Posted by Taylor Shelton on 03.05.07 9:26 am
Paul Smith is so gay that he tryed to have sex with Chuck Norris and he got Round housed kicked to death by Chuck Norris`s Dick.
Posted by Taylor Shelton on 03.05.07 9:26 am
Paul Smith is so gay that he tryed to have sex with Chuck Norris and he got Round housed kicked to death by Chuck Norris`s Dick.
Posted by Taylor Shelton on 03.05.07 9:27 am
Paul is gay with adan husssin on my hairy chuck norris balls
Posted by Taylor Shelton on 03.05.07 9:30 am
Paul Smith is so gay that he had sex with Chuck Norris and got killed by his Round House Kicking Penis.
Posted by Britney Spears on 03.05.07 10:06 am
Dillan Hatcher Died by a Round house kick to the face
Posted by Britney Spears on 03.05.07 10:23 am
I am going to have sex with Dillan Hatcher He makes me horny as shit i want to suck his dick in tell he cums in my mouth
Posted by mark on 03.06.07 1:57 pm
chuck norris is the reson for global warming only bc he round house kicked the sun closer to the earth. and he roundhouse kicked my balls, thats why they are so big
Posted by Bandgeek on 03.06.07 3:16 pm
chuck recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. WE now know this as Red Bull
Posted by Lady Carmilla on 03.10.07 10:19 pm
Ok. The jokes are great. Well, most of them, at least. There are a couple of lame ass ones, but that’s beside the point..
The point is, that some of you need fucking LIVES. I’m here, because me and my FRIEND love reading good Chuck Norris jokes every once in a while.. But do some of you losers even have friends?
I mean, come on now. Who sits on here and argues with people about stupid things like CHUCK NORRIS. I mean, the jokes are great, but he’s not actually that fucking sweet. Wake up and look around, creepers, TV does not = real life.
And also, if you’re going to say things, and you don’t want to look like a fucktard, use motherfucking grammar. Haven’t you ever heard of proper nouns, and capitalizing the beginning of sentences? Didn’t you losers go to SCHOOL!?
So, I don’t want this taken the wrong way. I’m not dissing the joke posters. Only the idiots who act like motherfucking CREEPERS.
Keep the good jokes coming, please. Idiots, please, STFU. Thanks. =)
Posted by Lady Rukia on 03.10.07 10:27 pm
Bakas. You know nothing of grammar. And you need lives. You know…a job, a family, perhaps a place outside of your mother’s house?
I came here out of sheer boredom with my FRIEND. Have you heard of FRIENDS?
And also, don’t boast about being better than Chuck Norris. Because any computer loser is.
I like SOME of the jokes. but don’t be an ass about it.
Posted by Kevin on 03.12.07 1:35 am
Bruce Lee once dreampt he beat up Chuck Norris, he quickly woke up and apologized.
Posted by Ben and Dustin on 03.16.07 10:00 pm
Do you what is under master chief’s helmet? Chuck Norris.
How did Master Chief (Chuck Norris) defeat the covenent? A single roundhouse kick.
I saw a picture of Chuck Norris and my eyes started to bleed.
What helped the mexicans cross the border? Chuck Norris’s Roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris plays basketball with heads that he roundhouse kicked off.
Chuck Norris doesn’t search on google. Google searches on Chuck Norris.
If you look in the mirror and say Chuck Norris’s name three times he will come up and roundhouse kick you in the face.
Who would win in a fight Sonic or Shadow? Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris invented masturbation and then he met Eve when Adam wasn’t home.
Posted by Ben and Dustin on 03.16.07 10:18 pm
Chuck Norris invented the Chuck Norris Jutsu.
I saw a naked picture of Chuck Norris and i shit
When you play Halo 2 on Xbox live. You will see a foot and your Xbox will explode.
Chuck Norris plays WOW (world of warcraft) he is a chuck norris and chuck norris.
What are you smoking Chuck Norris
Posted by brandon on 04.09.07 4:49 pm
when chuck norris sees homeless kids on the street he kicks down and all a round house.
Posted by Jesus on 04.13.07 9:01 pm
Mary was not really a virgin, chuck norris just doesn’t need any more publicity from the catholic church.
Chuck norris doesn’t go hunting, he goes killing.
(^the reason I said this….)
While killing, chuck norris round-housed kicked a jack rabbit and an antelope so hard that they became one conjoined animal called a jackolope.
But shorty after creating it, he kicked it again into space and made the gaint red mark on Jupiter.
Posted by Sarah on 04.16.07 7:56 pm
Chuck Norris is the reason why E.T. wanted to go home.
Posted by Norris Newbie on 04.19.07 4:22 pm
Chuck Norris only fears one thing. Chuck Norris.
The part about Chuck Norris having an orgams and creating the Grand Cayon is awsome. My friend says that the Grand Canyon is the ass crack of the word and that makes Chuck Norris gay, but he is wrong; the Grand Cayon is the vagina of the word. This explains how Chuck Norris is the father of Mother Nature. (: fyi
Posted by Gorillafly on 04.23.07 1:17 pm
Chuck Norris is Tupac and Biggie’s Murderer.
Posted by Tim on 04.26.07 5:48 am
It was recently discovered that crop circles aren’t caused by UFO’s, they’re caused by Chuck Norris. When asked about this, Chuck replied..”Somtimes corn just needs to lay the fuck down!”
Posted by Zp on 04.28.07 11:01 pm
In the battle of Minas Tirth the undead didnt stop the rampaging oliphants the Nazgul beast the Wtch-king and Thousands of orcs Chuck norris did
Posted by chris,kevin on 04.30.07 3:56 am
when chuck norris is so hungry he can eat a horse…he eats 2
“AND THEN THERE WAS CHUCK”
When chuck had a baby it was born 12 years old
A rattle snake bit chuck norris and died instantly
Chuck norris doesnt take a bite out of crime,he eats the whole thing
At the last supper,chuck orderd to go
God said “Let there Be Light” because chuck Norris couldnt see.
Chuck Norris CAN handle the truth
History Will be kind, cause Chuck intends to write it
Chunk Norris actully has eyes in the back of his head
Posted by ImVain1 on 05.04.07 7:06 am
Chuck Norris was recently asked on his cameo in the movie Dodgeball, on what it was like working with such movie legends? Norris’s reply was a series of roundhouses to the face of the reporter, while stating something like that.
Posted by ImVain1 on 05.04.07 7:46 am
A man near and dear to landscapers everywhere was inspired while watching Chuck Norris perform a series of round houses to his landscapers, his name John Deere.
Posted by ImVain1 on 05.04.07 8:01 am
Most people fear death, however it would be unwise not to fear Chuck Norris.
Posted by chris on 05.12.07 12:27 am
CHUCK NORRIS CAN HAVE HIS CAKE AND HE EATS IT TOO.
WHEN CHUCK NORRIS WAS IN SCHOOL HE STOLE THE TEACHERS LUNCH MONEY.
WHEN CHUCK NORRIS WAS BORN HE ROUNDHOUSE KICKED THE DOCTOR FOR STARING AT HIS MOM.
CHUCK NORRIS CAN ALSO SQUAREHOUSE AND TRIANGLEHOUSE KICK YOU TOO.
DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER CANT CATCH CHUCK NORRIS.
Posted by basichinese on 05.23.07 4:52 pm
Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop
Posted by Hamo on 05.26.07 2:52 am
One day Chuck Norris died & he went to heaven & he was by the heaven gates & a angel refused chuck norris to get in so chuck norris roudhouse kicked him in the face & the angel sent him to hell.Once chuck norris was in hell the devil also refused chuck norris to get into hell so then chuck norris roundhouse kicked his face & the devil speared his soul & chuck norris somehow lived the next day
Posted by Chuck Noriris's son on 05.31.07 4:40 pm
When all of the other bears said Texas Ranger was on Yogi got the crap out of the park
Posted by Chuck Norris's deciple on 06.04.07 9:32 am
Chuck Norris was having sex in the back of a broken down tractor trailer…. one of his spwerm accidently got into the engine, you now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
Posted by Chuck Norris's son on 06.07.07 4:02 pm
Chuck Norris cracked the Da Vinci code first
Posted by Chuck Norris's son on 06.07.07 4:21 pm
If Chuck Norris had a penny for every time he roundhouse kicked someone i would be the richest kid in the world
Posted by Andrew on 06.08.07 11:50 am
i sucked chuck norris dick and died!
Posted by Me on 06.10.07 9:11 pm
Chuck Norris can say ‘I want to spontaneously combust’, and it happens.
Chuck Norris can find the remote after it’s hid.
Once he finds it, he roundhouse kicks whoever hid it, and crushes the remote with his fingers.
Chuck doesn’t need a fuckin’ remote. The TV does what Chuck tells it to do.
Posted by bob on 06.12.07 3:55 pm
Sliced bread is the second best thing next to Chuck Norris
Posted by Stephen on 06.13.07 9:40 pm
Nobody doesn’t like Sara Lee….Except Chuck Norris
Posted by Chuck's penis. on 06.15.07 3:27 am
being the great wall of china is boring.
Posted by Chuck's beard on 06.17.07 9:16 pm
The first biggest and toughest thing is Chuck’s beard, then comes the universe.
Posted by bob on 06.19.07 8:30 am
chuck norris is the only living thing that can survive a nuclear war!!
Posted by bob on 06.19.07 8:43 am
When Chuck Norris has a baby it will be the second coming of christ
Posted by shane on 06.19.07 10:53 am
Chuck Norris is why Saddam was in a spider hole
Posted by bob on 06.19.07 11:02 am
A nuclear bomb is equivalent to one round house kick from Chuck Norris
Posted by Perky on 06.22.07 7:18 am
Jimi Hendrix dosent “stand up next to a mountain, and chop it down” with the edge of his hand, Chuck does
Posted by Ris on 06.25.07 4:06 pm
Bruce Lee died from ruptures in his brain, the only known way of how this happened, this was because Chuck Norris learned how to roundhouse kick him in the brain telekeneticaly…this was also how revenge was invented
Posted by jayson on 06.28.07 11:13 am
scientists believe that the big bang created the whole universe..it was really chuck norris roundhouse kicking god in the face
Posted by Robo on 07.01.07 5:41 am
if you even dream of beating chuck norris in a fight, you better wake up and pray to chuck for forgiveness
Posted by Wise man on 07.08.07 4:17 am
an irishman an englishman and a jew walked into a bar. this pissed chuck Norris off. there were no survivers.
CHUCK NORRIS DOESNT WALK INTO A BAR A BAR WALKS INTO CHUCK NORRIS!!
AL gore claims he invented the internet, CHUCK NORRIS did, in revenge chuck norris created global warming, and had sex with his wife.
Posted by chris on 07.09.07 7:35 pm
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE, first you insult people for having fun with Chuck Norris Jokes and then you for some reason think that raping a guy will make you seem more manly IT DOENS’T!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Shelli on 07.10.07 1:32 pm
Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken’s famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell “What The Hell was That?”
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
There are no steroids in sports. Just athletes Chuck Norris has breathed on.
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
Posted by me12 on 07.14.07 6:30 pm
Its said that if you ever misspell chuc noris’ name he will come out and kill you so fast that you wont even have time to finish what you were s
Posted by Dr.Feelgood on 08.04.07 6:07 am
When Chuck Norris was born he fucked the nurse.He was her first and she was his third
Posted by boo ya on 08.08.07 4:48 pm
Chuck Norris once won a game of halo 2 by lo0oking at it.
Posted by ur momma on 08.08.07 4:52 pm
Chuck Norris didn’t make power, power made Chuck Norris.
Posted by jighooligan on 08.20.07 6:45 pm
chuck norris once roundhouse kicked a man back to the stone age when the man got up eveeryone said to him “you to?”
Posted by andy on 09.07.07 6:30 am
Chuck Norris keeps coffee awake.
Posted by Mouseboyo on 10.24.07 2:17 pm
Chuck Norris got his driver liscence at the age of 16 seconds.
Posted by john smith on 11.30.07 7:49 pm
here is a joke about chuck norris:
u know how jesus can walk on water but chuck norris can swim through land bitch
Posted by CarS on 04.19.08 8:32 pm
Tornado’s don’t happen in Texas, Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.