jokes about chuck norris

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Chuck Norris’s penis is so big that it has a penis of its own and it is still bigger than yours.

Chuck Norris doesnt consider it sex if the woman lives

When Chuck Noris jumps in a pool he dosen’t get wet water gets Chuck Noris.

Chuck Noris round house kicked the leaning tower of piza

Chuck Noris isn’t hung like a horse a horse is hung like him..

The atom bomb isn’t real.. It’s just Chuck falling out a plane and punching the ground..

Wat is the quickest way to mans heart?
Chuck Noris’s fist.

Chuck Noris retards are just people that have been round house kicked in the face by Chuck Noris

Chuck Norris pees in a can and sells it as redbull.

God wanted to create the world in 10 days… Chuck Norris gave him 6.

Most people put their pants on one leg at a time, Chuck Norris does both legs at once.

It never rains when Chuck Noris is around, if it tried he would just roundhouse kick every single raindrop

a stagnant container of chuck norris’s urine turns in to diamonds after 2 days

There are actually 8 wonders of the world. Chuck Norris counts for 4 of them.

this was actually a dictionary website until it said chuck norris spelled something wrong so he round house kicked it into this.

God said let there be light, Chuck Noris said say please.

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The Devil went down to Georgia not because he was looking for a soul to steal.. Chuck Norris took over hell for two weeks and told the Devil to get the fuck out.

Chuck Norris is the reason that God rested on the seventh day.

Three simple rules of survival:

1. Don’t take the name of Chuck in vain
2. When in the presence of Chuck, avert your eyes, lest you recieve a roundhouse kick to the face
3. When camping, bring toilet paper


There Is No Such Thing As A Lesbian, There Are Just Girls Who Haven’t Met Chuck Norris


Chuck Norris doesn’t eat nails for breakfast, he eats rail road spikes.

This just in:
“Alexandria the prophet” was currently found in Japan, where she apparantly landed after a good round house kick to the face by god…I mean Chuck Norris.


Someone once asked Chuck Norris “How much wood, could a wood chuck chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck wood?” uppon completing of the sentance Chuck Norris just smiled. Two seconds later Chuck resorected Bruce Lee and he proceeded to roud house kick the person to death for taking the name of Chuck in vein.


chuck norris enventd a time machine and went back to just before j.f.k. was shot, he jumped in front of the bullets and shattered them all with his beard. j.f.k. died out of pure amazement.


Superman only has two weeknesses. Kryptonite and a round house kick from Chuck Norris.

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windows vista chuck norris

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Chuck Norris once commented, “There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none.”

Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.

Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris’s nutsack.

When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.

Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king’s horses and all the king’s men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.

More Chuck Norris Jokes HERE!

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When Chuck Norris played golf for money, chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to chuck,”excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole”. Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said, im Chuck Norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways.

Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight.

Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is “The Two”

Chuck Norris’ iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord.

Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.

Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times.

China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth.

Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn’t Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus’ birthday.

When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.

Chuck Norris once kicked a baby elephant into puberty

Multiple people have died from Chuck Norris giving them the finger.

Chuvk Norris once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head.

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