A lock of chuck norris’s beard is currently sold on ebay for 12 million dollars.
Chuck Norris is the current midget toss champion with a record toss of 79 feet.
Chuck Norris once killed an african elephant with his mind.
Chuck Norris’s urine is more valuable the gold in many third world countries
Chuck Norris once was playin a friendly game of golf with the pope. When Chuck shanked a ball into the bunker he began cursing. The pope said, “I will pray for you my son.†Norris proceeded to roundhouse kick him to the face stating that no one prays for Chuck Noris besides Chuck Norris, then he stole his wallet.
When Chuck goes shark fishing, he uses only his beard to catch, kill, gut and cook the shark.
The other day Chuck Norris and his girlfriend were sitting down watching the Texas Ranger when his girlfriend said, “How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood.â€, there was a pause. Then Chuck Norris laughed a soft laugh when he put up his hand and made a tight fist and shoved it down his girlfriend’s thoat. He had his hand down her for a second when he jerkingly ripped it out with a fresh heart in his hand. He then said, “How dare you ryhme in the presents of Chuck Norris,†as he squished the bloody heart in his hand. Then he said, “Don’t fuck with Chuck.â€
It was five years later when Chuck Norris realized the cruel dramatic irony of his girlfriend’s death, which he came to forget when the commercials ended and he got back to watching his show, so he began laughing and he laugh so hard it killed everyone within a five-hundred mile radius and causing the storm which started the second ice age.
When Microsoft was sued for a monopoly, Chuck Norris Proceeded to roundhouse kick Hasbro Games because they invented it.
In his free time, Chuck Norris knits sweaters. But when I say “knitâ€, I mean kick. And when I say “sweatersâ€, I mean babies.
One day, a police officer pulled over Chuck Norris for speeding. As Chuck Norris gave the cop his license, the image of Chuck Norris’ stare in the photo imediately compeled the officer to pull out his gun and commit suicide. Chuck Norris is now wanted for 27 traffic violations and 27 traffic violation related murders.
If Chuck Norris stands on the moutain and sez do it, it gets done, and if it doesnt get done, then chuck will move on it, and thats the last thing you want Chuck to do.
Chuck Norris didnt get ripped on the bowflex like he says in the commercial. He was born a full grown man with his beard and his 6-pack. Chuck norris created bowflex so that us mere mortals may have a chance of scoring. Well only after Chuck has made love to them first, and he did everyones mom in the world.
One day at shool, the teacher told Chuck Norris to say his ABC’s. Chuck spelled his name. When the teacher said, †That great, now say your ABC’s†Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked the teacher and said,†Chuck Norris doesn’t repeat himself.â€
Bigfoot was once spotted by Chuck Norris, however after staring at bigfoot for a while Chuck proceeded to pull his pants down thinking it was a competition… Bigfoot ran into to the woods crying never to be seen again.
Chuck Norris is 1/8 part Indian. Not from any relatives. He just ate a fucking indian.
chuck norris died twenty years ago death was just to afraid to tell him
chuck norris ejaculates nails thats why he laughs when they asked did you nail her
chuck norris so his so to the devil for the most powerfull roundhouse kick in the land unforutantly fo the devil he then roundhouse kicked him and got his soul back
they are no shooting stars they are just people chuck norris roundhouse kicked
hope you like them
chuck noriss doesnt laugh he gets people to laugh for him then kicks them in the face
chuck norris doesnt go to the toilet the toilet comes to him
chuck norris doesnt cook he stares at the food and it cooks itself
when chuck norris was born he round house kickd the doctor and danced on his mothers face
chuck norris invented the Mcdeal.
chuck norris is immune to AIDS, because he is AIDS.
God Once Gave Chuck Norris The Power To Fly But Chuck Norris Easily Turn It Down For Super Roundhouse Kicking Powers!
Chuck Norris Can Deflect Bullets With His Beard!
chuck norris once called future shop and asked for the electronic department , they thought he was god andput him on speakerphone asking them questions
chuck norris was killed by another texas ranger and will farrel had crashed his funeral and picked up his wife and banged her that night, will farrel did not know that chuck was god so chuck came back from the dead and went to oralndo were will farrel was shooting a video roundhouse kicked him one hsot and will farrel had died , later that week chuck norris had crashed his funeral and banged will farrels wife then banged her and roundhouse kicked her also
in the original version of dodgeball peter lafluour was actually hit by the ball and lostthe championshi[p in the finals. but because chuck norris didnt approve of the writters decision he roundhouse kicked the writter in the face and took over.FUCKEN CHUCK NORRIS
WHEN DEATH CAME TO GET CHUCK NORRIS HE SIMPLY ROUNDHOUSE KICKED DEATH IN THE FACE TOOK HIS XE AND PUT IT IN THE PARIS MUSEUM
IF CHUCK NORRIS WAS A GIRL HED SIMPLY RONDHOUSE KICK HERSELF IN THE FACE AND SLEEP IT OFF OT BECOME A MAN
Chuck Norris is everyones real father and if you disagree daddy will beat you with a round house kick deal with it!!!!!
Every time u get hurt its because Chuck Norris wants you 2 and anyone how dies is killed buy Chuck because controls everything
chuck norris is an ugly man
chuck norris isn’t hung like a moose, mooses are hung like chuck norris.
Chuck Norris’s tears can heal any disease, but Chuck has only cried once- just because he God damn felt like it. That’s how they made the cure for smallpox.
Chuck Norris once was sitting next to a muffin. The muffin said, “Hey, you’re Chuck Norris!” Chuck then replied, “Holy crap! A talking muffin!” He then roundhouse kicked the muffin into orbit. That muffin was responsible for blowing up every failed rocket. Did Chuck intend that? Yeah. Chuck hates NASA. And kittens.
Chuck Norris enjoys killing kittens and then eating them. Why? Because he’s Chuck Norris.
Chuck once ate a burrito and got the runs. His shit is now known as the Statue of Liberty.
chuck norris’s gum chews itself
Chuck Norris is the center of the universe, all thing revolve around Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris Only masturbates to pictures or Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris does NOT mow the lawn he stares at the grass and DARES it to Grow
WWCD= Wut would chuck do?
By the time Chuck Norris graduated from college he had impregnated every girl on campus. He was only visiting for the weekend.
chuck norris doesn’t have aids but he gives it to people anyway
chuck norris enventd a time machine and went back to just before j.f.k. was shot, he jumped in front of the bullets and shattered them all with his beard. j.f.k. died out of pure amazement.
Superman only has two weeknesses. Kryptonite and a round house kick from Chuck Norris.
One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter
ACDC= All chicks do chuck
Chuck norris can eat a rubix cube and shit it out solved !!!!
The Spaniards don’t run from the bulls.The bulls run from Chuck Norris.
Someone once asked Chuck Norris “How much wood, could a wood chuck chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck wood?” uppon completing of the sentance Chuck Norris just smiled. Two seconds later Chuck resorected Bruce Lee and he proceeded to roud house kick the person to death for taking the name of Chuck in vein.
Chuck norris once ordered a Big Mac at Burger King
He Got it
Chuck Norris is Sueing USA for the show Law and Order. Chuck says they stole the name from his left and right legs.
NICK U ARE THE GAYEST, UR CHUCK NORIS RHYMES DISGRACE THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORIS!! SHAME ON U FAG!!!
ok first ofalll dane is gay… second of all i second the notion of “i hate nick” because I speak on the behalf of Chuck Noris and he is disgusted by the thought of u !!!
Chuck Norris counted to infinite……………..twice
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books he stares them down untill he gets the information he wants!
Chuck Norris won connect four………… in three turns!
Chuck noris once wrote letters to the uni bomber to have him send chuck packages
If there is anything Chuck Norris can’t do, he will call upon God and make God give him the ability to do it
This is why Chuck Norris can do anything
i think chuck norris sucks, and i can’t c y u idiots like him. he’s not anything special. u r just wasting your time writing about him. get a life u fucknuts.
p.s. roundhouse kicks suck 2!!!
Chuck Norris doesn’t ride a car, the road moves wherever he want to go.
Chuck Norris doesn’t eat nails for breakfast, he eats rail road spikes.
This just in:
“Alexandria the prophet” was currently found in Japan, where she apparantly landed after a good round house kick to the face by god…I mean Chuck Norris.
GET OFF MY NUTS!!! I WILL ROUNDHOUSE KICK EVERYONE OF U IN THE FACE….Y? I’M CHUCK NORRIS BITCHES
Chuck Norris once killed five people in less than one second the only thing he had to say after was “If Chuck Norris says he don’t want any girl scout cookies it means Chuck Norris don’t want no fucking girl scout cookies”.
YOU’RE the one posting complaints on a page dedicated to having fun in the name of Chuck Norris(who rocks btw), so go take your shit elsewhere.
i.e: GET A LIFE
There Is No Such Thing As A Lesbian, There Are Just Girls Who Haven’t Met Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris Drives and Ice Cream truck…..covered in human skulls
chuck norris doesnt slepp he waits.
chuck norris only has two speeds, walk and kill.
when chuck does push-ups he doesnt push up he pushs the world down.
Most people wear superman Pyjamas, Superman wears Chuck Norris pyjamas
I like Cupcakes
Chuck Noris once slamed a revolving door
Chuck Norris once ate three 16 ounce steaks in an hour, thereby getting them all free. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Einsteins theory of relativity states that Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you in the face. . . yesterday.
The Devil went down to Georgia not because he was looking for a soul to steal.. Chuck Norris took over hell for two weeks and told the Devil to get the fuck out.
Chuck Norris is the reason that God rested on the seventh day.
Three simple rules of survival:
1. Don’t take the name of Chuck in vain
2. When in the presence of Chuck, avert your eyes, lest you recieve a roundhouse kick to the face
3. When camping, bring toilet paper
chuck norris counted to infinity twice
chuck norris believs its not butter
chuck norris does karate all over again so he can beat up little kids
Chuck Norris’s penis is so big that it has a penis of its own and it is still bigger than yours.
Chuck Norris doesnt consider it sex if the woman lives
When Chuck Noris jumps in a pool he dosen’t get wet water gets Chuck Noris.
Chuck Noris round house kicked the leaning tower of piza
Chuck Noris isn’t hung like a horse a horse is hung like him..
The atom bomb isn’t real.. It’s just Chuck falling out a plane and punching the ground..
Wat is the quickest way to mans heart?
Chuck Noris’s fist.
Chuck Noris retards are just people that have been round house kicked in the face by Chuck Noris
Chuck Norris pees in a can and sells it as redbull.
God wanted to create the world in 10 days… Chuck Norris gave him 6.
Most people put their pants on one leg at a time, Chuck Norris does both legs at once.
It never rains when Chuck Noris is around, if it tried he would just roundhouse kick every single raindrop
a stagnant container of chuck norris’s urine turns in to diamonds after 2 days
There are actually 8 wonders of the world. Chuck Norris counts for 4 of them.
this was actually a dictionary website until it said chuck norris spelled something wrong so he round house kicked it into this.
God said let there be light, Chuck Noris said say please.
chuck noris doesnt t-bag people.. he potato sacks him…
all the people after the chuck noris shows in the credits really arent people that were in the show… but are all people in rememberance of death due to a round house kick to the face…
It’s not summer that brings the leaves back on trees, it’s the fact that Chuck norris has left the area and the leaves feel safe again.
chuck norris doesnt have sex… he just stares at girl and he gives em orgasims
Chuck norris can divid by zero
Underneath china theres a sticker that says made by Chuck Norris
I 3rd i hate nick – nick is just trippin cus he pissed chuck norris off and got a swift roundhouse kick in the face
If chuck Norris is late,Time better slow the
F@#k down
Chuck Norris Doesn’t Need a weapon, He is one
Chuck Norris invented water
Chuck sleeps with the lights on. Not Because he is afraid of the dark, But the dark is afraid of him
Before He Goes to sleep, the boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris
Perfect pages… tnx
chuck norris jumped over the empire state building twice without touching the ground
chuck norris beat the shit out of adam and eve cause they were sitting under his tree naked thats why the died having sex
chuck norris dosent get wet the water gets chuck norris
somone asked chuck norris how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood he laughed slowly and round house kicked the guy in the fase 13 times and said this many and held up thirteen fingers
on the 7th day god rested, chuck norris took over
if chuck norris was a smoothie at smoothie king well… they are already closed for buisness for costumer complaints to their face hurting after drinking their smoothies
Chuck noris swallows and shit back out razor baldes , razor blades have been his choich of food ever since he was bor yet the razor still havent left him assholeless just with a stronger butthole that he will shit nails out from at your face bitch!!!!!
Chuck Noris Farted we now know this wind as Hurricain Katrina
Jesus walked on Water……..Chuck Noris swam threw land!!!
Chuck Noris had sex with men not because he is gay but because he ran out of women to do it with
Farmers grade land……..Chuck Noris grades water!!!
chuck’s wife burnt the thanks giving turky one year. upon learning this he ran out side and caught a live turky with his bare hands, and swollowed it whole… waited ten seconds and regrgitated it fully cooked on a platter with cramberry sauce. his wife asked him “how did u do that”! and in a thunderous roar he declared “YOU DARE QUESTION CHUCK NORRIS!!!!! and he round housed kicked her killing her on impact. she revolves jupiter to this day.
chuck norris originaly made a show called walker transformer ranger the theme song went “CHUCKFORMERS ROBOT IN DESGISE CHUCKEFORMERS ROUND HOUSE KICK YOU TILL YOU DIE”. he played a red pickup turck that could transform into a giant chuck norris. seeing the giant chuck norris on screen put people in a state of a combanation of hart attacs and sezurs.
so chuck in his infanet wisdom decided to separate the show into what we now know as transformers, and walker texsas ranger.
Chuck Noris makes exerciseing machines stronge
chuck norris can win at a game of solitaire with only 18 cards
chuck norris once destroyed the periodic talbe of elements because chuck norris only recognises the element of surprise.
CHUCK NORRIS KILLS 14 WHITE PEOPLE AFTER EVERY WEEK JUST TO PROVE HE ISINT RACIST
Chuck Norris does wear bug spray…Chuck Norris IS bug spray.
chuck norris can eat a fruit pastel without chewing
chuck norris can lick both his elbows at the same time
chuck norris is a nigger in disguis
chuck norris hates red necks because they cant aford cable to watch chuck noris kill them
chuck noris’s only mama joke is ” yo mama is fat” after ward he just round house kicks u in the face untill u laugh
chuck noris orderd chcken Fris at mc donalds, he got them
chuck noris golf with god evrey sunday
chuck norris is the guy in the suit in halo1 and halo 2
chuck norris has his own line of shoes call chuckys the shoe lasses are lock of his berd
Chuck Norris does not eat food, he must sustain himself on Niggers blood…
Chuk Norris has no job….he is payed by the familys of the people who killed after the round house kicking
Chuck Norris was lost in the woods one day when he was confronted by an angry Grizzly bear. Chuck simply showed the bear his fist, and the bear proceeded to eat itself knowing it would be a much less painful death than by the wrath of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesnt need weapon of any sort…he use his foot,fist and STARE!
chuck norris fought in 3 world wars, lived of goat piss for 3 years / killed birds with toe nails/ and also acted in planet of the apes and got kicked off the set for throwing poo like bullets!!!!!!!!!!!!
chuck norris lived in three world wars / chuck norris lived in the jungle with the apes… killing lions by flinging his poo like bullets/and he alos live for six years just by drinking goat piss an chucks penis is this long…8=====================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================D his dad was black!!!!
Chuck norris doesnt go to a christian church, god goes to the church of chuck norris.
Chuck Norris jumped into a pool of water. Chuck Norris didn’t get wet. The water got Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has the best poker face of all time, He won the 1983 world series of poker with only a five of spades, 1 free get out of jail carb from the game monopoly, a blue number 1 card from uno, and a six of hearts
Chuck Norris doesnt pop his collar, his shirt gets an erection when it touches his skin
For God so loved the world he gave his only begotten Chuck Norris
If Chuck Norris were President, He would Have every school teach Roundhouse kicking
Chuck Norris is so great, even God has his autograph
Chuck Norris so so tough that under his beard there is no chin, just another fist
Chuck Norris doest do push ups, push ups do Chuck Norris
Every single Chuck Norris fan, is just someone he hasn’t Roundhouse kicked…yet
Chuck Norris actually arranged the solar system by repeatedly roundhouse kicking all the planets into position
We only make Jokes about Chuck Norris, Because he’s better than us
Sara Jessica Parker’s face looks like a foot, because Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked her in the face when she was a kid
Chuck Norris loves kittens…slathered in ketchup with a side of fries and a Mcflurry
Chuck Norris doesn’t need an MP3 player, because a band follows him around were ever he go’s
Chuck Norris doesn’t go to school school gose to Chuck Norris doesn’t
Chuck norris had sex on an 18 wheeler once and some of the semen dripped on the floor of the cab. We now know that 18 wheeler as optimus prime
Chuck Norris dosn’t like killing things,but he does it anyway
chuck norris built rome in a day — by himself.
chuck norris built the stairway to heaven.
chuck norris can touch MC HAMMER.
chuck norris CAN believe its not butter.
chuck norris served a waiter in a restuarant.
chuck norris has 5 sets of knees on each leg.
chuck norris likes chris.
Chuck Norris invented CPR when he accidentally beat someone back to life.
chuck norris can speak brael
When Chuck Norris does a pushup he doesnt push himself up, he pushes the world down
There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
Most of you have terrible typing skills because Cuck Norris roundhouse kicked the key strokes after you put them in, but before the computer showed them…
Chuck Norris once had sex in a semi. Some of the semen got caught in the exaust. That semi is now better known as Optimus Prime.
The 300 men in the battle of Thermopaly were actually just Chuck Norris. And the Norris army never lost…
And most Spartan men were actually gay or bi… This is because they knew Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart is not nearly stupid enough to attack him…
When working in an office with Chuck Norris, never ask him for his three-hole-punch…
Chuck Norris’ pulse is measured on the richter scale.
Chuck norris knows the last digit of pi…
Chuck norris sat next to Jesus in the third grade.
(A lot of you will hate me for this one, it’s okay, i’m a pagan anyway) Chuck Norris put Jesus on the cross, then butt raped him.
And, whoever put their name as The Amazing Ass Clown, I know where you live, and I am coming for you, you fucking rascist son of a bitch…
Chuck Norris let the dogs out.
Jesus walked on water chuck Norris walked on Jesus
little do most people know, there was actually 4 wise men. chuck norris gave christ the gift of beard.
chuck norris bites frost!!! frost doesnt bite chuck norris
chuck norris…… thats
c as in chuck norris
h as in hey its chuck norris
u as in uhh!! its chuck norris
c as in chuck norris
k as in chuck norris’ killer kick
n as in norris
o as in omg its chuck norris
r as in chuck norris
r as in chuck norris
i as in its me chuck norris
s as in sirron kcuhc thats chuck norris lookin in the mirror with his shirt that has his name chuck norris
chuck norris doesnt check his closet for the boogey man, the boogey man checks his closet for chuck norris
chuck norris doesnt breathe air, the air breathes chuck norris
Chuck Norris ate dog’s fur and crapped out Banthas, Ewoks and Chewbacca.
Tatooine was once close to Coruscant, but Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the planet all the way to the outer rim.
Chuck Norris had a hard time finding information on the computer so he roundhouse kicked so hard that Kamino was automatically erased from the Jedi Archives.
Chuck Norris drove up to a McDonalds at 10am. He was denied an egg McMuffin so he roundhouse kicked the restaurant so hard that it turned into a KFC.
Jar Jar Binks had no dialogue in Episode III Revenge of the Sith because Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the jaw and ripped his tongue out.
Chuck Norris never fears the Darkside, the Darkside fears Chuck Norris.
Vince McMahon screwed Bret Hart, but Vince McMahon will always think twice in screwing Chuck Norris because we all know why.
Roundhouse kicks don’t kill people, Chuck Norris with roundhouse kicks kill people.
CHUCK NORRIS SLEEPS WITH A PILLOW UNDER HIS GUN!!
when chuck norris jumps in the ocean, he doesnt get wet, the water gets chuck norris.
the devil tried to get a 500 foot restraining order on chuck norris. chuck norris obeyed it, except for his roundhouse kicking foot.
superman wears chuck norris pj’s
handicapped parking signs are not at parking spots for people already handicapped. they are in fact a warning that the spot belongs to chuck norris and if you park there you will become handicapped
chuck norris can strangle you with a cordless phone
the last digit of pi is chuck norris. chuck norris is the end of all things
harry truman ordered the atomic bomb to be dropped on japan because he knew that it was more merciful to send that than chuck norris
great
death once had a “near chuck norris” experience.
lightning never strikes twice in the same place because chuck norris is looking for it.
chuck norris once lost his remote control, but managed to maintain control over his t.v. by yelling at it between bites of his food.
chuck norris uses 8′x10′ sheets of plywood as toilet paper.
chuck norris once got into a knife fight, the knife lost.
chuck norris’ calendar goes from march 31st straight to april 2nd. nobody fools chuck norris.
chuck norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
chuck norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper.
chuck norris lost both of his legs in a car accident and still managed to walk it off.
people invented the auto mobile to escape chuck norris, not to be outdone, chuck norris invented the automobile accident.
You have a great website. Keep up the good work.
Man, what a well set-up website!
chuck norris eats transformer toys and craps them out transformed One day, Chuck Norris was walking by a pool, and for no particular reason, jerked off and nutted into a pool. 9 months later, a man emerged with the ability to speak chinese and boast about his speed. Chuck Norris had sex with these two chicks once and the orgasm the women shared drove them madly in love with each other… as a result, they ate each other’s shit
%-) genuinely interested by this website
I’d just like to thank you for taking the time to create this internet website. It has been extremely helpful
Boy, this is some high-class site
the movie “Anaconda” was filmed in Chuck Norris’s pants!!!
I really like the layout and colors that you chose for this website! It certainly is incredible!
Informative professional site, whatmore can i say!!
I really like your site
Chuck Norris and Superman were armwrestling, and the one who lost had to put his underpants on his trousers.. HAHA
Chuck Norris not only likes kittens. He also likes dead babies. With fava beans and a nice Chianti.
Chuck Norris is so fine, he’d eat his own shit just to see where it came from.
I hate niggers fags and jews
Some kids pee their name in snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in concrete.
Chuck Norris tried to make something stronger than a roundhouse kick, and as it was impossible, all he made was Lady Gaga’s penis
” It is not Chuck Norris who saves the humanity, it is the humanity which saves Chuck Norris ”
Let us specify that the humanity succeeds in saving Chuck Norris only because that this pays of her time and of its sweat to look at Chuck Norris’s movies.
It is so that the humanity suffers then dies and that Chuck Norris has the beautiful life, then survives in his luxuriant boomker: financed thanks to the dedication of the plebs !
Its a bird! no its a plane!no its just chuck norris’s lates roundhouse kick to the head victim
to “i hate niggers” noone cares, take your racist shit somewhere and die so that the rest of us can enjoy this site in peace
Chuck Norris’s e-mail gmail@chucknorris.com
Do you know how the Ninja Turtles were born?…….Chuck Norris fucked a Turtle
The male sexual problem, or sexual dysfunction, refers to a problem during any phase of the sexual response cycle that prevents the man or couple from experiencing satisfaction from the activity. The sexual response cycle has four phases: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution.
chuck norris had an akward moment once…………………..just to see how it feels
chuck norris is everywhere and anywhere but yet hese nowhere
Chuck Norris would rather be safe AND sorry.
Chuck Norris pisses excelence!
Chuck Norris created the giraffe by upper cutting a horse.
Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad.
Chuck Norris took his daughter’s virginity back.
Can you see Chuck Norris behind you right now? He’s that fast!
Once on the set of Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris birthed a colt. A few minutes later he roundhouse kicked and killed it. He was heard to remark “The good Chuck giveth and the good Chuck taketh away.”
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
dinosaurs looked at chuck norris wrong… once
Chuck Norris is so hot, he makes the sun stop, drop, and roll
Chuck Norris is so cool, he makes ice jealous. and I HATE NIGGERS shut the hell up and deal!!!!!!!!!!:)
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds till.” After you ask, “Two seconds to what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Chuck Norris’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t fuck with Chuck!” Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually “Chuck Norris–more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris–robot in disguise,” and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
chuck noris doesnt play god playings for children scientists say the big bangs energy is equal to one CNRHK or one Chuck Noris RoundHouse Kick
I think Chuck Norris is stupid and he will not come up from behind me and kill m-
The movie Anaconda was originally supposed to be a porn featuring a threeway with Ice cube, Chuck Norris, and J lo. Instead, Chucks penis ate 4 people and injured the entire crew. He was using a dead snake as a condom.
Chuck Norris can see Ultra Violet light
The Anthraxletters was just a bi-product when Chuck was writing his bible.
When Lou Ferrigno gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. when the Hulk gets mad, he tirns into Chuck Norris.
You can mail an unstamped letter today just addressed to Chuck, and it will get delivered to him anywhere in the World. Yesterday !
Osama bin Ladin is not hiding from the United States, he owes Chuck money.
no. I WANT MY VAN BACK!!
Chuck Norris doesnt shave he hammers his stubles in and than bites them of
Chuck Norris can smell colors.
Shook knight was aiming at Chuck Norris that fatefull night but he deflected the bullets with his beard and they hit 2pac DAMN YOU CHUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!
you are all a bunch of f****** ing a** stinkers.
Those bright objects you see in the night sky are not shooting stars. They are Chuck’s loogies leaving Earth’s atmosphere.
There is no such thing as check mate, only Chuck-Mate. This “no escape, facing possible death” term could only be used with plastic pieces, life sized scale chess boards simply could not withhold such bloodshed…
Only by a well deserved round house kick to the side of my face, and a beard lashing, have I been granted the honor of administering the eagerly awaited change of said terminology in the chess world and in real life…….
Given this privilege I now hold the green light to change the definition.
Check-Mate = One faces death without submission.
Chuck-Mate = All certainly perish painfully and excrutiatingly, and without any possibility of escape…AT ALL
Chuck Norris once ran so fast that he did not sink when apposed by water, this phenomenon is better known in the bible as one of the greatest miracles ever written. Jesus was an excellent apprentice was he not.
Not to be out done by someone whom could now do the same, Chuck Norris then turned his blazing speed up a notch.. This event in all likeliness would be the cause of Moses’ hair instantly turning gray and furthermore, the Red Sea being parted.
Chuck steak is the term referred to by which a single round house kick is applied to an idle cow pasture.
A little Chuck Norris, is a DAMN LOT of Chuck Norris !
Fuck Chuck already
A lot of people on here cant spell.