Duckshit
Funny Jokes and Dirty Jokes
Chuck Norris Facts II
Posted on 01.12.06 7:58AM under Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris demanded live rounds and convicted sex-offenders for every episode of Walker: Texas Ranger.
Chuck Norris traveled back in time and freed the slaves because he knew he’d need a black partner on his show one day. And by need, i mean do all the bitchwork, because Chuck Norris doesn’t need anybody.
If you don’t capitilize Chuck Norris’s name, he’ll kill your grandparents.
Chuck Norris singlehandedly started and ended both world wars.
Chuck Norris killed hitler, not out of patriotism, but because he had such a sorry excuse for facial hair.
Chuck Norris shot 50 Cent 9 times but let him live for their upcoming feature film.
No girls ever fucked Chuck Norris without getting at least 15 stitches.
Chuck Norris has never had his dick sucked, but he’s fucked a lot of mouths.
Chuck Norris once boxed a kangaroo on a steel pier at the boardwalk.
Chuck Norris made the pope question his own sexuality.
In his autobiography, Chuck Norris accused Jean-Claude Van Dam and Steven Sigal of being “little pussies who probably sixty-nine with each other.”
Chuck Norris invented doggy-style, except he calls it Chuck Norris-style, and you better too.
Chuck Norris is the only record in medical history to beat cancer, not by chemotherapy, but a brief series of spinning roundhouse kicks.
Great White Sharks have an agreement with Chuck Norris, that if he sticks to the land, they’ll stick to the water.
Chuck Norris can make even the meanest of bull-dykes moist in the crotch.
Chuck Norris goes door to door across the country making sure people are getting their daily quota of Walker, Texas Ranger.
Reportedly, Chuck Norris vomits blood upon seeing any Ben Affleck movie, stating that Affleck “couldn’t roundhouse kick his way out of a wet paper bag.”
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Posted by Administrator on 01.13.06 12:26 am
Chuck Norris is 1/8 part Indian. Not from any relatives. He just ate a fucking indian.
Posted by Adam McKay on 01.13.06 8:38 pm
Chuck Norris played Halo for XBOX once but found out the master chief could not perform a round house kick, so he procceded to enter the game and round house kick the master chief.
Posted by John Boy on 01.23.06 12:20 pm
Chuck Norris founded the State of Rhode Island. When they refused to put him on the state flag he round house kicked the entire state into obscurity… and thats why nothing worthwhile has ever come out of Rhode Island
Posted by Matt Williams on 01.24.06 10:09 pm
Chuck Norris CAN beleive its not butter
Posted by Mike Z on 01.30.06 5:40 pm
chuck norris sleeps with a night light not because he is affraid of the dark but because the dark is affraid of him.
Posted by jesus on 02.02.06 7:35 pm
chuck norris made the dinosaurs go extinct.
Posted by Bob sagot on 02.17.06 10:48 pm
chuck norris had a play by him.. un fortuenly everybody died cuz he round housed kicked every one in the face.
Posted by ff on 02.18.06 9:58 pm
chuck norris once ate 2 asians he then poope dout a gamecube
Posted by Josh J. with z on 02.21.06 7:57 pm
If the Flash and the Silver Surfer had a race to see who could get to the edge of the universe first who would win?
Answer: CHUCK NORRIS
Posted by Norris-Ism on 02.26.06 8:54 pm
Chuck Norris IS the American Idol
Chuck Norris invented Carolina and Dakota. When the US government said he couldn’t have them, rather then kill the legislation, he just took the top halves, now known as north Dakota and North Carolina.
If you go into your bath room at midnight and look in the mirrior and whisper 3 times, “Chuck Norris”, Chuck Norris will appeare and round house kick your entire family.
When you call long distance on the phone, the extra second it takes to connect, is actually Chuck Norris running across the country, and connecting the phone lines.
When people tell scary stories, they use monsters and ghosts instead of Chuck Norris. Little kids would be too afraid!
Chuck Norris for president!
You can please all the people some of the time,
Or some of the people all the time,
But Chuck Norris can please all the people all the time…and does on a regular basis, if your a lady.
Olympic athaletes in this years games in Torino were Chuck tested. Any athalete in posession or under the influence of anything chuck related was disbanded from the games. Even thinking about Chuck would enhance their performance to an unfair advantage.
Posted by reaver_x on 03.01.06 1:07 pm
if rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, and paper beats rock, then what beats all three CHUCK NORRIS!
Posted by Derek on 03.02.06 10:07 pm
Asian people have skwenty eyes because Chuck Norris went back in time and upper cutted thier ancestors.
Posted by Turtle on 03.02.06 10:10 pm
Chuck Norris had kids, also known as the teenage mutant ninja norrises
Posted by Alexandra: the prophet on 03.03.06 10:42 pm
chuck norris isn’t that cool. stop acting like he’s god. u guys are on some weird-ass drugs or something!! get a life
Posted by Joey on 03.06.06 6:19 pm
^
For what you just said, Chuck Norris will stare at you until you disappear.
Posted by dave on 03.10.06 3:52 am
Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies.
Unless he smiles while roundhouse kicking someone to the face,
Then two people die.
Posted by bruce on 03.10.06 2:15 pm
all u guys r losers. u’re definatly not capitolizing Chuck Norris.
Posted by BigRuss on 03.14.06 12:59 am
Most people have a problem in their house with ants or termites. But Chuck Norris has a Ninja problem. Except he doesnt spray for them, but roundhouse kicks them all away.
Posted by derek on 03.17.06 5:53 am
The reason atlantis is submerged is chuck norris went there on holiday and didn’t really enjoy himself
Posted by The Peoples Champ on 03.17.06 8:23 am
Chuck Norris doesn’t take steroids, steroids take Chuck Norris
Posted by Dominic Caddell on 03.17.06 10:54 am
Chuck Norris played a full game of football and finished at half-time.
Posted by Tyler on 03.18.06 12:11 am
Chuck Norris does not cut down trees: Trees bow in the presence of Chuck Norris
Posted by Mike on 03.18.06 8:54 pm
Chuck Norris had an erection. Therewere no survivors
Posted by Chuck Norris on 03.19.06 12:30 am
I’m surprised by all of the information on me on the internet. I really don’t know what to say. But I could roundhouse kick you in my sleep, which lasts two hours between sex.
Posted by chuck darmer on 03.26.06 10:03 pm
the panama canal was built in one night chuck norris slamed his fist to the ground. then at the bottom of the crader, he got in the stance of a line man and god said hut.
Posted by Josh and richard on 05.17.06 1:56 pm
Chuck norris came home one day and there was no food on his plate, he then proceeded to roundhouse kick his wife in the face.
Posted by odie on 05.19.06 10:40 am
Chuck norris is my daddy, then again he’s everybody’s daddy
Posted by bill_of_doom on 07.31.06 7:52 am
chuck noris lost his verginaty before his dad
Posted by Funny Guns on 08.01.06 3:19 am
Chuck Norris doesnt need a toaster, he just eats his bread and vomits out toast.
What came first the chicken or the egg… it was the chicken, until it got round-house kicked in the face by Chuck Norris because he was the one who obviously came first.
When Chuck Norris sneezes his heart doesn’t skip a beat, but the world skips a day.
Posted by Funny Guns on 08.01.06 3:20 am
yea..Chuck Norris doesnt need a toaster, he just eats his bread and vomits out toast.
What came first the chicken or the egg… it was the chicken, until it got round-house kicked in the face by Chuck Norris because he was the one who obviously came first.
When Chuck Norris sneezes his heart doesn’t skip a beat, but the world skips a day.
Posted by Flintlok on 08.09.06 6:49 am
Who would win, Chuck Norris or God?
Answer: Don’t be silly, Chuck Norris wouldn’t fight himself.
Posted by rusty on 09.07.06 12:32 pm
A man on his way home from holiday accidentally stood on Chuck Norris’ foot in the airport, realising his mistake the man beging to cry and beg for his life. Chuck moves toward the man and fearing a roundhouse kick to the face he throws himself to the ground. When he looked up Chuck had dissapeared. Nine months later the mans wife gave birth to a bearded baby, he knew he had no one to blame but himself.
Posted by p00pnugget on 09.18.06 4:22 pm
When Chuck Norris was asked if would ever have kids Chuck Norris then Replied you are all my kids
Posted by rhaab on 10.19.06 8:46 pm
chuck norris was the first jedi knight ever..he also created the force push which consisted of a roundhouse to the face
Posted by Lokomotiv vodka on 11.13.06 1:27 pm
the pope confess himself to chuck Norris
Posted by lee roy on 02.07.07 6:40 pm
You may run, and you may hide, but Chuck Norris will always find your hide
Posted by Dushon Mandick on 02.17.07 3:12 pm
There’s no such thing as the Golden Gate Bridge, it’s Chuck Norris’ penis.
Chuck norris’ balls are the planets. And Chuck Norris doesn’t have sex with girls he has sex with other Galaxies.
Chuck Norris didn’t pass school because of his grades, he passed becuase he threated to round house kick all his teachers in the face and therefore he got the next grade above an “A”.
when it snows it’s just Chuck Norris jizzing on all of us, and not out of a plane, chuck norris can fly.
Posted by Dushon Mandick on 02.18.07 8:09 am
chuck norris doesnt really have a beard, he simply round housed kicked big foot and took his hair and stiched it on his face.
rule #1, chuck is god
wherever you are, chuck norris is watching
who would win in a battle between chuck norris and chuck norris?
ANSWER:the universe would simply explode uppon connection of the 2 round house kicks,and both chuck norris’s would live
it is said that over 300 actors died in the making of walker texas ranger because of the chuck norris round house kick
Posted by Dushon Mandick on 02.18.07 9:09 am
chuck norris doesnt have a vacume cleaner because crumbs are too afraid too land on his floor
there are now 13 months in a year beacause chuck wanted “chuckuary”
february is the shortest month of the year, because chuck round house kicked days number 29, 30, and 31. leap year is the three days chuck just wants to FUCKIN CHILL!!!!!!,but chuck is always ready
Posted by Dushon Mandick on 02.24.07 6:39 pm
chuck norris doesn’t hit a baseball with a bat he hits it with his penis, and his life time slugging % is 1000.
if u look closely at any picture ever made, squating in the corner, is chuck himself
chuck norris’ has a six pack of abs and so does is penis
Posted by Chuck Rocks on 04.19.07 4:31 pm
Chuck Norris has an opposeable thumb…
on his penis!
Posted by Chuck Rocks on 04.19.07 4:33 pm
Chuck Norris has an opposeable thumb…
on his penis.
Posted by JON on 05.02.07 7:12 pm
Chuck Norris rules
Chuck Norris once beat the Hulk in a Arm wrestling match.
Posted by me on 06.19.07 8:05 pm
some people where superman pajamas to bed, super man wheres chuck noriis pajamas to bed
Posted by gustopoe on 07.01.07 5:56 pm
In World war II We didn’t need a plane or a bomb we just sent chuck norris on a boat and let him round house kick japan and to Nuke explosions were created
Chuck norris Created World of warcraft blizzard just sponsers it because chuck norris was getting bored..It wouldev all been called… Warcraft would be chuck craft, world of warcraft would be World of chuckcraft.
Posted by Terry on 11.27.07 9:15 pm
There is a man on the moon, courtesy of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face.
Posted by Terry on 11.27.07 9:18 pm
The devil didn’t go down to Georgia lookin’ for a soul to steal, he went there to hide from Chuck Norris!
Posted by Jake F on 12.05.07 7:39 am
Plutonium is not used in the nuclear bomb, it is simply a drop of Chuck Norris’s blood