Monthly Archives: May 2008

The original computer

May 11, 2008

Posted in pictures | 1 Comment

THE YEARS BEST (ACTUAL) HEADLINES FOR 2007

May 8, 2008

Ha ha, these are good!

Crack Found on Governor’s Daughter
[Imagine that!]

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[Now that's taking things a bit far!]

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[Not if I wipe thoroughly!]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!] < /P>

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas
in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is….

Typhoon Rips Through
Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

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Male or Female

May 5, 2008

Male or Female? You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects
are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:

FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right
through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm
them up again.

They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can
also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.

TIRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated

HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have
to light a fire under their butt.

SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES:
Female, because they’re constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up
people.

EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the
bottom.

HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they’ve hardly changed at all, and
are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but
consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it, an

Posted in Men Jokes, Women Jokes | 2 Comments