Duckshit
Funny Jokes and Dirty Jokes
Twins in Kmart
[ No Comments ] Posted on 02.27.08 under Jokes
A very loud, unattractive, hard-faced woman walks into Kmart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The door greeter says, ‘Good morning and welcome to Kmart, nice children you’ve got there. Are they twins?’
The fat ugly woman stops screaming long enough to snarl: ‘Of course they bloody aren’t! The oldest is nine and the youngest is seven. Why the hell would you think they’re twins?….. Do you really think they look alike, you d*ckhead?’
‘Absolutely not,’ replies the greeter, ‘I just can’t believe anyone would shag you twice!’
I drink your milkshake - There will be blood
[ No Comments ] Posted on 02.26.08 under Funny Movies
“I drink your milkshake,” one of the film’s penultimate lines delivered by Daniel Day-Lewis’s character, has become the latest cinematic phrase to take on a life of its own in popular culture.
GRANDPA’S ON THE PORCH AGAIN
[ No Comments ] Posted on 02.17.08 under Funny Stuff
GRANDPA’S ON THE PORCH AGAIN
A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed
his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking
chair, wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the
waist down.
“Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in
the wind for everyone to see!” he exclaimed. The
old man looked off in the distance without answering.
“Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with
nothing on below the waist?” he asked again.
The old man slowly looked at him and said
“Well…last week I sat out here with no shirt on,
and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma’s idea.”
A little girl asks her mum
[ No Comments ] Posted on 02.13.08 under Jokes
A little girl asks her mum, ‘Mum, can I take the dog for a walk around the block?’
Her mum replies ‘No, because she is on heat.’
‘What does that mean?’ asked the child.
‘Go and ask your father. I think he’s in the garage.’
The little girl goes out to the garage and says, ‘Dad, can I take Lulu for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on the heat, and to come ask you.’
He took a rag, soaked it in petrol, and scrubbed the dog’s backside with it to disguise the scent, and said ‘Ok, you can go now, but keep Lulu on the leash and only go one time around the block.’
The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Surprised, Dad asked, ‘Where’s Lulu?’
The little girl said, ‘She ran out of petrol about halfway round the block, so another dog is pushing her home.’